If you don't have a burning desire to have them don't. Whilst it's not a god given right to be able to conceive it's also not the law to have to have them if you can. I'm always gob smacked when I hear people put pressure on others to have children. Just because they love them doesn't mean everyone does. People keep telling me to get a dog - no, don't want one - it's no different.

We have a bit of a different dilemma in that we're at that age where you start thinking you should be getting on with it if you want to have kids (I'm 30 and OH is 32), but we're not sure we want to.

Like MP says though, people kind of expect you to and I feel a bit under pressure to 'want' kids. It's not that I don't like kids or anything, and I'm not saying I definitely wouldn't want them, but most of my friends have either started having them or know that they definitely want them, but I don't seem to have inherited that maternal gene. I kind of assumed I'd feel it at some point but I'm 30 now and still don't. But at the back of my mind I'm also aware that we could regret it later if we look back and wished we had. But having one 'just in case' doesn't really seem like the right reason! (By the way OH feels the same).

It doesn't really seem social acceptable to say you don't want kids though - people think you're weird. Which doesn't bother me too much, but I don't want to get it wrong either.

The other thing is we've only been here for 3 months so still starting out, and I'm starting at the Police Academy in Feb so will be starting a whole new career and it wouldn't be ideal to have a baby while I'm still new in the job and forging my way. Oh God I dunno. Guess we'll not do anything about it for a while anyway, and maybe by then we'll be a bit more sure of what we want to do. And who knows, maybe we couldn't have kids anyway!

But you're not alone in having mixed feelings and wondering about your age

So true and a lot should get a dog

See I have a dog, who is my baby, and people keep telling me I NEED a child. I have my furry baby, why would I need one who is not house trained?

I am 36 and would not like anymore children.
We have 15 and 10 year old girls.
My mum was 38 when she had my brother and there is no way i would want to be that age having children.
This is just how i feel and if others do have children later in life, good on them!
It's just not for me
J x

Spot on there! We were accused of being selfish!???/ 'not knowing what you are missing'/pitiful etc etc. We made sure we made the most of our own lives - working overseas, travelling for pleasure and that just made us even worse to some people. Now it means we don't have any ties or responsibilities - part of why we wanted to move here. Now we get asked how many grandchildren we have! When we say 'None' they say 'Well still time yet'. Err, no.

Just make the most of YOUR life, with or without children.

I never really felt the need to have children. I guess if my first marriage had worked out it would have been next on the list, but with hindsight I'm not sure it should have been. As it was I was single for most of my thirties and at 35 had to make a decision which resulted in my being unable to have them. People say you go through a period of mourning when your ovaries come out, but I never did, and even after meeting my 2nd husband I can't say I've regretted the decision, otherwise we'd have adopted by now - something we talked about way back but both now agree we're not keen to do.

Just for the record, I love children. I've changed nappies at 3 in the morning for an extended period of time, the time I almost ended up as primary carer to a newborn and a toddler, and I have no doubt I'd have managed it had I needed to. Just never wanted badly enough to have my own; cats are a big enough responsibility for me.

I have never ever understood why people say this, who are you being selfish to? Something that hasnt been created yet?

A very annoying thing to say, you are not being selfish because noone is getting hurt, noone is getting affected by your decision not to have kids.

Seventy five is most certainly too late.

I have 3 young kids (born at 30, 32 and 34 yrs - my age not theirs!). I never felt maternal before hand but love them dearly (can't always say I like them though!). For me it was the right way to go for sure. But I still have no inclination to love or sometimes even like other peoples kids so I don't think looking after other poeples kids helps you at all.

A lot of us didn't have overwhelming maternal feelings and got pregnant the first time so we didn't regret it later or because we didn't hate the idea! Maybe not the best reason but i have sure heard worse ones. Quite liking the idea isn't a bad place to start.

On the flip side if you don't want to do it -don't. Its bloody hard work despite the rewards. You can't take them back for refunds and we all to some degree or another wonder what life would have been like without them.

Try asking yourself which sounds worse? Kids or no kids? Ever had a scare? Did you secretly feel sad when it was negative - or bloody relieved?

Its scary both ways so sometime in the next few years take a deep breath and make your choice. Better you make it than it be made for you - which ever way

Nigel - LOVED your post - how about we "co-parent" (don't you love that new word!!) together - I'll have the kids and you get up in the night with them??!!

Seriously, really heartened by all your replies - especially those who feel, like me, that society shouldn't put us under pressure to feel we are abnormal if we don't have kids.

Pumpkin Blossom I know exactly how you feel - all my friends are on their 2nd child and I certainly feel the odd one out.

Kiwinow - great to hear from you again and loved the common sense reply.

Scubaemma our dilemma is similar, as I'm not 100% sure at all that I want kids and I refuse to have one simply because I might later regret NOT having one.

Safin - great post. Not sure though what sounds more scary - kids or no kids !!
I haven't had a scare as the pill has always worked for me and I always remember to take it.

In fact, I remember a doctor telling me (when I was going to Egypt on holiday) that I should use extra contraception as malaria tablets sometimes render the pill ineffective. I told the doctor I would rather have malaria than have kids!! That was many years ago now though - and kids are more appealing now but still not been bitten by that overwhelming maternal desire.

My mum says I think too much - she says if I just had an accident and found myself pregnant it would all work out ok and I know shes right - unfortunately my pill works too well as I said.

I read a good quote that said the worst motive behind doing something (or not doing something) is fear - and at the moment if I had kids it would be due to fear - fear that I might not be able to have them later , fear that I might regret not having kids etc.. so I kind of identified with that.

Loved all your experiences and opinions guys. Keep em coming.

Just one point about knowing you'd regret it later if you don't do it...that kind of implies that you do want to do it doesn't it? Otherwise why would you regret not doing it ?

And lots of decisions involve fear - even the right ones. We all fear we've made the right choice (whichever one it is), we fear how we will deal with our choices in the future. Ever heard the quote all there is to fear is fear itself?

No-one has a cystal ball to say how it will work out so its a choice that ultimately only you will be able to make and even you won't know its the right one til maybe much much later - if ever. On the plus side without that crystal ball you'll never be able to see if the opposite choice would've been better.

Mrs Kiwi, just a couple of questions.

How do you think you would feel now, if you were told you couldn't have children, with no resort to fertility treatment etc?

How do you think you would feel, at say 60, with no children, and no grand children?

Compare that to:

How do you think you would feel now, if you were told you could have children, and were pregnant?

How do you think you would feel, at say 60, with children, and possibly a first grand child on the way?

Just thought it might help clarify your own thoughts.

my cousin is 35 and pregnant with her 1st, i had mine at 21 and 26 wouldn't have a child past 30 but that's just me each to there own.