Wendy

Not really much to say to you honey, well nothing that hasn't been said already. You CAN do this. It's been a bloody long tunnel for you, but the light is there and you will reach it soon.

You know where I am if you want to rant, you can PM me anytime if you need to talk.

Clippy

Oh mate! Thought you'd been quiet, I had no idea you were feeling like this

You've been through so much and had to fight your way through some crap. I'm amazed you've lasted this long without it all just getting too much. Take it easy on yourself, give yourself a bit of time and do plenty of chilling mate. That job sounds a massive factor in this

I wish I could think of something wise to say but I can't. You know where I am mate if I can help.

Kath x

Cheetah7

Paul, please don't make any major decisions in your life while you are waiting for the effects and benefits of your tablets to work.

My sister said it took about 3 weeks to feel different when she was on them.

In the meantime you have to take one day at a time, put your PR out of your mind, there is nothing you can do about it and it is out of your hands so at least relieve yourself of one part of your emotional baggage.

You probably want to go home to what is familiar to you, I know when I am ill I only want my little flat and nothing else. It is hard enough being ill, let alone being ill in a place where you can't feel secure because you don't have your PR.

About the bullying, I know how that feels mate, seriously I do and I have even wished illness on myself to avoid going in. Unless someone has been in that situation they cannot imagine how demoralising it is.

I remember walking out of one well paid job because the team leader was a bitch. I can still see Mr PPs face when I told him I was out of work and we had no money, but he had got so worried about my welfare he was glad and it took a few days to pick myself up mentally and I got some temp work to get me by.

It is very hard for you feeling like this AND coping with the bullying and it makes for a nasty circle where the bullying is attributing to your depression, thus effecting your ability to make a clear judgement call.

I don't know what to suggest on that, but I do know that if I wasn't emigrating then I would leave my job due to the office bitch and I would work anywhere and do anything to survive.

Paul, when someone/something makes you feel that low about yourself that you declare that you 'hate your life' then you urgently and quickly need to have a re-think.

You have a wonderful partner, a gorgeous family and they all need you - each and every one of them.

You were the one that kept the whole thing going by flying back to the UK, working your nuts off to send money back home. Not many people would have done that, they might just have flown back home and given up.

You did it because you loved and fitted in with the Aussie lifestyle and by christ have you guys had it tough to get to where you are now.

This is your biggest test yet mate and whilst I appreciate that you want to run to where it feels familiar, please don't do it until you are in a better and more healthy frame of mind. You know well that emigrating is a rollercoaster and it won't be any different going back, you will take your mental health issues with you.

I don't know if you can give your job up, but please do not allow some backward thinking bastard, bully you, make you feel that your life isn't worthwhile and feel that bad about yourself - nothing but nothing is worth that.

Take your tablets, take it easy, take one day at a time and if it is at all possible, deal with the one thing that will hinder your recovery - the bullying.

You will get your PR, you will get better but please stay put - just for the moment.

You have alot of friends on here that are thinking of you, you have a family that love you and you have the determination and guts to survive.

Don't hate your life Paul, save your energies into getting better and getting into a job where you will be liked and appreciated.

Love Sam

bridie

Dont be so hard on yourself

It takes time to feel settled and just when you think you are..... WOOMPF a load more homesickness hits and sends your head into a spin

Dont know what else I can add on top of what others have said

Keep at it, you WILL get through it and come out the other side

((HUG))

PaulandNic

Thanks everyone, I REALLY appreciate it.

To be honest I wouldn't of ranted if I didn't know I'd get this response ...

I know only too well about anti D's as Nic has been on them for donkey's and we've been thru depression and ALL of the side effects to know only too well what it's all about!

Prob is now, I'M on them too! ...

*I* am sposed to be the strong one, the one to hold it all together! ... but where are we now???

BOTH on the 'happy tabs' ... and 'the future is bright!' ... is it ****!!!


What a mess! ...

Call me AL

Have you thought about asking your doc to refer you to a counsellor.It may take a weight off your mind to talk to someone who is trained to listen.There are some marvellous people out there.
If memory serves i think Medi-care will pay the first $100 of each session for ten sessions.Just a thought.
Hope you feel better soon.

Call me AL

Thought this might help...
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?

Clippy

It's just all got a bit much for you mate, there's only so far you can go, so much you can do, before you crumble. It's not forever, it's your mind saying, come on that's enough, let's have a break.

The happy tabs are the medicine, let them make you feel better, get control back again, get yourself back again. You can do this Paul and there's loads of us here if you need to lean on someone.

PaulandNic

Thanks for the thought (everyone's), but we see a real good councillor with Nic not long ago and he REALLY is good. Nic keeps on at me to make an appointment but to be perfectly honest I'm scared ...

Dunno of what! ... but just am! ...

Mr GP has asked me to se a Psychiatrist for 5 sessions, and medicare will cover, but not heard anything yet.

I kicked off with a diff tab (can't recall the name now) but it caused a side effect I couldn't live with so was back to GP and he'd changed. As I say it's been (actually) 10 days now so know they'll kick in within the next week ...

Till then, cheap piss and cheap wine will do! ...

Call me AL

Don't be scared make the appointment.
Push your doc for those other five sessions,i'm sure they will help.

PaulandNic

Oh and, I KNOW this isn't the annswer! ... but it's just how I've been bought up to believe is! ...

Sowwy ...

curly

Oh Paul, am so shocked by this post
That's a lot of the problem, you're trying to be too strong, look what you've had to do to survive, god how many men would do what you have done? not many! It's bound to catch up with you, you need to sit back and relax a bit, you're just normal that's all, it's just a little blip, no big deal to take the pills, plenty do. You'll be fine, you'll get your PR and another job where they'll appreciate you, then you'll look back on this and it'll seem a million years ago
Sending (((hugs)))
Niki x

St.Georges Girl

Don't be sorry ya banana, depression is an illness that needs treatment, just like any other. Stick with the chill pills, they will help eventually.

Wendy

Nobody can be strong ALL the time, it's just not healthy. Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure Nic wouldn't want you to feel like that - she's your partner and just like you want to be there for her when things get rough she will want to be there for you sometimes to return the favour.

Take some time out Paul, you've come a hell of a long way on your journey and you deserve some kind of break.

Machiavelli

You and your family have worked very hard to get to Australia. I don't think I've seen anyone work harder to achieve their dream.

Please don't give up now. You and your family have been through hoops to get here and to stay here. It's not surprising that you are feeling low. You've pushed yourself much further than most of us could.

I do hope that you'll allow the medication to kick in, and that your take the advice from "Call me Al".

You've pushed yourself to limits that not many could have. Now instead of being the glue that holds everything together, you are the one that needs help.

Take all the help offered with both hands. You deserve it!

M x