Parent Nightmare
Jan 7th 2004 | 6:25 am
#46
I Know What's Going On!
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,499
From: On The Outside Looking In!
Originally posted by Warren Dix
Anyone know how Tazzy is ??? She had such courage to keep going.
My Mum (moi only child, Mum single parent) seemed ok at first.
However..........since Christmas she told us we had ruined her Christmas because all we talked about was Oz and every opportunity she quotes all the bad bit about Oz. The Down Under Programme - well she's had a field day with that.
Looking back Steve Bannister gave the best advice when he said don't show signs of weakness. This was soooooo true, after a bit of a wobble on my part, after seeing my cousins, my dear old Mother went in for the kill.
This was two weeks ago and I spent about 2 hours on here weeping into the keyboard, but felt heaps better and went into the New Year with renewed vigor.
So thanks to all you wonderful people out there and keep going
Jill
Anyone know how Tazzy is ??? She had such courage to keep going.
My Mum (moi only child, Mum single parent) seemed ok at first.
However..........since Christmas she told us we had ruined her Christmas because all we talked about was Oz and every opportunity she quotes all the bad bit about Oz. The Down Under Programme - well she's had a field day with that.
Looking back Steve Bannister gave the best advice when he said don't show signs of weakness. This was soooooo true, after a bit of a wobble on my part, after seeing my cousins, my dear old Mother went in for the kill.
This was two weeks ago and I spent about 2 hours on here weeping into the keyboard, but felt heaps better and went into the New Year with renewed vigor.
So thanks to all you wonderful people out there and keep going
Jill
Steve.
Jan 7th 2004 | 6:35 am
#47
Bitter and twisted
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 17,503
From: Upmarket
Hi all
We are coming at this from Two angles.
My eldest lad emigrated to Australia about 5 years ago.It never crossed our minds to think about it.
You can't live their lives for them.
If anything we are Glad he has got on with his life.
Our youngest son is also out there on a temp visa but is coming back soon to re apply for PR.
We are now going on a parent visa but both still have parents alive.
My mother is fine about it.We have not told my father in law yet but it will make no difference as he spends a lot of time out of England anyway.
I have 7 brothers and sisters and none of them are bothered.
The difference may be that we have always lived away from each other.
Our children were away at University and our familes are all over the world.If you have always been close then I am sure it is different.However at the end of the day it is your life ( and theirs in the case of our children) and you have to do it your way.
PS.We now see more of our eldest son than we did when he lived in England.
Good luck to you all
G
We are coming at this from Two angles.
My eldest lad emigrated to Australia about 5 years ago.It never crossed our minds to think about it.
You can't live their lives for them.
If anything we are Glad he has got on with his life.
Our youngest son is also out there on a temp visa but is coming back soon to re apply for PR.
We are now going on a parent visa but both still have parents alive.
My mother is fine about it.We have not told my father in law yet but it will make no difference as he spends a lot of time out of England anyway.
I have 7 brothers and sisters and none of them are bothered.
The difference may be that we have always lived away from each other.
Our children were away at University and our familes are all over the world.If you have always been close then I am sure it is different.However at the end of the day it is your life ( and theirs in the case of our children) and you have to do it your way.
PS.We now see more of our eldest son than we did when he lived in England.
Good luck to you all
G
Jan 7th 2004 | 6:36 am
#48
Moved out bush!
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,093
From: Chittering WA
Re: parental nightmare
My mum in law has known all along what we wanted to do, she seemed quite happy in the beginning until we started talking house sale, then she actually said "if I don't listen and think about it, it will go away!!!!!!"
As for my parents, dad hasn't said a word (nothing) and my mother doesn't know. I'm waiting for the screaming, crying and the "you've ruined our lives" speech. Needless to say I am deaf to all they have to say and if they call me a selfish cow so be it!!!!
I will not wait until my parents have popped their clogs.
Jenny
As for my parents, dad hasn't said a word (nothing) and my mother doesn't know. I'm waiting for the screaming, crying and the "you've ruined our lives" speech. Needless to say I am deaf to all they have to say and if they call me a selfish cow so be it!!!!
I will not wait until my parents have popped their clogs.
Jenny
Jan 7th 2004 | 6:45 am
#49
Now in Mandurah
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 203
From: Mandurah. Perth
Husbands Mum said go for it, if it is what we want she is happy for us. And she would love it so she can come and visit.
My Mum and Dad are Australian Citizen but living here at the moment so I have got know problems their. They are waiting so sell their house and move back anyway.
But I think you have got to live for yourselves, I know it is horrible but your parents are not going to be around forever, and you have to do what is best for you and yours...
My Mum and Dad are Australian Citizen but living here at the moment so I have got know problems their. They are waiting so sell their house and move back anyway.
But I think you have got to live for yourselves, I know it is horrible but your parents are not going to be around forever, and you have to do what is best for you and yours...
Jan 7th 2004 | 7:15 am
#50
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by SteveBannister
Your appreciation of me lately is getting quite creepy! I'm starting to look over my shoulder and check for stalkers! The words 'Restraining Order' come to mind!
Steve.
Your appreciation of me lately is getting quite creepy! I'm starting to look over my shoulder and check for stalkers! The words 'Restraining Order' come to mind!
Steve.
Seriously, as a new member to this site, I have thought your comments have been, thought provoking, very good and have helped alot of people. You've made me see things from a different viewpoint. Afterall you complained no-one was sticking up for you on the 'who would you like as a neighbour' thread
Don't be so paranoid, can't a girl watch you from behind the bushes without being accused of stalking..............
Jill
Jan 7th 2004 | 7:18 am
#51
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: parental nightmare
Originally posted by neal
Hi Jill.Have just read your bit on parental use of guilt and I feel better already-awful isn't it that some-one else having the same c**p time as you can make you feel better???Mother-in-law is our problem(ours was last reply before yours),she's not too bad at the moment becuse we're making a point of not spending too much time with her and changing the subject when she 'starts'.Bit sad though when we should be spending more ,rather than less,time with her.Ironically though(and it's on the tip of my tongue to say it believe me)she goes weeks without coming to see us(we have one of her large collection of grandchildren),in fact if we don't go to her it can be months,and yet we live 15 mins. away!!
Hi Jill.Have just read your bit on parental use of guilt and I feel better already-awful isn't it that some-one else having the same c**p time as you can make you feel better???Mother-in-law is our problem(ours was last reply before yours),she's not too bad at the moment becuse we're making a point of not spending too much time with her and changing the subject when she 'starts'.Bit sad though when we should be spending more ,rather than less,time with her.Ironically though(and it's on the tip of my tongue to say it believe me)she goes weeks without coming to see us(we have one of her large collection of grandchildren),in fact if we don't go to her it can be months,and yet we live 15 mins. away!!
Jill
Jan 7th 2004 | 5:41 pm
#52
I Know What's Going On!
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,499
From: On The Outside Looking In!
Originally posted by Warren Dix
Just trying to compete with you on the scary neighbour frount - you nail people to fences - I stalk.
Seriously, as a new member to this site, I have thought your comments have been, thought provoking, very good and have helped alot of people. You've made me see things from a different viewpoint. Afterall you complained no-one was sticking up for you on the 'who would you like as a neighbour' thread
Don't be so paranoid, can't a girl watch you from behind the bushes without being accused of stalking..............
Jill
Just trying to compete with you on the scary neighbour frount - you nail people to fences - I stalk.
Seriously, as a new member to this site, I have thought your comments have been, thought provoking, very good and have helped alot of people. You've made me see things from a different viewpoint. Afterall you complained no-one was sticking up for you on the 'who would you like as a neighbour' thread
Don't be so paranoid, can't a girl watch you from behind the bushes without being accused of stalking..............
Jill
I'm glad my posts have helped you. How are things going with your application?
Steve.
Jan 7th 2004 | 8:06 pm
#53
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 94
Sometimes, this works - get the facts on the Retirement Visa and the Parent Visas and when you break the news - mention that these visas exist. You perhaps should check whether they would qualify first - it can be a useful response to say "You could come - you have all the criteria to qualify". It may take the wind out of an unfavorable reaction.
Try the likes of Ian Harrop, Emigration Group, Visa Unit or Concept if you haven't already a visa agent for that opinion.
Often you may find that when the response from a parent is an unfavourable reaction it is a spur of the moment reaction caused by jealousy even. Many parents may have considered migration but didn't go through with it and still secretly harbour the wish to go but thought they were too old. Now that their children have the option they are just plain envious. In fact one parent may have a different view to the other.
Without wanting this to be seen as an advert - why not sell the migration option to them by saying you can get this advantage with your money if you go, pension could be turned into cash and you would be better off, because of the cost of living and you wouldn't have the problem of the cold weather, etc. Numbers if crunched the right way can get the qualification.
Other thing post-departure get a house that is better than your current one.
Do all you can to hit the ground running, the better you settle the more likely that they would want to join you - that is if you would want them to.
Try the likes of Ian Harrop, Emigration Group, Visa Unit or Concept if you haven't already a visa agent for that opinion.
Often you may find that when the response from a parent is an unfavourable reaction it is a spur of the moment reaction caused by jealousy even. Many parents may have considered migration but didn't go through with it and still secretly harbour the wish to go but thought they were too old. Now that their children have the option they are just plain envious. In fact one parent may have a different view to the other.
Without wanting this to be seen as an advert - why not sell the migration option to them by saying you can get this advantage with your money if you go, pension could be turned into cash and you would be better off, because of the cost of living and you wouldn't have the problem of the cold weather, etc. Numbers if crunched the right way can get the qualification.
Other thing post-departure get a house that is better than your current one.
Do all you can to hit the ground running, the better you settle the more likely that they would want to join you - that is if you would want them to.
Jan 9th 2004 | 8:54 am
#54
Thread Starter
Dumb Blonde
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 117
From: South Wales
UPDATE!
My Father has just called me, (first time since BIG arguement)he's watching the repeat of Life Down Under which was shown yesterday, luckily for me this seems to have been the only positive one in the series so far.He said it looked great, and wouldn't mind having a holiday there. So things are looking up. Thanks to all of you for the moral support, and to all of you in similar boat, if my Dad who is the most stuborn person I've ever met can start to come around to the idea, there's hope for all
Thanks again Emma
Thanks again Emma
Jan 9th 2004 | 8:56 am
#55
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 407
From: VISA APPROVED!!!!!
Good news!!We are off to tell the remaining 3 parents tomorrow...so watch this space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 9th 2004 | 8:56 am
#56
Off to middle earth
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 252
From: Wigan - NZ- Wigan - who knows???
Re: UPDATE!
Originally posted by I want out
My Father has just called me, (first time since BIG arguement)he's watching the repeat of Life Down Under which was shown yesterday, luckily for me this seems to have been the only positive one in the series so far.He said it looked great, and wouldn't mind having a holiday there. So things are looking up. Thanks to all of you for the moral support, and to all of you in similar boat, if my Dad who is the most stuborn person I've ever met can start to come around to the idea, there's hope for all
Thanks again Emma
My Father has just called me, (first time since BIG arguement)he's watching the repeat of Life Down Under which was shown yesterday, luckily for me this seems to have been the only positive one in the series so far.He said it looked great, and wouldn't mind having a holiday there. So things are looking up. Thanks to all of you for the moral support, and to all of you in similar boat, if my Dad who is the most stuborn person I've ever met can start to come around to the idea, there's hope for all
Thanks again Emma
Emma,
That's brilliant news. Life Down under saved the day then.
Jo
Jan 9th 2004 | 9:39 am
#57
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 78
From: Adelaide soon SE QLD
We've been out here for 5 months or so. Initially we had the same thing from one of our parents, i.e. "Im never going to see you again" "how selfish you are" etc etc.
Sure enough though 2 months after the birth of our daughter the same parent is on her way out here on Wednesday.
If you want to do it its your choice and people will come to accept it.
Sure enough though 2 months after the birth of our daughter the same parent is on her way out here on Wednesday.
If you want to do it its your choice and people will come to accept it.
Feb 10th 2004 | 12:20 am
#58
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 35
From: Oxfordshire
parent not wanting us to go
I have never used this site before so bear with me. My husband and I want to move to Perth and have just contacted an agent, we have two small children and my husband will have to complete a TRA. My Mum does not want me to go and my Dad does not say much. I think my mum is in denial as when I now mention it she says that if we do get accepted that she will cry (fair enough) and it will probably make her ill, this is now really playing on my mind and I now worry about whether we are making the right decision. The best is when she said to my husband, what are you going to get there - you will get off the plane and then what !! makes me feel like a young girl again and I am 32 and feel about 10 and then I feel angry for feeling guilty - any ideas.
Jennie from oxfordshire
Jennie from oxfordshire
Feb 10th 2004 | 1:24 am
#59
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,017
From: Coogee, Sydney
Re: parent not wanting us to go
Originally posted by Jennie
I have never used this site before so bear with me. My husband and I want to move to Perth and have just contacted an agent, we have two small children and my husband will have to complete a TRA. My Mum does not want me to go and my Dad does not say much. I think my mum is in denial as when I now mention it she says that if we do get accepted that she will cry (fair enough) and it will probably make her ill, this is now really playing on my mind and I now worry about whether we are making the right decision. The best is when she said to my husband, what are you going to get there - you will get off the plane and then what !! makes me feel like a young girl again and I am 32 and feel about 10 and then I feel angry for feeling guilty - any ideas.
Jennie from oxfordshire
I have never used this site before so bear with me. My husband and I want to move to Perth and have just contacted an agent, we have two small children and my husband will have to complete a TRA. My Mum does not want me to go and my Dad does not say much. I think my mum is in denial as when I now mention it she says that if we do get accepted that she will cry (fair enough) and it will probably make her ill, this is now really playing on my mind and I now worry about whether we are making the right decision. The best is when she said to my husband, what are you going to get there - you will get off the plane and then what !! makes me feel like a young girl again and I am 32 and feel about 10 and then I feel angry for feeling guilty - any ideas.
Jennie from oxfordshire
There's lots of people in the same situation on this site as you will have noticed from this thread and the links to earlier ones.
Everyone's parents are different and they all need handling in their own way but one thing that always seems to be consistent is that parents come around eventually - it may take longer for some !
You need to think about your family now and you have no reason to feel guilty. Go for it girl
Feb 10th 2004 | 1:39 am
#60
Not here
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,621
"Footfalls echo in the memory down the passage which we did not take towards the door we never opened into the rose-garden."
