Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Aug 26th 2004, 1:35 am
#106
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: future Victorian
Posts: 104
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
if you are new to your local, don't win the meat raffle
Aug 26th 2004, 1:41 am
#107
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Simone
If you want to learn quickly the 'how are you, I'm fine' stuff, get a job in retail, like a bakery!
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
:scared:
:scared:
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
-------------------------------------
"Goodmorning, how are you?"
.......
"fine thanks"
"what can I help you with?"
........
"Have a nice day!"
.........
"Thank you, seeya/goodbye"
:scared:
:scared:How are yous today? ( shop assistant)
( good thanks, and how are yous) ( me trying to blend in..lol)
what can I get you?
( blah blah blah.. a cob thanks - and can you slice for me)
Sees you laters ( shop assistant)
( me: sees you laters).. me cringing at my s's .. and no intention of literally seeing the shop assistant later..s
cheers
Aug 26th 2004, 1:42 am
#108
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 11,149
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Wipe your dogs arse with some bread and eat it. Gotta be better than Vegemite and for that matter marmite or Bovril.
Aug 26th 2004, 1:59 am
#109
Karma Comedian
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Brisvegas
Posts: 3,506
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Learn how to cope with the lack of pavements in the suburbs by walking on the road.
If you have a strip of grass outside your front door, amuse yourself and others by calling it a 'nature strip'.
Practice for an Australian picnic by going to your nearest park with collapsible table and chairs, rugs, plates, cutlery and crockery, various sauces, a bowl of salad, a carton of beer, a flask of tea and cake for later, wipes, plastic bags to take your rubbish home, paper plates, napkins, a napkin holder,some tongs, matches, a foil tray and some food, a kite, football, soccer ball, kids bikes, hats, Factor 30, Aeroguard, a 2litre flask of water and maybe a badminton net.
Practice your Australian and confuse your friends by saying "I can't find a park" when attempting to park your car at a busy Sainsbury's.
Acclimatise to Australia winter days by wearing a jumper and jeans on the hottest day in the UK summer and saying "hope it warms up later".
Get used to living in QLD and the lack of daylight savings by having a very large and bright lamp set to shine through your bedroom curtains at 4am.
Prepare for Australian domestic chores by cleaning your house - twice.
When meeting new Australian friends, be prepared to disappoint them that no, you do not know their friend John from London.
If you have a strip of grass outside your front door, amuse yourself and others by calling it a 'nature strip'.
Practice for an Australian picnic by going to your nearest park with collapsible table and chairs, rugs, plates, cutlery and crockery, various sauces, a bowl of salad, a carton of beer, a flask of tea and cake for later, wipes, plastic bags to take your rubbish home, paper plates, napkins, a napkin holder,some tongs, matches, a foil tray and some food, a kite, football, soccer ball, kids bikes, hats, Factor 30, Aeroguard, a 2litre flask of water and maybe a badminton net.
Practice your Australian and confuse your friends by saying "I can't find a park" when attempting to park your car at a busy Sainsbury's.
Acclimatise to Australia winter days by wearing a jumper and jeans on the hottest day in the UK summer and saying "hope it warms up later".
Get used to living in QLD and the lack of daylight savings by having a very large and bright lamp set to shine through your bedroom curtains at 4am.
Prepare for Australian domestic chores by cleaning your house - twice.
When meeting new Australian friends, be prepared to disappoint them that no, you do not know their friend John from London.
Aug 26th 2004, 2:21 am
#110
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Following on the practice for Aus theme - and lighting your room at 4 am, depending on where you are heading shut all your curtains at 7.30 every evening and practice getting ready for the dark nights - if moving to Sydney you can leave them open till 8.30 at the height of summer.
Get a Pin and poke yourself on bare arms and legs if outside around this time make sure you scratch the pin prick really hard and infest the spot so it comes up all lumpy. And for goodness sake do not check you if you are allergic to mozzie spray before you plaster yourself in it
Get a Pin and poke yourself on bare arms and legs if outside around this time make sure you scratch the pin prick really hard and infest the spot so it comes up all lumpy. And for goodness sake do not check you if you are allergic to mozzie spray before you plaster yourself in it
Aug 26th 2004, 2:36 am
#111
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
get used to the building quality here.. go out in you garden, knock up a wood frame.. cover it in bricks on the outside - do all this in the fastest time possible.. forget about the wiring just throw them higgdly piggdly across the ceiling cavity.
Get used to the beautiful sounds of nature - go and listen to some pigs grunting in pain ( or donkeys) for the sound of koala's... go listen to your mum-in-law screeching for the sound of cockatoos.
Get used to the beautiful sounds of nature - go and listen to some pigs grunting in pain ( or donkeys) for the sound of koala's... go listen to your mum-in-law screeching for the sound of cockatoos.
Aug 26th 2004, 2:42 am
#112
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 13,233
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Remind yourself of home by standing fully clothed under a cold shower with a big fan blowing through.
Don't get out for at least an hour or until someone tells you that your bus has been cancelled.
Don't get out for at least an hour or until someone tells you that your bus has been cancelled.
Aug 26th 2004, 2:42 am
#113
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Diprotodon
Go back and edit your posts over a year later to cover any mistruths you may of told.
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=156606
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=156606
do you edit them to get rid of them, but then cause suspicion??!!
Vicious circle..and no, I had no reason to edit that post...I am just very careful to never put real names, addys..
BM
!!
Last edited by Badge; Aug 26th 2004 at 2:47 am.
Aug 26th 2004, 3:02 am
#114
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 10,375
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Take your UK pay check, throw 30-50% of it in the bin, ring inland revenue and dontate another 10% just to cover yourself taxwise, now give your local hospital $2000 a year just in case you get sick, if you have kids dontate several hundred to the local chemist for prescriptions too. Now walk around saying stuffs so cheap in OZ, repeat several times. When your spouse slaps you and calls you a dickhead, remind him/her that you have the beach now. (Duck )
)
Aug 26th 2004, 3:11 am
#115
Dutch expat/Aus citizen
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: South East, Perth (was Holland)
Posts: 5,789
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Amazulu
Get a really expensive gas BBQ & start learning how to BBQ badly. Aussies have not got a clue how to BBQ properly. Any monkey can BBQ with gas.
Oh, this thread is hilarious!
Only problem is, it's so funny, everybody'll think we're joking! But as Sandra said, it's serious!!
Ceri, I use 'youse' too. But not in the shop! I grew up here saying it, but I know it's wrong. I think I only use it in informal conversations....
BP: :scared:
To get used to the flys(in summer at least), stick little bits of black paper in your eyes, near your mouth, and on your back. And have bits dangling from your head.
(mm, I'm not very good at this...)
Aug 26th 2004, 3:21 am
#116
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Practice for a night in the pub, you have to dress up for this ... get your best checked shirt out.. shorts, and don't forget the trendy G strings attached to your rubber tyre shoes that you made earlier ( flip flops) . to really blend in.. go find one of those comb things that you cut your hair with.. this tool will help you get the famous mulllet.
If you come across a pub that doses ( doses LOL .. I'm get carried away now.. I've been here too long lol) not allow shorts and thongs ( we have upmarket pubs here too..lol) .. change into your best work jeans, and exchange your thongs for your work boots that you think that look like trendy shoes.
If you come across a pub that doses ( doses LOL .. I'm get carried away now.. I've been here too long lol) not allow shorts and thongs ( we have upmarket pubs here too..lol) .. change into your best work jeans, and exchange your thongs for your work boots that you think that look like trendy shoes.
Last edited by Ceri; Aug 26th 2004 at 3:32 am.
Aug 26th 2004, 3:25 am
#117
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 10,375
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Prepare your kids, make them the school nerd by convincing yourself that aussie kids dont have playstations, give all the kids electronics to the charity shop before you leave. Make sure they can only do pointless things like reading and writing and totally ignore swimming and forget to teach them important stuff like aussie rules.
Tell your 16 year old he/she will be the only kid without a 25 year old 'done up' car because you think its dangerous and worry what he/she can get up to with wheels. Make him/her stay home and study instead of hitting the booze bus to the lock down party. Totally humiliate them by refusing to buy them a a carton for sat nights, and act outraged when your kids friends parents smoke their home grown mull in front of your 10 year old.
Tell your 16 year old he/she will be the only kid without a 25 year old 'done up' car because you think its dangerous and worry what he/she can get up to with wheels. Make him/her stay home and study instead of hitting the booze bus to the lock down party. Totally humiliate them by refusing to buy them a a carton for sat nights, and act outraged when your kids friends parents smoke their home grown mull in front of your 10 year old.
Aug 26th 2004, 3:28 am
#118
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,814
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by jayr
Practice your Australian and confuse your friends by saying "I can't find a park" when attempting to park your car at a busy Sainsbury's.
Seems to be the way to park at the supermarket round here..........
Aug 26th 2004, 3:46 am
#119
Karma Comedian
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Brisvegas
Posts: 3,506
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Get used to wearing sunscreen by buying it in 2l bottles with a pump action dispenser. Carry this in your car everywhere. When applying, make sure you put just enough on your face to allow the sweat to run it into your eyes.
Get ready for the beach by jumping out of the water at Blackpool with bits of blue jelly stuck to your leg. Then proceed to douse yourself in vinegar, or preferably a bottle of your earlier prepared urine.
Throw drawing pins across your garden then walk across barefoot to simulate the effect of 'bindys' (sp.)
Stab yourself with a pin and rub acid into it to simulate ant bites.
Every time you see your doctor give him GBP15 and a cheery hello!
Buy new clothes in larger sizes for Australia. Your shorts should be large enough and sit low enough to show the crack of your arse and your pubic hair.
If you are a man under 30, go 'metrosexual' by applying glue and sellotape to your legs and then ripping it off. Then pretend you own a bike.
Get ready for the beach by jumping out of the water at Blackpool with bits of blue jelly stuck to your leg. Then proceed to douse yourself in vinegar, or preferably a bottle of your earlier prepared urine.
Throw drawing pins across your garden then walk across barefoot to simulate the effect of 'bindys' (sp.)
Stab yourself with a pin and rub acid into it to simulate ant bites.
Every time you see your doctor give him GBP15 and a cheery hello!
Buy new clothes in larger sizes for Australia. Your shorts should be large enough and sit low enough to show the crack of your arse and your pubic hair.
If you are a man under 30, go 'metrosexual' by applying glue and sellotape to your legs and then ripping it off. Then pretend you own a bike.
Aug 26th 2004, 3:49 am
#120
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 10,375
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Beach tips, totally ignore why 3000 aussies are swimming in the 50 metre stretch of sea surrounded by shark nets and red and yellow flags. Find yourself a nice deserted stretch all to yourself, look forward to tomorrows picture of yourself being rescued by the westpac helicopter. To practice for this one just throw yourself and your 10 yard swimming certificate off the cliffs of penzance in January.
Prepare yourself for the climate by covering yourself in chip fat and getting spouse to hover above you with a blow torch on full power. Once red and blistered try to convince any listening aussies that the sun is more dangerous in the UK.
Get totally blind at your bbq with all the newly found Pom mates you just met wait till its dark (about 7pm) and jump into any piece of ocean unprotected by shark nets, be fully aware the 10 yard certificate is worth more when drunk.
Prepare yourself for the climate by covering yourself in chip fat and getting spouse to hover above you with a blow torch on full power. Once red and blistered try to convince any listening aussies that the sun is more dangerous in the UK.
Get totally blind at your bbq with all the newly found Pom mates you just met
wait till its dark (about 7pm) and jump into any piece of ocean unprotected by shark nets, be fully aware the 10 yard certificate is worth more when drunk.