Realistic or pessimistic
Jun 21st 2011, 1:34 am
#16
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 6,848
Re: Realistic or pessimistic
Hi,
I live in the UK and have been dating my US boyfriend for 18mths. He lives in Manhattan. We want to live together in Manhattan. however, the more research I do the less likely it looks as though it will happen without our marrying first.
My partner thinks I am being 'glass half empty'
and I am nervous about quitting my job here and moving over without any savings. Any advice or opinions would be very much appreciated.
Thank you!
I live in the UK and have been dating my US boyfriend for 18mths. He lives in Manhattan. We want to live together in Manhattan. however, the more research I do the less likely it looks as though it will happen without our marrying first.
My partner thinks I am being 'glass half empty'
and I am nervous about quitting my job here and moving over without any savings. Any advice or opinions would be very much appreciated.
Thank you!
There is no way in hell that I would pack in my job and home, leave behind all of my family and friends and move thousands of miles merely to live with a guy - you would have no security at all, no family or support unit to fall back on.
There is a horrible - but apt, saying - "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" and my feeling is, if he really, really loves you, and vice-versa, then the obvious thing to do is to get married. On the other hand, he could perhaps marry you and move to the UK!
I'm sorry if it comes across as sounding rude or offensive, but you did ask in your thread title 'realistic or pessimistic'...
Jun 21st 2011, 2:33 am
#17
MODERATOR
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Hong Kong, mostly.
Posts: 5,214
Re: Realistic or pessimistic
Something you need to realize is that for most Americans, immigration is what their grandparents or great-grandparents did, and it was sort of this idealized "got on a boat, got off in NYC, found a job, made a life". They haven't a clue to the ins and outs of the current polices, and I dare say if you asked your average American to explain the difference between an H1 and an L1 or any other visa, they wouldn't have a clue.
I would advise you, strongly, to avoid a trap that many have fallen into. "Just come over as a tourist and stay for love". There are guys who would love to have a full-time lover stay with them and then if things get bad, not necessarily have to be the bad guy but be like "look, your papers have expired, you have to leave, and you can't come back because you overstayed and now have a 10 year ban on returning". You wouldn't be the first.
So you really need to show your boyfriend the wiki on how to get a visa and start to explain that it is not a half-full, half-empty thing, but a really big mountain in the way of moving forward.
I would advise you, strongly, to avoid a trap that many have fallen into. "Just come over as a tourist and stay for love". There are guys who would love to have a full-time lover stay with them and then if things get bad, not necessarily have to be the bad guy but be like "look, your papers have expired, you have to leave, and you can't come back because you overstayed and now have a 10 year ban on returning". You wouldn't be the first.
So you really need to show your boyfriend the wiki on how to get a visa and start to explain that it is not a half-full, half-empty thing, but a really big mountain in the way of moving forward.
Jun 21st 2011, 1:57 pm
#18
Deep in the woods of CT
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 7,002
Re: Realistic or pessimistic
An article in the WSJ this month said that 57% of new MBA graduates have got jobs -- which is up from 40% at this time last year. However, if there are so many grads to choose from with the same degree, and so many still without a job, it is going to be the one that needs pricey sponsorship who doesn't get chosen at the end of the day.
