Okay...Reality check time...
#106
Kit
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Spring Green, WI
Posts: 23
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
Moved to a small town in Nov 2003 (pop 1500) in Wisconsin working for a large Glass company on H1B. Initally was a struggle, lived with some friends in their basement for 6 months but then moved into a dream home, which cost the same as our two bed terrace back in UK.
Wife struggled a lot, she couldn't drive and wouldn't get involved in much and wanted to move back to the UK. In the end after 2.5 years she demanded we go home which happened in April 06, felt slightly relieved but once getting home realised it was a big mistake. I now live alone with my 11 year old son pretty much since we got back, she had other plans obviously !
Anyway i still work as a consultant for the company and last August they asked me to move back, my sons mum said he could go with me and so we had a decision to make. I received an official offer from them about 5 days after bumping into someone i was very fond of from about 10 years ago, this is where everything got complicated.
I'm still in the UK, yanks still trying to get me back but am torn between this girl and the US. There are certain things that wouldn't allow her to easily move with me so that does not seem to be an option, oh and i really am anti chav and am in an area where they flourish so am a bit of a tortured soul at the mo, plus working at home in my tiny flat does not help things, really do miss the US and the freedom and space, the fishing on the river, the golf and how social it was, also pretty much crime free where i was.
I have my new visa, GC are about 2 years away, have a life waiting over there just seems to hard to wrench away again.
Wife struggled a lot, she couldn't drive and wouldn't get involved in much and wanted to move back to the UK. In the end after 2.5 years she demanded we go home which happened in April 06, felt slightly relieved but once getting home realised it was a big mistake. I now live alone with my 11 year old son pretty much since we got back, she had other plans obviously !
Anyway i still work as a consultant for the company and last August they asked me to move back, my sons mum said he could go with me and so we had a decision to make. I received an official offer from them about 5 days after bumping into someone i was very fond of from about 10 years ago, this is where everything got complicated.
I'm still in the UK, yanks still trying to get me back but am torn between this girl and the US. There are certain things that wouldn't allow her to easily move with me so that does not seem to be an option, oh and i really am anti chav and am in an area where they flourish so am a bit of a tortured soul at the mo, plus working at home in my tiny flat does not help things, really do miss the US and the freedom and space, the fishing on the river, the golf and how social it was, also pretty much crime free where i was.
I have my new visa, GC are about 2 years away, have a life waiting over there just seems to hard to wrench away again.
#107
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
I have absolutely no idea what campus she went to Maz! I'll give her a ring and ask her and let you know. (I wouldn't have classed her as an artsy type though!!)
#108
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
Moved to a small town in Nov 2003 (pop 1500) in Wisconsin working for a large Glass company on H1B. Initally was a struggle, lived with some friends in their basement for 6 months but then moved into a dream home, which cost the same as our two bed terrace back in UK.
Wife struggled a lot, she couldn't drive and wouldn't get involved in much and wanted to move back to the UK. In the end after 2.5 years she demanded we go home which happened in April 06, felt slightly relieved but once getting home realised it was a big mistake. I now live alone with my 11 year old son pretty much since we got back, she had other plans obviously !
Anyway i still work as a consultant for the company and last August they asked me to move back, my sons mum said he could go with me and so we had a decision to make. I received an official offer from them about 5 days after bumping into someone i was very fond of from about 10 years ago, this is where everything got complicated.
I'm still in the UK, yanks still trying to get me back but am torn between this girl and the US. There are certain things that wouldn't allow her to easily move with me so that does not seem to be an option, oh and i really am anti chav and am in an area where they flourish so am a bit of a tortured soul at the mo, plus working at home in my tiny flat does not help things, really do miss the US and the freedom and space, the fishing on the river, the golf and how social it was, also pretty much crime free where i was.
I have my new visa, GC are about 2 years away, have a life waiting over there just seems to hard to wrench away again.
Wife struggled a lot, she couldn't drive and wouldn't get involved in much and wanted to move back to the UK. In the end after 2.5 years she demanded we go home which happened in April 06, felt slightly relieved but once getting home realised it was a big mistake. I now live alone with my 11 year old son pretty much since we got back, she had other plans obviously !
Anyway i still work as a consultant for the company and last August they asked me to move back, my sons mum said he could go with me and so we had a decision to make. I received an official offer from them about 5 days after bumping into someone i was very fond of from about 10 years ago, this is where everything got complicated.
I'm still in the UK, yanks still trying to get me back but am torn between this girl and the US. There are certain things that wouldn't allow her to easily move with me so that does not seem to be an option, oh and i really am anti chav and am in an area where they flourish so am a bit of a tortured soul at the mo, plus working at home in my tiny flat does not help things, really do miss the US and the freedom and space, the fishing on the river, the golf and how social it was, also pretty much crime free where i was.
I have my new visa, GC are about 2 years away, have a life waiting over there just seems to hard to wrench away again.
#109
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
Try to keep as many options for returning open.... you never know. If (heaven forbid) something happened to your husband, or to your marriage, you may well need to return. There are folks here who can advise you on this; I am American and my husband's Dutch so while I can tell you how to keep a Dutch bank account active, I'm not any help on the UK side!
Forget everything you have learned from movies/telly etc. Think of it this way: the average American thinks Britain is some sort of quaint and cool place as described by Beatrix Potter, Jane Austen, Harry Potter and Bridget Jones' Diary. Now, how far is that from the truth?! I'd recommend they watch The Full Monty to get a more realistic view of what working (and unemployed) life is like.
Forget everything you have learned from movies/telly etc. Think of it this way: the average American thinks Britain is some sort of quaint and cool place as described by Beatrix Potter, Jane Austen, Harry Potter and Bridget Jones' Diary. Now, how far is that from the truth?! I'd recommend they watch The Full Monty to get a more realistic view of what working (and unemployed) life is like.
#110
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
This is good advice.
I'd caution you also to take everything said here with a grain of salt. Many people who post here are not happy. This a way of relief for many to just vent. For every British Expat on these boards there are probably 1,000 who have never logged on.
I think I mentioned it before--but I should probably repeat after your post--you REALLY need to come at this with an open mind. You can't come in 'looking for the negative' because ('ta-da') you will find it. You're not in the UK anymore, so making comparisons to 'back home' (which will become rosier and rosier and rosier every day you are away) just builds and builds to the point that you have every negative thing you can possibly think of = USA and every thing that is right and perfect in the world = UK.
You won't think back about the time you stepped in dog crap in a park when you are thinking of the UK, but when you do it in the US (and you are already feeling pretty upset about this that and the other thing) it just another example of why the US is so awful. 'God knows dog's don't take a crap in the UK...' Silly, but you get to that point.
If you can't keep an open mind and take it as it comes, then you really should sit down (now) with the hubby and talk through this. Perhaps coming to some understandings now will be a lot better than when you do so after 3 months of staring at the walls in Chicago.
I'd caution you also to take everything said here with a grain of salt. Many people who post here are not happy. This a way of relief for many to just vent. For every British Expat on these boards there are probably 1,000 who have never logged on.
I think I mentioned it before--but I should probably repeat after your post--you REALLY need to come at this with an open mind. You can't come in 'looking for the negative' because ('ta-da') you will find it. You're not in the UK anymore, so making comparisons to 'back home' (which will become rosier and rosier and rosier every day you are away) just builds and builds to the point that you have every negative thing you can possibly think of = USA and every thing that is right and perfect in the world = UK.
You won't think back about the time you stepped in dog crap in a park when you are thinking of the UK, but when you do it in the US (and you are already feeling pretty upset about this that and the other thing) it just another example of why the US is so awful. 'God knows dog's don't take a crap in the UK...' Silly, but you get to that point.
If you can't keep an open mind and take it as it comes, then you really should sit down (now) with the hubby and talk through this. Perhaps coming to some understandings now will be a lot better than when you do so after 3 months of staring at the walls in Chicago.
#111
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
Moved to a small town in Nov 2003 (pop 1500) in Wisconsin working for a large Glass company on H1B. Initally was a struggle, lived with some friends in their basement for 6 months but then moved into a dream home, which cost the same as our two bed terrace back in UK.
Wife struggled a lot, she couldn't drive and wouldn't get involved in much and wanted to move back to the UK. In the end after 2.5 years she demanded we go home which happened in April 06, felt slightly relieved but once getting home realised it was a big mistake. I now live alone with my 11 year old son pretty much since we got back, she had other plans obviously !
Anyway i still work as a consultant for the company and last August they asked me to move back, my sons mum said he could go with me and so we had a decision to make. I received an official offer from them about 5 days after bumping into someone i was very fond of from about 10 years ago, this is where everything got complicated.
I'm still in the UK, yanks still trying to get me back but am torn between this girl and the US. There are certain things that wouldn't allow her to easily move with me so that does not seem to be an option, oh and i really am anti chav and am in an area where they flourish so am a bit of a tortured soul at the mo, plus working at home in my tiny flat does not help things, really do miss the US and the freedom and space, the fishing on the river, the golf and how social it was, also pretty much crime free where i was.
I have my new visa, GC are about 2 years away, have a life waiting over there just seems to hard to wrench away again.
Wife struggled a lot, she couldn't drive and wouldn't get involved in much and wanted to move back to the UK. In the end after 2.5 years she demanded we go home which happened in April 06, felt slightly relieved but once getting home realised it was a big mistake. I now live alone with my 11 year old son pretty much since we got back, she had other plans obviously !
Anyway i still work as a consultant for the company and last August they asked me to move back, my sons mum said he could go with me and so we had a decision to make. I received an official offer from them about 5 days after bumping into someone i was very fond of from about 10 years ago, this is where everything got complicated.
I'm still in the UK, yanks still trying to get me back but am torn between this girl and the US. There are certain things that wouldn't allow her to easily move with me so that does not seem to be an option, oh and i really am anti chav and am in an area where they flourish so am a bit of a tortured soul at the mo, plus working at home in my tiny flat does not help things, really do miss the US and the freedom and space, the fishing on the river, the golf and how social it was, also pretty much crime free where i was.
I have my new visa, GC are about 2 years away, have a life waiting over there just seems to hard to wrench away again.
If you loved it over here, its a big thing to give it up if you have just met her and you may not get the opportunity again? Or maybe you will always regret not giving it a shot re love?
Only you can answer the questions obviously.
It is a big wrench just the thought of moving back again, we did it. The biggest thing was the decision after that it was OK weirdly enough.
I see you are in Stevenage my OH lived in Letchworth (lovely place) before he moved to Scotland. So its a nice part of the world you are in.
What would make you really happy most is what it boils down to.
I hope you are content in whatever choice you make
OH and welcome to BE
#112
Kit
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Spring Green, WI
Posts: 23
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
Really feel for you. But is it serious with your new girlfriend or just 'hey its nice seeing you after these years lets see how things are' stage?
If you loved it over here, its a big thing to give it up if you have just met her and you may not get the opportunity again? Or maybe you will always regret not giving it a shot re love?
Only you can answer the questions obviously.
It is a big wrench just the thought of moving back again, we did it. The biggest thing was the decision after that it was OK weirdly enough.
I see you are in Stevenage my OH lived in Letchworth (lovely place) before he moved to Scotland. So its a nice part of the world you are in.
What would make you really happy most is what it boils down to.
I hope you are content in whatever choice you make
OH and welcome to BE
If you loved it over here, its a big thing to give it up if you have just met her and you may not get the opportunity again? Or maybe you will always regret not giving it a shot re love?
Only you can answer the questions obviously.
It is a big wrench just the thought of moving back again, we did it. The biggest thing was the decision after that it was OK weirdly enough.
I see you are in Stevenage my OH lived in Letchworth (lovely place) before he moved to Scotland. So its a nice part of the world you are in.
What would make you really happy most is what it boils down to.
I hope you are content in whatever choice you make
OH and welcome to BE
I have the yanks on MSN now actually, they keep pilling on the pressure, especially the guy that needs my help.
#113
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
well were 10 months into it now but that just flew past, i was supposed to have been back in WI in Jan but i kept putting it off, we worked together 10 years ago and liked each other then but had our seperate lives. Things are a little complicated with her life and i'm not 100% sure i could commit to being anything other than a boyfriend and i know she wants more so the outcome is pretty inevitable, its just makeing the break. I've also been concerned about my boy who at 11 might suffer from being so far away from his mum, who isn't much use to him but is his mum and she is close by.
I have the yanks on MSN now actually, they keep pilling on the pressure, especially the guy that needs my help.
I have the yanks on MSN now actually, they keep pilling on the pressure, especially the guy that needs my help.
Is that selfless or do you think she doesn't really care etc?
If she does care and your son wants to go with you, can you afford frequent trips back to see his mum etc?
What does your son feel about it? Thats a hard one.
#114
Kit
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Spring Green, WI
Posts: 23
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
RE your son sorry don't mean to pry but your ex wife or partner is OK with him going with you?
Is that selfless or do you think she doesn't really care etc?
If she does care and your son wants to go with you, can you afford frequent trips back to see his mum etc?
What does your son feel about it? Thats a hard one.
Is that selfless or do you think she doesn't really care etc?
If she does care and your son wants to go with you, can you afford frequent trips back to see his mum etc?
What does your son feel about it? Thats a hard one.
Her brother lives in town, they went there as kids on hols as the father in law worked for the same company years ago, he met a local and married her, i met him holidaying there with the wife and got chatting to the plant manager about work and so it all started so she has good reason to visit, her brother, nieces and nephews and sister in law are there, and yes i came home twice a year so she would see him. When we were out there before we used the webcam to talk to everyone, i spent months on the phone getting everyone set up (there all thick with computers my family) and it was like we were never away. I even did some gardening once while chatting to my mum on the webcam on my laptop so she could get set up to talk to him
#115
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
When i left they gave me a contract, part of that was to go out quarterly to keep my face in the plant and test new software i was writing etc, went last august and they approached me, both the plant and CORP so had two options, went back and told the wife \ x and she slept on it and said go for it, she didn't like what had happened to the UK and was worried about our son growing up here as a teenager so she seemed to want him to go for his own good but their relationship is quite poor since we got back and she quite slack with him so i dont know, she did say its hard not being with him every day so kind of all or nothing for her but thats not his fault and he suffers.
Her brother lives in town, they went there as kids on hols as the father in law worked for the same company years ago, he met a local and married her, i met him holidaying there with the wife and got chatting to the plant manager about work and so it all started so she has good reason to visit, her brother, nieces and nephews and sister in law are there, and yes i came home twice a year so she would see him. When we were out there before we used the webcam to talk to everyone, i spent months on the phone getting everyone set up (there all thick with computers my family) and it was like we were never away. I even did some gardening once while chatting to my mum on the webcam on my laptop so she could get set up to talk to him
Her brother lives in town, they went there as kids on hols as the father in law worked for the same company years ago, he met a local and married her, i met him holidaying there with the wife and got chatting to the plant manager about work and so it all started so she has good reason to visit, her brother, nieces and nephews and sister in law are there, and yes i came home twice a year so she would see him. When we were out there before we used the webcam to talk to everyone, i spent months on the phone getting everyone set up (there all thick with computers my family) and it was like we were never away. I even did some gardening once while chatting to my mum on the webcam on my laptop so she could get set up to talk to him
You do sound like you have thought a lot of it out for your son re frequent trips back and your wife coming here to the US to visit.
I guess its only close family that knows what is best for the child if you are all working together for his happiness.
I hope that if you do decide to come here before he leaves his relationship with his mum can improve somehow as that would make it easier with webcams etc.
Keep us updated please and all the best in your decision you and your son have to make
#116
Kit
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Spring Green, WI
Posts: 23
Re: Okay...Reality check time...
RE your son sorry don't mean to pry but your ex wife or partner is OK with him going with you?
Is that selfless or do you think she doesn't really care etc?
If she does care and your son wants to go with you, can you afford frequent trips back to see his mum etc?
What does your son feel about it? Thats a hard one.
Is that selfless or do you think she doesn't really care etc?
If she does care and your son wants to go with you, can you afford frequent trips back to see his mum etc?
What does your son feel about it? Thats a hard one.