kitmax

Moved to a small town in Nov 2003 (pop 1500) in Wisconsin working for a large Glass company on H1B. Initally was a struggle, lived with some friends in their basement for 6 months but then moved into a dream home, which cost the same as our two bed terrace back in UK.
Wife struggled a lot, she couldn't drive and wouldn't get involved in much and wanted to move back to the UK. In the end after 2.5 years she demanded we go home which happened in April 06, felt slightly relieved but once getting home realised it was a big mistake. I now live alone with my 11 year old son pretty much since we got back, she had other plans obviously !
Anyway i still work as a consultant for the company and last August they asked me to move back, my sons mum said he could go with me and so we had a decision to make. I received an official offer from them about 5 days after bumping into someone i was very fond of from about 10 years ago, this is where everything got complicated.
I'm still in the UK, yanks still trying to get me back but am torn between this girl and the US. There are certain things that wouldn't allow her to easily move with me so that does not seem to be an option, oh and i really am anti chav and am in an area where they flourish so am a bit of a tortured soul at the mo, plus working at home in my tiny flat does not help things, really do miss the US and the freedom and space, the fishing on the river, the golf and how social it was, also pretty much crime free where i was.
I have my new visa, GC are about 2 years away, have a life waiting over there just seems to hard to wrench away again.

keira-2007

I have absolutely no idea what campus she went to Maz! I'll give her a ring and ask her and let you know. (I wouldn't have classed her as an artsy type though!!)

keira-2007

MMmmm.. that's a dilemma! Tough decision - great job in great location - or rekindled love of you life? Good luck on that one!!

simongb

Some good advice here. Don't burn your bridges (ie. sell your house in the UK for a while). That way, if it all goes pear shaped, you can go home without too much financial hassle. The US is NOT like the movies at all. It is a different world here and the outside world counts for little. Most Americans don't travel very far, so they view the outside world in cliches (Paris is the most romantic city in the world, the English are all intellectuals who live in castles, Italians love food..etc). When I first moved here there was really no internet, so I felt VERY cut off from the outside world (except for my crackly SW radio). Now, at least, you can get news from the BBC website and others (get a good internet service, there are many here). The other thing I would recommend is getting a good phone service (Vonage has free calls to Europe, Skype online and others). By that I mean, one with cheap calls to the UK. That way you can call home anytime without worrying about the cost and it will help you feel connected. Anyway, good luck with your move.

simongb

Very, very true. Great post.

Irn-bru

Really feel for you. But is it serious with your new girlfriend or just 'hey its nice seeing you after these years lets see how things are' stage?

If you loved it over here, its a big thing to give it up if you have just met her and you may not get the opportunity again? Or maybe you will always regret not giving it a shot re love?
Only you can answer the questions obviously.

It is a big wrench just the thought of moving back again, we did it. The biggest thing was the decision after that it was OK weirdly enough.

I see you are in Stevenage my OH lived in Letchworth (lovely place) before he moved to Scotland. So its a nice part of the world you are in.

What would make you really happy most is what it boils down to.
I hope you are content in whatever choice you make

OH and welcome to BE

kitmax

well were 10 months into it now but that just flew past, i was supposed to have been back in WI in Jan but i kept putting it off, we worked together 10 years ago and liked each other then but had our seperate lives. Things are a little complicated with her life and i'm not 100% sure i could commit to being anything other than a boyfriend and i know she wants more so the outcome is pretty inevitable, its just makeing the break. I've also been concerned about my boy who at 11 might suffer from being so far away from his mum, who isn't much use to him but is his mum and she is close by.

I have the yanks on MSN now actually, they keep pilling on the pressure, especially the guy that needs my help.

Irn-bru

RE your son sorry don't mean to pry but your ex wife or partner is OK with him going with you?
Is that selfless or do you think she doesn't really care etc?

If she does care and your son wants to go with you, can you afford frequent trips back to see his mum etc?
What does your son feel about it? Thats a hard one.

kitmax

When i left they gave me a contract, part of that was to go out quarterly to keep my face in the plant and test new software i was writing etc, went last august and they approached me, both the plant and CORP so had two options, went back and told the wife \ x and she slept on it and said go for it, she didn't like what had happened to the UK and was worried about our son growing up here as a teenager so she seemed to want him to go for his own good but their relationship is quite poor since we got back and she quite slack with him so i dont know, she did say its hard not being with him every day so kind of all or nothing for her but thats not his fault and he suffers.
Her brother lives in town, they went there as kids on hols as the father in law worked for the same company years ago, he met a local and married her, i met him holidaying there with the wife and got chatting to the plant manager about work and so it all started so she has good reason to visit, her brother, nieces and nephews and sister in law are there, and yes i came home twice a year so she would see him. When we were out there before we used the webcam to talk to everyone, i spent months on the phone getting everyone set up (there all thick with computers my family) and it was like we were never away. I even did some gardening once while chatting to my mum on the webcam on my laptop so she could get set up to talk to him

Irn-bru

Thats sad re his relationship with his mum. It must affect him
You do sound like you have thought a lot of it out for your son re frequent trips back and your wife coming here to the US to visit.
I guess its only close family that knows what is best for the child if you are all working together for his happiness.

I hope that if you do decide to come here before he leaves his relationship with his mum can improve somehow as that would make it easier with webcams etc.

Keep us updated please and all the best in your decision you and your son have to make

kitmax

thanks for everything, will keep you posted (pressure from my son IS TO move)