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More to vent on...

More to vent on...

Old Apr 15th 2008, 8:59 pm
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Yes, another venting thread from me...
Just had a big row with my mum on the phone, I said to her about the possibility of me coming back home and getting a job so my husband can move over to the UK eventually rather than us going through immigration in the US (which is taking so long we are barely surviving), she was fine about me coming back home and living with her for a while until I got myself sorted out, then she rings me back later on and says no, because she spoke to my brothers (who also live at home) and they aren't keen on the idea. My mum has never been there for me in my life and really, I should have known better than to even consider relying on her for anything. Everything has always been about my brothers (who both have highly paid jobs as the result of a brilliant encouraged upbringing, lucky them) and always will be about them. So now, if I get denied for my GC here, or I have to return to the UK for whatever reason, I have nowhere to go, no money, no job, nothing. Isn't life great?
Luckily, we have been able to borrow money from my husbands parents to tide us over so we aren't going to be in such a hole as we thought, but the way my mum has treated me is like she shut the door in my face. She's been messing my life up for far too long, I hope she enjoys her old age because my brothers are too selfish to look after her and she needn't be looking around for me when she needs me for anything.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 9:06 pm
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Default Re: More to vent on...

sorry to hear that...i never have had family to rely on and so have never been let down like that. don't be bitter against your mum for the mo, she's piggy in the middle here, give her time to think it all over and sleep on it.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 9:12 pm
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Originally Posted by TruBrit View Post
sorry to hear that...i never have had family to rely on and so have never been let down like that. don't be bitter against your mum for the mo, she's piggy in the middle here, give her time to think it all over and sleep on it.
I wouldn't be if it was just over this, but it happens time and time again. This is just the icing on the cake.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 9:15 pm
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Originally Posted by Emma M View Post
I wouldn't be if it was just over this, but it happens time and time again. This is just the icing on the cake.
so your brothers have highly paid jobs and are still living at home
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 9:18 pm
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Originally Posted by TruBrit View Post
so your brothers have highly paid jobs and are still living at home
Thats what I was wondering about, none of there god dam business and wtf are they still there for anyway.

A door will open soon Emma! Even is its not your mums.

Edit: Wine and "theres" dont mix =P

Last edited by Tootsie Frickensprinkles; Apr 15th 2008 at 9:47 pm.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 9:33 pm
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Originally Posted by TruBrit View Post
so your brothers have highly paid jobs and are still living at home
yep! She lets them do whatever they like, one of them called her a C the other day, they both treat her badly, she does everything for them, washing, cooking, lunches for work, cleans their rooms, the whole lot. They are 21 and 24 year old men. They choose that they don't want to rent a place, they want to buy straight out and are living there until they have the money to, they both have savings and wont leave, they have both seen my mum get into debt and nearly lose her home and still haven't helped out, and now they are dictating over whether or not I go home or not, and the thing that gets me big time is my mum allows it, and if I say anything then Im "overexaggerating" "being dramatic" or something. It is what it is, I don't need to dramatise it. I left home at 16 over being treated badly, didn't finish school because of all the stress my mum was putting on me at the time, went back home in Jan 07 after my divorce because I had nowhere to go, and I had every intention of going back there after coming over here (this was only supposed to be a 10 day trip) but all of a sudden, there isn't the room for me anymore, my brothers aren't keen on me coming back, and my mum thinks little of me by all accounts.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 9:39 pm
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Your not alone, I have had the same problem.

At the end of 2001 I was promised the earth by my parents, job, somewhere to live, sponsorship etc etc

And then suddenly they changed their minds because on the sponsorship application they had to put their personal details and didn't want me seeing.

And 7 years later I am still here.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 9:41 pm
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Originally Posted by Tootsie Frickensprinkles View Post
Thats what I was wondering about, none of there god dam business and wtf are they still there for anyway.

A door will open soon Emma! Even is its not your mums.
I agree with that, but they are my mother's precious "boys". Always have been. I know it is personal stuff but I'm the one who had to look after them when I was growing up while she went out and worked 2 jobs, I cooked and cleaned for them and did all that so we could make it as a family, I never complained at the time because I knew my mum wouldn't need the stress, I was always either pushed aside or relied upon as I was growing up while my brothers had a great amount of friends, social activities, wore all the latest sports gear while I got catalogue reject clothing which I was bullied over at school, I was the chubby one who was made to weigh myself in front of the family every Sunday for their amusement, never had many friends because I was too busy helping out the family, grew up with all sorts of emotional and anger problems which I have been heavily blamed for by my family as if I am some sort of freak, had 10 years of abuse from my ex husband which my mum never understood, never supported me over, so I have properly had a gutful of her and my brothers.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 9:43 pm
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Originally Posted by babsi View Post
Your not alone, I have had the same problem.

At the end of 2001 I was promised the earth by my parents, job, somewhere to live, sponsorship etc etc

And then suddenly they changed their minds because on the sponsorship application they had to put their personal details and didn't want me seeing.

And 7 years later I am still here.
It's terrible when that happens, isn't it? If anyone else lets you down I bet you'd cope with it, but when it is your family, especially parents, it makes you feel so alone.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 9:46 pm
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Originally Posted by Emma M View Post
I agree with that, but they are my mother's precious "boys". Always have been. I know it is personal stuff but I'm the one who had to look after them when I was growing up while she went out and worked 2 jobs, I cooked and cleaned for them and did all that so we could make it as a family, I never complained at the time because I knew my mum wouldn't need the stress, I was always either pushed aside or relied upon as I was growing up while my brothers had a great amount of friends, social activities, wore all the latest sports gear while I got catalogue reject clothing which I was bullied over at school, I was the chubby one who was made to weigh myself in front of the family every Sunday for their amusement, never had many friends because I was too busy helping out the family, grew up with all sorts of emotional and anger problems which I have been heavily blamed for by my family as if I am some sort of freak, had 10 years of abuse from my ex husband which my mum never understood, never supported me over, so I have properly had a gutful of her and my brothers.
hmm time to stop being the victim in all this emma, enough is enough!
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 9:53 pm
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Originally Posted by TruBrit View Post
hmm time to stop being the victim in all this emma, enough is enough!
Tell me about it! I know, it is a hard habit to break though. I need to get stronger, I thought I WAS strong.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 10:02 pm
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Originally Posted by Emma M View Post
Tell me about it! I know, it is a hard habit to break though. I need to get stronger, I thought I WAS strong.
there must be lots on the web about how not be a victim...just always remember you do not have to let circumstances dictate your life.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 10:03 pm
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Originally Posted by Emma M View Post
I agree with that, but they are my mother's precious "boys". Always have been. I know it is personal stuff but I'm the one who had to look after them when I was growing up while she went out and worked 2 jobs, I cooked and cleaned for them and did all that so we could make it as a family, I never complained at the time because I knew my mum wouldn't need the stress, I was always either pushed aside or relied upon as I was growing up while my brothers had a great amount of friends, social activities, wore all the latest sports gear while I got catalogue reject clothing which I was bullied over at school, I was the chubby one who was made to weigh myself in front of the family every Sunday for their amusement, never had many friends because I was too busy helping out the family, grew up with all sorts of emotional and anger problems which I have been heavily blamed for by my family as if I am some sort of freak, had 10 years of abuse from my ex husband which my mum never understood, never supported me over, so I have properly had a gutful of her and my brothers.
Okay, so that's the bad shit.

What you need honey is some control back in your life and I know exactly how little you feel you have atm, I have been right where you are. I was stuck more by him not wanting/being able to go back to the UK though, rather than the money side of it. Now we are somewhat trapped by the exrate situation but thats a different matter!

If going home to the UK really is not an option right now then you have to find some way of being positive even though you're stuck where you are. What's your immediate situation like? Do you ahve access to a car, what kind of employment (if you had EAD or GC) would you be looking at?

I'm an expert now at filling empty days and blocking out the anxiety to the point where I dont rip my hair out everyday. Whilst I know its not a long term solution it does help day to day and you sound like you need to improve the day to day to stop the rows and lighten the upset.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 10:04 pm
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Originally Posted by TruBrit View Post
there must be lots on the web about how not be a victim...just always remember you do not have to let circumstances dictate your life.
I do know all this, I have worked very hard at myself to become strong. It amazed me how easily that can be broken down. I wasn't as strong as I thought. Maybe a lesson to be learned from it.
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Old Apr 15th 2008, 10:09 pm
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Originally Posted by Emma M View Post
I do know all this, I have worked very hard at myself to become strong. It amazed me how easily that can be broken down. I wasn't as strong as I thought. Maybe a lesson to be learned from it.
You are strong ... but the simple fact is that when you feel you have no control of your situation and you're hating it it makes you feel weak.

What you've got to do is untangle the mess and take one step at a time back into control.
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