More to vent on...
Apr 17th 2008, 1:45 am
#46
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Re: More to vent on...
Of course I was speaking generally and not referring to any one person.
I can only speak for myself...in many ways my mum has been great. It's just that we've never had a close relationship and it is one that seems to have completely broken down in recent years. Even so I still love her...I always will...she is my mother and you only have one.
I can only speak for myself...in many ways my mum has been great. It's just that we've never had a close relationship and it is one that seems to have completely broken down in recent years. Even so I still love her...I always will...she is my mother and you only have one.
In my case I was intended to replace the daughter my parents had been forced to give up 18 months before I was born. My mother told me at 13 that I was not their first child. That's also about the time that I stopped trying to understand why it was that I was never as loved as my younger siblings.
The older sister meanwhile - well she got two mums and yet when she decided to come looking for us a couple of years ago she had way more appreciation for the one that gave her up than the one who took her in an gave her a better life than any of us ever got. The funny thing is that she really is everything my mum ever wanted me to be, they are like two peas in a pod. As a child (before I knew about her) I used to pray to God every night that I was really adopted and that my real parents would come and rescue me one day.
My mother also has the jealousy problem and has admitted as much on several occasions, but she uses that as her main excuse for her behavior (when she can be bothered trying to excuse herself!) and it's worn pretty thin.
Apr 17th 2008, 1:48 am
#47
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Re: More to vent on...
It is very hard to explain to other people how it is when you are not wanted and not loved. My Mother told me when I was a child I was an accident. She has never forgiven me for being born. I am like my Father in spirit and have achived a lot more than she thought I ever would. She is not happy for that success she is jealous of it, putting me down whenever she can. I wish I could say my Mother had been great but unfortunately I cannot point to any support of help or love. I wanted her to come here to bond and have a realtionship with my young children. I even offered to go and get her but she said no. Now she wants her money back for the time she did come here when my brother brought her last year. I am sorry but I am done. yes we only have one Mother but if only she loved and cared as you would expect a Mother to and gave me something to work with I wouldn't feel this way.
Apr 17th 2008, 4:23 am
#48
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Re: More to vent on...
Some women just think boys are naturally superior to girls, my Mum is one of them, too, it's all about my brother and his kids. I can't really offer any advice as they never change, no matter how badly the son/s treat her they are always the precious princes.
You can do it, Emma!
You can do it, Emma!
Apr 17th 2008, 7:43 am
#49
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Re: More to vent on...
I can really sympathise with this. Especially regarding inlaws. They won't even put us up when we visit the UK with their only grandchildren...who are lovely by the way.......it's just incredulous isn't it?
Your mum's behaviour has obviously turned you into a strong wonderful woman though. I can only guess how angry and frustrated you are feeling, but you're right....I'm sure she'll regret her actions when she has to rely on the two useless brothers....oooh, reminds me of King Lear (spot the English Teacher!)
Your mum's behaviour has obviously turned you into a strong wonderful woman though. I can only guess how angry and frustrated you are feeling, but you're right....I'm sure she'll regret her actions when she has to rely on the two useless brothers....oooh, reminds me of King Lear (spot the English Teacher!)
Apr 17th 2008, 8:01 am
#50
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Re: More to vent on...
Yes, another venting thread from me...
Just had a big row with my mum on the phone, I said to her about the possibility of me coming back home and getting a job so my husband can move over to the UK eventually rather than us going through immigration in the US (which is taking so long we are barely surviving), she was fine about me coming back home and living with her for a while until I got myself sorted out, then she rings me back later on and says no, because she spoke to my brothers (who also live at home) and they aren't keen on the idea. My mum has never been there for me in my life and really, I should have known better than to even consider relying on her for anything. Everything has always been about my brothers (who both have highly paid jobs as the result of a brilliant encouraged upbringing, lucky them) and always will be about them. So now, if I get denied for my GC here, or I have to return to the UK for whatever reason, I have nowhere to go, no money, no job, nothing. Isn't life great?
Luckily, we have been able to borrow money from my husbands parents to tide us over so we aren't going to be in such a hole as we thought, but the way my mum has treated me is like she shut the door in my face. She's been messing my life up for far too long, I hope she enjoys her old age because my brothers are too selfish to look after her and she needn't be looking around for me when she needs me for anything.
Just had a big row with my mum on the phone, I said to her about the possibility of me coming back home and getting a job so my husband can move over to the UK eventually rather than us going through immigration in the US (which is taking so long we are barely surviving), she was fine about me coming back home and living with her for a while until I got myself sorted out, then she rings me back later on and says no, because she spoke to my brothers (who also live at home) and they aren't keen on the idea. My mum has never been there for me in my life and really, I should have known better than to even consider relying on her for anything. Everything has always been about my brothers (who both have highly paid jobs as the result of a brilliant encouraged upbringing, lucky them) and always will be about them. So now, if I get denied for my GC here, or I have to return to the UK for whatever reason, I have nowhere to go, no money, no job, nothing. Isn't life great?
Luckily, we have been able to borrow money from my husbands parents to tide us over so we aren't going to be in such a hole as we thought, but the way my mum has treated me is like she shut the door in my face. She's been messing my life up for far too long, I hope she enjoys her old age because my brothers are too selfish to look after her and she needn't be looking around for me when she needs me for anything.
I understand your feelings on this, as it would be nice now and again for abit of family support. But no....it never happens.
Whether this is a good thing, bad thing, just plain ignorant i don't know, but i hope things work out for you back in UK. Sounds like it will be a struggle, but will be worth it. All the best.
Apr 17th 2008, 12:42 pm
#51
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Apr 17th 2008, 12:46 pm
#52
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Re: More to vent on...
I know! (about the first bit!)
In my case I was intended to replace the daughter my parents had been forced to give up 18 months before I was born. My mother told me at 13 that I was not their first child. That's also about the time that I stopped trying to understand why it was that I was never as loved as my younger siblings.
The older sister meanwhile - well she got two mums and yet when she decided to come looking for us a couple of years ago she had way more appreciation for the one that gave her up than the one who took her in an gave her a better life than any of us ever got. The funny thing is that she really is everything my mum ever wanted me to be, they are like two peas in a pod. As a child (before I knew about her) I used to pray to God every night that I was really adopted and that my real parents would come and rescue me one day.
My mother also has the jealousy problem and has admitted as much on several occasions, but she uses that as her main excuse for her behavior (when she can be bothered trying to excuse herself!) and it's worn pretty thin.
In my case I was intended to replace the daughter my parents had been forced to give up 18 months before I was born. My mother told me at 13 that I was not their first child. That's also about the time that I stopped trying to understand why it was that I was never as loved as my younger siblings.
The older sister meanwhile - well she got two mums and yet when she decided to come looking for us a couple of years ago she had way more appreciation for the one that gave her up than the one who took her in an gave her a better life than any of us ever got. The funny thing is that she really is everything my mum ever wanted me to be, they are like two peas in a pod. As a child (before I knew about her) I used to pray to God every night that I was really adopted and that my real parents would come and rescue me one day.
My mother also has the jealousy problem and has admitted as much on several occasions, but she uses that as her main excuse for her behavior (when she can be bothered trying to excuse herself!) and it's worn pretty thin.
My mind boggles. As you say in the end it all wears thin.
Apr 17th 2008, 12:47 pm
#53
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Re: More to vent on...
[QUOTE=ezzie;6221453]I can really sympathise with this. Especially regarding inlaws. They won't even put us up when we visit the UK with their only grandchildren...who are lovely by the way.......it's just incredulous isn't it?
It is their loss at the end of the day.
It is their loss at the end of the day.
Apr 17th 2008, 12:48 pm
#54
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Re: More to vent on...
My parents have never given me help since i left home, neither has my OH's side. Everything we have is through what we have done alone.
I understand your feelings on this, as it would be nice now and again for abit of family support. But no....it never happens.
Whether this is a good thing, bad thing, just plain ignorant i don't know, but i hope things work out for you back in UK. Sounds like it will be a struggle, but will be worth it. All the best.
I understand your feelings on this, as it would be nice now and again for abit of family support. But no....it never happens.
Whether this is a good thing, bad thing, just plain ignorant i don't know, but i hope things work out for you back in UK. Sounds like it will be a struggle, but will be worth it. All the best.
So Emma you see you are not alone. Seems like there are more people than we realize who have similiar situatons. Good Luck to everyone.
Apr 17th 2008, 2:51 pm
#55
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 193
Re: More to vent on...
Yes, another venting thread from me...
Just had a big row with my mum on the phone, I said to her about the possibility of me coming back home and getting a job so my husband can move over to the UK eventually rather than us going through immigration in the US (which is taking so long we are barely surviving), she was fine about me coming back home and living with her for a while until I got myself sorted out, then she rings me back later on and says no, because she spoke to my brothers (who also live at home) and they aren't keen on the idea. My mum has never been there for me in my life and really, I should have known better than to even consider relying on her for anything. Everything has always been about my brothers (who both have highly paid jobs as the result of a brilliant encouraged upbringing, lucky them) and always will be about them. So now, if I get denied for my GC here, or I have to return to the UK for whatever reason, I have nowhere to go, no money, no job, nothing. Isn't life great?
Luckily, we have been able to borrow money from my husbands parents to tide us over so we aren't going to be in such a hole as we thought, but the way my mum has treated me is like she shut the door in my face. She's been messing my life up for far too long, I hope she enjoys her old age because my brothers are too selfish to look after her and she needn't be looking around for me when she needs me for anything.
Just had a big row with my mum on the phone, I said to her about the possibility of me coming back home and getting a job so my husband can move over to the UK eventually rather than us going through immigration in the US (which is taking so long we are barely surviving), she was fine about me coming back home and living with her for a while until I got myself sorted out, then she rings me back later on and says no, because she spoke to my brothers (who also live at home) and they aren't keen on the idea. My mum has never been there for me in my life and really, I should have known better than to even consider relying on her for anything. Everything has always been about my brothers (who both have highly paid jobs as the result of a brilliant encouraged upbringing, lucky them) and always will be about them. So now, if I get denied for my GC here, or I have to return to the UK for whatever reason, I have nowhere to go, no money, no job, nothing. Isn't life great?
Luckily, we have been able to borrow money from my husbands parents to tide us over so we aren't going to be in such a hole as we thought, but the way my mum has treated me is like she shut the door in my face. She's been messing my life up for far too long, I hope she enjoys her old age because my brothers are too selfish to look after her and she needn't be looking around for me when she needs me for anything.
. I'll share enough with you to perhaps view things more favourably with yourself. My mum also never really cared for me either. Having said that she was very young when she had me, and in the 60's that was hard for her. I was always told I should have been aborted, but she didn't, so I give her credit there. She did have it very very hard, and had lots of her own misfortunes. Unfortunately some of her misfortunes spilled over onto me, and had a huge negative impact on my life. I won't go into details, but I had a very troubled and traumatic childhood. I left home at 14 and was living totally independantly from the age of 16. I never 'blamed' my mother, for her failures to protect me, but the effect of her failings has caused me some difficulties. However, those difficulties have also endorsed my strengh of character, even though a lot of hang ups still remain. I had a big disagreement with my mother, many years ago, that ended up with us not speaking for over 20 years. When a recent relative died of cancer, I decided to let go of my grievances, and get in touch again. It was O.K. for 6 weeks, and then off she goes again, with me as the whipping boy( or is that girl 
). At that point in my heart I knew she had never been a mother to me, and indeed never would be. So I let go once again. The point is when you need to dig deep, all that trouble and turmoil that you have faced in your life, can pull you through. Crazy as that sounds. The irony is that when my mother is old, and has no one to care for her, I will. Your stronger than you think. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise
