More to vent on...
Apr 16th 2008, 6:08 pm
#31
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Re: More to vent on...
As for you Mother I can relate. I just had a huge row with mine over the phone and I am done! My Mother rarely calls me it is always on my bill and I have to call her. I was chasing her around for days trying to talk to her and when I finally got through on Sunday evening she yelled at me for calling her late. That was it for me and I lost it with her ( I guess it was like the final straw or a thousand cuts). My Mother has done nothing for me, we paid for our own wedding, our own house, she wasn't here for the birth of either of my children, she has never given us a dime. She even chucked it in my face that she paid for HER flight to come over here last year with my brother to stay with us. I sent her a check in the mail yesterday for her flight refund and also some extra to pay her for the presents she bought for my children for easter which, was another thing she decided to yell and chuck in my face. Unfortunately, my dad died when I was 8 and my Mother did very well financially. She married again and her second husband died leaving her yet with even more money and yet another pension with yet another insurance pay out. I asked her for a picture of my father and she won't let me have one. Sorry but if you can't go to your Mum for help it is sad beyond belief. I know how you feel and it hurts like hell and as far as I am concerned there is no excuse. However, take heart in the fact, you are not alone and the only one feeling upset about lack of support from where you would hope to find it.
There are a lot of reasons I'm glad of that I am here and not there right now, but these people who I had to leave alone I wish I could be with. With zero support, it makes me look like the bad guy, something I will have to live with my whole life. So my mum and her backing of my ex husband ruined my life. I hope that when these two special people come to me in years to come and want to know the whole story, I really really hope they listen to my side of things and don't come to the conclusion that I deliberately left them through choice. I could have done so much more but had to back off so I didn't end up ruining their lives more than they were ruined already.
Apr 16th 2008, 6:26 pm
#32
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Re: More to vent on...
I hope you do get a chance to explain things to those special people you feel you have lost. As for your Mother and mine I always think that reaping time is ahead for them all, what goes around comes around ...
Apr 16th 2008, 7:31 pm
#33
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In my mother's case that is exactly what happened. She has lost her only grandchild and she is never going to get that back. I'm not sure there is anything she could do to make me want my daughter to know her. I am sure that there isn't anything she WILL do because she doesn't see why she should.
Apr 16th 2008, 7:52 pm
#34
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I feel the same way. I don't want my daughter to experience the narcissist her grandmother is. I could write a book on what I have been through but what is the point, I put up with it thinking she would come around. I realize that my family and I are better off not having any relationship with my Mother. Very sad but at the end of the day I want to protect my children from her cutting remarks and selfish, cruel ways. It has taken me almost 38 years (my whole life) to realize I cannot please her or do anymore and that my Mother will never change and doesn't wish to. It is very sad but true and I have to deal with it. I am only human and can take no more. I have my own family now to think about and protect. As you say it is their loss not ours but it still hurts like hell.
Last edited by JULIEROSE; Apr 16th 2008 at 7:56 pm.
Apr 16th 2008, 8:13 pm
#35
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Re: More to vent on...
One thing I learnt...I vowed I would never have the same relationship with my daughter that I have with my mother.
Apr 16th 2008, 8:22 pm
#36
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Re: More to vent on...
good for you Jerseygirl. I also hope my relationship will be a good one with my girl and she will grow up feeling loved and I will be her soft place to fall when the world gets tough for her.
Apr 16th 2008, 8:25 pm
#37
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Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves turn it around...look at it as a lesson learnt. A mistake which we will not make with our children.
Apr 16th 2008, 8:34 pm
#38
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Me - I don't feel sorry for myself. You can't miss what you never had. I know that growing up I wished I had a normal mother like all the other kids, but looking back I know that it was the way she treated me that made me want to go out and achieve everything I have. So she gets my thanks on that.
The thing is having to deal with people who just don't get what it's like to have a mother who doesn't love you and what it's like to have a mother you don't love. My husband and his family all think it's the weirdest thing that we don't get along and have no desire to speak to each other. They're always going on about how I'll regret it later if I don't keep making all the effort, and how she'll come around one day. :curse:
The thing is having to deal with people who just don't get what it's like to have a mother who doesn't love you and what it's like to have a mother you don't love. My husband and his family all think it's the weirdest thing that we don't get along and have no desire to speak to each other. They're always going on about how I'll regret it later if I don't keep making all the effort, and how she'll come around one day. :curse:
Apr 16th 2008, 8:49 pm
#39
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Re: More to vent on...
Me - I don't feel sorry for myself. You can't miss what you never had. I know that growing up I wished I had a normal mother like all the other kids, but looking back I know that it was the way she treated me that made me want to go out and achieve everything I have. So she gets my thanks on that.
The thing is having to deal with people who just don't get what it's like to have a mother who doesn't love you and what it's like to have a mother you don't love. My husband and his family all think it's the weirdest thing that we don't get along and have no desire to speak to each other. They're always going on about how I'll regret it later if I don't keep making all the effort, and how she'll come around one day. :curse:
The thing is having to deal with people who just don't get what it's like to have a mother who doesn't love you and what it's like to have a mother you don't love. My husband and his family all think it's the weirdest thing that we don't get along and have no desire to speak to each other. They're always going on about how I'll regret it later if I don't keep making all the effort, and how she'll come around one day. :curse:
I can only speak for myself...in many ways my mum has been great. It's just that we've never had a close relationship and it is one that seems to have completely broken down in recent years. Even so I still love her...I always will...she is my mother and you only have one.
Apr 16th 2008, 8:59 pm
#40
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Re: More to vent on...
Me - I don't feel sorry for myself. You can't miss what you never had. I know that growing up I wished I had a normal mother like all the other kids, but looking back I know that it was the way she treated me that made me want to go out and achieve everything I have. So she gets my thanks on that.
The thing is having to deal with people who just don't get what it's like to have a mother who doesn't love you and what it's like to have a mother you don't love. My husband and his family all think it's the weirdest thing that we don't get along and have no desire to speak to each other. They're always going on about how I'll regret it later if I don't keep making all the effort, and how she'll come around one day. :curse:
The thing is having to deal with people who just don't get what it's like to have a mother who doesn't love you and what it's like to have a mother you don't love. My husband and his family all think it's the weirdest thing that we don't get along and have no desire to speak to each other. They're always going on about how I'll regret it later if I don't keep making all the effort, and how she'll come around one day. :curse:
Apr 16th 2008, 10:54 pm
#41
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Apr 16th 2008, 10:59 pm
#42
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It is very hard to explain to other people how it is when you are not wanted and not loved. My Mother told me when I was a child I was an accident. She has never forgiven me for being born. I am like my Father in spirit and have achived a lot more than she thought I ever would. She is not happy for that success she is jealous of it, putting me down whenever she can. I wish I could say my Mother had been great but unfortunately I cannot point to any support of help or love. I wanted her to come here to bond and have a realtionship with my young children. I even offered to go and get her but she said no. Now she wants her money back for the time she did come here when my brother brought her last year. I am sorry but I am done. yes we only have one Mother but if only she loved and cared as you would expect a Mother to and gave me something to work with I wouldn't feel this way.
Apr 16th 2008, 11:32 pm
#44
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Apr 16th 2008, 11:39 pm
#45
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I don't really have the choice because she won't see me...even when I go back to the UK and stay with my sister who lives about 1/2 mile away. If I had the choice...of course I would...she is my mum.