jumping doris

Hang on in there.
It has taken me the best part of 18 months to feel better. There have been highs and lows and the lows are really, really horrible because I felt so bad on occasions it was an almost physical pain.

Moving to another country is a huge undertaking and however well you feel you have researched and planned it, it is never enough.
Packing and leaving the UK was really stressful for us as we were selling a house there and buying here and they are two very different systems.
We were trying to find schools and get things in place for our children to ease the transition.
Packing all our stuff or trying to get rid of it and saying goodbye to everyone.
When we arrived we really needed a good holiday but of course you don't get one. Instead you have to jump into this new life that you don't understand and suddenly begin to wonder if you really want.

Horrible. Some of it is fun but mostly I was so tired and wrung out, everything seemed hard. Everything about the place began to really irritate me and what was worse all my family loved it here.

Just shopping for food was hard as I didn't know what half the stuff on the shelves was or which was the better brand. You don't realise how "intune " you are with your own country until you are struggling in a new one.

I still have my issues with the US....healthcare is one, being able to retire here is another. My children are teenagers and they are making their life here. I worry about being able to afford to stay here with them when we are old and I don't want to end up back in the UK without them.

BUT.....I have decided not to worry about that too much.

I hope you feel better when you move. When we moved into our house lots of neighbours came round and we got invited to loads of things.
It's early days yet, I'm sure there will be some really great highs ahead of you and just a few more lows.

TouristTrap

It sucks when you arrive in a new city and don't know much. I remember how frustrating it was not to even know where the local post office was! I recall seeing a special on tv once, looking in the phone book and driving right across town to the grocery store advertising to buy it, only to find out about 2 months later that there was one a mile or so from my house!

But, as things get familiar. As you get to know brands of food, etc., you eventually settle in. It takes guts to emigrate, it is not easy. It is one of the hardest things a person does, but it is worth it to stick it out.

Even if you don't like it after a few years, at least you will have grown in many ways you can't imagine right now, you'll be a different person if you leave. (hopefully not in the hips! so watch that fast food ).

Hang in there!

Terminal

Wow Doris, you just made me realise something, pretty obvious really, but just hadn't occured to me until now. Your words hit me like a bullet. When we get there we are going to be so jetlagged, but we won't get time to adjust, we'll just have to get over it.

Man that'll be hard and yes I totally get the shopping thing. All I can say is (although I love the place) thankfully I'm not moving to Japan. Even when you can see stuff in the supermarket you still haven't got a clue what it is or what you're supposed to do with it!

jumping doris

You just have to hit the ground running.
I felt very out of sync with everything. There is lots of stuff going on here but everyone just knows about it and we found out when it was over. We always seemed to be a step behind.

We met so many new people I couldn't remember them but they all remembered us. I felt like I always had to be smiling and I got sick to death of explaining why we were here.
And the killer question "Do you love it here" as though it is the best and only place any sane person would want to live.

I used to have to grit my teeth and when I felt really bad my OH would quickly jump in before I could say anything too damning
But it has got much better and I enjoy things here, we have stuff to look forward to, I feel more at home. It is beginning to seem like the big adventure we hoped it would be.
I still miss the UK and when my Good Food mag arrives I feel very nostalgic for Tescos etc.
Photos of home still unsettle me. But this is where I am today and so I might just as well enjoy it.

Ray

Improvise, Adapt, Overcome.........

Elvira

I can so identify with that! Trying to remember faces and put names to them. The "do you love it here question" was easy to begin with but got a whole lot harder as the months and years passed...

And I also identify with your comments about your teenagers. At least yours seem fairly settled - ours are so all over the place... Still, whatever they decide to do, I cannot see myself growing old here - I just don't think it'll ever feel right.

jumping doris

Takeover?

Mandana

Thanks guys. Doris, you're very helpful - just knowing I'm not the only one is comforting. I've said more than once that I could do with a holiday. We only had 3 months notice of coming out here (a long time to some, I know, but still not that long) and had so much to do. I really thought these 6 weeks here would do me the world of good - have a rest, sleep, sit by the pool, think about what's to come - but it's not been like that.

We arrived, hit the ground running and it's definitely no holiday. I've managed a whole 10 minutes by the pool in 4 weeks!

I'm ashamed to say I took it out on OH last night on the way to the game. And then back again. Lashed out that the support his company said they would provide hasn't been forthcoming (don't know exactly what support they would have given, but an email or phone call certainly wouldn't have gone amiss).

I feel like I've been dropped here, as the 'trailing spouse' (as the Expert Expatriate so eloquently call us) http://www.amazon.co.uk/Expert-Expat...1833376&sr=8-1

Thing is, I feel guilty for feeling like this. I know so many people who would give their right arm to swap places. And I have these I should thoughts going round in my head - should be happy, should be enjoying it, should be getting out there and exploring. I have been, just don't feel like it all the time.

Gah, I'm rambling. Sorry.

Mandana

We're from the same part of the world Terminal! I was about 30 minutes (less if the A41 wasn't busy) from HH

Irn-bru

And the, you're at home, so feel or asked to do all the admin and finances, balance the books and you get overwhelmed as you don't have a clue, how things are done here or who gets paid when etc...still at that stage as we recently just bought a home and learning all the stuff that goes with that, but more now its dealing with incompetent companies, trying to prove you've paid them

Elvira

Internet banking - much easier to prove than a paper-trail!

Elvira

Ha!!! How many times have I heard that! It seems incredible - companies moving/headhunting people from across the globe and then simply leaving them to it...

Basically don't expect anything, and you won't be disappointed.

snowbunny

Repeat to self:

there is no "right" way to feel.... there is no "right" way to feel.... there is only the way I feel now, and what I'm going to do about it.

My husband's here for ME, not because he wanted to chase the American Dream. (He wanted to chase the Canadian dream but that's another story for another time.) He does have work authorisation but it's taken over a year to find a decent job, and he has me to guide him through the "American way" of doing things. And this has not been easy on me, either -- because it's teaching things that most Americans just grow up knowing or learn well before they are 42!

I think when you have a house and car that are your own, and you can establish YOUR pied a terre, it will help.

jumping doris

Yes, I've got that t-shirt.

Irn-bru

Only some will allow you, or charge you for the privilege of doing so.

At the minute though its not finances that have me but at the minute I'm not covered by medical insurance as the company keeps saying I haven't sent them certain documents, which I have.
And have told me I'm still not covered so hunted for my last post office receipt for proof of posting and delivery, but they still say they don't have it etc.
I know it will get sorted in the end but I just seem to permanently deal with idiots. Must take one to know one

My OH was helpful as he said just don't get sick till you get it sorted