Sally

I find people here do socialise in a different way. We are used to casual cuppas and a natter. I find the locals (LA) like to have a set time and agenda for meet-ups. Their approach can seem formulaic to us. I do sympahise with Ash, you just have to keep trying

Sally

Have you been sucessful in this? Can you provide some tips?

snowbunny

I'm American, so I'm wondering how you're going to insult me for my difficulties in making friends here (but not in the UK!).

Perhaps this is one area where men and women's experiences differ.

trutje

I have great experience in US with making friends! The people I've met were so eager and helpful. At first I found it a bit overwelming but it didn't put me off. I even met some REAL Christians, normaly not my cup of tea, but I found it very interesting to hear how they live their life around Christianity. I couldn't do it, so in a way I very much respect them in that.

I think it is the same in every country, you get on or you don't. But I also think living in a different country, different culture, you have to be more open minded. And I definatly agree with one of the people here, living in the sun makes it so much easier to meet people.

Jerseygirl

Yes you are doing well...congratulations.

Deedee13

come over to mine!! I make a crap cuppa but being the true brit i am, u can always make it urself!!! hehe!! Doors open - pm me and i will give u my number! Its a bit of a drive for a cuppa but could make a day of it????

TruBrit

TruBrit

er 'scuse me...i'm the trubrit here

TruBrit

everyone always adds that

Tbag

Your'e not alone, allot of us have felt this way at some time or another
Have you thought about maybe doing some volunteer work to make some local connections, instead of joining a church?
The local chamber of commerce usually has a committee of people that organize local events and festivals etc.... they are often looking for people to help out with various community goings on.
I met two good friends this way although sadly they moved away last year.
But at least you can see if there are others out there that "fit" your lifestyle and views.
Also have you tried an internet search for British clubs or meet ups in your area? I found a British club locally here that I didn't know existed until doing a search. There is also a site called meetup.com that informs you of local clubs and interest groups, including ex-pat meet ups in area towns etc...
This might give you an opportunity to find some other Brits or people that you have things more in common with

I live in the Bible belt of the South and have never joined a church. My hubby and I have thought about it before for the social thing when first moving to an area, but we decided against it as we felt it would be pretending to be something that we aren't.
Good luck

Maz

Well with an American hubby, you'd think I'd have it made with friends, but he's even exasperated at how insular they've become. None of them want to go out to local festivals anymore, or come over on a whim for a meal, nothing like that. Really irritating. We had far more luck in NZ, where we met a bunch from BE and got on great, and also made some good friends through another friend of mine, further up the country.

I don't find people to be very friendly here, on the whole. If the cashier at a checkout makes eye contact, that in itself seems to be a small miracle. I'm always looking for them to look up so I can smile and say hello. 9 times out of 10, it doesn't happen. Or if you're lucky you'll get a glance with a "hey how you doin'?" but they're not interested in the answer in the slightest.

Our American next-door neighbours on one side seem to have a bee in their bonnet about something, and don't want their 6-year old son playing with our 5 1/2 year old daughter, but refuse to say why. Our neighbours on the other side are older than us by about 10 years, and we'd love to socialise more with them, but there's a bit of a language barrier - they're Russian and the SAH wife doesn't speak any English!

Hubby said the other day that when we move to NZ he'll miss literally 2 friends, and the guys in his band, and that's it. Everyone else has just drifted off and rarely socialises outside their own house boundaries. Weirdos.

I have 3 good friends here, all met independently of hubby. 2 are Brits (one through meetup.com and the other through bellydance classes), and the one American we met this couple as we sat next to them at a dinner at a local winery a few years ago and the wife and I have remained good friends ever since. It's certainly not through lack of trying, but true friends seem extremely hard to make and keep, here.

Bob

quite a few threads on this, the one about US people having issues making close friends is a good one to read because of the news article that started it.

I've got a few friends here, but I wouldn't say any are as close as my mates from blighty, the true close ones from school and uni, where if anything happens, they'll drop whatever to help you out or give you a place to sleep, around here I get the feeling they wouldn't even know me if I needed a hand in a pinch.

Tracym

People spend so much more time with their families these days I think, rather than running around with friends. And Grand Rapids is famed for having tons of churches and bars.

I'm a yank, btw, and it isn't always the easiest thing to make new friends. There is an organization called Newcomers Club, which might have a branch in your area. It's something like $20 a year to join, and they have all sorts of different activities. It's for the purpose of new people in the area to meet others - but many stay in it for years and years. I don't participate in the club anymore, but net some good friends that way.

Otherwise - join some kind of club that does something you like (photography, gardening, etc.) - take tennis lessons - whatever you might have an interest in. Take a course at the community college. You may not stick with these activities, but might find some people you have something in common with. I've met some people at the local wine store - they have a tasting every saturday afternoon.

My friends don't generally just drop by for tea/coffee (but I'm kind of in the country, it's a little bit of a drive). We do go out to lunch, go shopping, get together and cook dinner or bbq, or do crafts, or that kind of thing though.

I do think I have very good friends though - we do help each other out. I can see that many have tons of acquaintances, but that really isn't my style.

Texas Mom

I've been very lucky and made some really good friends in the year that I have been here. Like others have mentioned on here I found it all overwhelming at first as it's not the British culture just to call somebody you met five minutes ago.
When I first moved here I realised that it was up to me, I can sit home and be miserable and lonely or I can get out there and meet people.
I chose to get off my behind and put my best foot forward and I have no regrets (well apart from meeting one nutter)!
I joined a MOPS group Mothers of Pre Schoolers but soon realised that it was not my cup of tea.
I am now the one that organises all our little outings and play dates for my friends and all my sons friends. It keeps me busy and varies our week doing different things. I have two really good friends that live in my neighborhood that I talk to every day and see them most days. My neighbors are amazing and we're always over at each others houses, BBQ's, watching sports or just hanging out.
I'm looking forward to my son starting Kindergarten this August so he both he and I can meet some more new people.
Maybe I'm just lucky because I'm a stay home mum and maybe I wouldn't have met so many people if I were working.

penguinsix

It general I think it is tougher to make friends the older you get in nearly every culture, especially when families get involved (your kids, your spouse's parents, etc). You should read the US expats living in the UK--many of them report having the exact same problem you are experiencing. "I don't know anyone, I'm stuck in nowhereville, everyone here already has a social network, I live through my husbands/wifes circle, etc."

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?board=68.0

People say "I don't have friends like I had back home" but you have to remember those were the friends you grew up with saw you get drunk and snog someone you shouldn't have at school, fall and love and have your heart broken in Uni, get your first job and try to make ends meet when you were doing the same. Of course you aren't going to have friends like that, as close and as tight, in a matter of months, or even years, or even ever.

My only advice is to keep trying. To stay friends with someone until you have that moment when things get closer. When you are suprised that the person you thought you only casually knew drove out in the middle of a blizzard to pull your car out of the snow, or a guy down the street was kind enough to send you flowers when a family member passed.

In short, give it time....

(and come here to bitch and vent when you are feeling blue