Friends

Old May 25th 2007, 3:28 am
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When I am asked the question do you plan on staying in the US I usually give the same answer... 'well it depends on my husband, if something happens to him or our marriage, no I will go back to the UK'. My reason? without my husband I would be very lonely. I have been here almost 5 years and have had a tough time making friends.

In the UK I had a real close group of friends we would call into each others homes and have coffee we would go shopping together and get together every weekend for a drink. It is a whole different story this side of the pond. I do get invited places weddings, leaving parties with girls from work that kind of thing but never getting together just for the sake of it. I have tried to be friendly with other mums at the park or the kids play area at the mall too.

Seems like everything in West Michigan revolves around church... maybe it is time to bite the bullet and find a church, seems like the wrong reason to go to church though.

Anyone else found/finding it tough to make friends?

Ash
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Old May 25th 2007, 3:53 am
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Default Re: Friends

Originally Posted by Ash UK/US
When I am asked the question do you plan on staying in the US I usually give the same answer... 'well it depends on my husband, if something happens to him or our marriage, no I will go back to the UK'. My reason? without my husband I would be very lonely. I have been here almost 5 years and have had a tough time making friends.

In the UK I had a real close group of friends we would call into each others homes and have coffee we would go shopping together and get together every weekend for a drink. It is a whole different story this side of the pond. I do get invited places weddings, leaving parties with girls from work that kind of thing but never getting together just for the sake of it. I have tried to be friendly with other mums at the park or the kids play area at the mall too.

Seems like everything in West Michigan revolves around church... maybe it is time to bite the bullet and find a church, seems like the wrong reason to go to church though.

Anyone else found/finding it tough to make friends?

Ash
hi ash, exactly the same... 5 yrs here and zero 'friends' however not for the want of trying...have moved many times although within the uk and never had a problem making friends......strange insular bunch that i've met here for sure.

like you i've been told to join a church many times however for me it would be the wrong reasons.
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Old May 25th 2007, 3:53 am
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Default Re: Friends

Originally Posted by Ash UK/US
When I am asked the question do you plan on staying in the US I usually give the same answer... 'well it depends on my husband, if something happens to him or our marriage, no I will go back to the UK'. My reason? without my husband I would be very lonely. I have been here almost 5 years and have had a tough time making friends.

In the UK I had a real close group of friends we would call into each others homes and have coffee we would go shopping together and get together every weekend for a drink. It is a whole different story this side of the pond. I do get invited places weddings, leaving parties with girls from work that kind of thing but never getting together just for the sake of it. I have tried to be friendly with other mums at the park or the kids play area at the mall too.

Seems like everything in West Michigan revolves around church... maybe it is time to bite the bullet and find a church, seems like the wrong reason to go to church though.

Anyone else found/finding it tough to make friends?

Ash
Seems pretty much like NJ.
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Old May 25th 2007, 4:02 am
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Default Re: Friends

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl
Seems pretty much like NJ.
Hm...
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Old May 25th 2007, 4:05 am
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Default Re: Friends

Originally Posted by TruBrit
hi ash, exactly the same... 5 yrs here and zero 'friends' however not for the want of trying...have moved many times although within the uk and never had a problem making friends......strange insular bunch that i've met here for sure.

like you i've been told to join a church many times however for me it would be the wrong reasons.
There's no point in me saying anything else you've said it for me And karma (((hug's))) to you Ash.
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Old May 25th 2007, 4:10 am
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Default Re: Friends

Originally Posted by Elvira
Hm...
Well apart from the 'if something happens to our marriage' bit...that never occurs to me. Oh and the bit about work.
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Old May 25th 2007, 4:11 am
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Default Re: Friends

Originally Posted by britvic
There's no point in me saying anything else you've said it for me And karma (((hug's))) to you Ash.
You're still at 5 mths....you should put the months, weeks and days now you're getting so close.

I've just noticed this post on the Ticker...it reads as if your pregnant.

Last edited by Jerseygirl; May 25th 2007 at 4:14 am.
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Old May 25th 2007, 4:15 am
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Default Re: Friends

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl
You're still at 5 mths....you should put the months, weeks and days now you're getting so close.

I've just noticed this post on the Ticker...it reads as if your pregnant.
will do mate.
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Old May 25th 2007, 4:20 am
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Default Re: Friends

Originally Posted by Ash UK/US
When I am asked the question do you plan on staying in the US I usually give the same answer... 'well it depends on my husband, if something happens to him or our marriage, no I will go back to the UK'. My reason? without my husband I would be very lonely. I have been here almost 5 years and have had a tough time making friends.

In the UK I had a real close group of friends we would call into each others homes and have coffee we would go shopping together and get together every weekend for a drink. It is a whole different story this side of the pond. I do get invited places weddings, leaving parties with girls from work that kind of thing but never getting together just for the sake of it. I have tried to be friendly with other mums at the park or the kids play area at the mall too.

Seems like everything in West Michigan revolves around church... maybe it is time to bite the bullet and find a church, seems like the wrong reason to go to church though.

Anyone else found/finding it tough to make friends?

Ash
its not that easy, but it probably depends on a number of factors.

my wife is very gregarious and because of that we meet many people. I meet lots of blokes through her (boyfriends of her girlfriends) who invite me out for beers and boys nights out, but its very difficult to balance it considering all the other things i have going on...
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Old May 25th 2007, 4:38 am
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Default Re: Friends

Originally Posted by Ash UK/US
When I am asked the question do you plan on staying in the US I usually give the same answer... 'well it depends on my husband, if something happens to him or our marriage, no I will go back to the UK'. My reason? without my husband I would be very lonely. I have been here almost 5 years and have had a tough time making friends.

In the UK I had a real close group of friends we would call into each others homes and have coffee we would go shopping together and get together every weekend for a drink. It is a whole different story this side of the pond. I do get invited places weddings, leaving parties with girls from work that kind of thing but never getting together just for the sake of it. I have tried to be friendly with other mums at the park or the kids play area at the mall too.

Seems like everything in West Michigan revolves around church... maybe it is time to bite the bullet and find a church, seems like the wrong reason to go to church though.

Anyone else found/finding it tough to make friends?

Ash

without being rude but West Michigan seems like a really boring place, like moving to milton keynes in the suburbs. i do feel for you though. i moved from central london (camden town) to the foothills of the appalachian mountains, ie the center of the bible belt. this is not the UK, put it that way, and definitly not camden town, no matter what some people say about the 3 blocks of downtown area in atlanta which people consider "cool". but ive moved on, accepted the fact that london is now a tourist vacation for me and not my home anymore. it must be very hard for you, im sorry, i know for sure that some of these insular sub divisions are very souless places, empty of life and excitement.

in contrast my mother lives in a small town in lincolnshire, she literally has a more fufilling social life than me and my wife! shes out every night, local pubs, jazz clubs, walking clubs, conservative club, shes 65, im 35! the drinking culture in the US is not like the UK, people here just do not drink as much nor socialise as much. i live in atlanta, frankly there are not many "characters" here as there are in the UK, you go to a bar here and meet the same clones, same stories same conversations. in the UK i met intricate people, eccentrics, poets, musicians, authors and even met mad mike calvert a hero from WW2 (he created the SAS with wingate). ive met famous, well known people in the states and they are totally boring. the US is a great place to work, make money build a future retirement but if you want to raise a family, then be prepared to lose your social life. hate to put you down but this is the fact.

Last edited by leonatlanta; May 25th 2007 at 4:40 am.
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Old May 25th 2007, 4:47 am
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Default Re: Friends

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl
Well apart from the 'if something happens to our marriage' bit...that never occurs to me. Oh and the bit about work.
Sounds much nicer than just blurting out 'well if my husband drops dead' and hey I think we are doing pretty good staying married for almost 5 years (not that there as been any major problem) it seems many people get wed and divorced within a couple of years.

Ash
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Old May 25th 2007, 5:02 am
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Default Re: Friends

The answer is temperature ... the warmer the weather
the more people you meet ...unless your in Texas
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Old May 25th 2007, 5:36 am
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Default Re: Friends

Made good friends in Austin Texas, but been out in Sacramento, CA almost 2 years and can't say I have any close friends here

Just need to convince the wife to move back there now lol
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Old May 25th 2007, 5:56 am
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Default Re: Friends

It really is hard to make good friends here unless you are tied into some sort of social network.

I met a fellow mother in the dentist's office the other day.... and we just really hit it off. Then she was called to the back with her kid. And I wanted to say, wait, can I have your phone number/email address and could we go for coffee some time? But I lost the opportunity!!!

I'm repeating myself, but the vast majority of friends are made in university or earlier. Past that? Good luck.

Having said that, Toon and I were talking a wee bit too loudly out-of-doors a couple of weeks back, about the then-bleak work situation for him. That night the kid from next door brought over freshly baked cookies clear out of the blue. Coincidence? Don't think so.
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Old May 25th 2007, 6:47 am
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Default Re: Friends

Complete rubbish. Although the U.S. sucks, don't even try blaming Christianity for your lack of friends.

Of course, you've watched the BBC documentaries on "America." Try thinking for yourself. If you haven't made friends in the U.S. that you can enjoy a tea with, that's your fault, not thousands, if not millions of people.

Try harder.
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