Disillusioned
Jul 10th 2010, 8:56 pm
#76
Rock Goddess
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Connecticut USA
Posts: 1,429
Re: Disillusioned
LOL ironporer! You might be right! To be honest, most people genuinely think it's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to them so I'm never rude. It's almost childlike they way they ask, like they've never heard a foreigner before.
I must say it's absolutely lovely to be back here and see all you familiar faces. In fact it's just what I need right now! Thank you all so much for coming on here and commenting. it's almost as good as being back home with old friends! You've all really lifted my spirits. I was in a bit of a funk the other day but things are looking up. I think it's time I got online and ordered a stash of English goodies to cheer me up further!
I think to some extent Leslie and Rete are correct...you make a better quality of friend at this age, but that's half the problem. I'm more developed and rounded now, and more genuine I feel, and so expect the same of other people, and when they turn out not to be genuine it's very upsetting...deeply so. Some of it is also cultural too. Not being able to connect with people who have grown up with different experiences and values. It's complex being a human, isn't it?
I must say it's absolutely lovely to be back here and see all you familiar faces. In fact it's just what I need right now! Thank you all so much for coming on here and commenting. it's almost as good as being back home with old friends! You've all really lifted my spirits. I was in a bit of a funk the other day but things are looking up. I think it's time I got online and ordered a stash of English goodies to cheer me up further!
I think to some extent Leslie and Rete are correct...you make a better quality of friend at this age, but that's half the problem. I'm more developed and rounded now, and more genuine I feel, and so expect the same of other people, and when they turn out not to be genuine it's very upsetting...deeply so. Some of it is also cultural too. Not being able to connect with people who have grown up with different experiences and values. It's complex being a human, isn't it?
Jul 10th 2010, 9:05 pm
#77
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 0
Re: Disillusioned
LOL ironporer! You might be right! To be honest, most people genuinely think it's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to them so I'm never rude. It's almost childlike they way they ask, like they've never heard a foreigner before.
I must say it's absolutely lovely to be back here and see all you familiar faces. In fact it's just what I need right now! Thank you all so much for coming on here and commenting. it's almost as good as being back home with old friends! You've all really lifted my spirits. I was in a bit of a funk the other day but things are looking up. I think it's time I got online and ordered a stash of English goodies to cheer me up further!
I think to some extent Leslie and Rete are correct...you make a better quality of friend at this age, but that's half the problem. I'm more developed and rounded now, and more genuine I feel, and so expect the same of other people, and when they turn out not to be genuine it's very upsetting...deeply so. Some of it is also cultural too. Not being able to connect with people who have grown up with different experiences and values. It's complex being a human, isn't it?
I must say it's absolutely lovely to be back here and see all you familiar faces. In fact it's just what I need right now! Thank you all so much for coming on here and commenting. it's almost as good as being back home with old friends! You've all really lifted my spirits. I was in a bit of a funk the other day but things are looking up. I think it's time I got online and ordered a stash of English goodies to cheer me up further!
I think to some extent Leslie and Rete are correct...you make a better quality of friend at this age, but that's half the problem. I'm more developed and rounded now, and more genuine I feel, and so expect the same of other people, and when they turn out not to be genuine it's very upsetting...deeply so. Some of it is also cultural too. Not being able to connect with people who have grown up with different experiences and values. It's complex being a human, isn't it?
Glad to hear you sound more like your old self
BTW...do you still have a motorcycle?
Jul 10th 2010, 9:21 pm
#78
Rock Goddess
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Connecticut USA
Posts: 1,429
Re: Disillusioned
LOL No I don't! I was going to but now that I'm offically old I decided that there's too much risk. I asked myself what would happen if I had an accident and we couldn't pay the mortgage etc, so I switched to cycling which keeps me fit too!
Jul 10th 2010, 10:18 pm
#79
Boomshacalaca!!
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: South of the North Pole.......Colorado
Posts: 5,066
Re: Disillusioned
Such interesting thread.
RG, I feel your pain per se. What I have noticed, and its going to sound a debbie downer generalization, people over here treat one another as a resource... and as long as you provide what they need/want - then by all means, they'll be your 'friend'.... and they are somewhat reluctant to contribute to a friendship and give back to you...
I am feeling abit jaded and probably biased when I say that because of some sh!t I'm going through right now. It seems people's sense of 'fun' stems purely around alcohol and a bar... and friendships too are defined, so it seems, around a 'fun crowd' for that matter. Its almost people rely on someone other than themselves to provide them entertainment - ie rather than be able to create it for themselves. Leads me to think, security issues. There is much more to life than 'let's get drunk' mentality and my brother often says "you don't find interesting people in bars". I think there is alot of truth to that statement.
Friendship is a dynamic structure; like an onion imo. It has various levels... there are those who are closet and surround you and are your support system - they make up the core... everyone else surrounding you is a layer and exist as an acquaintance. Relax, you are someone else' acquaintance too!!
I've always had a definition of a friend as being someone who is there for you in a time of need and who respects you for who you are and your decisions. So what if you won't go out on the town?!?!
We always have a choice... how we want to have our onions. (how do yo like those onions!!) Our sense and need for 'friendships' constantly change... ask you this - the people you associate with now, would you have done so a few years ago? The trick, like anywhere, is seeking out like minded people who share common interests and beliefs, otherwise, they don't work - a drastic analogy... a kinky person would not do so well in a vanilla relationship; and vice versa!!
RG, I feel your pain per se. What I have noticed, and its going to sound a debbie downer generalization, people over here treat one another as a resource... and as long as you provide what they need/want - then by all means, they'll be your 'friend'.... and they are somewhat reluctant to contribute to a friendship and give back to you...
I am feeling abit jaded and probably biased when I say that because of some sh!t I'm going through right now. It seems people's sense of 'fun' stems purely around alcohol and a bar... and friendships too are defined, so it seems, around a 'fun crowd' for that matter. Its almost people rely on someone other than themselves to provide them entertainment - ie rather than be able to create it for themselves. Leads me to think, security issues. There is much more to life than 'let's get drunk' mentality and my brother often says "you don't find interesting people in bars". I think there is alot of truth to that statement.
Friendship is a dynamic structure; like an onion imo. It has various levels... there are those who are closet and surround you and are your support system - they make up the core... everyone else surrounding you is a layer and exist as an acquaintance. Relax, you are someone else' acquaintance too!!
I've always had a definition of a friend as being someone who is there for you in a time of need and who respects you for who you are and your decisions. So what if you won't go out on the town?!?!
We always have a choice... how we want to have our onions. (how do yo like those onions!!) Our sense and need for 'friendships' constantly change... ask you this - the people you associate with now, would you have done so a few years ago? The trick, like anywhere, is seeking out like minded people who share common interests and beliefs, otherwise, they don't work - a drastic analogy... a kinky person would not do so well in a vanilla relationship; and vice versa!!
Jul 11th 2010, 2:40 am
#81
A Cockney Floridian
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Originally-Leyton E10,London, then Harlow new town, Essex, and eventually ended up in Orlando area
Posts: 164
Re: Disillusioned
rockgirl
great post and exactly how it is !!
im homesick every day
great post and exactly how it is !!
im homesick every day
Jul 12th 2010, 3:27 pm
#83
Mummy and baby 1982
Joined: May 2003
Location: North West Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 1,067
Re: Disillusioned
Keep well and hang in there.
Maggie
Jul 13th 2010, 2:36 pm
#84
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,966
Re: Disillusioned
Americans do take their studying seriously, I'll say that for them! I find academic opportunities are more open too, well as long as you have the money!'m planning on doing my MSN (Masters in Nursing) and progress to being a Nurse Practitioner. I am currently studying for the my CCRN exam (Critical Care). Not sure whether to do the bricks and mortar school or do an online degree to fit in with my work schedule. Been looking at Thomas Edison college...looks really nice.
Jul 13th 2010, 6:34 pm
#85
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 80
Re: Disillusioned
Hi folks, been a long time since I've been to these here parts! Some of the older farts might remember that I came here 7 years ago to work as a nurse. Well, I still am and I've been in Connecticut for 6 years now, after a year in Arizona. I know I'm one of the lucky ones as I have good job, earn more money than I've ever earned in my life, have a beautiful house that I could never afford the like of in England, and yet....I'm miserable.
Of late I have really been feeling the differences between the UK and the USA. This is not meant as a criticism of the American people, but really deep down, anyone who has been here for any length of time will tell you...its just different. Here in the NorthEast I find people so utterly fake. I have tried to make friends but I find that time after time I am let down so badly that I don't even want to try anymore. I've always been a very open and genuine person and it upsets me so much when I give of myself only to discover that people really never gave a shit about me to start with. I have tried to analyze what it is that lets this happen but when I compare to how things were back home it's so off the charts it doesn't compare. The only real friends I have are all in England. Those are the people whom I have known for many years and are like family to me. Every friend I ever made from the age of 15 I am still friends with, and yet I simply can't make friends here in the US. I find that Americans really don't get that involved, at least not to my experience.
I find that people completely misunderstand me. When I try to be funny they look blankly at me, when I try to be polite they think I'm rude etc etc. It's so frustrating! When I finally let my guard down and start to trust someone, guaranteed they &^%$ me right up the you know what! It's making me very sad.
At home, you can just sit down and have a cup of tea and a laugh with someone, but here I feel everything is so forced, and you have to watch what you say all the time because people take offense so easily. I never seem to fit in and I don't often understand the humour. I long to be able to relax and just have a good ol' natter like I did in England.
I get tired of the fakeness, the competitiveness, the endless comments about my accent and why do they always think I'm Australian??? I've been here 7 years and never met a single Australian. England is just across the ocean but it would never occur to anyone that I'm English!! If one more person says "oh gee, I just love your accent" I'm going to scream! I'm tired of the crap food, the horrible grocery stores, the crappy driving, the selfishness of everyone. My job is high stress and very competitive, and find that people rip you to shreds at the very first opportunity. I'm becoming a nervous wreck. For the first time in 7 years I really feel like going home. /rant.
Of late I have really been feeling the differences between the UK and the USA. This is not meant as a criticism of the American people, but really deep down, anyone who has been here for any length of time will tell you...its just different. Here in the NorthEast I find people so utterly fake. I have tried to make friends but I find that time after time I am let down so badly that I don't even want to try anymore. I've always been a very open and genuine person and it upsets me so much when I give of myself only to discover that people really never gave a shit about me to start with. I have tried to analyze what it is that lets this happen but when I compare to how things were back home it's so off the charts it doesn't compare. The only real friends I have are all in England. Those are the people whom I have known for many years and are like family to me. Every friend I ever made from the age of 15 I am still friends with, and yet I simply can't make friends here in the US. I find that Americans really don't get that involved, at least not to my experience.
I find that people completely misunderstand me. When I try to be funny they look blankly at me, when I try to be polite they think I'm rude etc etc. It's so frustrating! When I finally let my guard down and start to trust someone, guaranteed they &^%$ me right up the you know what! It's making me very sad.
At home, you can just sit down and have a cup of tea and a laugh with someone, but here I feel everything is so forced, and you have to watch what you say all the time because people take offense so easily. I never seem to fit in and I don't often understand the humour. I long to be able to relax and just have a good ol' natter like I did in England.
I get tired of the fakeness, the competitiveness, the endless comments about my accent and why do they always think I'm Australian??? I've been here 7 years and never met a single Australian. England is just across the ocean but it would never occur to anyone that I'm English!! If one more person says "oh gee, I just love your accent" I'm going to scream! I'm tired of the crap food, the horrible grocery stores, the crappy driving, the selfishness of everyone. My job is high stress and very competitive, and find that people rip you to shreds at the very first opportunity. I'm becoming a nervous wreck. For the first time in 7 years I really feel like going home. /rant.
I get asked if im australian on average twice a week, once i got asked if i was german, that was the last straw lol
Jul 14th 2010, 2:01 am
#87
Rock Goddess
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Connecticut USA
Posts: 1,429
Re: Disillusioned
How long did you study for your CCRN? It took me 3 months to do my CDN and I'm just getting all my study material together for the CCRN. I am thinking about 6 months. Is that realistic?
Last edited by Rockgurl; Jul 14th 2010 at 2:05 am.
Jul 14th 2010, 2:36 am
#88
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: Herts to CA for nearly 10 years and now MD
Posts: 351
Re: Disillusioned
I also get the "are you German?" question quite a lot, but since I am blonde, female, and nearly 6 foot, I assume (and hope) that they're looking at my Aryan appearance rather than listening to my accent.
Latest classic was an Irishman in Safeway asking me if I was from Dublin! Huh? No idea where that came from.
Jul 14th 2010, 5:00 am
#89
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: From a beautiful part of Scotland, now in Colorado
Posts: 265
Re: Disillusioned
I am feeling abit jaded and probably biased when I say that because of some sh!t I'm going through right now. It seems people's sense of 'fun' stems purely around alcohol and a bar... and friendships too are defined, so it seems, around a 'fun crowd' for that matter. Its almost people rely on someone other than themselves to provide them entertainment - ie rather than be able to create it for themselves. Leads me to think, security issues. There is much more to life than 'let's get drunk' mentality and my brother often says "you don't find interesting people in bars". I think there is alot of truth to that statement.
Friendship is a dynamic structure; like an onion imo. It has various levels... there are those who are closet and surround you and are your support system - they make up the core... everyone else surrounding you is a layer and exist as an acquaintance. Relax, you are someone else' acquaintance too!!
I've always had a definition of a friend as being someone who is there for you in a time of need and who respects you for who you are and your decisions. So what if you won't go out on the town?!?!
We always have a choice... how we want to have our onions. (how do yo like those onions!!) Our sense and need for 'friendships' constantly change... ask you this - the people you associate with now, would you have done so a few years ago? The trick, like anywhere, is seeking out like minded people who share common interests and beliefs, otherwise, they don't work - a drastic analogy... a kinky person would not do so well in a vanilla relationship; and vice versa!!
Very true in many ways. Your views about bars are thought-provoking. One of the things I really disliked about the UK was the heavy drinking culture, and personally, I hardly drink at all. However, my Thursday night was sacred - go to the local camera club, which was really just a prelude for us all going to the local pub for a chinwag. The very first night I went along to the camera club, I was invited to join them for a drink, and I definitely met interesting people in that bar! I made some brilliant friends there, I'm a 32 year old woman, yet one of my best camera club buddies is a 70 year old man, who I could turn to at any time. Thursday nights, we'd all set the world to rights. Nobody ever drank more than a couple of pints, but it was genuinely warm and sociable. That camera club was a truly enriching experience and I was in tears the last time I went there. (I'm welling up now just thinking about it!!) It's something I really miss here - the opportunity for relaxed socialising on a regular basis.
Jul 14th 2010, 10:37 am
#90
Just Joined
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 8
Re: Disillusioned
I've lived in the States for almost 20 years now, and could only survive here for a couple of reasons:
I live in Portland, which is the closest socially/politically to the UK than anywhere else I've heard of or experienced in the US.
I have friends through my very close religious community. I happen to be Jewish, and have found a community that helps each other through births, marriages, deaths, and everything in between. Many of us (American and otherwise) have moved here for the quality of life, and don't have family here. We are now each other's family. Our kids call each other aunty and uncle, we spend holidays together, we support each other, we don't let each other down. I think perhaps to make it work here, you have to find a similar community - whether it's through church, a choir, a stargazing group or whatever. Volunteering for an organization you love could maybe be a good start.
I know from this forum and others that the kind of friendship and support I've found is almost unknown in the US, whether or not you are American born and bred, live near your family or not, or whatever. Being part of a community that values morals and living right I think is huge.
I was recently talking to my dad (80, always lived in the UK, but well read and up-to-date in terms of what goes on in the world) and, in response to something I said about the States and the recent health care debacle, "But don't people care about the poor?" and I had to say "No." In the States, it's all about "the pursuit of happiness" and personal rights with no social obligation to others. The utter selfishness of the average American still absolutely shocks me. If it's what you subscribe to, fine, but, I think, it's alien to all but the most conservative Brit. I am an NPR listener and Obama supporter, but am currently taking a hiatus from the news because I find it so depressing. What happened to all the promises? As far as I can tell - the ever-present lobbies and political influence over-ride anything the common voter thought she was voting for.
As for quality of life, that's a whole different post, but in one sentence and covering just one issue - no-one I know in the States gets to enjoy the quality time with friends and family, whether at home, in the local, or on holiday, that my family and friends back in the UK do.
Sorry for the rant. I know the UK is not ideal by any stretch, but I can tell you that once our eldest is in college, I'm either heading back to Europe, or to volunteer in the developing world. Also, the reasons I've stayed in the US are for my kids and their education/continuity and to be close to my husband's older parents.
I live in Portland, which is the closest socially/politically to the UK than anywhere else I've heard of or experienced in the US.
I have friends through my very close religious community. I happen to be Jewish, and have found a community that helps each other through births, marriages, deaths, and everything in between. Many of us (American and otherwise) have moved here for the quality of life, and don't have family here. We are now each other's family. Our kids call each other aunty and uncle, we spend holidays together, we support each other, we don't let each other down. I think perhaps to make it work here, you have to find a similar community - whether it's through church, a choir, a stargazing group or whatever. Volunteering for an organization you love could maybe be a good start.
I know from this forum and others that the kind of friendship and support I've found is almost unknown in the US, whether or not you are American born and bred, live near your family or not, or whatever. Being part of a community that values morals and living right I think is huge.
I was recently talking to my dad (80, always lived in the UK, but well read and up-to-date in terms of what goes on in the world) and, in response to something I said about the States and the recent health care debacle, "But don't people care about the poor?" and I had to say "No." In the States, it's all about "the pursuit of happiness" and personal rights with no social obligation to others. The utter selfishness of the average American still absolutely shocks me. If it's what you subscribe to, fine, but, I think, it's alien to all but the most conservative Brit. I am an NPR listener and Obama supporter, but am currently taking a hiatus from the news because I find it so depressing. What happened to all the promises? As far as I can tell - the ever-present lobbies and political influence over-ride anything the common voter thought she was voting for.
As for quality of life, that's a whole different post, but in one sentence and covering just one issue - no-one I know in the States gets to enjoy the quality time with friends and family, whether at home, in the local, or on holiday, that my family and friends back in the UK do.
Sorry for the rant. I know the UK is not ideal by any stretch, but I can tell you that once our eldest is in college, I'm either heading back to Europe, or to volunteer in the developing world. Also, the reasons I've stayed in the US are for my kids and their education/continuity and to be close to my husband's older parents.