Disillusioned
Jul 8th 2010, 3:56 am
#16
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: My Old KY Home!
Posts: 6,498
Re: Disillusioned
Hiya RG, your rant could be me..and the funny thing is, I'm American-born. I have my best friend that I talk to all the time and the rest who called me a friend just fell off a cliff when I graduated school and got married 7 years ago. And my British hubby also feels very much like you do. Before taking the drastic move of going to the UK, we are planning to move out the Pacific Northwest. We are hoping to find more like-minded people, and a better climate (I can't stand the heat here in the mid-west/South).
Have you tried meet-up.com to find an interest group, or even joining in an ex-pat meet-up in your area? I know peeps organize piss-ups in many places in the Meet-ups forum.
Good luck hon.
Have you tried meet-up.com to find an interest group, or even joining in an ex-pat meet-up in your area? I know peeps organize piss-ups in many places in the Meet-ups forum.
Good luck hon.
Jul 8th 2010, 9:54 am
#17
Rock Goddess
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Connecticut USA
Posts: 1,429
Re: Disillusioned
Awww....bless you all for understanding. Moving is not really an option for me as I now own a house and the thought of moving again just fills me with horror. I moved 3 times in 2 years when I first got here and I just can't face it again. I love my house, and I actually do like Connecticut (apart from the issues I mentioned). In the current housing market, I dare not sell or buy right now. From experience, I do know that the NorthEast is the most competitive, fast paced environment in the US, and ordinarily I wouldn't have a problem with that. I guess I'm just feeling down the in the dumps. That's a great idea about finding and ex-pats group. It would be great to meet up with some fellow Brits over a pint or a cup of tea. That might be a really good thing for me. Thanks for that. 
Jul 8th 2010, 11:16 am
#18
BritChickUS
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 95
Re: Disillusioned
Rockgurl
All I can say is "I feel ya"!
All I can say is "I feel ya"!
Jul 8th 2010, 11:54 am
#19
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: North Charleston,SC. born in Stockport,UK.
Posts: 10,109
Re: Disillusioned
Hi RG, I think there are many more Brits (at least on here) that feel the way you do, rather than Brits that are totally happy here. Many of us have had 'friends' here that turn out to be fickle friends. I have a few friends here that I have known longer than 15 years, but they are spread all over the US, most of them we met at different military bases, so I don't 'see' them too often.
We just moved to SC and I am really hoping that I can make some new (real) friends here, our realtor told me of a Brit group that her Brit friend is in, I'm waitng to get more info and an 'invite'
If after a couple years here things are not working out, hubby says we will start looking at going back to the UK (if he can get a job transfer there) I want to give it a good go here though, because the thought of going home without my kids is not something I could do easily.
Good luck to us all eh'!!
We just moved to SC and I am really hoping that I can make some new (real) friends here, our realtor told me of a Brit group that her Brit friend is in, I'm waitng to get more info and an 'invite'
If after a couple years here things are not working out, hubby says we will start looking at going back to the UK (if he can get a job transfer there) I want to give it a good go here though, because the thought of going home without my kids is not something I could do easily.Good luck to us all eh'!!
Jul 8th 2010, 12:20 pm
#20
Concierge
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,383
Re: Disillusioned
Been a long time, Rock, since you have shown your lovely face on the board. I'm so sorry to learn of your dissatisfaction but as a Yank, I have to say that your analysis is correct. The NE seaboard, in and around NYC, is filled with people who are competitive, overzealous, care more for superficial relationships, since most of their relationships are based networking, as it is it not what you know but who you know.
I remember your circumstances and ask if you have tried like groups to find friends or have you developed any acquaintances with other bands in the area? Do you even still perform?
Sorry to hear though that you have been ill. That will take the starch out of you fast when faced with having to deal with sickness, particularly you are going it alone.
You have a like group of friends here missing and longing for home and the sameness that they have grown up with. Come by often to alleviate some of the depression being away from Blightly has caused.
Hugs
Rete
I remember your circumstances and ask if you have tried like groups to find friends or have you developed any acquaintances with other bands in the area? Do you even still perform?
Sorry to hear though that you have been ill. That will take the starch out of you fast when faced with having to deal with sickness, particularly you are going it alone.
You have a like group of friends here missing and longing for home and the sameness that they have grown up with. Come by often to alleviate some of the depression being away from Blightly has caused.
Hugs
Rete
Jul 8th 2010, 12:34 pm
#21
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2006
Location: In the middle of two worlds
Posts: 501
Jul 8th 2010, 1:38 pm
#22
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,966
Re: Disillusioned
Well I'm an Aussie and am constantly asked where in England I am from, so we're even!
I'm an RN too, and professionally I have had completely the opposite experience than many I read about. I think I'm very lucky. I work in a smallish city (Pittsburgh), in a small team and my boss and coworkers are my best mates. Of course there are cows everywhere, esp in nursing, but I honestly have never enjoyed working somewhere so much as I do there. I think if I worked regular "floor nursing" I might have the same problems as you though - I'm constantly astounded by the culture of "writing people up" for random innocent things and dobbing people in for honest, minor mistakes.
So if all else fails, come to Pgh
Cheap COL and house prices.. but lower wages too heh..
I'm an RN too, and professionally I have had completely the opposite experience than many I read about. I think I'm very lucky. I work in a smallish city (Pittsburgh), in a small team and my boss and coworkers are my best mates. Of course there are cows everywhere, esp in nursing, but I honestly have never enjoyed working somewhere so much as I do there. I think if I worked regular "floor nursing" I might have the same problems as you though - I'm constantly astounded by the culture of "writing people up" for random innocent things and dobbing people in for honest, minor mistakes.
So if all else fails, come to Pgh
Cheap COL and house prices.. but lower wages too heh..
Jul 8th 2010, 2:26 pm
#24
WTF?
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Homeostasis
Posts: 79,367
Re: Disillusioned
'Cause we all know that having a man takes away all the pain.
Jul 8th 2010, 2:47 pm
#26
I approved this message
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago
Posts: 2,425
Re: Disillusioned
Give me a break. I'm sorry the OP is having a tough time, but can you really generalize an area with ~30MM people in it?
Jul 8th 2010, 3:21 pm
#28
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,005
Re: Disillusioned
Hi folks, been a long time since I've been to these here parts! Some of the older farts might remember that I came here 7 years ago to work as a nurse. Well, I still am and I've been in Connecticut for 6 years now, after a year in Arizona. I know I'm one of the lucky ones as I have good job, earn more money than I've ever earned in my life, have a beautiful house that I could never afford the like of in England, and yet....I'm miserable.
Of late I have really been feeling the differences between the UK and the USA. This is not meant as a criticism of the American people, but really deep down, anyone who has been here for any length of time will tell you...its just different. Here in the NorthEast I find people so utterly fake. I have tried to make friends but I find that time after time I am let down so badly that I don't even want to try anymore. I've always been a very open and genuine person and it upsets me so much when I give of myself only to discover that people really never gave a shit about me to start with. I have tried to analyze what it is that lets this happen but when I compare to how things were back home it's so off the charts it doesn't compare. The only real friends I have are all in England. Those are the people whom I have known for many years and are like family to me. Every friend I ever made from the age of 15 I am still friends with, and yet I simply can't make friends here in the US. I find that Americans really don't get that involved, at least not to my experience.
I find that people completely misunderstand me. When I try to be funny they look blankly at me, when I try to be polite they think I'm rude etc etc. It's so frustrating! When I finally let my guard down and start to trust someone, guaranteed they &^%$ me right up the you know what! It's making me very sad.
At home, you can just sit down and have a cup of tea and a laugh with someone, but here I feel everything is so forced, and you have to watch what you say all the time because people take offense so easily. I never seem to fit in and I don't often understand the humour. I long to be able to relax and just have a good ol' natter like I did in England.
I get tired of the fakeness, the competitiveness, the endless comments about my accent and why do they always think I'm Australian??? I've been here 7 years and never met a single Australian. England is just across the ocean but it would never occur to anyone that I'm English!! If one more person says "oh gee, I just love your accent" I'm going to scream! I'm tired of the crap food, the horrible grocery stores, the crappy driving, the selfishness of everyone. My job is high stress and very competitive, and find that people rip you to shreds at the very first opportunity. I'm becoming a nervous wreck. For the first time in 7 years I really feel like going home. /rant.
Of late I have really been feeling the differences between the UK and the USA. This is not meant as a criticism of the American people, but really deep down, anyone who has been here for any length of time will tell you...its just different. Here in the NorthEast I find people so utterly fake. I have tried to make friends but I find that time after time I am let down so badly that I don't even want to try anymore. I've always been a very open and genuine person and it upsets me so much when I give of myself only to discover that people really never gave a shit about me to start with. I have tried to analyze what it is that lets this happen but when I compare to how things were back home it's so off the charts it doesn't compare. The only real friends I have are all in England. Those are the people whom I have known for many years and are like family to me. Every friend I ever made from the age of 15 I am still friends with, and yet I simply can't make friends here in the US. I find that Americans really don't get that involved, at least not to my experience.
I find that people completely misunderstand me. When I try to be funny they look blankly at me, when I try to be polite they think I'm rude etc etc. It's so frustrating! When I finally let my guard down and start to trust someone, guaranteed they &^%$ me right up the you know what! It's making me very sad.
At home, you can just sit down and have a cup of tea and a laugh with someone, but here I feel everything is so forced, and you have to watch what you say all the time because people take offense so easily. I never seem to fit in and I don't often understand the humour. I long to be able to relax and just have a good ol' natter like I did in England.
I get tired of the fakeness, the competitiveness, the endless comments about my accent and why do they always think I'm Australian??? I've been here 7 years and never met a single Australian. England is just across the ocean but it would never occur to anyone that I'm English!! If one more person says "oh gee, I just love your accent" I'm going to scream! I'm tired of the crap food, the horrible grocery stores, the crappy driving, the selfishness of everyone. My job is high stress and very competitive, and find that people rip you to shreds at the very first opportunity. I'm becoming a nervous wreck. For the first time in 7 years I really feel like going home. /rant.
Surely it's just coincidence but I swear this past weekend I was wondering what happened to you. I think there was a new member with a name similar to yours, and that triggered my memories of your earlier posts. I remember them clearly (despite being an "older fart").
I really feel for you, and can identify because that's exactly how I have felt for the past 3-4 years - about the States, having returned to the UK.
As someone said in an earlier post, when you are feeling stressed, ill, etc., it's not surprising that you want to return to the familiar, go where you feel wanted, and have old friends. It also makes it hard to even consider moving elsewhere (even in a better economic climate, never mind the sh*t situation we are in at the moment, job-wise, housing-wise, etc.). But I'd agree with other comments to at least consider another part of the States. I don't know the Northeast too well (spent 2 years in MA, but was too busy studying to notice whether people were fake, and besides, academia is just a different world anyway), but I spent three and a half years in middle Tennessee and made more friends during that short time than I did in the preceding 20 years.
Do you have a GC yet? Or USC? (OK, so I don't remember everything). I really do hear what you are saying but even if you are "sure" you want out, I'd recommend you try to get USC first if that's possible - give yourself choices. As one who didn't, I'm really regretting the fact I'll have to go through all the visa cr*p again (if I ever do get back there).
Hope this doesn't sound like it's all about me, and I hope you get out of your funk.
Jul 8th 2010, 3:41 pm
#29
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 974
Re: Disillusioned
Welcome back RG, I know exactly how you feel, I do not have a single USC friend. I believe that part of the DNA that gives one itchy feet and want to leave their home country is also responsible for the feeling that you SHOULD have friends, even if your not really the kind of person that people flock to (or vice-versa). My only close friends are a nigerian neighbor and and South African workmate. I just don't let it worry me anymore, I guess having a loving wife and young kids keeps me busy. Also I am not interested in any sports which is often common ground for acquaintances. Finally - Leslie - I believe RG is a Lesbian so at least she doesn't have man problems!
- Tim
Jul 8th 2010, 3:59 pm
#30
Concierge
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,383
Re: Disillusioned
That was the Chimp/Octang that didn't remember the RC is a lesbian. Les was just being sarcastic