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Disillusioned

Disillusioned

Old Jul 8th 2010, 12:49 am
  #1  
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Unhappy Disillusioned

Hi folks, been a long time since I've been to these here parts! Some of the older farts might remember that I came here 7 years ago to work as a nurse. Well, I still am and I've been in Connecticut for 6 years now, after a year in Arizona. I know I'm one of the lucky ones as I have good job, earn more money than I've ever earned in my life, have a beautiful house that I could never afford the like of in England, and yet....I'm miserable.

Of late I have really been feeling the differences between the UK and the USA. This is not meant as a criticism of the American people, but really deep down, anyone who has been here for any length of time will tell you...its just different. Here in the NorthEast I find people so utterly fake. I have tried to make friends but I find that time after time I am let down so badly that I don't even want to try anymore. I've always been a very open and genuine person and it upsets me so much when I give of myself only to discover that people really never gave a shit about me to start with. I have tried to analyze what it is that lets this happen but when I compare to how things were back home it's so off the charts it doesn't compare. The only real friends I have are all in England. Those are the people whom I have known for many years and are like family to me. Every friend I ever made from the age of 15 I am still friends with, and yet I simply can't make friends here in the US. I find that Americans really don't get that involved, at least not to my experience.

I find that people completely misunderstand me. When I try to be funny they look blankly at me, when I try to be polite they think I'm rude etc etc. It's so frustrating! When I finally let my guard down and start to trust someone, guaranteed they &^%$ me right up the you know what! It's making me very sad.

At home, you can just sit down and have a cup of tea and a laugh with someone, but here I feel everything is so forced, and you have to watch what you say all the time because people take offense so easily. I never seem to fit in and I don't often understand the humour. I long to be able to relax and just have a good ol' natter like I did in England.

I get tired of the fakeness, the competitiveness, the endless comments about my accent and why do they always think I'm Australian??? I've been here 7 years and never met a single Australian. England is just across the ocean but it would never occur to anyone that I'm English!! If one more person says "oh gee, I just love your accent" I'm going to scream! I'm tired of the crap food, the horrible grocery stores, the crappy driving, the selfishness of everyone. My job is high stress and very competitive, and find that people rip you to shreds at the very first opportunity. I'm becoming a nervous wreck. For the first time in 7 years I really feel like going home. /rant.
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 12:56 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Hi Rockgurl, I remember you from when I first joined the site. I'm sorry you're feeling disillusioned although I think your feelings are shared by many, especially women who miss the old cuppa and natter...
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 1:02 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Thanks Sally. I know things are bad when I get homesick standing next to the English food section in Stop & Shop, staring at the Aero bars! LOL
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 1:04 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Rockgurl View Post
Thanks Sally. I know things are bad when I get homesick standing next to the English food section in Stop & Shop, staring at the Aero bars! LOL
Little things can set you off for sure...mm Aero.
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 1:08 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Hello there...nice to see you back. I'm sorry you're so unsettled...I think it's something most of us go through from time to time.

Any chance you can make a trip back to Blighty to recharge your batteries?
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 1:18 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Hi Jerseygirl, nice to see you. Actually I was just there...well at Christmas time which wasn't all that long ago. It was the first time I'd spent Xmas and New Year in England for 6 years. It was lovely. To be honest, it's not quite so much homesickness as some traumatic things that have happened to me over the past 2 years here in the USA. Firstly i went through a very upsetting time with someone I was very close to who really hurt me, and secondly I've been sick for a while and my health has become a bit of a problem, which wears me down a lot. That and a milion other niggles has made me a bit unsettled really. I just feel perpetually under stress to perform and I just don't have much gas left in my tank.
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 1:26 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Rockgurl View Post
Hi Jerseygirl, nice to see you. Actually I was just there...well at Christmas time which wasn't all that long ago. It was the first time I'd spent Xmas and New Year in England for 6 years. It was lovely. To be honest, it's not quite so much homesickness as some traumatic things that have happened to me over the past 2 years here in the USA. Firstly i went through a very upsetting time with someone I was very close to who really hurt me, and secondly I've been sick for a while and my health has become a bit of a problem, which wears me down a lot. That and a milion other niggles has made me a bit unsettled really. I just feel perpetually under stress to perform and I just don't have much gas left in my tank.
Sorry to hear that...no wonder you're longing for Blighty. When things go pear shaped I thinks it's natural to want to be in a place you feel safe and secure in.
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 1:29 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Rockgurl View Post
I just feel perpetually under stress to perform and I just don't have much gas left in my tank.
You're not stuck in the northeast, are you? Why not shop around for a less stressful nursing position - if nursing is still what you want to do. Perhaps you'd like a slightly slower pace!

Ian
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 1:30 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by ian-mstm View Post
You're not stuck in the northeast, are you? Why not shop around for a less stressful nursing position - if nursing is still what you want to do. Perhaps you'd like a slightly slower pace!

Ian
Yes she could come to LA if she's sick of fake people.



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Old Jul 8th 2010, 1:47 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Sally Redux View Post
Yes she could come to LA if she's sick of fake people.



It's everywhere isn't it!
It is hard to find good friends, even I get those looks from friends I've had for nearly 15 years or so, yet they are still my friends and we still get together.
I miss the same things, and Aero's too.
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 1:47 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

wow that post could have been written by me!
I've been in the North East for nearly 7 years too and feel alot like you a lot of the time.

So I guess I don't have any advice, or I'd be taking it myself.
I'm off to England tomorrow for a visit and can't wait to get back to what you describe and just hanging out with people I've known since I was 15 and having a laugh without them looking at me like I'm an alien.

And yeah, it's definately worse when things go wrong and you don't have your best supporters over here with you.

Hope things start to get better for you xxxx
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 2:35 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Sally Redux View Post
Yes she could come to LA if she's sick of fake people.




Or you could re-word that: Rockgurl could come to LA because there are a lot of sick fake people there.

Might make her nursing career more interesting


Good to see you RG. A change of venue may be what you need to boost you back up. There's always Texas
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 2:44 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Sugarmooma View Post
Or you could re-word that: Rockgurl could come to LA because there are a lot of sick fake people there.

Might make her nursing career more interesting
Now that's true
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 2:49 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

I feel as you do (although, being from Australia, I usually get asked about my English accent. Sigh.). I've been here 16 and a half years (first in NJ, then here in Virginia for the past 4 years) and am heading back permanently to Aus in less than two months. There really are some truly good people here; you just have to look for them. But, at least for me, that feeling on 'not quite fitting in' has never gone away. I have to work much harder here to be happy, and at some point I began to wonder what it all was for.

Whatever decision you make, I hope things start to look up for you. You're not alone in how you're feeling right now.
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Old Jul 8th 2010, 3:47 am
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Default Re: Disillusioned

I remember you, Rockgurl. Come out to Denver. Pretty cosmopolitan. Small-town big-city feel.

People here are pretty grand.
I also found the scene you immerse yourself helps greatly, too.

Haven't you got a man?
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