Originally Posted by Rockgurl (Post 8685028)

the endless comments about my accent and why do they always think I'm Australian???

Originally Posted by Leslie66 (Post 8686545)

:blink:

'Cause we all know that having a man takes away all the pain.

Originally Posted by Rockgurl (Post 8687842)

Thanks all for your replies. Lovely to see some of the old timers here (meant very affectionately BTW! :D ).

Rete, one of the saving graces is my band, and yes we still perform. They are pretty much my closest friends and thank god for them. We do manage to have a lot of fun and have been quite successful, so it's one of the shining lights of being here. Thanks for remembering. You're right about the NE...it's become even more competitive I believe, and now the recession has started to bite healthcare, I'm really feeling it!

The illness thing has sucked the life out of me. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis, and have had 3 surgeries so far and am facing a 4th quite soon. Obviously there's no cure so it's something I've resigned myself to, but it's progressive and I do struggle sometimes. On the other hand I do go to the gym very regularly which I love, but have not made any friends there at all. It keeps me moving though.

coopa-troopa...you too eh? Do tell!

augigi....I hear you with the writing up thing. It seems like no one gives you a chance of the benefit of the doubt. It's so esy to lose your job here and you feel like to have to constantly perform and kiss ass to be one of the chosen few. I hate that.

Leslie....glad to see you haven't changed! *smooch* And no, I don't need a man! LMAO. I'm still with my partner...it will be 10 years in January.

dunroving...lovely to see you! So glad you made it back home....how brave of you! Is academia any different over there or is it similar? I'm contemplating going back to school for a higher degree but have no idea what to expect except for a big bill! And you're not an old fart in the true sense of the word...just in the fond sense! :lol: Yes I do have a GC and am probably going to do the citizenship thing very soon...this year even. After going through all of this I want to cement my options!

TimFountain...good point and glad you understand. I'm glad you have a couple of foreign friends...they must find it easy to identify with you. BTW...good memory! :p

Jerseygirl...when I get asked where I'm from I usually say Alabama. The look on their face is priceless. They actually believe me for a minute! :lol:

Redwing, it does make sense to move, but it's taken me so long to build what I have that in this recession I just can't face another move. Getting a job in healthcare is such an ordeal because they make you jump through a million hoops. You have to declare who your greatgrandmother was married to and what grades you got in primary school etc. :unsure: You know what I mean.

Thydney, lovely to see you! Sad to hear about the hospitals back home. It was only a matter of time though as they were unsustainable before. Glad you made it home safely. What made you come back?

Originally Posted by Rockgurl (Post 8687842)

Thydney, lovely to see you! Sad to hear about the hospitals back home. It was only a matter of time though as they were unsustainable before. Glad you made it home safely. What made you come back?

Originally Posted by Manc (Post 8688424)

I swear a course of red wine and nights out on the piss is in order.


preferably in the UK.

Originally Posted by usoruk (Post 8688493)

Hi, RG-I do not remember your earlier post, but I know how you feel right now. it is difficult to make long-lasting, deep friendships especially when you move to a new country as an adult.
Most good friendships, I think, are made earlier on from school/uni's. For me my best friends are still in the UK, the few US friends I have tend to be through the kids, otherwise not much esle in common. We perhaps chat once in a while and rarley see each other except on school functions! Nobody invites anybody over for a cup of water, let alone for a cuppa!!
We previously lived in NJ, currently in AZ (and are moving back to NJ-yay!! will talk re-this on another post) and my 5 very close friends there, were themselves from overseas!! They had the same mentality as me, we all loved inviting each other over for tea and snacks, the hospitality was just the same as I had experienced in the UK, chatting over garden fence, borrowing cups of sugar, kids play dates, and genuine kindness ie I was never left standing at the frontdoor in the stifling 100+ degree heat at a "friend's" home!! I have probably only been inside 2 friends homes here. I think that is the way some people interact here.
It does bother me that I invite everyone over all the time and make lavish meals at a drop of a hat , yet nobody would invite us over - esp. here in AZ. Also, I notice that I could easlily become like them and I don't want to be like that- I think the Americans like the English kindness and gestures so it is best to do what you can, stay true to your values and how you have been brought up-ie invite prospective "friends" over- prepare a typical English tea and have a chat-they may enjoy it and get on your wavelength eventually. Sometimes it is better to stick with other expats for long term companionships, deep chats etc-they know how you really feel about things incl. humour, the good 'ole day stuff back home, and stick to the American "friends" for general aquaintances, but do not expect much from them, unless you feel a proper friendship coming on.

Originally Posted by Thydney (Post 8688801)

My wife got ill and it bankrupted us basically:(

Originally Posted by dunroving (Post 8688454)

Academia is VERY different here, hence I have been trying to get a job back in the States for the past couple of years (2nd place has been the best result so far). If you need any advice on studying for a higher degree (UK? US?) feel free to pop me a PM.

Glad to hear you and your partner are still together - was reading between the lines of your earlier posts and wondering, but didn't like to jump in and ask.

Gyms are the WORST places to meet people so I'm not surprised you haven't made any friends there (but keep going, it's good for your health!). If you like physical activity and want to meet people, have you thought about using MeetUp.com (or local ads) to look for a local yoga, walking, or cycling group? From my experience, those types of activities attract a more social crowd than the gym (sorry to any BE gym-members, I know there are normal people who visit the gym but really, you do get an odd bunch at a lot of these places).

Originally Posted by koetsier (Post 8688602)

Hi there

i am sorry you feel like that, however i am not sure you can put it down to the americans, i am a south african living in the UK, i have been here 7 years and at the end of the month am moving to the USA. I have felt exactly like you feel in the US, my experiences have been the same here, its just culture differences, i miss my friends back home in SA at the end of the day, the UK is your home no matter where you live it will never be home, as globe trotters these feelings are inevitable and after 7 years here i still feel the same as you. The only remedy is to return home back to where you fit in. I am also sick of everyone here in the UK asking me if i am australian! If another person says to me i love you accent i am at breaking point, for goodness sakes its only an accent, so i understand.........

sorry for your experience but the food, culture etc will never ever be home!

Originally Posted by Rockgurl (Post 8688993)

You're right about that. So much is cultural, although my experience is that South Africans integrate very well into the UK. I had a couple of South African friends back home and they had a great sense of humour, were very sociable and genuine etc. Still....home is home, right? :)

Originally Posted by Rockgurl (Post 8688990)

Americans do take their studying seriously, I'll say that for them! I find academic opportunities are more open too, well as long as you have the money!'m planning on doing my MSN (Masters in Nursing) and progress to being a Nurse Practitioner. I am currently studying for the my CCRN exam (Critical Care). Not sure whether to do the bricks and mortar school or do an online degree to fit in with my work schedule. Been looking at Thomas Edison college...looks really nice.

Cycling club would suit me....I did two cycle tours in the past couple of years. I was thinking about that last year actually but I'd need to invest in a road bike as I have a mountain bike right now. Good idea! You're right about gyms....everyone (including me) wears an iPod!


Good luck with your job quest! Where are you thinking of heading?

Originally Posted by Rockgurl (Post 8687842)

Leslie....glad to see you haven't changed! *smooch* And no, I don't need a man! LMAO. I'm still with my partner...it will be 10 years in January.

Originally Posted by Leslie66 (Post 8689660)

I agree about people in general ... they're mostly bastards. It's hard to find people you can trust and connect with. I'm not an expat but I'm not so sure that it's entirely an expat condition.

Originally Posted by Retseh (Post 8689927)

I'm afraid you're now in a situation that will never offer you a satisfactory outcome, no matter what you think.

Having lived here a while, and obviously been a member of the rat race like so many more of us, you have grown a little tired of American life, and you naturally think of happier times back home, tending to forget why moving here was so attractive in the first place.

Here's my prediction - if you went back to the UK, as soon as you arranged your 200 grand mortgage and moved into your semi-detached shoe box, purchased your 15 grand Barbie car with its 0.9 litre engine, struggled through the traffic to Tesco only to listen to narrow minded people and their foul mouthed offspring telling each other and everyone around them to "F off !!" you would immediately start to feel the pull in the opposite direction.

Keep working, put up with the crap, and focus on making (and saving) lots of money and taking early retirement. You are in the better place, but ultimately if you can't convince yourself of that fact, you'll have to find out the hard way.

Originally Posted by Rockgurl (Post 8687842)

coopa-troopa...you too eh? Do tell!

you feel like to have to constantly perform and kiss ass to be one of the chosen few.

Originally Posted by Dan725 (Post 8689914)

Very good post Rockgurl - I often wonder though, regarding the friend thing, if we are all comparing apples to oranges. Don't know about your upbringing, but I was brought up in England in a small rural community until I was 18 and of course there will never be any friends anywhere to replace those. From 18, the next 12 years were spent in the army - again, a 'place' where you make some very close friendships almost right up there with my childhood friends.

Now I live in the suburban US, I don't have that...but don't really expect to - I reckon its probably the same as in the suburban UK if you move away from your traditional home for work, as so many people do. I think a key difference is the fact that in the UK you can almost always easily "pop home" for the weekend from almost wherever you are; when you are here, you obviously can't, so the cut off effect gets to be cumulative. I am sure people from the US who grew up, say, in a small town in Georgia or somewhere similar probably have the same issues when they move off to the big smoke for a job.

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing (Post 8689910)

I would tend to agree with that, though I'm no people person as it is!

I have few 'real' friends here, but I think had I moved to another part of the UK, rather than the US, I would probably still be in the same boat. Just about all my UK friends are friends I made in school when I was 15 or younger. I just don't connect with new people as easily now, haven't done since I left Uni. It's a personal thing I think, rather than geographical.

I know I posted something similar in another thread. How one dimensional am i??

Originally Posted by Sally Redux (Post 8690027)

Hmm, maybe, but I lived in the London from age 22-32 and met loads of great people there. Possibly age does have something to do with it, but even basic courtesy like keeping to simple arrangements seems to be lacking among the Americans I've met here.

Originally Posted by Dan725 (Post 8690389)

Very much agree with that - and the very bottom of the barrel to my mind is parents of little kids, who are often prone to cancel "playdates" (gawd I hate that word) and such like at the last minute.

Originally Posted by Retseh (Post 8689927)

Here's my prediction - if you went back to the UK, as soon as you arranged your 200 grand mortgage and moved into your semi-detached shoe box, purchased your 15 grand Barbie car with its 0.9 litre engine, struggled through the traffic to Tesco only to listen to narrow minded people and their foul mouthed offspring telling each other and everyone around them to "F off !!" you would immediately start to feel the pull in the opposite direction.

Originally Posted by Leslie66 (Post 8690037)

I've always heard that as you get older it's harder to make friends.

Originally Posted by Sally Redux (Post 8685044)

Hi Rockgurl, I remember you from when I first joined the site. I'm sorry you're feeling disillusioned although I think your feelings are shared by many, especially women who miss the old cuppa and natter...

Originally Posted by Rete (Post 8691701)

The older I've become the easier it is for me to make friends. At the moment I have more friends than I had when I was in my thirties. I find that the competitiveness, and lack of confidence to hold my own, that was present for a single person in their thirties and the lifestyle I lived back then, free and easy, jumping from relationship to relationship, didn't make for friendship. Once I hit the big 50 and advanced onward, I find that I have allowed myself to welcome others into my life. I have friends now who I value and respect and not all of them share the same outlook on subjects that are confrontal to some. It doesn't matter that we hold different opinions. Just that we are comfortable in discussing them. We get together for coffee, vacation together, go to movies, dinner in groups, whatever. If they have a problem, it becomes my problem and the reverse if I have one.

Originally Posted by Englishtart (Post 8691552)

Then on the other hand, hardly anyone answers RSVP's for kids birthday parties, but will just show up! That has happened to us so many times when the kids were growing up, pisses me off, especially when it is a pre-booked thing!

One thing that came to mind last night, about it being harder to make friends here, in the UK we tend to go to the local pub on a regular basis, or walk the kids to school etc...much easier to get chatting to people in those situations, there isn't really any similar situations/places I can think of here that that can happen...maybe hobby groups?

Originally Posted by Leslie66 (Post 8690037)

I've always heard that as you get older it's harder to make friends. I don't know if it actually is any "harder" for me but rather just that I don't suffer fools lightly anymore.

Originally Posted by Rockgurl (Post 8685028)

If one more person says "oh gee, I just love your accent" I'm going to scream! /rant.

Originally Posted by Rockgurl (Post 8692224)

LOL ironporer! You might be right! To be honest, most people genuinely think it's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to them so I'm never rude. It's almost childlike they way they ask, like they've never heard a foreigner before.

I must say it's absolutely lovely to be back here and see all you familiar faces. In fact it's just what I need right now! Thank you all so much for coming on here and commenting. it's almost as good as being back home with old friends! You've all really lifted my spirits. I was in a bit of a funk the other day but things are looking up. I think it's time I got online and ordered a stash of English goodies to cheer me up further! :D

I think to some extent Leslie and Rete are correct...you make a better quality of friend at this age, but that's half the problem. I'm more developed and rounded now, and more genuine I feel, and so expect the same of other people, and when they turn out not to be genuine it's very upsetting...deeply so. Some of it is also cultural too. Not being able to connect with people who have grown up with different experiences and values. It's complex being a human, isn't it? :blink:

Originally Posted by Sugarmooma (Post 8692237)

Glad to hear you sound more like your old self:thumbup:


BTW...do you still have a motorcycle?