DAVIE_MAC

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon do I go home?

RodRos&Co.

good 1 Davie, how are things ? are you still going to PEI?

WHY AM I MARRIED?

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

__________

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
__________

A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
__________

A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________

Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.'
__________

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________

'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom to understand a man, to Love and to forgive him,
and for Patience for his moods.
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'
__________

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and
only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him,
'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick,
we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'

bigwheels241

Must share this email with you:

RodRos&Co.

I hope they checked he had a UK HGV licence

lilacheart

This is amazing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZNWEXEka60

DAVIE_MAC

SWEET BABY JESUS AND THE ORPHANS....

Gremmie

made me feel ill

RodRos&Co.

I know what you mean, my OH asked me to stop because it made him feel ill too

DAVIE_MAC

You should not have been trying to bloody bend him into all those positions then should you poor bloke....bet he needs a chiropractor now.

DAVIE_MAC

This is why in the UK unleaded is £1.05 a litre.

loafy

Hey wow bend it like beckham. NOT ER.

They got to much money by far them Arabs.

LOAFY...

DAVIE_MAC

New Books for the modern era.

RodRos&Co.

no I can work wonders.

but really I meant swich it off he didn't want to see any more, there again he may have been a bit scared I would want to try those unusual positions

loafy

I laughed, i know i shouldn't but i did. Very good, Gold star for you mate.
LOAFY...

loafy

MMMmmmm. Made me laugh anyway.

LOAFY...