Mine is "I've got to see a man about a dog" and only my wife has any idea what I am talking about

edit: Which is odd, because I have read that it is supposed to be an Americanism too.

I'll make my son laugh from time to time by saying "I'm away to count my knobs", which was a favourite expression of a friend of mine back in Blighty.

But, but, but.....people don't stand in/on line in the East Coast, they horde, and rabble browse their way to the front

The epitome of proper (American) word usage and sentence structure used to be the newspaper - now I read (and hear on the local TV news) that windows were "busted" - irritates the crap out of me!

Mine has been saying that too. Midwest?

Again can confirm. In Illinois here, my American stepson says it like that, no matter how many times I correct him, or kick his arse . . .

Americans don't seem to use the subjunctive much. They tend to use two conditionals.

"If the first baseman would have caught the ball, the batter would have been out." Instead of "If the first baseman had caught the ball, the batter would have been out."

I haven't tried the arse-kicking method.

I just explain that language often changes, it isn't a static thing, but that there is always current accepted correct usage, and then there is colloquial usage, and then there is just plain wrong, and he has to know which is which.

Arse kicking doesn't work when they're almost as tall as you are

But I do try to do the same as you, in teaching him the differences between a regional variation, and correct English.

Interestingly, speaking of regional varations, my wife thinks it was funny that when she asked for a 'pop' in LA nobody knew what she meant, but I knew exactly what a 'pop' was.

Then my mum and sister call everything 'juice', which confuses the shit out of SWMBO when they're over for a visit

Given the various meanings of "juice" and "being juiced" that should make for an interesting time.

Not as interesting as you might think

No we're in PA.

Another one I've noticed is the pronunciation of wolf, loads of people here say woof

Yes I think it's woof here as well.

That reminds me of a posh boy at school who said 'dorf' for 'dwarf'