another moral question
Jan 29th 2009 | 12:30 am
#63
Truth is the safest lie.
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 7,307
From: @ the beach.
Re: another moral question
IMO he should be conducting his private affairs more discretely, if one of the partys is no longer satisfied with one aspect of a marraige then something should be done. Sometimes it's a maid, sometimes it's a mistress.
Of course when people are young they have romantic notions of never ending love and sexual adventure, but these desires may not always be cessated in the ordinary course of a relationship. I'm a firm believer that happy relationships often require some delicate negotiation to keep both partners satisfied.
Assuming that Mrs. Anon is satisfied with Mr. Anons performance in this regard or is able to find an alternative why not him continue as long as he conducts himself discretly as not to embarras Mrs. Anon? They present a united and satisfied front while in public or at social events as a happily married couple, which they both are, and how they conduct their private affairs is really up to them
.
I suspect that, except for divorce, all other possible arrangements are going to end in a foreseeably bitter parting because the underlying problem will not have been solved...if you see what I mean.
Of course when people are young they have romantic notions of never ending love and sexual adventure, but these desires may not always be cessated in the ordinary course of a relationship. I'm a firm believer that happy relationships often require some delicate negotiation to keep both partners satisfied.
Assuming that Mrs. Anon is satisfied with Mr. Anons performance in this regard or is able to find an alternative why not him continue as long as he conducts himself discretly as not to embarras Mrs. Anon? They present a united and satisfied front while in public or at social events as a happily married couple, which they both are, and how they conduct their private affairs is really up to them
.I suspect that, except for divorce, all other possible arrangements are going to end in a foreseeably bitter parting because the underlying problem will not have been solved...if you see what I mean
.
Jan 29th 2009 | 1:02 am
#64
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 872
Re: another moral question
irrespective of the different opinions and background, the best thing you can do for her is to help her find some professional help (counselling, etc.) someone who (and no offence intended) has a great deal more experience of talking to people in this situation and providing an objective point of view.
then, from there, who knows what might happen next...
then, from there, who knows what might happen next...
Jan 29th 2009 | 1:11 am
#65
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 528
From: Abu Dhabi since 1999.
Re: another moral question
Hawkhead?
Well this is a tricky one. As has been said she has to make up her own mind. Yes, he has been disloyal etc etc and that is going to hit her hard, no doubt. However, I don't think she should rush into anything. Give it some time. See if he can make amends, see if it all cools down a bit, see if she can learn to trust him again.
Yes he has done wrong, no doubt, but they are in early days of marriage, they need to at least try to put things right.
Good luck to your friend. She must be feeling very sh*tty right now.
Jan 29th 2009 | 1:29 am
#66
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 68,280
Re: another moral question
She should be grateful he was seeing another women ...
He is obviously a closet poofter ...and still chatting women
to show the world he ain't gay
He is obviously a closet poofter ...and still chatting women
to show the world he ain't gay
Jan 29th 2009 | 1:50 am
#67
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 319
From: Moved to Mirdif
Re: another moral question
Everybody deserves at least one chance to make amends in circumstances like these. On the other hand, if she simply no longer loves the guy because of his infidelity then it probably wasn't true love in the first place and a clean break may be prudent for both concerned.
Jan 29th 2009 | 2:48 am
#68
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 23,434
Re: another moral question
I usually don't ignore attraction...But that always gets me into trouble with all my women...
Jan 29th 2009 | 6:24 am
#69
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 7,646
Re: another moral question
I have just read this thread and am totally gobsmacked.....
I thought Annacarna was totally married and luvved up-it can happen
I thought Hawkhead was a lady.............I think Handsome is a lady too fwiw.
I thought Annacarna was totally married and luvved up-it can happen
I thought Hawkhead was a lady.............I think Handsome is a lady too fwiw.
Jan 29th 2009 | 5:07 pm
#72
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 18,187
Re: another moral question
OK here is the story, and by the way it is no one on this forum and it aint me cos i is a single gal!
A very good friend of mine got married last May to a much older guy, 21 years older.
They have loads in common. She thought everything hunky dory!
She thought they had the same morals,ethics, values etc......
SHe has discovered, wont go into the details of how, but he has been having some kind or friendship/relationship with another woman.
He has been meeting with her for 3 months, in secret!
When she found out she confronted her hubbie, he adamantly denied it, but in the end he admitted to it. My friend hates liars and her hubby knows this is her pet hate, along with disloyalty.
He says he hasn't been intimate with her.
My friend has spoken to the other woman, and she is horrified to learn he is married. She had no idea and the hubby admitted he didn't tell this woman he was married. um suspect, non.
Now, my friend wants a divorce, says she can not forgive him.
She says that even by meeting with this woman for 3 months in secret, even if there has been no intimacy is disloyal and she would never trust him again.
She has asked hubbie why? He says he doesn't know, said it was crazy behaviour on his part.
I tend to agree, but am not giving my opinion even tho she is wanting my agreement with her.
Is she being over sensitive, too emotional at this time, what do you girls
and boys think
Why is life so @ucking complicated.
A very good friend of mine got married last May to a much older guy, 21 years older.
They have loads in common. She thought everything hunky dory!
She thought they had the same morals,ethics, values etc......
SHe has discovered, wont go into the details of how, but he has been having some kind or friendship/relationship with another woman.
He has been meeting with her for 3 months, in secret!
When she found out she confronted her hubbie, he adamantly denied it, but in the end he admitted to it. My friend hates liars and her hubby knows this is her pet hate, along with disloyalty.
He says he hasn't been intimate with her.
My friend has spoken to the other woman, and she is horrified to learn he is married. She had no idea and the hubby admitted he didn't tell this woman he was married. um suspect, non.
Now, my friend wants a divorce, says she can not forgive him.
She says that even by meeting with this woman for 3 months in secret, even if there has been no intimacy is disloyal and she would never trust him again.
She has asked hubbie why? He says he doesn't know, said it was crazy behaviour on his part.
I tend to agree, but am not giving my opinion even tho she is wanting my agreement with her.
Is she being over sensitive, too emotional at this time, what do you girls
and boys think
Why is life so @ucking complicated.
i think she should bin him...
MM, xx
Jan 29th 2009 | 7:58 pm
#73
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 606
From: Living in a mirage
Re: another moral question
OK here is the story, and by the way it is no one on this forum and it aint me cos i is a single gal!
A very good friend of mine got married last May to a much older guy, 21 years older.
They have loads in common. She thought everything hunky dory!
She thought they had the same morals,ethics, values etc......
SHe has discovered, wont go into the details of how, but he has been having some kind or friendship/relationship with another woman.
He has been meeting with her for 3 months, in secret!
When she found out she confronted her hubbie, he adamantly denied it, but in the end he admitted to it. My friend hates liars and her hubby knows this is her pet hate, along with disloyalty.
He says he hasn't been intimate with her.
My friend has spoken to the other woman, and she is horrified to learn he is married. She had no idea and the hubby admitted he didn't tell this woman he was married. um suspect, non.
Now, my friend wants a divorce, says she can not forgive him.
She says that even by meeting with this woman for 3 months in secret, even if there has been no intimacy is disloyal and she would never trust him again.
She has asked hubbie why? He says he doesn't know, said it was crazy behaviour on his part.
I tend to agree, but am not giving my opinion even tho she is wanting my agreement with her.
Is she being over sensitive, too emotional at this time, what do you girls
and boys think
Why is life so @ucking complicated.
A very good friend of mine got married last May to a much older guy, 21 years older.
They have loads in common. She thought everything hunky dory!
She thought they had the same morals,ethics, values etc......
SHe has discovered, wont go into the details of how, but he has been having some kind or friendship/relationship with another woman.
He has been meeting with her for 3 months, in secret!
When she found out she confronted her hubbie, he adamantly denied it, but in the end he admitted to it. My friend hates liars and her hubby knows this is her pet hate, along with disloyalty.
He says he hasn't been intimate with her.
My friend has spoken to the other woman, and she is horrified to learn he is married. She had no idea and the hubby admitted he didn't tell this woman he was married. um suspect, non.
Now, my friend wants a divorce, says she can not forgive him.
She says that even by meeting with this woman for 3 months in secret, even if there has been no intimacy is disloyal and she would never trust him again.
She has asked hubbie why? He says he doesn't know, said it was crazy behaviour on his part.
I tend to agree, but am not giving my opinion even tho she is wanting my agreement with her.
Is she being over sensitive, too emotional at this time, what do you girls
and boys think
Why is life so @ucking complicated.
I know this might seem a bit harsh, but I think that sometimes when couples live together before they get married, if the relationship starts to flag instead of seriously thinking about and then perhaps separating they get married in the hope it will 'revive' things. Could that be something that happened here?
Trust is easy to destroy and very, very hard to rebuild - it can take ages and sometimes never is rebuilt. It's a very personal thing - does she even want to try? Trial separation, IMHO never work..... we are human and we start to adapt (even if we don't realilse) as soon as the other person walks out the door.
Loving someone - doesn't mean that you have to 'need' them or build your life around them to the point that you can't be independent - a relationship should surely be about mutual respect, trust and partnership? Ah, there's the trust word again....... dilemma for sure.
Jan 29th 2009 | 11:58 pm
#74
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 528
From: Abu Dhabi since 1999.
Re: another moral question
I thought Hawkhead was a lady
Jan 30th 2009 | 12:09 am
#75
Truth is the safest lie.
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 7,307
From: @ the beach.
Re: another moral question
O/T - Squirty I see you've resolved your dancing shoes for salsa, I hope those points are steralised 
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