another moral question

Old Jan 29th 2009, 9:54 am
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Default another moral question

OK here is the story, and by the way it is no one on this forum and it aint me cos i is a single gal!

A very good friend of mine got married last May to a much older guy, 21 years older.

They have loads in common. She thought everything hunky dory!

She thought they had the same morals,ethics, values etc......

SHe has discovered, wont go into the details of how, but he has been having some kind or friendship/relationship with another woman.

He has been meeting with her for 3 months, in secret!

When she found out she confronted her hubbie, he adamantly denied it, but in the end he admitted to it. My friend hates liars and her hubby knows this is her pet hate, along with disloyalty.

He says he hasn't been intimate with her.

My friend has spoken to the other woman, and she is horrified to learn he is married. She had no idea and the hubby admitted he didn't tell this woman he was married. um suspect, non.

Now, my friend wants a divorce, says she can not forgive him.

She says that even by meeting with this woman for 3 months in secret, even if there has been no intimacy is disloyal and she would never trust him again.

She has asked hubbie why? He says he doesn't know, said it was crazy behaviour on his part.

I tend to agree, but am not giving my opinion even tho she is wanting my agreement with her.

Is she being over sensitive, too emotional at this time, what do you girls
and boys think

Why is life so @ucking complicated.
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 9:57 am
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Default Re: another moral question

When you can't trust your partner to tell you the truth, even if it's unsavoury, the relationship is dead.
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 9:58 am
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Default Re: another moral question

Everybody deserves at least one chance to make amends in circumstances like these. On the other hand, if she simply no longer loves the guy because of his infidelity then it probably wasn't true love in the first place and a clean break may be prudent for both concerned.
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 9:59 am
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Default Re: another moral question

Originally Posted by annacarna View Post
OK here is the story, and by the way it is no one on this forum and it aint me cos i is a single gal!

A very good friend of mine got married last May to a much older guy, 21 years older.

They have loads in common. She thought everything hunky dory!

She thought they had the same morals,ethics, values etc......

SHe has discovered, wont go into the details of how, but he has been having some kind or friendship/relationship with another woman.

He has been meeting with her for 3 months, in secret!

When she found out she confronted her hubbie, he adamantly denied it, but in the end he admitted to it. My friend hates liars and her hubby knows this is her pet hate, along with disloyalty.

He says he hasn't been intimate with her.

My friend has spoken to the other woman, and she is horrified to learn he is married. She had no idea and the hubby admitted he didn't tell this woman he was married. um suspect, non.

Now, my friend wants a divorce, says she can not forgive him.

She says that even by meeting with this woman for 3 months in secret, even if there has been no intimacy is disloyal and she would never trust him again.

She has asked hubbie why? He says he doesn't know, said it was crazy behaviour on his part.

I tend to agree, but am not giving my opinion even tho she is wanting my agreement with her.

Is she being over sensitive, too emotional at this time, what do you girls
and boys think

Why is life so @ucking complicated.
what was going on though when you say 'relationship'?
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 9:59 am
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Default Re: another moral question

Originally Posted by Hello.Kitty View Post
When you can't trust your partner to tell you the truth, even if it's unsavoury, the relationship is dead.
Sometimes we simply don't want to hear the truth. We are adults not children, surely?
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 10:00 am
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Default Re: another moral question

Originally Posted by lionheart View Post
Everybody deserves at least one chance to make amends in circumstances like these. On the other hand, if she simply no longer loves the guy because of his infidelity then it probably wasn't true love in the first place and a clean break may be prudent for both concerned.
I hate to say this, but I agree with LH.

She needs to get to the root of whats been going on, find out what it was and if they can and want to salvage their relationship, maybe he just liked her company?

Doesn't mean she should just divorce him, she needs to find out.
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 10:02 am
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Default Re: another moral question

Originally Posted by lionheart View Post
Everybody deserves at least one chance to make amends in circumstances like these. On the other hand, if she simply no longer loves the guy because of his infidelity then it probably wasn't true love in the first place and a clean break may be prudent for both concerned.
No she loves/adores him, she just cant get her head around the lies and disloylty and says she cant trust him and that if the marriage went on it would be a disaster for him and her, as she would always be second guessing him.

As a male LH why would a guy do this, knowing the character of his wife, what was he doing?
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 10:04 am
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Default Re: another moral question

Originally Posted by Spugsy View Post
I hate to say this, but I agree with LH.

She needs to get to the root of whats been going on, find out what it was and if they can and want to salvage their relationship, maybe he just liked her company?

Doesn't mean she should just divorce him, she needs to find out.
She has tried Spugsy, he has no answer.

How would you react if the lovely Mrs Spugsy did that, or you pet, how would you feel/react if mrs S was secretly meeting with a a guy, who thought she was a single gal

I am shite at relationships and i am a wild Irish woman, i would go and get legless and then kill him, lol
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 10:09 am
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hmmmm...nice
 
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Default Re: another moral question

there is no answer...if she cannot get over it and move on then that's the end...we can all say it's not a big deal but if it is for her then she must do what she thinks is best...even if it might not be...
the idea that one person is your everything is a bit weird in my opinion...it's a lot to live upto...
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 10:13 am
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Default Re: another moral question

I'm with your firend on this, tbh. Her hubby decided his wife of 6 months wasn't quite good enough after all and then proceeded to lie to her AND his "lady friend". Actual infidelity or not, it doesn't matter.

He lied, backtracked, admitted, then tried to mitigate with the age old "I don't know why I did it"... I'm not surprised she feels she can't trust him. If this was a business situation and your partner tried to cover up something serious s/he'd done in the same way, wouldn't you have your doubts about the viability of the partnership/company?
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 10:15 am
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Default Re: another moral question

Originally Posted by MataHari View Post
there is no answer...if she cannot get over it and move on then that's the end...we can all say it's not a big deal but if it is for her then she must do what she thinks is best...even if it might not be...
the idea that one person is your everything is a bit weird in my opinion...it's a lot to live upto...
difficult one, yep if thats her call, right or wrong, its her call. I am just knackered today, she is asking me and i am so not the person on relationship advice
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 10:18 am
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hmmmm...nice
 
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Default Re: another moral question

Originally Posted by annacarna View Post
difficult one, yep if thats her call, right or wrong, its her call. I am just knackered today, she is asking me and i am so not the person on relationship advice
I think no one can really...it's a very personal thing and mostely when people ask for advice they really only want to hear their own opinion validated...
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 10:20 am
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Default Re: another moral question

Originally Posted by Hello.Kitty View Post
I'm with your firend on this, tbh. Her hubby decided his wife of 6 months wasn't quite good enough after all and then proceeded to lie to her AND his "lady friend". Actual infidelity or not, it doesn't matter.

He lied, backtracked, admitted, then tried to mitigate with the age old "I don't know why I did it"... I'm not surprised she feels she can't trust him. If this was a business situation and your partner tried to cover up something serious s/he'd done in the same way, wouldn't you have your doubts about the viability of the partnership/company?
TBH thats my opinion, i hate liars with a passion. How could you trust someone that kept all of that secret, she found out, he didn't tell her, if she had not of found out it prob would have led to summat

I see only 2 guys have responded, come on guys, whats the male stance on it
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 10:21 am
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hmmmm...nice
 
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Default Re: another moral question

Originally Posted by annacarna View Post
TBH thats my opinion, i hate liars with a passion. How could you trust someone that kept all of that secret, she found out, he didn't tell her, if she had not of found out it prob would have led to summat

I see only 2 guys have responded, come on guys, whats the male stance on it
he didn't tell cause he knew she wouldn't approve...catch 22
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Old Jan 29th 2009, 10:26 am
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Default Re: another moral question

She should kick him to the kerb and move on.

He is is doing this after just six months and that speaks volumes.
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