Originally Posted by Mrs Sully

Hello everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been on for a little while but I hit one (at lest 10) of those lows. Then I logged on and read this from TT and it lifted my spirits so much. I am struggling with the push/pull of children and grandchildren. To those Australians who have no idea of the dilemma they would say I have the perfect life. But my heart is breaking. I fall into a despair when I think each trip home will be the last one. We are going back in late August for eight weeks and I hope I will find some answers. TT you are so right about the children. They have their own lives. My daughter and family live across the road and I rarely see her because she is so busy with her own life. I pick up my little grandaughter from school now and then and that is nice. My son lives 10 mins away with his family and it is the same. The little ones are lovely but I know they will soon be older and then they will be absorbed in their own things. I have given Australia 34 years, my youth, my children and grandchildren - prospered and populated as 'they' say. I want to go home now but some days my dream seems to slip further away. My husband says we will be much worse off in the UK and I will miss the family in Australia too much. At the moment I feel held to ransom by life here. I hardly go out now except to the gym to keep healthy. Our friends are all at an age where they are making their retirement plans to the coast or Queensland. I feel outside of it all and very lonely. Our dear friend here who is from Kent originally would love to be back but she feels it is too late and her husband would not return. Our remaining family in the UK have made their own lives and I realize that I can't just step in where we left off. However, the reason I want to go back is just for me and maybe that is why I have the struggle because it seems so selfish. I just want to be in a little place where the sounds and smells are familiar and where I can just be me. Sorry to sound so down because I know it doesn't do any good. I just wanted to let you all know that every single one of you matter in this forum, I hope you take note Barb, you are very special. Where is Quoll? she always has something lovely to say. Anna you are nothing short of inspirational. I hadn't realized ED was going through a hard time, it just isn't fair because she has worked so hard. So if you log on Peigi, I'm thinking of you. I will try to cheer up and think about going home in August - can't wait. Maybe I could just lose my return ticket I've missed you all. That is my lesson - must log on and be with like minded friends

Originally Posted by pcmaccallum

Thats what this thread is for, you can say exactly how you feel to people who feel the same way.
I hope it all works out for you and you make your dreams come true.


Ed/Peigi has been in touch, she knows you are all thinking about her and sending all your best wishes. I'm sure she will be back on very soon with some good news. She is still helping others while sorting out her own life. Thats what you call a true friend.


We fly back to the UK for good on Wednesday that BA strike doesn't change Gatwick flights. I wont be on line very much after Wednesday so i want to send everyone my best wishes that all your plans and dreams start to become reality and you end up where you want to be.
Thank you to everyone for all your help and kind words. You have all been a great help.

Take care Chris

Originally Posted by pcmaccallum

Thats what this thread is for, you can say exactly how you feel to people who feel the same way.
I hope it all works out for you and you make your dreams come true.


Ed/Peigi has been in touch, she knows you are all thinking about her and sending all your best wishes. I'm sure she will be back on very soon with some good news. She is still helping others while sorting out her own life. Thats what you call a true friend.


We fly back to the UK for good on Wednesday that BA strike doesn't change Gatwick flights. I wont be on line very much after Wednesday so i want to send everyone my best wishes that all your plans and dreams start to become reality and you end up where you want to be.
Thank you to everyone for all your help and kind words. You have all been a great help.

Take care Chris

Originally Posted by quoll

I'm here Mrs S!

I do sort of know how you feel - I too am expecting a second grandchild in November and my D-i-L cannot understand that I would ever want to leave my granddaughter and the new bub but we live 4 hours away from them and even though they may come and squat in our granny flat when the bub is due they will be off doing what they want to do when they want to do it without a second thought for us and what is happening with our lives. Also, my UK son just got engaged to his long term gf and with a wedding in Sep '11 I expect UK grandkids sooner rather than later. I have come to the conclusion that you cannot live your lives for your kids and if you have done the right thing by them and raised them as happy, independent, functioning members of society then you would neither want to stifle them nor expect them to be tied to your apron strings.

Basically, it sux either way you look at it but if you arent a happy old camper then chances are it is going to shorten your life anyway - depression is so wearing! The best outcome would be to be able to afford a 6month here 6 month there life like my parents had for 15 years. In theory we could afford to do that but DH just wont countenance it.

We really do need to do coffee and in the meantime I can be green with envy at your August trip - my November trip seems to have been put on hold due to impending munchkin arrival but I might nip back in December as I have been invited to a wedding but then I would have to leave the olds alone over Christmas as DS1 is thinking of coming over here this year. it is all too much! Maybe BD would like to pop up from the Gong for lunch one day!!!

Originally Posted by trottytrue

Mrs Sully..... When you go back in August take a good look at what you are missing and decide if you can live without it for the rest of your life. There will come a day when travel will not be easy, just like when the children where small and it was hard so it is when we get older. Husbands or even you might get sick and then it all becomes way too complicated. You have the opportunity when you go back in August to make plans make your OH realize that his is what YOU want. I have know so many friends from the UK who wanted to return but just left it too late and got passed the age of being able to make the move.

I was thinking about what I had written previously and have to add that when I married my husband who is an American made sure that I knew he could not stay in the UK his job was in the US. I was young and foolish and thought love could conquer all but I soon learnt it could not fill the void of family and the place I loved. Once I had agreed to come back to the US the second time that was it.
I think in a way we are or those over 50 have been brought up to do what our OH says. My Mother was always very much into boys and I had to wait on my brothers. So it was programed into me. I felt it was wrong not to. Nowadays young women are much more independent and do what they want. I know my son had the chance of a job and his wife would not move away from her Mum. Times have changed in someways thats good.
I will say again and I know from personal experience it you dont make the move back to the UK before you reach 65 it just becomes almost impossible expecially if your OH is older than you. Sickness becomes your live- in and unwelcome guest. I am torn not because of my children they have flown the coup and just get in touch when they either need help or get a guilty twinge but because I see my dear husband getting sicker and I know a move at present would not be possible.
I have many days when it just hard to smile or think good thoughts the depression hits you in the pit of your tummy. But then I look around and think there are people much worse of than me.

Originally Posted by Mrs Sully

Good luck Chris, have a wonderful trip home, enjoy every minute of your new adventure. Thank you to Barb, TT, Quoll and all those other dear people who have raised my spirits today. It is unbelievable how kind words can push the dark clouds away. Anna keep sending your great inspirational updates.

Originally Posted by aes1

ALL THE BEST AND GOOD LUCK, Chris!! Let us know how you get on, we will miss you!!!! And thanks for the update on ED/Peigi, I wish her well and hope she will return soon. BON VOYAGE, ENJOY THIS NEXT CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE!!!!! Remember, you are welcome to visit me in Malta!!

Originally Posted by Mrs Sully

Hello lovely Quoll, as you can see it's two steps forward one back. I can't wait for August and just to have eight weeks of breathing the air I love. I think it would be lovely if Barb could pop up here - that would be some lunch.

Originally Posted by Mrs Sully

Your wisdom is so heartening TT. I know what you are saying so well and I realize I have to put things in place in the next twelve months. Who knows what is around the corner for any of us. I hope your husband is getting better and you get the chance to make the trip because you deserve it so much. Thank you for being on this forum from the bottom of my heart

Originally Posted by fulwood

I love this thread. I am not ready to move back to UK yet but will one day and it has been more than helpful to read everyone's stories. I wish everyone well - where'er their journeys in life take them. Hopefully mine will be a on plane one day for permanent residence in Edinburgh Super bunch of people on this board..

Originally Posted by fulwood

Well Marmalade I'll be there in August. I land in UK on 7/30 and then heading up to Newton Stewart for a few days, back to Preston (home town) seeing old friends and then head to Edinburgh for Military Tatto and to do other wonderful things this great city..