mumomonty

I was in Aus for about 4 years. I felt out of place, isolated, never felt as if i was really 'there' but I saw beauty, had a lovely lifestyle, good friends etc. I gave up a very specific lifestyle. I returned home, hubby followed reluctantly. We had a year in the UK adn he wouldn't stay there. He moved to NZ I felt I h ad to follow. Im in NZ now and feel as settled as anything but not like it's my home. It's been ages now but I've said to myself that you just have to get on with it. And I still hanker for Oz (it took us 13 yrs to get there in the first place). I can get on aplane and go there and I have an Aussie passport which I am strangely proud of. Kiwi land is okay but that's all it is, okay.
Think about why you left the UK because, finally, I don't want to go back and live there so I know that me being in the top 10 for homesickness and resistance to change, well if I can do it, so can you :-)

ShozInOz

And that was exactly how I felt when I moved from Lancashire to Bournemouth. It felt like a different country. I couldn't believe the improvement in my quality of life. I remember phoning my Dad from I think near Hengistbury Head and saying how I didnt know places like that existed in the UK. In all honestly, I preferred the south coast of the UK to Sydney - even the weather (especially with the weather at the moment)! Here I feel like this is an island, and a very humid one at the moment. It just feels like there is nowhere to go. But I agree, the east side of Sydney is beautiful and we love it and will miss it dearly. But the east of Sydney is just too small a country for me to live.

The thing is, I find when I move from the sea to inland - wherever it is - I just miss the openness of the sea.

ShozInOz

Good luck with the decision making. I tell you it is a bloody hard decision - much more than the decision to emigrate, It's hard because often there is no really clear winner when you comapre the countries in your head - though you have to do it. The two countries are so different that you're really saying "which is the best fruit - this apple or this orange". It just takes ages to decide. If you try to decide with your head, it may take forever to decide. The answer seems to come to you in the end, but in between you have a million answers flipping from apple to orange to kiwi fruit (other countries sometimes sneak in). Once you have the answer, it's like it was there all along hid beneath layers of justifications and fears.

For us in the end, our hearts told us which is home. And home is what matters - not sun, cheap restaurants, beaches and flat whites. We feel like we've been chasing rainbows to be honest. We fell for an illusion, and bought into a fantasy, that doing a geographical 12,000 miles could make us happier. We thought that 'quality of life' was somehow objectively quantifiable, and of course Australia has it in buckets, right? But quality of life isn't a latte by a Sydney beach in your suft shorts. Or sitting in your big air conditioned house in Perth, a squillian miles from civilisation. It's a feeling that you belong, that you are loved and valued, and that if the shit hits the fan, you can make 5 phone calls and have 5 friends/family who know you better than your anyone at your door in as long as it takes them to drive there. We don't have that here and we had it before. My wife was on the phone to a very good friend of ours the other day. Her friend said, "Oh by the way, we've gathered some stuff for you for when you get back - a fridge, a dining room table and chairs (etc etc). And you can stay at ours for as long as you want (etc)"! It damn near brought a tear to my eye - that they had foreseen that we were starting out again and were there to help us out. They want us back. Stuff webcams, we need people.

Quality of life is also that your needs are met, and that you feel secure, and so on. If you move from east Sydney to a poor part of the UK, then disappointment looms - but that's probably unlikely unless that is home for you. Good areas of Sydney/Melbourne/Canberra and increasingly Brisbane are as expensive as good areas of the UK. Crime is a big issue because it has the potential to raise fear. A little research into the real levels of crime (per 1000 people) - rather than the perception given by media - is helpful in that respect (check police websites or www.nationmaster.com, I think). Check out the Australia board and you'll hear the horror stories of the UK, but not those of Australia - like the two 14 y/o girls who killed a taxi driver. The media is the same - playing up crime in the UK far more than here. Anyway, I digress.

But we're glad we did it. It scratched an itch I had for 12 years or so. And it was interesting, and fun, and we got a gorgeous baby girl out of it (and some great flat whites), but in truth we were happier with our lives, notwithstanding bub, before. Because we were home, and for us this 'best country in the world' chorus (actually sung by every new world country) says nothing to me about my life.

chance to be

great post - all of it!
c

Always21

Aww, how sweet of them! Bet you can't wait to get back.

jonthelad

Yes, Canadians do like their beer. There are some good brews here too (so a silver lining of sorts!)

jonthelad

I miss that too. Hengistbury Head is a beautiful place. Been there hundreds of times - man and boy. I could row my Dad's little boat from one side of Christchurch Harbour to the other from when I was about 10 years old (with Dad in it, God rest his soul!). Used to go there on outdoor activities with Scouts as well.
Yes, I know what you mean. I live by a big-ish lake (Lake Simcoe - 20 miles across?) and it's close but no cigar. Too many properties on the waterfront, nowhere to roam or ramble. Pretty though, especially at sunrise.

Jessie James

Thanks for your post. I suppose I should be thinking hard about the reality of my partner coping in the UK, knowing how he feels. Perhaps everything would be worse if he reluctantly changed his mind and we moved back only to find he is miserable then face moving away again - I'm not sure I could handle that. Perhaps if that seems a likely possibility I should get on with life here and make it work for me....I do also really need to think more about why the UK wasn't doing it for me in the first place and what may or may not have changed since then. Mmmmm, yet more thinking.....

PADDAD

Wow that was a great post, it near brought a tear to my eye! we're tuned into the the same frequency and reading your post just made so many things clearer and brought a number of things home.
Thanks

Exile

Very true and wise words, in my opinion.

We came here from Japan instead of going back to the UK, and while other factors affected our decision (work and time zone, etc), I admit to being seduced by "lifestyle" (as far as I can gather, it's real estate speak for the prospect of being able to laze around drinking cold beer by a swimming pool and with no gardening chores to get in the way).

Now my major concern is that I may be falling for the illusion in reverse. What if we get back to the UK and realize that the day-to-day comfort of living in Australia has a more profound impact on our feeling of wellbeing and happiness than we realized? It seems shallow to list the weather as a major factor, but I think many people underestimate the impact it can have on your outlook on life.

What if friends have moved on and family start to bicker? History and architecture are amazing, but in terms of daily life, how much difference do these things really make?

Just thinking aloud. I guess there is only one way to find out. We're going to visit the UK in April, which will be the first time since 2002. We plan to make a final decision after coming back via Japan. We will make one more move if necessary, and then I am going to tear up my passport.

Thanks much for all the interesting and helpful posts.

Celtic_Angel

I know what you mean..I find a deep breath by the sea very liberating...it clears my head....it can get very stifling living in a city

janeyray

I agree with your post, it was brilliant. We too felt that same as you. We followed our hearts and are definitely happier than we were living in Perth.

It's easy on a cold blustery, grey, wet day in the UK to want for the beach and the sun but in reality when we had that it wasn't enough. We wanted family, friends. We wanted the familiarity that the UK/home gave us.

chance to be

Well, we did it!
guess what?!!!
flights booked today for 12th April!!!! and :scared:
whatever the decision, the indecision somehow seemed worse....
best wishes
c
x

HiddenPaw

Well done C! Bet it feels great to be able to move forwards with more certainty, instead of waking up every day not knowing which direction to take. Good luck....only 10 weeks or so left!!

ladyofthelake

Ooooh cool!! Feeling better now you've taken plunge?
You've got a busy few weeks ahaead of you now.