Me and My Family
Sep 29th 2021, 11:55 pm
#5821
Account Closed
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2
Re: Me and My Family
I think options here get limited well before 34. Especially if there are kids, given the ease with which fathers here can abandon them. Aging Western men are happier to take them on as well as having the pensions to do so. It's more usual in Western countries. And the women in that situation see local men as unreliable. There are those Western men who just need a carer, but many are fitter, healthier than local men of the same age to take on a small family and cement all the other advantages they get here.
They would draw the line at a larger family and if the number of kids is lied about then there can be trouble.
They would draw the line at a larger family and if the number of kids is lied about then there can be trouble.
The dynamics of the Philippines seems to be different, I think it is No 1 for US K1 Visas and the socio economic situation is different as well. From what I can gather the Mother has full control of the children assuming not married and seems marriage is uncommon which surprised me.
I remember seeing something a few years back which was somewhat troubling, a guy on his third K1 and did not think this would work out but had a spare just in case and wanted to know if he sponsored her presumably after returning No 3 he would need to go back and visit before he could sponsor her.
On the other hand it does in PI seems much more an investment situation, send money back to the family, be able to bring some over them later. I have met a few people in this sort of situation and the ones I have met seem to work. Pride and Prejudice is alive.
Sep 30th 2021, 12:14 am
#5822
Stand-up Philosopher
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: Regina Saskatchewan
Posts: 16,344
Re: Me and My Family
Glad Phil has extricated himself from the problems he mostly brought upon himself, and hope he learned something from it all.
The whole saga to me is very sad. Not from the point of view of Phil, but from the point of view of a lot of Filipina women. What must it be like to be born in a country where women have to live by their wits? Apparently, most young Filipinas that marry old white foreign men believe that if they try hard enough they will learn to love the man that chose them. That must be OK at first, when he is buying you food, jewels, clothing and a little spending money. He controls all the money, and doles out what he thinks you need.
This probably works for a while, especially with women that are naturally subservient, but it won’t work for all women. I don’t care where you were born, most people don’t want to be controlled, and it can get old and cause disruption in the arrangement.
Thinking about this thread, most of the comments on Filipina women are from men. Most of the comments are put downs against Filipina women. How difficult it must be to have to throw your life away in order to have some nice things. It makes me very sad in this day and age that women are living like this.
Phil must be about 73 years of age now, and has already said that he has another gal on the side. People have been warning him to date these women, but do not marry them!!! This thread was an eye opener to me. The way women live and are treated in developing countries is very sad.
Not putting Phil down, as I know he was very generous with her - but how is that a relationship? An older man doling out money to a woman half his age? She went batty, and I probably would too.
The whole saga to me is very sad. Not from the point of view of Phil, but from the point of view of a lot of Filipina women. What must it be like to be born in a country where women have to live by their wits? Apparently, most young Filipinas that marry old white foreign men believe that if they try hard enough they will learn to love the man that chose them. That must be OK at first, when he is buying you food, jewels, clothing and a little spending money. He controls all the money, and doles out what he thinks you need.
This probably works for a while, especially with women that are naturally subservient, but it won’t work for all women. I don’t care where you were born, most people don’t want to be controlled, and it can get old and cause disruption in the arrangement.
Thinking about this thread, most of the comments on Filipina women are from men. Most of the comments are put downs against Filipina women. How difficult it must be to have to throw your life away in order to have some nice things. It makes me very sad in this day and age that women are living like this.
Phil must be about 73 years of age now, and has already said that he has another gal on the side. People have been warning him to date these women, but do not marry them!!! This thread was an eye opener to me. The way women live and are treated in developing countries is very sad.
Not putting Phil down, as I know he was very generous with her - but how is that a relationship? An older man doling out money to a woman half his age? She went batty, and I probably would too.
Sep 30th 2021, 12:15 am
#5823
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 2,352
Re: Me and My Family
Yes, very few career women on the dating sites here. They're full up with those with low paid jobs or no jobs, those abandoned with kids. Many in their later years too.
I was doubtful but yes, it does seem that marriage here is in a steady decline and tends to be early in the 20s.
https://psa.gov.ph/content/marriage-philippines-2016
I was doubtful but yes, it does seem that marriage here is in a steady decline and tends to be early in the 20s.
https://psa.gov.ph/content/marriage-philippines-2016
Last edited by Raffin; Sep 30th 2021 at 12:18 am.
Sep 30th 2021, 2:48 am
#5826
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2013
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 3,874
Re: Me and My Family
But older men marrying younger Filipino women doesn't only happen in the Philippines.
I know of 3 cases where that happened.
One Australian man needed support while his wife was dying of cancer, went on the now-extinct site Friends United. Got a lot of moral support, but then tried hitting on mot of the women after his wife died. He ended up meeting a Filipino woman online (with the help of his son), went there, married her, took her back to Australia. Nothing further known Was it successful? I have no idea.
Two cases here .............. one man went to the Philippines on his annual visit, but for longer and with the intent of finding a young wife. He was perfectly open about his intent ........... he'd never married, but wanted an heir to leave his money to. Returned to Canada after about 4 months with an already-pregnant wife. Child born (a girl), he gradually withdrew from his wife, finally making a one-bedroom apartment in the basement of his one-storey house. They then lived completely separate lives apart from him supporting them financially. He finally moved back to Montreal to die, wife had the house and eventually sold it after her daughter graduated from high school, and moved to an area in town with a lot of Filipino culture and stores.
I'd say HE used HER.
The 3rd was a man who was an alcoholic for many years. He asked for household help after his wife died, one of the helpers sent by the company was a Filipino in her 30s (at a guess), she gradually took over, moved in, they married. She gradually cut him off from his friends, he had to phone in secret wen she went out and had to hang up as soon he heard her. he made him sell the house and buy another one in the Filipino area of town, and so isolated him.
She did try to get him to at least cut back on his drinking, with little success, but I think he lived about 2 years longer than he might have otherwise done. So far as I know none of his previous friends were notified after his death, finding out only weeks later.
Who won?
I know of 3 cases where that happened.
One Australian man needed support while his wife was dying of cancer, went on the now-extinct site Friends United. Got a lot of moral support, but then tried hitting on mot of the women after his wife died. He ended up meeting a Filipino woman online (with the help of his son), went there, married her, took her back to Australia. Nothing further known Was it successful? I have no idea.
Two cases here .............. one man went to the Philippines on his annual visit, but for longer and with the intent of finding a young wife. He was perfectly open about his intent ........... he'd never married, but wanted an heir to leave his money to. Returned to Canada after about 4 months with an already-pregnant wife. Child born (a girl), he gradually withdrew from his wife, finally making a one-bedroom apartment in the basement of his one-storey house. They then lived completely separate lives apart from him supporting them financially. He finally moved back to Montreal to die, wife had the house and eventually sold it after her daughter graduated from high school, and moved to an area in town with a lot of Filipino culture and stores.
I'd say HE used HER.
The 3rd was a man who was an alcoholic for many years. He asked for household help after his wife died, one of the helpers sent by the company was a Filipino in her 30s (at a guess), she gradually took over, moved in, they married. She gradually cut him off from his friends, he had to phone in secret wen she went out and had to hang up as soon he heard her. he made him sell the house and buy another one in the Filipino area of town, and so isolated him.
She did try to get him to at least cut back on his drinking, with little success, but I think he lived about 2 years longer than he might have otherwise done. So far as I know none of his previous friends were notified after his death, finding out only weeks later.
Who won?
Sep 30th 2021, 2:58 am
#5827
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 466
Sep 30th 2021, 3:38 am
#5829
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2019
Location: Makati
Posts: 116
Re: Me and My Family
So many people with opinions about what is right, not right etc. Face it, that the world is made up of different people with different aims, goals ambitions and desires in their personal lives and personal direction.
An older guy wants a younger girl, wheres the problem and what does it matter if you have an alternate opinion.
Some one wants a partner same age as themselves, again, what does it matter if another has an alternate opinion.
Men and women are and always have been different.
Older men seek what they want. Younger women seek what they want. Older women are free ( and do ) to seek what they want as do younger men.
Philippines is poor and will remain so thanks to be it being overpopulated with an economy controlled in part by about 10 families.
Good on Philo for knowing what he wanted and going for it. Sad he ended up being used but that sometimes happens in life, in relationships. He assumed kindness would be mutual , it wasnt
Next time exercise more caution etc. In meantime go after what you want , and when you want. You've been through a difficult time, choose wisely next time and have an easier time.
Always remember one party in any relationship is more invested than the other. Thats universal .
An older guy wants a younger girl, wheres the problem and what does it matter if you have an alternate opinion.
Some one wants a partner same age as themselves, again, what does it matter if another has an alternate opinion.
Men and women are and always have been different.
Older men seek what they want. Younger women seek what they want. Older women are free ( and do ) to seek what they want as do younger men.
Philippines is poor and will remain so thanks to be it being overpopulated with an economy controlled in part by about 10 families.
Good on Philo for knowing what he wanted and going for it. Sad he ended up being used but that sometimes happens in life, in relationships. He assumed kindness would be mutual , it wasnt
Next time exercise more caution etc. In meantime go after what you want , and when you want. You've been through a difficult time, choose wisely next time and have an easier time.
Always remember one party in any relationship is more invested than the other. Thats universal .
Sep 30th 2021, 5:58 am
#5830
`
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,613
Re: Me and My Family
So Mikek1's contribution has not been negative as you put it. It has been full of sense, care and concern. I would hope that P11 will acknowledge this.
Two further points:
Younger ladies from the Philippines and also Thailand for that matter scout for and marry much older men for "opportunity" . Note I surround that word in quotes - "Opportunity" . I write that as that is exactly the word that was used during the course of a conversation with several Philippino & Thai lasses. They will tolerate the sex and will work to love the man ; to be happy enough in the moment. It is a contract of sorts. I could write examples of the whys and wherefores of several of these females but they are not my stories to tell. The ones within that conversation expected to be treated as equals, not controlled half wits.
My second observation here is that we have only ever heard one side of this story. P11's. That is not to suggest that P11's has not told his truth , the whole truth and nothing but his truth but rather that the female in question may have seen this relationship / marriage / responsibilities rather differently due to culture and the contractual nature of an arrangement such as this. This is not to condone the behaviours the P11 has written about . It is more to simply state that even in a stable long term relationship, where there is quality mutual care and respect between those of a similar culture and of a similar age , there may be differing outlooks , thoughts , expectations.
Sep 30th 2021, 6:11 am
#5831
`
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,613
Re: Me and My Family
Glad Phil has extricated himself from the problems he mostly brought upon himself, and hope he learned something from it all.
The whole saga to me is very sad. Not from the point of view of Phil, but from the point of view of a lot of Filipina women. What must it be like to be born in a country where women have to live by their wits? Apparently, most young Filipinas that marry old white foreign men believe that if they try hard enough they will learn to love the man that chose them. That must be OK at first, when he is buying you food, jewels, clothing and a little spending money. He controls all the money, and doles out what he thinks you need.
This probably works for a while, especially with women that are naturally subservient, but it won’t work for all women. I don’t care where you were born, most people don’t want to be controlled, and it can get old and cause disruption in the arrangement.
Thinking about this thread, most of the comments on Filipina women are from men. Most of the comments are put downs against Filipina women. How difficult it must be to have to throw your life away in order to have some nice things. It makes me very sad in this day and age that women are living like this.
Phil must be about 73 years of age now, and has already said that he has another gal on the side. People have been warning him to date these women, but do not marry them!!! This thread was an eye opener to me. The way women live and are treated in developing countries is very sad.
Not putting Phil down, as I know he was very generous with her - but how is that a relationship? An older man doling out money to a woman half his age? She went batty, and I probably would too.
The whole saga to me is very sad. Not from the point of view of Phil, but from the point of view of a lot of Filipina women. What must it be like to be born in a country where women have to live by their wits? Apparently, most young Filipinas that marry old white foreign men believe that if they try hard enough they will learn to love the man that chose them. That must be OK at first, when he is buying you food, jewels, clothing and a little spending money. He controls all the money, and doles out what he thinks you need.
This probably works for a while, especially with women that are naturally subservient, but it won’t work for all women. I don’t care where you were born, most people don’t want to be controlled, and it can get old and cause disruption in the arrangement.
Thinking about this thread, most of the comments on Filipina women are from men. Most of the comments are put downs against Filipina women. How difficult it must be to have to throw your life away in order to have some nice things. It makes me very sad in this day and age that women are living like this.
Phil must be about 73 years of age now, and has already said that he has another gal on the side. People have been warning him to date these women, but do not marry them!!! This thread was an eye opener to me. The way women live and are treated in developing countries is very sad.
Not putting Phil down, as I know he was very generous with her - but how is that a relationship? An older man doling out money to a woman half his age? She went batty, and I probably would too.
I think options here get limited well before 34. Especially if there are kids, given the ease with which fathers here can abandon them. Aging Western men are happier to take them on as well as having the pensions to do so. It's more usual in Western countries. And the women in that situation see local men as unreliable. There are those Western men who just need a carer, but many are fitter, healthier than local men of the same age to take on a small family and cement all the other advantages they get here.
They would draw the line at a larger family and if the number of kids is lied about then there can be trouble.
They would draw the line at a larger family and if the number of kids is lied about then there can be trouble.
Sep 30th 2021, 1:02 pm
#5833
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
I find this to be somewhat unjust . Mikek1 has always been candid and honest in his comments & he speaks with quite some knowledge and experience. This chap cared enough to sound the warning claxton early on & repeatedly did so. He has maintained that P11 is a decent enough fellow . However this poster did more than that . Much more. He offered a place of safety & sanctuary for P11. In fact urged him to take that offer.
So Mikek1's contribution has not been negative as you put it. It has been full of sense, care and concern. I would hope that P11 will acknowledge this.
Two further points:
Younger ladies from the Philippines and also Thailand for that matter scout for and marry much older men for "opportunity" . Note I surround that word in quotes - "Opportunity" . I write that as that is exactly the word that was used during the course of a conversation with several Philippino & Thai lasses. They will tolerate the sex and will work to love the man ; to be happy enough in the moment. It is a contract of sorts. I could write examples of the whys and wherefores of several of these females but they are not my stories to tell. The ones within that conversation expected to be treated as equals, not controlled half wits.
My second observation here is that we have only ever heard one side of this story. P11's. That is not to suggest that P11's has not told his truth , the whole truth and nothing but his truth but rather that the female in question may have seen this relationship / marriage / responsibilities rather differently due to culture and the contractual nature of an arrangement such as this. This is not to condone the behaviours the P11 has written about . It is more to simply state that even in a stable long term relationship, where there is quality mutual care and respect between those of a similar culture and of a similar age , there may be differing outlooks , thoughts , expectations.
So Mikek1's contribution has not been negative as you put it. It has been full of sense, care and concern. I would hope that P11 will acknowledge this.
Two further points:
Younger ladies from the Philippines and also Thailand for that matter scout for and marry much older men for "opportunity" . Note I surround that word in quotes - "Opportunity" . I write that as that is exactly the word that was used during the course of a conversation with several Philippino & Thai lasses. They will tolerate the sex and will work to love the man ; to be happy enough in the moment. It is a contract of sorts. I could write examples of the whys and wherefores of several of these females but they are not my stories to tell. The ones within that conversation expected to be treated as equals, not controlled half wits.
My second observation here is that we have only ever heard one side of this story. P11's. That is not to suggest that P11's has not told his truth , the whole truth and nothing but his truth but rather that the female in question may have seen this relationship / marriage / responsibilities rather differently due to culture and the contractual nature of an arrangement such as this. This is not to condone the behaviours the P11 has written about . It is more to simply state that even in a stable long term relationship, where there is quality mutual care and respect between those of a similar culture and of a similar age , there may be differing outlooks , thoughts , expectations.
Indeed Mikek1 came forward as with many others to offer a point of sanctuary when I left WW for the third and final time. I am forever grateful for this and I was well looked after by him and his lovely wife at his house for a couple of weeks or so . Thereafter I was invited to his his place on various occasions to enjoy sumptuous Sunday dinners or Sunday afternoon drinks. I thank them both for their kind hospitality and friendship which we enjoy thereafter. I posted my appreciation here some time ago. And richly deserved. B is correct, He is one of my most vociferous critics which I am sure he will accept. But I am not concerned about that. We have exchanged points of views on my position on and off this forum but my view remains the same, If I had listened to his well meaning advice and as most others here, I would not be here now. I would be languishing somewhere in the UK with no hope of getting back here. Ok....I am not out of the woods yet, but I am feeling more optimistic because I did it my way.
His last comment was and I quote "Having read this ridiculous saga from day one, I have noticed that that the large majority of members who used to comment here have not written anything for a long time. I wonder why.....? " Contrast that to 5772 ....."and I thank P11 for a very entertaining and sometimes frustrating episode......." Make of that as you wish. In answer to the first comment, I will say this: This thread is one of longest in terms of posts and time on the Philippines thread. Maybe the longest. I take no credit for that. It is the story that counts and not the author. And as long as it gets attention I will continue to post. Because without an audience of whatever size, it would have died a natural death a very long time ago.
Regards
Last edited by Philosophical 11; Sep 30th 2021 at 1:05 pm.
Oct 2nd 2021, 2:56 am
#5835
*********
Joined: May 2008
Location: Up in dem hills.........
Posts: 1,458
Re: Me and My Family
You HAVE brought this all upon yourself. No doubt about that.
Last edited by Catchafire; Oct 2nd 2021 at 3:10 am.