Moses2013

It's an open question and there was more to the OP

Easy said, but what about visa, age, family you leave back home, money issues etc. There must be more reasons than having enough of the populous nature of a place, especially if you end up in a city. If you come from an ugly part of the UK and it works out everything will be great, but there are other factors to consider. Some people will believe it's a walk in the park.

scrubbedexpat094

I'll let you know just before I die. I'm still weighing things up at the mo!!!

Moses2013

Well Let's just say it was worth it.

Justcol

Its always a very personal thing.
Even though I am weighing up a move back home, I still love my life here in NZ, which is what makes it difficult
My brother and I were brought up the same, yet he would never consider leaving the UK.
We lived in the same region, spent years working at the same place and even had the same friends
yet the things that made me want to leave, didn't bother him in the slightest. we're all different.
From his post its obvious things haven't always been easy for Genesis, yet he is still happy here and good on him
for finding his happy place, many of us who have been here for years are still searching for ours and the peace he has found.

BEVS

Erm. You don't speak for me

I came because we could. Nothing wrong with where we came from.

It was the pull. Not the push.

Anyway. Genesis is at reasonable peace with everything at the moment and I am glad for that for him. It will remain until ...perhaps...his kids leave NZ.

Justcol is on the cusp of another important decision in his own life for which I support whatever he chooses.

Moses2013

Yes we're all different. The question is what will you gain and what will you lose? I just think it's too easy to say just go for it and take a risk. Unfortunately it isn't that easy for most people and every situation is different. I think New Zealand is a great country, but for me personally views and a mountain that I can climb once or twice a year don't make up for the other things I'd lose. Because I always liked New Zealand so much, that's probably why I ended up in Ireland I still have great scenery, housing is cheap + don't have the risk I'll lose my home if my visa isn't extended, can work in any job, am still close to family the UK and Europe. Of course some things in the UK annoy me and I moan, but if I really think about it there are also many good things about the UK and areas I've never seen.

scrubbedexpat094

Okay then. Did think I was going to die last night when we did the tap dance for "Springtime for Hitler" 6 times on the trot!!! I would've died happy though.


* If you don't know it then You tube it. It's the bit just after John Barrowman sings "Germans go into your dance"

Genesis

Yes when my children most probably do one to europe it will be interesting to see what I do. I know we are not joined at the hip and I have always seen myself purely as a guardian to my children, someone to look after them until they can manage for themselves. I very much doubt I will chase after them..but who knows? I can't imagine feeling that I can't live without them. My very unwanted divorce has started teaching me how to get along in life without my kids being there everyday. Its interesting that out of something so horrible a good lesson and learning experience can emerge. I only have my kids every other week and in the 1st 2 years missed them so so much when she had them, I had horribly overwhelming suicidal thoughts for a long time as my life had completely fallen apart in every sense of the word. Life could not have been darker or more depressing as it was then back in 2013-14. But now I have grown emotionally and become stronger and accept the shitty status quo that prevails. Alas my kids still hate living between 2 homes, but there is nothing I can do about it. When my kids do finally go it will be that much easier for me..especially having been a home dad to my babies for well over a decade now. Life goes on eh? Still single, had a couple of relationships since she went but my soul mate still eludes me. Never mind, I am having fun trying to find her.

Snap Shot

Sorry mate. I wondered if things had gone awry for you on the marital front. Glad you picked yourself up and are still with us.

(No I can't believe I just typed that either !)

Genesis

No worries mate!! What does not kill you makes you stronger..apparently. I am very embarrassed that I came that low and shared it because I wear my heart on my sleeve and do not mind admitting my manifold faults and weaknesses. I wonder if there is some correlation between emigrees and our divorce rate? There seem to be quite a few of us who have gone our separate ways..or is that just the shockingly high divorce rate we see today? One eminent senior judge in the US called divorce the scourge of the 21st century both from a social and fiscal point of view.

scrubbedexpat094

Whatever our differences on another thread, I'm so very sorry to hear that you have been through such an awful time. I'm not embarrassed to admit that I have had times in my life when I have been that low too. I would've been embarrassed about it once but through talking with others, I know too many others have been in that place also. Thankfully we are all here to tell the tale and support each other.

I remember some years ago that someone posted about divorce rates amongst immigrants and that they were quite high. It doesn't surprise me sadly. I know that our marriage has felt the strain at times as OH has generally always been happy here and I've struggled most of the time. Thankfully I'm going through the happiest time of my 8+ years here. I guess I'm lucky in that my OH is my soul mate and my best friend.

Thankfully none of us knows what the future holds, so it's not worth worrying about what you will do if and when the kids leave NZ. You'll base your decisions on the information you have at that time. In the meantime, enjoy today and the fun you're having finding the right person for you

Genesis

Thank you. May peace be with us all

Justcol

Ditto

I've also walked in those shoes, for the same reason as Genesis.
Four years later I have a new wife and new life, but it could have been very different

I do think that in many of the couples who migrate, there is one who is subconsciously running away from a relationship.
The number of expats I know who have divorced within two or three years of arriving is astounding.

scrubbedexpat094

I think you may have something there Col. Sometimes I think our coming to NZ was very much tied in with not being able to have children. So we were searching for something new and exciting to fill our lives with and give us a sense of purpose. Of course it did exactly that in the planning stages but as reality hit our sense of loss has not diminished. I now realise that we will always carry that sense of loss and associated feelings of failure.

I wish you all the best with your decision-making currently. Not an easy decision to make and I understand perfectly that 'pull' of home.

Justcol

xx