Homesickness
Apr 19th 2010, 8:16 pm
#121
slanderer of the innocent
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,695
Re: Homesickness
Well when I say we lived in Palmerston North, we actually lived a few kms outside of it in a village (not that the locals referred to it as a village) only slightly larger than where we came from. It was called Ashhurst, but had I referred to it as that in my o.p I don't suppose many people would have known where i was talking about. Sorry for the confusion.
Apr 19th 2010, 9:31 pm
#122
Joined: May 2009
Location: Welly UK to Welly NZ to Welly UK
Posts: 2,227
Re: Homesickness
Brand new to this forum, have been reading some posts with great interest - this thread especially.
I am married to a NZer and our 2 kids have dual nationality. I never went down the route of citizenship - never wanted to.
Over the past 25 years we've made many many trips to NZ to see family. In 2005 we decided to move over there. Unlike a lot of people, we weren't trying to escape anything, we love the UK, we just fancied something different.
We spent 2 years in NZ and I have to say I hated every single minute of it. I don't hate the country, I just hated living there (if that makes any sense).
I never felt 'part of it', I never managed to shrug the constant gnawing feeling of not belonging and not wanting to be there. We had left a beautiful village location on the Staffordshire/Shropshire border, our lives had been very rural, tranquil and crime free. We moved near to Palmerston North (probably mistake number 1) - that's where my inlaws were/are. In the 2 years we were there I experienced more crime, vandalism and prejudice than I ever had in the UK. This is something that some balk at and refuse to believe .... it's true !!! Obviously location has a lot to do with it, if you're leaving a highly populated location in the UK and heading to rural NZ you stand a darn good chance of leaving the crime behind ...... if you do things the other way round then it stands to reason that the results will be different too.
I found the locals to be friendly enough but everything stopped at polite chit chats, we were never invited any further that that. The constant self praise the Kiwis lavish on themselves started to grind pretty soon after arrival too.
Not having any history was difficult, being in our mid 40's we found everybody to be part of long established circles of friends who shared years of memories. It was very hard to break through, in the end we stopped trying.
My hubby had been out of NZ for many many years and found it very difficult to relate to his 'countrymen'.
This may/probably will seem like a real NZ bashing post to those who love the place, but really that's not my intention. I'm just trying to relate MY story as it was for me ..... after all, perception is reality!
Cutting a very long story short, my mental health started to suffer, my kids were turning into grunting androids instead of the intelligent, animated kids they were back in the UK (the education system was nothing more than a state funded joke). Thankfully, just after we hit the 2 years mark we made a decision to come home.
We've been back almost 3 years now and have to say we have no regrets at all. We have many many fond memories of NZ, we've been back twice since we moved back to the UK. Once for a family funeral and once to take the kids back to see their grandmother. Going back was the best thing we could have possibly done as it confirmed to us that we were right to leave. NZ - for us - is a lovely holiday location and nothing more. We are in an equally rural location in the UK to the one we left and simply can't relate to any of the comments people say about how the UK is going to the dogs. I don't have my head in the sand, I just know for a fact that everywhere in the world has good and bad points. Sadly for us NZ made most of the bad points come to the surface. The kids are thriving in their schools here in the UK and, compared to their NZ cousins who are a couple of years older, are educationally streets ahead. They're just brighter kids all round than they ever were in NZ.
So - for those who are unsure whether their returns to the UK will work or not I have this to say. Wherever the human race resides then you'll get good and bad. you'll get people telling you that you're wrong to do this, that or the other. Maybe they're showing genuine concern for your well being by trying to advise you which way to turn or maybe they're wanting you to do the same as them so that it makes them feel more secure with their decision - who knows. But, like I mentioned before, perception IS reality. Wild horses wouldn't drag me back to live in NZ yet I know that the same applies to a lot of people regarding coming back to the UK. We all have to find that niche in life that suits us best, that makes us feel happy. We need to look past the newspaper headlines and the glossy mags and go and find out for ourselves.
I don't regret our time in NZ, and I'm glad we returned for a holiday as this REALLY did give us peace of mind knowing we did the right thing to leave. It may be the same for those wanting to return, it may not but whatever happens, we wish everybody well.
I am married to a NZer and our 2 kids have dual nationality. I never went down the route of citizenship - never wanted to.
Over the past 25 years we've made many many trips to NZ to see family. In 2005 we decided to move over there. Unlike a lot of people, we weren't trying to escape anything, we love the UK, we just fancied something different.
We spent 2 years in NZ and I have to say I hated every single minute of it. I don't hate the country, I just hated living there (if that makes any sense).
I never felt 'part of it', I never managed to shrug the constant gnawing feeling of not belonging and not wanting to be there. We had left a beautiful village location on the Staffordshire/Shropshire border, our lives had been very rural, tranquil and crime free. We moved near to Palmerston North (probably mistake number 1) - that's where my inlaws were/are. In the 2 years we were there I experienced more crime, vandalism and prejudice than I ever had in the UK. This is something that some balk at and refuse to believe .... it's true !!! Obviously location has a lot to do with it, if you're leaving a highly populated location in the UK and heading to rural NZ you stand a darn good chance of leaving the crime behind ...... if you do things the other way round then it stands to reason that the results will be different too.
I found the locals to be friendly enough but everything stopped at polite chit chats, we were never invited any further that that. The constant self praise the Kiwis lavish on themselves started to grind pretty soon after arrival too.
Not having any history was difficult, being in our mid 40's we found everybody to be part of long established circles of friends who shared years of memories. It was very hard to break through, in the end we stopped trying.
My hubby had been out of NZ for many many years and found it very difficult to relate to his 'countrymen'.
This may/probably will seem like a real NZ bashing post to those who love the place, but really that's not my intention. I'm just trying to relate MY story as it was for me ..... after all, perception is reality!
Cutting a very long story short, my mental health started to suffer, my kids were turning into grunting androids instead of the intelligent, animated kids they were back in the UK (the education system was nothing more than a state funded joke). Thankfully, just after we hit the 2 years mark we made a decision to come home.
We've been back almost 3 years now and have to say we have no regrets at all. We have many many fond memories of NZ, we've been back twice since we moved back to the UK. Once for a family funeral and once to take the kids back to see their grandmother. Going back was the best thing we could have possibly done as it confirmed to us that we were right to leave. NZ - for us - is a lovely holiday location and nothing more. We are in an equally rural location in the UK to the one we left and simply can't relate to any of the comments people say about how the UK is going to the dogs. I don't have my head in the sand, I just know for a fact that everywhere in the world has good and bad points. Sadly for us NZ made most of the bad points come to the surface. The kids are thriving in their schools here in the UK and, compared to their NZ cousins who are a couple of years older, are educationally streets ahead. They're just brighter kids all round than they ever were in NZ.
So - for those who are unsure whether their returns to the UK will work or not I have this to say. Wherever the human race resides then you'll get good and bad. you'll get people telling you that you're wrong to do this, that or the other. Maybe they're showing genuine concern for your well being by trying to advise you which way to turn or maybe they're wanting you to do the same as them so that it makes them feel more secure with their decision - who knows. But, like I mentioned before, perception IS reality. Wild horses wouldn't drag me back to live in NZ yet I know that the same applies to a lot of people regarding coming back to the UK. We all have to find that niche in life that suits us best, that makes us feel happy. We need to look past the newspaper headlines and the glossy mags and go and find out for ourselves.
I don't regret our time in NZ, and I'm glad we returned for a holiday as this REALLY did give us peace of mind knowing we did the right thing to leave. It may be the same for those wanting to return, it may not but whatever happens, we wish everybody well.
There are some parts of your post that made me think 'thats exactly it!' so thank you for taking the time to share your experiences with us. I'm so glad you're now feeling settled and happy at home and continue to enjoy NZ when you holiday here, this is exactly what we intend to do! my OH was born here (NZ) but lived most of his life in the UK so whilst he would love to settle in NZ he is happy to return knowing that he'll be back to enjoy NZ as a holiday destination.
Best wishes
B x
Apr 19th 2010, 11:29 pm
#123
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 181
Re: Homesickness
Originally Posted by Nozza
Brand new to this forum, have been reading some posts with great interest - this thread especially.
I am married to a NZer and our 2 kids have dual nationality. I never went down the route of citizenship - never wanted to.
Over the past 25 years we've made many many trips to NZ to see family. In 2005 we decided to move over there. Unlike a lot of people, we weren't trying to escape anything, we love the UK, we just fancied something different.
We spent 2 years in NZ and I have to say I hated every single minute of it. I don't hate the country, I just hated living there (if that makes any sense).
I never felt 'part of it', I never managed to shrug the constant gnawing feeling of not belonging and not wanting to be there. We had left a beautiful village location on the Staffordshire/Shropshire border, our lives had been very rural, tranquil and crime free. We moved near to Palmerston North (probably mistake number 1) - that's where my inlaws were/are. In the 2 years we were there I experienced more crime, vandalism and prejudice than I ever had in the UK. This is something that some balk at and refuse to believe .... it's true !!! Obviously location has a lot to do with it, if you're leaving a highly populated location in the UK and heading to rural NZ you stand a darn good chance of leaving the crime behind ...... if you do things the other way round then it stands to reason that the results will be different too.
I found the locals to be friendly enough but everything stopped at polite chit chats, we were never invited any further that that. The constant self praise the Kiwis lavish on themselves started to grind pretty soon after arrival too.
Not having any history was difficult, being in our mid 40's we found everybody to be part of long established circles of friends who shared years of memories. It was very hard to break through, in the end we stopped trying.
My hubby had been out of NZ for many many years and found it very difficult to relate to his 'countrymen'.
This may/probably will seem like a real NZ bashing post to those who love the place, but really that's not my intention. I'm just trying to relate MY story as it was for me ..... after all, perception is reality!
Cutting a very long story short, my mental health started to suffer, my kids were turning into grunting androids instead of the intelligent, animated kids they were back in the UK (the education system was nothing more than a state funded joke). Thankfully, just after we hit the 2 years mark we made a decision to come home.
Brand new to this forum, have been reading some posts with great interest - this thread especially.
I am married to a NZer and our 2 kids have dual nationality. I never went down the route of citizenship - never wanted to.
Over the past 25 years we've made many many trips to NZ to see family. In 2005 we decided to move over there. Unlike a lot of people, we weren't trying to escape anything, we love the UK, we just fancied something different.
We spent 2 years in NZ and I have to say I hated every single minute of it. I don't hate the country, I just hated living there (if that makes any sense).
I never felt 'part of it', I never managed to shrug the constant gnawing feeling of not belonging and not wanting to be there. We had left a beautiful village location on the Staffordshire/Shropshire border, our lives had been very rural, tranquil and crime free. We moved near to Palmerston North (probably mistake number 1) - that's where my inlaws were/are. In the 2 years we were there I experienced more crime, vandalism and prejudice than I ever had in the UK. This is something that some balk at and refuse to believe .... it's true !!! Obviously location has a lot to do with it, if you're leaving a highly populated location in the UK and heading to rural NZ you stand a darn good chance of leaving the crime behind ...... if you do things the other way round then it stands to reason that the results will be different too.
I found the locals to be friendly enough but everything stopped at polite chit chats, we were never invited any further that that. The constant self praise the Kiwis lavish on themselves started to grind pretty soon after arrival too.
Not having any history was difficult, being in our mid 40's we found everybody to be part of long established circles of friends who shared years of memories. It was very hard to break through, in the end we stopped trying.
My hubby had been out of NZ for many many years and found it very difficult to relate to his 'countrymen'.
This may/probably will seem like a real NZ bashing post to those who love the place, but really that's not my intention. I'm just trying to relate MY story as it was for me ..... after all, perception is reality!
Cutting a very long story short, my mental health started to suffer, my kids were turning into grunting androids instead of the intelligent, animated kids they were back in the UK (the education system was nothing more than a state funded joke). Thankfully, just after we hit the 2 years mark we made a decision to come home.
Many thanks for taking the time to post your story Nozza.
I am like your OH - I am the kiwi who has returned after years in the UK.
And like yourselves, my family and I will be returning to the UK.
It suits US better as a family.
I personally think that homesickness is one of the hardest things that an emigrant may face. How people deal with it is entirely down to that individual.
My OH has a saying that he (we) try to follow, make a decision and then make it right.
One of the hardest things for me to realise, at my lowest point a couple of years ago, was that just because we had made a decision to come out here to try life while the kids were young, didn't mean that that was it. End of story.
Life keeps throwing decisions at you, evolving around you, and for us, (me), making the next decision in moving back is just that, another step in life. And we will make that 'right'.
Some may feel (as I am sure some in my kiwi family do) that I haven't tried hard enough, given it enough time, or had the right attitude. But I can honestly say that I have tried hard; given years and I am usually a positive person.
For them they see it as a failure.
For me - I just see it as another step in life.
I have made it 'right' while we have been here, by spending time with family; showing the kids NZ and enjoying the time here.
I made the decision that we will be going back this year (although it seems to be pannign out to early next year
).I guess that just as some people prefer apples to pears, I far prefer the UK to NZ.
I am now refusing to feel guilty for that and the decision to go home.
If we had never moved out here to try it, I would never have known how truely I loved the life I had in the UK.
Apr 20th 2010, 4:39 pm
#124
slanderer of the innocent
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,695
Re: Homesickness
Slightly OT but I get so tired of people saying "OH NZ, it's so beaaaautiful. Why are you here?" etc. etc. A lot of Canadians seem to think it's a tropical paradise. (HA!)
All of them have only been on holiday. In the summer. In the nice bits. Sometimes I wish I had a t-shirt saying "New Zealand - It's Not What You Think".
hahahaha.
Ahem.
All of them have only been on holiday. In the summer. In the nice bits. Sometimes I wish I had a t-shirt saying "New Zealand - It's Not What You Think".
hahahaha.
Ahem.
Apr 20th 2010, 5:53 pm
#125
Life is what YOU make it.
Joined: Oct 2009
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 3,312
Re: Homesickness
Slightly OT but I get so tired of people saying "OH NZ, it's so beaaaautiful. Why are you here?" etc. etc. A lot of Canadians seem to think it's a tropical paradise. (HA!)
All of them have only been on holiday. In the summer. In the nice bits. Sometimes I wish I had a t-shirt saying "New Zealand - It's Not What You Think".
hahahaha.
Ahem.
All of them have only been on holiday. In the summer. In the nice bits. Sometimes I wish I had a t-shirt saying "New Zealand - It's Not What You Think".
hahahaha.
Ahem.
Apr 20th 2010, 7:57 pm
#126
slanderer of the innocent
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,695
Re: Homesickness
I love where I live 
Good climate, plenty of opportunities, good standard of living, & beautiful to boot. I like the culture here.
There are good things about NZ too, just not enough/not the ones to make me want to live there on a permanent basis. There are quite a few expat Kiwis in Van, so it appears I'm not the only one. What is it - 1 million of us overseas now? Bet we'll have a good turn-out for Anzac day this year.
Good climate, plenty of opportunities, good standard of living, & beautiful to boot. I like the culture here.There are good things about NZ too, just not enough/not the ones to make me want to live there on a permanent basis. There are quite a few expat Kiwis in Van, so it appears I'm not the only one. What is it - 1 million of us overseas now? Bet we'll have a good turn-out for Anzac day this year.
Last edited by ExKiwilass; Apr 20th 2010 at 7:59 pm.
Apr 21st 2010, 7:05 am
#127
Just Joined
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 27
Re: Homesickness
Brand new to this forum, have been reading some posts with great interest - this thread especially.
I am married to a NZer and our 2 kids have dual nationality. I never went down the route of citizenship - never wanted to.
Over the past 25 years we've made many many trips to NZ to see family. In 2005 we decided to move over there. Unlike a lot of people, we weren't trying to escape anything, we love the UK, we just fancied something different.
We spent 2 years in NZ and I have to say I hated every single minute of it. I don't hate the country, I just hated living there (if that makes any sense).
I never felt 'part of it', I never managed to shrug the constant gnawing feeling of not belonging and not wanting to be there. We had left a beautiful village location on the Staffordshire/Shropshire border, our lives had been very rural, tranquil and crime free. We moved near to Palmerston North (probably mistake number 1) - that's where my inlaws were/are. In the 2 years we were there I experienced more crime, vandalism and prejudice than I ever had in the UK. This is something that some balk at and refuse to believe .... it's true !!! Obviously location has a lot to do with it, if you're leaving a highly populated location in the UK and heading to rural NZ you stand a darn good chance of leaving the crime behind ...... if you do things the other way round then it stands to reason that the results will be different too.
I found the locals to be friendly enough but everything stopped at polite chit chats, we were never invited any further that that. The constant self praise the Kiwis lavish on themselves started to grind pretty soon after arrival too.
Not having any history was difficult, being in our mid 40's we found everybody to be part of long established circles of friends who shared years of memories. It was very hard to break through, in the end we stopped trying.
My hubby had been out of NZ for many many years and found it very difficult to relate to his 'countrymen'.
This may/probably will seem like a real NZ bashing post to those who love the place, but really that's not my intention. I'm just trying to relate MY story as it was for me ..... after all, perception is reality!
Cutting a very long story short, my mental health started to suffer, my kids were turning into grunting androids instead of the intelligent, animated kids they were back in the UK (the education system was nothing more than a state funded joke). Thankfully, just after we hit the 2 years mark we made a decision to come home.
We've been back almost 3 years now and have to say we have no regrets at all. We have many many fond memories of NZ, we've been back twice since we moved back to the UK. Once for a family funeral and once to take the kids back to see their grandmother. Going back was the best thing we could have possibly done as it confirmed to us that we were right to leave. NZ - for us - is a lovely holiday location and nothing more. We are in an equally rural location in the UK to the one we left and simply can't relate to any of the comments people say about how the UK is going to the dogs. I don't have my head in the sand, I just know for a fact that everywhere in the world has good and bad points. Sadly for us NZ made most of the bad points come to the surface. The kids are thriving in their schools here in the UK and, compared to their NZ cousins who are a couple of years older, are educationally streets ahead. They're just brighter kids all round than they ever were in NZ.
So - for those who are unsure whether their returns to the UK will work or not I have this to say. Wherever the human race resides then you'll get good and bad. you'll get people telling you that you're wrong to do this, that or the other. Maybe they're showing genuine concern for your well being by trying to advise you which way to turn or maybe they're wanting you to do the same as them so that it makes them feel more secure with their decision - who knows. But, like I mentioned before, perception IS reality. Wild horses wouldn't drag me back to live in NZ yet I know that the same applies to a lot of people regarding coming back to the UK. We all have to find that niche in life that suits us best, that makes us feel happy. We need to look past the newspaper headlines and the glossy mags and go and find out for ourselves.
I don't regret our time in NZ, and I'm glad we returned for a holiday as this REALLY did give us peace of mind knowing we did the right thing to leave. It may be the same for those wanting to return, it may not but whatever happens, we wish everybody well.
I am married to a NZer and our 2 kids have dual nationality. I never went down the route of citizenship - never wanted to.
Over the past 25 years we've made many many trips to NZ to see family. In 2005 we decided to move over there. Unlike a lot of people, we weren't trying to escape anything, we love the UK, we just fancied something different.
We spent 2 years in NZ and I have to say I hated every single minute of it. I don't hate the country, I just hated living there (if that makes any sense).
I never felt 'part of it', I never managed to shrug the constant gnawing feeling of not belonging and not wanting to be there. We had left a beautiful village location on the Staffordshire/Shropshire border, our lives had been very rural, tranquil and crime free. We moved near to Palmerston North (probably mistake number 1) - that's where my inlaws were/are. In the 2 years we were there I experienced more crime, vandalism and prejudice than I ever had in the UK. This is something that some balk at and refuse to believe .... it's true !!! Obviously location has a lot to do with it, if you're leaving a highly populated location in the UK and heading to rural NZ you stand a darn good chance of leaving the crime behind ...... if you do things the other way round then it stands to reason that the results will be different too.
I found the locals to be friendly enough but everything stopped at polite chit chats, we were never invited any further that that. The constant self praise the Kiwis lavish on themselves started to grind pretty soon after arrival too.
Not having any history was difficult, being in our mid 40's we found everybody to be part of long established circles of friends who shared years of memories. It was very hard to break through, in the end we stopped trying.
My hubby had been out of NZ for many many years and found it very difficult to relate to his 'countrymen'.
This may/probably will seem like a real NZ bashing post to those who love the place, but really that's not my intention. I'm just trying to relate MY story as it was for me ..... after all, perception is reality!
Cutting a very long story short, my mental health started to suffer, my kids were turning into grunting androids instead of the intelligent, animated kids they were back in the UK (the education system was nothing more than a state funded joke). Thankfully, just after we hit the 2 years mark we made a decision to come home.
We've been back almost 3 years now and have to say we have no regrets at all. We have many many fond memories of NZ, we've been back twice since we moved back to the UK. Once for a family funeral and once to take the kids back to see their grandmother. Going back was the best thing we could have possibly done as it confirmed to us that we were right to leave. NZ - for us - is a lovely holiday location and nothing more. We are in an equally rural location in the UK to the one we left and simply can't relate to any of the comments people say about how the UK is going to the dogs. I don't have my head in the sand, I just know for a fact that everywhere in the world has good and bad points. Sadly for us NZ made most of the bad points come to the surface. The kids are thriving in their schools here in the UK and, compared to their NZ cousins who are a couple of years older, are educationally streets ahead. They're just brighter kids all round than they ever were in NZ.
So - for those who are unsure whether their returns to the UK will work or not I have this to say. Wherever the human race resides then you'll get good and bad. you'll get people telling you that you're wrong to do this, that or the other. Maybe they're showing genuine concern for your well being by trying to advise you which way to turn or maybe they're wanting you to do the same as them so that it makes them feel more secure with their decision - who knows. But, like I mentioned before, perception IS reality. Wild horses wouldn't drag me back to live in NZ yet I know that the same applies to a lot of people regarding coming back to the UK. We all have to find that niche in life that suits us best, that makes us feel happy. We need to look past the newspaper headlines and the glossy mags and go and find out for ourselves.
I don't regret our time in NZ, and I'm glad we returned for a holiday as this REALLY did give us peace of mind knowing we did the right thing to leave. It may be the same for those wanting to return, it may not but whatever happens, we wish everybody well.
We came from a beautiful village in Yorkshire where there was a real sense of community spirit and although we lived in a bubble (crime was very low) we could access anywhere as you can in England. We never left England because we didn't like it- we had a lovely life.
The fact that Australia is so isolated both from anywhere within and from any other country is really hard and whilst some people love it, I just can't imagine been here for the rest of my life-it simply isn't home and can't really imagine it ever being.
My husband is really struggling and doesn't feel remotely Aussie anymore-the family here would be devastated if we moved back to the Uk- I think the kids would miss family but even they are missing England and home. We had a beautiful house that all the children were born in and we have no chance of getting it back but if we did go back, we wouldn't be penniless just would have to buy a smaller house (but have a smaller mortgage-at the moment we have no credit card debt or mortgage and that is wonderful).
We think we will give it until after Christmas which will mean we have given it a year and put it down to an adventure and an opportunity for the kids to enjoy their family- is that selfish..?
Apr 21st 2010, 7:38 am
#128
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 51
Re: Homesickness
I think when thinking about moving to another country you need to remember the advice some of our Mums gave us about boys "when you know, you know".
I think you just "know" when you are not ever going to feel at home. My relationship with NZ is like the boyfriend I had when I was 23. He was lovely to look at, all my friends thought he was great for me, we had a good time, but deep down I just knew he wasn't for me long term, however much I tried to kid myself he was my Mr Perfect.
And guess what, I married my Kiwi instead, and deep down, although I love the times we have had living over there for 6 month periods and I really enjoy our holidays, I just "know", for me, I could never feel at home for ever there. I just feel like I dont quite fit.
I think you just "know" when you are not ever going to feel at home. My relationship with NZ is like the boyfriend I had when I was 23. He was lovely to look at, all my friends thought he was great for me, we had a good time, but deep down I just knew he wasn't for me long term, however much I tried to kid myself he was my Mr Perfect.
And guess what, I married my Kiwi instead, and deep down, although I love the times we have had living over there for 6 month periods and I really enjoy our holidays, I just "know", for me, I could never feel at home for ever there. I just feel like I dont quite fit.
Apr 21st 2010, 10:13 am
#129
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 240
Re: Homesickness
Nozza- I simply cannot believe how much this post is a reflection of my own situation! We have been in Qld Australia for 3 months -my husband is Australian and all his family are here despite him leaving over 20 years ago to go travelling and settling in the uk. We have 3 young children and have no family in the Uk so we thought it would be great to come to be near the family for the children. We have moved near my in laws which really has been great and the children are really enjoying the extended family life that they have missed in the uk- but sadly that's where it ends. The place where we live near family is nice but 2 hours away from where my husband works (there is nothing any closer and I don't want to live in a city and it would defeat the object of family).
We came from a beautiful village in Yorkshire where there was a real sense of community spirit and although we lived in a bubble (crime was very low) we could access anywhere as you can in England. We never left England because we didn't like it- we had a lovely life.
The fact that Australia is so isolated both from anywhere within and from any other country is really hard and whilst some people love it, I just can't imagine been here for the rest of my life-it simply isn't home and can't really imagine it ever being.
My husband is really struggling and doesn't feel remotely Aussie anymore-the family here would be devastated if we moved back to the Uk- I think the kids would miss family but even they are missing England and home. We had a beautiful house that all the children were born in and we have no chance of getting it back but if we did go back, we wouldn't be penniless just would have to buy a smaller house (but have a smaller mortgage-at the moment we have no credit card debt or mortgage and that is wonderful).
We think we will give it until after Christmas which will mean we have given it a year and put it down to an adventure and an opportunity for the kids to enjoy their family- is that selfish..?
We came from a beautiful village in Yorkshire where there was a real sense of community spirit and although we lived in a bubble (crime was very low) we could access anywhere as you can in England. We never left England because we didn't like it- we had a lovely life.
The fact that Australia is so isolated both from anywhere within and from any other country is really hard and whilst some people love it, I just can't imagine been here for the rest of my life-it simply isn't home and can't really imagine it ever being.
My husband is really struggling and doesn't feel remotely Aussie anymore-the family here would be devastated if we moved back to the Uk- I think the kids would miss family but even they are missing England and home. We had a beautiful house that all the children were born in and we have no chance of getting it back but if we did go back, we wouldn't be penniless just would have to buy a smaller house (but have a smaller mortgage-at the moment we have no credit card debt or mortgage and that is wonderful).
We think we will give it until after Christmas which will mean we have given it a year and put it down to an adventure and an opportunity for the kids to enjoy their family- is that selfish..?
It sounds like you have been here no time at all? I was in a similiar situation to you except i have family in ireland and here. I guess what i'm trying to say is - Have you explored all avenues? Its up to you to make it work, not your childrens choice where you live, just you and your OH - and maybe also before you decide to go back to uk, would you consider talking to a professional? I would say go and see and life coach. Totally changed my life. I honestly came here with such a sense of hope and and a yearning for a wonderful new life. It was so awful for me I left after 7 months. And to be honest, I had decided from 2 months here that it wasnt for me. I got back to Ireland and instantly knew, i'd made a mistake. The mistake was that I had not tried hard enough to fit in, make it work and most importantly, be happy. There were a few other small factors but in all, I was dying to get back here! And i'm here again now and i'm never EVER leaving! I'm making the most of every moment. Not to say that i dont have moments here when I miss things but when I do - I log on to this site and I always bounce back.............
I feel for you and I hope you make the right choice! best of luck
Apr 21st 2010, 11:12 am
#130
Joined: May 2009
Location: Welly UK to Welly NZ to Welly UK
Posts: 2,227
Re: Homesickness
The problem I'm having with all of these posts are that "does one really know that it is not for them?" are there really doubts, questions that cant be answered, feelings that just wont go away OR is it that we are just not in the right frame of mind to live in another part of the world? (for now)
It sounds like you have been here no time at all? I was in a similiar situation to you except i have family in ireland and here. I guess what i'm trying to say is - Have you explored all avenues? Its up to you to make it work, not your childrens choice where you live, just you and your OH - and maybe also before you decide to go back to uk, would you consider talking to a professional? I would say go and see and life coach. Totally changed my life. I honestly came here with such a sense of hope and and a yearning for a wonderful new life. It was so awful for me I left after 7 months. And to be honest, I had decided from 2 months here that it wasnt for me. I got back to Ireland and instantly knew, i'd made a mistake. The mistake was that I had not tried hard enough to fit in, make it work and most importantly, be happy. There were a few other small factors but in all, I was dying to get back here! And i'm here again now and i'm never EVER leaving! I'm making the most of every moment. Not to say that i dont have moments here when I miss things but when I do - I log on to this site and I always bounce back.............
I feel for you and I hope you make the right choice! best of luck
It sounds like you have been here no time at all? I was in a similiar situation to you except i have family in ireland and here. I guess what i'm trying to say is - Have you explored all avenues? Its up to you to make it work, not your childrens choice where you live, just you and your OH - and maybe also before you decide to go back to uk, would you consider talking to a professional? I would say go and see and life coach. Totally changed my life. I honestly came here with such a sense of hope and and a yearning for a wonderful new life. It was so awful for me I left after 7 months. And to be honest, I had decided from 2 months here that it wasnt for me. I got back to Ireland and instantly knew, i'd made a mistake. The mistake was that I had not tried hard enough to fit in, make it work and most importantly, be happy. There were a few other small factors but in all, I was dying to get back here! And i'm here again now and i'm never EVER leaving! I'm making the most of every moment. Not to say that i dont have moments here when I miss things but when I do - I log on to this site and I always bounce back.............
I feel for you and I hope you make the right choice! best of luck
I appreciate your support and advice but I know that at this moment in time my 'home' is in the UK...where I left my heart! I'm not saying NZ is not for me ever....I love it here, but I know that for me at this time the UK is where I belong......blimey! hope that makes sense!!??
I so understand what OP mean when they say they felt they 'don't belong' here, I used the same words to my OH when I was trying to explain how I felt, I also said I felt incomplete ....and like I've also said before 'I know I'm lucky......& I'll be back!!'
B x
Apr 21st 2010, 2:47 pm
#131
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 7
Re: Homesickness
I love the story about liking NZ to a former boyfriend ....... that is SO true.
NZ will always be a great holiday location for us, and there will always be one or two (not many) things I miss about it.
Apr 21st 2010, 3:08 pm
#132
Scorchy legs
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: Kapiti coast
Posts: 2,069
Re: Homesickness
[QUOTE=pom4gud;8511303
I think you just "know" when you are not ever going to feel at home. My relationship with NZ is like the boyfriend I had when I was 23. He was lovely to look at, all my friends thought he was great for me, we had a good time, but deep down I just knew he wasn't for me long term, however much I tried to kid myself he was my Mr Perfect.
And guess what, I married my Kiwi instead, and deep down, although I love the times we have had living over there for 6 month periods and I really enjoy our holidays, I just "know", for me, I could never feel at home for ever there. I just feel like I dont quite fit.[/QUOTE]
I love this comparison, have some karma
Dewb
I think you just "know" when you are not ever going to feel at home. My relationship with NZ is like the boyfriend I had when I was 23. He was lovely to look at, all my friends thought he was great for me, we had a good time, but deep down I just knew he wasn't for me long term, however much I tried to kid myself he was my Mr Perfect.
And guess what, I married my Kiwi instead, and deep down, although I love the times we have had living over there for 6 month periods and I really enjoy our holidays, I just "know", for me, I could never feel at home for ever there. I just feel like I dont quite fit.[/QUOTE]
I love this comparison, have some karma Dewb
Apr 21st 2010, 3:29 pm
#133
slanderer of the innocent
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,695
Re: Homesickness
Again, I can only speak for myself, but there was never a shread of doubt all my time living in NZ that I was in the wrong place. There has never been anything other that deep rooted happiness knowing I/we are now in the right place FOR ME/US now we're back in the UK.
I love the story about liking NZ to a former boyfriend ....... that is SO true.
NZ will always be a great holiday location for us, and there will always be one or two (not many) things I miss about it.
I love the story about liking NZ to a former boyfriend ....... that is SO true.
NZ will always be a great holiday location for us, and there will always be one or two (not many) things I miss about it.
Sometimes it really is the country.
Apr 22nd 2010, 9:27 pm
#134
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: homeless
Posts: 1,756
Re: Homesickness
I just wanted to add my voice in as someone who KNEW when a country wasn't right. I lived in Oz for 4 years before emigrating to Canada to be with OH, and I knew from very early on I didn't like it. I kept telling myself to give it more time, stayed another year, then another...didn't feel right.
Sometimes it really is the country.
Sometimes it really is the country.
I am so glad that you are settled in and sound so happy there. and you love their culture - thats very important! (IMO)
I know a Kiwi guy who recently moved to Auckland from Welly, and asked him...Why don't you move to Canada? well he says..nah.... ....Cadadian accents are SO FUNNY (they talk funny!) not interesting!
Last edited by crap coffee; Apr 22nd 2010 at 9:50 pm.
Apr 22nd 2010, 9:56 pm
#135
slanderer of the innocent
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,695
Re: Homesickness
Kiwilass, you've been driving me insane.......lately.
I am so glad that you are settled in and sound so happy there. and you love their culture - thats very important! (IMO)
I know a Kiwi guy who recently moved to Auckland from Welly, and asked him...Why don't you move to Canada? well he says..nah.... ....Cadadian accents are SO FUNNY (they talk funny!) not interesting!
I am so glad that you are settled in and sound so happy there. and you love their culture - thats very important! (IMO)
I know a Kiwi guy who recently moved to Auckland from Welly, and asked him...Why don't you move to Canada? well he says..nah.... ....Cadadian accents are SO FUNNY (they talk funny!) not interesting!
Actually, it sucks ass here. Stay in Welly. Welly welly welly welly. Welly welly welly is better.