The Plan
Jan 9th 2019, 2:28 am
#16
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 264
Re: The Plan
It's a big move, huge! However, I saw someone write somewhere a really good point. If someone removed the option for you to return or either country how would you feel (I've not done the quote justice, will try to see if I can find the thread). If you would feel really devastated that you couldn't not 'return' how would that make you feel? The answer lies there!
Of course you're going to feel every emotion under the sun, we're all human on here (I think
) and moving countries is such a big thing physically, emotionally and spiritually (probably). As spouse of scouse put it earlier, it can also make things harder if you don't hate where you are. You question the whys and what ifs more I think rather than having a 'I NEED to get out of here pronto' plan. Write down what scares you, why are you anxious - what can you control? Look at the positives and remember the reasons you made to want to move, I'm sure they're still there.
Yes, there is lots to do, why wouldn't there be! Just make a master list against dates and tick things off as you go. You'll probably be surprised at how quickly the time disappears. Don't wish your time away, you'll probably be finding towards move date you wish you had a bit extra time to do x, y and z.
At the very least you know what? It's OK to be feeling every emotion and it's certainly OK to not feel you fit where you are in the world. You are not alone.
Everyone who feels this way (myself included) - let's keep supporting each other on this thread and keep the positivity up.
Of course you're going to feel every emotion under the sun, we're all human on here (I think
) and moving countries is such a big thing physically, emotionally and spiritually (probably). As spouse of scouse put it earlier, it can also make things harder if you don't hate where you are. You question the whys and what ifs more I think rather than having a 'I NEED to get out of here pronto' plan. Write down what scares you, why are you anxious - what can you control? Look at the positives and remember the reasons you made to want to move, I'm sure they're still there.Yes, there is lots to do, why wouldn't there be! Just make a master list against dates and tick things off as you go. You'll probably be surprised at how quickly the time disappears. Don't wish your time away, you'll probably be finding towards move date you wish you had a bit extra time to do x, y and z.
At the very least you know what? It's OK to be feeling every emotion and it's certainly OK to not feel you fit where you are in the world. You are not alone.
Everyone who feels this way (myself included) - let's keep supporting each other on this thread and keep the positivity up.
We made the move and achieved the American dream, and it will always be here for us if things don't work out.
However, somethings don't last for ever. My grandparents who grew up during the WW2 are ailing and I want the kids to be around them during their last years and to experience their stories and memories like I did. My parents have just retired and want nothing more than to be involved in the kids lives. I miss going to the rugby every Saturday with my dad and brother. Shoot so much to look forward to I can almost feel it!
Jan 9th 2019, 2:31 am
#17
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Re: The Plan
Thanks love! Keep it positive, the time will fly by.
We made the move and achieved the American dream, and it will always be here for us if things don't work out.
However, somethings don't last for ever. My grandparents who grew up during the WW2 are ailing and I want the kids to be around them during their last years and to experience their stories and memories like I did. My parents have just retired and want nothing more than to be involved in the kids lives. I miss going to the rugby every Saturday with my dad and brother. Shoot so much to look forward to I can almost feel it!
We made the move and achieved the American dream, and it will always be here for us if things don't work out.
However, somethings don't last for ever. My grandparents who grew up during the WW2 are ailing and I want the kids to be around them during their last years and to experience their stories and memories like I did. My parents have just retired and want nothing more than to be involved in the kids lives. I miss going to the rugby every Saturday with my dad and brother. Shoot so much to look forward to I can almost feel it!
Jan 9th 2019, 2:35 am
#18
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 264
Re: The Plan
I wrote post #16 before seeing post #15!!
I'm drinking some Islay scotch tonight, am not scottish but stay true to my celtic roots!
- Taking a trip to Dublin and Edinburgh for a Welsh rugby game
- Taking the kids to their first Eisteddfod (huge Welsh cultural arts festival)
- Playing in the snow (no snow in Florida!)
- My identical twins spending time with their great-grandma and sister who are also identical twins
- Getting the grandparents historical outlook, stories and memoires on videos, to preserve for the next generations of our family
- The comfort of mum and dads house on a cold wet sunday afternoon
- Supporting my brother through a difficult time in his life
- Taking the kids to the family sheep farm to see the house that my grandmother grew up in and has remained in our family for 100s of years.
I'm drinking some Islay scotch tonight, am not scottish but stay true to my celtic roots!
- Taking a trip to Dublin and Edinburgh for a Welsh rugby game
- Taking the kids to their first Eisteddfod (huge Welsh cultural arts festival)
- Playing in the snow (no snow in Florida!)
- My identical twins spending time with their great-grandma and sister who are also identical twins
- Getting the grandparents historical outlook, stories and memoires on videos, to preserve for the next generations of our family
- The comfort of mum and dads house on a cold wet sunday afternoon
- Supporting my brother through a difficult time in his life
- Taking the kids to the family sheep farm to see the house that my grandmother grew up in and has remained in our family for 100s of years.
Jan 9th 2019, 10:45 am
#19
Just Joined
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 10
Re: The Plan
We have a cant wait to do list already
Step foot into the house not been in for 8 years
Go for walks along side the local canal all wrapped up on frosty mornings
Enjoy the Yorkshire country side and greenery ( no more sand seen enough lol )
Go shopping in Morrison's and buy a HAM joint and all the things we cant get here
Go to a local pub for lunch and a pint of beer , not had a draught bitter in nearly 13 years only sell lager cans here
and of course FISH AND CHIPS
Snow cant forget snow 8 years again since we have seen snow
The list is endless
Step foot into the house not been in for 8 years
Go for walks along side the local canal all wrapped up on frosty mornings
Enjoy the Yorkshire country side and greenery ( no more sand seen enough lol )
Go shopping in Morrison's and buy a HAM joint and all the things we cant get here
Go to a local pub for lunch and a pint of beer , not had a draught bitter in nearly 13 years only sell lager cans here
and of course FISH AND CHIPS
Snow cant forget snow 8 years again since we have seen snow
The list is endless
Jan 9th 2019, 10:53 am
#20
Just Joined
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 10
Re: The Plan
Oh how did I forget to write this to see my big Sister and spend a weekend on her canal boat its been 13 long years and we both miss her dearly
All the nieces and nephews we have never met in person
And finally to see a doctor that understands what we are saying in English
All the nieces and nephews we have never met in person
And finally to see a doctor that understands what we are saying in English
Jan 11th 2019, 2:08 am
#21
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Re: The Plan
We have a cant wait to do list already
Step foot into the house not been in for 8 years
Go for walks along side the local canal all wrapped up on frosty mornings
Enjoy the Yorkshire country side and greenery ( no more sand seen enough lol )
Go shopping in Morrison's and buy a HAM joint and all the things we cant get here
Go to a local pub for lunch and a pint of beer , not had a draught bitter in nearly 13 years only sell lager cans here
and of course FISH AND CHIPS
Snow cant forget snow 8 years again since we have seen snow
The list is endless
Step foot into the house not been in for 8 years
Go for walks along side the local canal all wrapped up on frosty mornings
Enjoy the Yorkshire country side and greenery ( no more sand seen enough lol )
Go shopping in Morrison's and buy a HAM joint and all the things we cant get here
Go to a local pub for lunch and a pint of beer , not had a draught bitter in nearly 13 years only sell lager cans here
and of course FISH AND CHIPS
Snow cant forget snow 8 years again since we have seen snow
The list is endless
Jan 11th 2019, 2:41 am
#22
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Joined: May 2010
Location: In a big country, dreams stay with you ...
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Re: The Plan
To keep it balanced, here' the things I'll miss about not living in Australia. These things may exist in the UK also of course, but just my experience here:-
- The lovely positive friendly attitude most people have here. From saying hello and having a little chat whilst out and about to mostly happy helpful cheery shop assistants. Love how shopping is packed for us, especially when I'm trying to look after a young tired bored child at the same time. Yes of course there are many happy positive people back in the UK ('m not pitting one country against another) just on balance I feel there is quite a high level of positivity as the status quo here, maybe it's just perception.
- The abundance of fresh fruit and veggies - here in Brisbane the climate is perfect for lots of seasonal goodies all year round.
- The salaries! Oh if only it was life for like back in Scotland, but in our fields, it's not. This is just our experience - I know there will be others where it is reversed.
- Nice open plan kitchens and lounge-rooms. I understand only too well why rooms are 'closed off' with a door in Scotland, all about that lovely warmth in the winter months. I'm hoping we can buy or build a nice open plan place.
- Being not too far from extended family. We haven't seen much of them unfortunately however it's easier to be with them if we needed, than a 24hr+ flight etc.
- Re-connecting with friends from years ago (in different States).
- Not having to pay TV licence!
- Listening to the kookaburras, a sound I love.
- My OH's lovely colleagues. He had lovely colleagues back in the UK also so I guess I'll just miss the actual people here.
- The massive shopping malls (Carindale for a start). That might sound a bit shallow, it's not about the shopping per se but in the depths of my despair here last year it was a welcome place to walk around with my toddler for hours out of the house (out of the sun and heat) to feel people around me and feel a bit more connected. I knew no-one and it felt very lonely.
- Cheap petrol.
- How quickly clothes take to dry here after washing, a silly one I know, but it takes a long time to dry big jumpers, jeans and long shirts for the family in Scotland in winter!
- It's really easy to get a doctors appointment, here. Log onto hotdoc, choose an appointment (many times in the same day if you don't mind which doctor) and done. It always took at least a week to get an appointment back in Scotland for us. I think the care we've received in both countries has been exemplary. Very happy, and grateful, with care here and the NHS. Will miss our lovely family doctor here though.
Jan 11th 2019, 9:01 am
#23
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Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: The Plan
I think it's really healthy that you acknowledge there are things you'll miss about living in Oz, I've seen quite a few people on BE who've fallen into a bit of a hole when they return to the UK after living in another country. It's not that they're unhappy with being back home in the UK, and in many instances being back is everything they thought it would be. It's just that in their understandable eagerness to return home, they didn't realise that in their efforts to be a part of their new country they'd made connections and put put down roots. That's not the contradiction it may sound like - it's entirely possible (and shows great strength of character) to become part of a local and wider community while still feeling and knowing that it's not really home.
Unless living in the country you migrated to was an entirely horrible experience, there will be things you'll miss. Realising this before returning home rather than when you're back helps smooth the adjustment. I think you're doing great!
Jan 11th 2019, 10:57 am
#24
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Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,211
Re: The Plan
Excellent advise, I certainly knew there would be things I would miss about Australia as I had that insite when we first arrived in WA, some of the things I missed about the UK even surprised me lol...we treated our return to the UK as a new adventure and treated it like another migration...as we had changed and so had the UK whilst we were away. From experience no matter the name or where the country is..if it feels like home...your on to a winner. All the best
Jan 13th 2019, 11:36 pm
#25
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Re: The Plan
And that is the crux of it and all that really matters, that where you live feels like home.
I think it's really healthy that you acknowledge there are things you'll miss about living in Oz, I've seen quite a few people on BE who've fallen into a bit of a hole when they return to the UK after living in another country. It's not that they're unhappy with being back home in the UK, and in many instances being back is everything they thought it would be. It's just that in their understandable eagerness to return home, they didn't realise that in their efforts to be a part of their new country they'd made connections and put put down roots. That's not the contradiction it may sound like - it's entirely possible (and shows great strength of character) to become part of a local and wider community while still feeling and knowing that it's not really home.
Unless living in the country you migrated to was an entirely horrible experience, there will be things you'll miss. Realising this before returning home rather than when you're back helps smooth the adjustment. I think you're doing great!
I think it's really healthy that you acknowledge there are things you'll miss about living in Oz, I've seen quite a few people on BE who've fallen into a bit of a hole when they return to the UK after living in another country. It's not that they're unhappy with being back home in the UK, and in many instances being back is everything they thought it would be. It's just that in their understandable eagerness to return home, they didn't realise that in their efforts to be a part of their new country they'd made connections and put put down roots. That's not the contradiction it may sound like - it's entirely possible (and shows great strength of character) to become part of a local and wider community while still feeling and knowing that it's not really home.
Unless living in the country you migrated to was an entirely horrible experience, there will be things you'll miss. Realising this before returning home rather than when you're back helps smooth the adjustment. I think you're doing great!
It's was a very strange feeling - after spending over 16 years in Scotland I really thought I would feel 'at home' in Australia, where I was born and lived for my childhood/teenage/early adult life (albeit it I had never lived in Queensland before (hardly visited)). Not that I didn't feel 'at home' in Scotland, there was just always the 'what if what if' inner dialogue going on. It was a big surprise to me when I realised the reason for my unhappiness here was due to feeling it was not "home". It's hard to put into words, but I know many people understand. I don't hate Australia by any stretch, there is so much to love! I am glad we moved here and tried this out, something so many would love to do and will never get the chance. It's such an amazing thing to be able to freely live and work in more than one country. Sometimes I think, in life, it's better to give something a good go and know what is not for you, rather than think something 'may be' ... that probably doesn't make sense - but it does to me
I've been busy this weekend applying for jobs, hopefully a great full/part time one will appear soon. I think I've completed every type of selection criteria under the sun now! At least I can cut and paste (with a few tweaks) into new applications. Off to see what else I can apply for.
Thanks again for your uplifting positive messages. Hope you're feeling all settled again now?
Jan 13th 2019, 11:40 pm
#26
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Re: The Plan
This. You can't go back - no one can 'go back'. Back doesn't exist! It'll be a new experience and towns, cities, countries, people etc. change constantly. Sure, some things may remain the same but overall, there are always big changes - which is a good thing, we evolve, we try to "better".
Jan 27th 2019, 8:59 pm
#27
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Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 58
Re: The Plan
This. You can't go back - no one can 'go back'. Back doesn't exist! It'll be a new experience and towns, cities, countries, people etc. change constantly. Sure, some things may remain the same but overall, there are always big changes - which is a good thing, we evolve, we try to "better".
Just wanted to thank you for posting the original thread, it’s really helped to know that there are other people grappling with the decision to move. My husband is British, I’m American and our kids are dual citizens. Hubby has lived here for almost 20 years. We have established roots in the US, but both of us have been feeling the longing to move to UK very strongly for about 2 years now. And we’ve gotten more serious about it in the last 6 months. As with you, we aren’t taking this decision lightly and are fully aware of the pros and cons and the enormity of such a move; financially, emotionally etc. But the feeling hasn’t gone away. We just had a conversation with family over in the UK today about moving back and it didn’t go so well. Their good intention is to get us to think about all the ramifications, mostly cost of things, but I feel like it set me back and was very negative. Surely, it would be so easy to just stay in the US, where things are stable. We don’t have jobs lined up as of yet in the UK. I know we’re taking a massive risk moving, but we both aren’t happy here in the US, and feel we are better suited to a life in the UK. So many other factors are going into a potential move, that are too long to list here. The back and forth of making a final decision is SO hard. Thanks for reading
Jan 27th 2019, 10:45 pm
#28
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Joined: Nov 2018
Location: North West England
Posts: 240
Re: The Plan
hi Still game,
Just wanted to thank you for posting the original thread, it’s really helped to know that there are other people grappling with the decision to move. My husband is British, I’m American and our kids are dual citizens. Hubby has lived here for almost 20 years. We have established roots in the US, but both of us have been feeling the longing to move to UK very strongly for about 2 years now. And we’ve gotten more serious about it in the last 6 months. As with you, we aren’t taking this decision lightly and are fully aware of the pros and cons and the enormity of such a move; financially, emotionally etc. But the feeling hasn’t gone away. We just had a conversation with family over in the UK today about moving back and it didn’t go so well. Their good intention is to get us to think about all the ramifications, mostly cost of things, but I feel like it set me back and was very negative. Surely, it would be so easy to just stay in the US, where things are stable. We don’t have jobs lined up as of yet in the UK. I know we’re taking a massive risk moving, but we both aren’t happy here in the US, and feel we are better suited to a life in the UK. So many other factors are going into a potential move, that are too long to list here. The back and forth of making a final decision is SO hard. Thanks for reading
Jan 28th 2019, 1:06 am
#29
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Posts: 1,830
Re: The Plan
Good on you for having the courage to write that down, it'll help to get it out and it'll be good to look back on when you're happily home in Scotland again.
How you're feeling is very common for expats, but that doesn't take anything away from the strength or 'realness' of those feelings. I think that you and your husband have been very sensible, you've had many discussions and given Australia enough time to feel like home if it's ever going to at this stage of your lives. You also haven't fallen into the trap of finding things to hate about Australia, it's surprising how many people do this in an attempt to feel better or more certain about their decision to return home. Unfortunately, such thoughtfulness and honesty can be temporarily confusing and mar the anticipation of going home.
You and your husband haven't made this decision on a whim, and now that you've made it I'd encourage you to get excited
All any of us can do is make the best decisions we can at the time, and that's exactly what you've done. Good on you for getting to this stage! Never hesitate to have a chat about these things on BE, many of us have been in similar situations so can at least provide an empathic ear and some support.
How you're feeling is very common for expats, but that doesn't take anything away from the strength or 'realness' of those feelings. I think that you and your husband have been very sensible, you've had many discussions and given Australia enough time to feel like home if it's ever going to at this stage of your lives. You also haven't fallen into the trap of finding things to hate about Australia, it's surprising how many people do this in an attempt to feel better or more certain about their decision to return home. Unfortunately, such thoughtfulness and honesty can be temporarily confusing and mar the anticipation of going home.
You and your husband haven't made this decision on a whim, and now that you've made it I'd encourage you to get excited
All any of us can do is make the best decisions we can at the time, and that's exactly what you've done. Good on you for getting to this stage! Never hesitate to have a chat about these things on BE, many of us have been in similar situations so can at least provide an empathic ear and some support.
Jan 28th 2019, 1:18 am
#30
