Welcome fellow lollygagger I hope the year passes smoothly for you so you'll be home in no time.

That film will involve lots of cleaning, staring into space, sudden burst of crying and bon bon eating scenes

I do remember "Lost in Translation", you are right! Yeah, there's no chance a Bill Murray will come around to rescue my sanity!

what friends back home don't understand is a place might be nice for a 2 weeks holiday, feeling alienated when you are a tourist could be exotic, but not so when you are a resident without a job.

We'd all sit watching the film with a box of hankies and people would think we are all mental. I don't think it would be a blockbuster and be nominated for any oscars do you?
Highlight of my day today,
Went and picked up the taxes (drove 5 minutes down the road)
Going to pick up Dd from kindergarten and take her to the dentist for her check up. Pick up milk while we are there.
This may all be too much for one day.

Hi everyone

I have noticed that the individual situation can really make a huge difference and no matter how much you plan or thing you are emotionally prepared it can end up quite different.

I met my husband in the UK where he was studying and I actually didn’t mind coming over - I had come to a crossroads in my career - I had a successful career in one profession but I had decided to make a career change and go back to do my masters to train in anther. As my husband would have a better opportunity to find work and through research it looked as if I could do the masters in the area I wanted to in the USA – we decided to try a move to the USA. I had actually been about to return to uni in the UK but I decided to put my masters on hold and work as an admin to get money behind us to move over. This was far from what I wanted to do but the thing that kept me going was knowing it wasn’t forever and that in once we moved over and my husband found work I would start my masters. I had also moved around the Uk quite a lot and was used to living in different places so I thought I would be fine.

Long story short…..I immigrated last March. We spent the first 6 months living with the in-laws. Due to the nature of my husbands work (inconsistent until he is lucky to find a permanent post in his specialized field) I ended up working full time within 2 weeks of being here whilst he worked off jobs here and there. Also his credit card /student loan repayments meant we needed the money. I ended up back in admin the very same sort of job I had left a month before in the UK. Again I told myself it wouldn’t be long just until my husband found work…..it has now been a year. Although we moved out into our own apartment (which is much better than staying with the in-laws) I actually feel more trapped as financially I can’t afford to give up work now as I am the main breadwinner and have the health insurance through my job. The reality of my husband finding full time work and me being able to give up work is starting to look very bleak. The cost of the masters is also ridiculous….it now looks like I have to study an extra 3 years (5 in total) to do what would have taken me 2 years in the UK (licensure has changed since I startedd researching the profession over here in the last 4 years).

At first the OH and his family were ok and understanding that I would feel a little upset –now they seem to have expected me to get over it and seem angry when I have mood swings (common since the move). I have also gone from having a very active social life in the UK, with the prospect of a new career - to moving here not having one friends and working in job and profession that is far far from what I had hoped to do.

I am finding myself starting to resent my husband and feel as if I have sacrificed in my life for nothing. It sounds very selfish I know but I am going through some very strange emotional responses, and definitely an unexpected reaction to my move here. I do recognize however that if I was in the profession I had hoped to be then things would be very different. However my point is sometimes to consider things other than the country itself. As a result if my predicament I have become negative regarding everything to do with the country.

My husband has said he doesn’t want to move back and we have actually considered me going home alone for a year or two to retrain (although the UK masters may not be transferable to the USA). I have to say I am starting to consider it!!

Anyway don’t underestimate how you may react – but being prepared for the feeling associated with immigration can certainly help you understand it can be a grieving process. Also look to other things in the new lifestyle that could be to blame e.g. job, lack of and see if small changes in those areas can make a difference to your experience of your new country.

There will be very limited cleaning in my section of the film; our house is a pigpen. My husband hasn't dared complain about it since the scene where he said to me, with a straight face, "can you wash the dishes a little more quietly? I can't hear the TV".

[incoherent sounds of fury that cannot be fully represented by an emoticon]

MummyInTheFoothills, your day is very ambitious. My task for this entire week is to update my British CV into an American 'resume'. I haven't even started, and my participation BritishExpats has gone up 150%. Oh, and don't think I can't see the irony in posting about how difficult it is not having a job whilst simultaneously avoiding any activity that might get me a job.

Ooh -- it's nearly lunchtime.

Hi Miami078, I didn't see your post til after I'd submitted mine. I'm sure your story rings very true with so many of us here -- I hope you can resolve things. You seem very aware of all the logical reasons for your feelings, but, of course, that doesn't make the feelings go away. Good luck.

I do feel for you guys without a job. That happened to me when we first left England. At first I thought 'great. I won't have to work for a while!' But after a few weeks stuck in our temporary rented flat by myself all day, I was going insane. Not a fun time of my life.

Hi MoshiMoshi, I am not a big fan of household chores either, but I'm grateful for the hour or so it occupies out of my "busy" schedule.

My main task today was: go to the post office 5 blocks away to pick up our parcel.

Hi Miami078, you are very right that individual situation can affect how we perceive our lives in the country. Moving to a new country is a big chance, on top of that, a job change (in your case) or lack of, is another major life change to tackle. I hope you and your husband can work something out, he also has to make some decision about his career/job situation, right? It's not selfish at all to expect your spouse to understand the problem you are facing.

Miami,you have got a lot resting on your shoulders. I hope that things resolve themselves so that you can be happier.
My situation isnt cut and dried as my husband has said many times that he would like to stay here, so I have permanent crossed fingers that he doesnt change his mind. To him it`s exciting with lots of opportunities.(While I scream inwardly, lol!)
I love the idea of "our film"-Lollygaggers. It could be black and white and French, and deeply meaningful in a nihilistic way.
I spent my "Groundhog Day" (Are all our film references Bill Murray films?) at the mall, getting my hair cut, being made over at the MAC counter and buying earrings at the newly opened Accessorize. Gotta send some of those dollars homeward! Result!

Bravo on your productivity and patriotic spending!

I only managed to buy an overpriced coffee, which will make my husband weep -- why do you need to spend $3.50 on a latte when we have lovely Nescafe at home?

So, 'Lollygaggers' will be in black and white, with a deadpan French narration by Bill Murray, full of bonbons and nihilism. I live close to Sony Studios, so maybe I'll pop over there and pitch it: 'Lost in Translation' meets 'Desperate Housewives' meets 'Groundhog Day'.

You can all have executive producer credits* (*subject to visa terms and conditions, of course). We'll need to discuss casting. I'm not having some American with a dodgy British accent playing me.

Couldnt be dodgier than the french accent of the woman trying to sell me a facial this afternoon. I just looked at her with a big smile on my face wondering how long she could keep it up!
Casting! That is important, I will give it some thought. I think we are in with a chance of "best foreign film" at next years Oscars though. And the Bill Murray part. Do you think he`d be interested?

OK, I`ve thought! I want Emma Thompson to play me. She has the right combination of slight dowdiness and long suffering demeanour. If she`s not available it`ll have to be Patricia Routledge.
Reprising "Love Actually" I would like Alan Rickman for my husband, but without the "third party".

Thank you everyone for your comments. I have to say just reading your posts cheer me up and I will definately turn up for the casting of the film! For those who arent working I can see how strange it must be when every little thing you would do in the UK from driving to the shop, which you would usually try to squeeze in in between a busy schedule, over here carries so much more weight to it and how your day can pivot around one task. My weekends are kind of like that. I am sure my husband will sort his work out although I have recently found out the nature of his job is he may be juggling several part time jobs for a few years as he is a professor at a uni and permanent jobs in his field dont come along often. But fingers crossed! Something I have tried to di is lead my life "as if". I am pretending I will be here for ever and so I am applying for school even thought I dont know I will be able to go, at least it will keep me going and other options may come along as a consequence of me just doing something. Also I am trying to tell myself that if you are immgirating and truly going to try and give the new country a go of it - then you have to invest emotionally not just physcially - i.e not just moving your things over, getting your visa and being there. To really try and throw yourself into the place and see what happens as a result. This way oppotunities may open up or they may not. But if you can say you have put yourself out there and still feel things arent right when you go back to the UK knowing it really wasnt for you. Plus sometimes if you dont give a go you end up moving back to the UK and wondering "what if". So then you are simply stuck in the UK yearning for the USA (this is like a bad film in itself)! I think that is when you hear of people moving back to the UK only to move back to the USA again.

We should also remember that it takes a special sort of person who can think outside the box to move their whole life away from their home country, even if it was to follow work, or not entirely their choice. I have had a few people from both the UK and USA tell me how brave it is to do what I did.....ironically this was after I've moved here...interestingly I didnt hear this before I moved. I only heard what an adventure it will be and people cheering me on. Maybe part of the culture shock is the fact we have been told its going to be an adventure and when we get here and it isnt we feel we have let people down? Well as you can see people do empathise with our situation and actually see it a strength so maybe we dont have to feel so bad about ourselves when we havent immediatly integrated and settled down or when we have those bad days.

Thanks again for the comments and I hope anything any of this helps a little ......Ok essay over....off to work!!

Omg i feel like i want to scream today!!! My husband came home from work last night saying hes applied for a position in San Diego!!!!!!!! I was like what!!!!!!!!! Is the guy insane???? Hes just not listening to me when i said im not happy here doesnt mean i want to move to another part of America!!!! The next move i will be making is back to the uk!!! I have woke this morning feeling even worse. I had a text from him yesterday saying how much he loved me and that how moving here has changed him ( he loved to drink and stay out partying ) Blah blah blah!!! Maybe he thought after me reading this that i would suddenly just change my mind!! What can i do??? Hes giving me so many false hopes I dnt want to stay here i need to get back to some kind of normality this isnt a life sitting in all day doing the odd trip to the shop. I know i have said i will give it time but i really dnt think i can do it!! I know if he carrys on just not listening i will leave!!!!

I think this last sentence is the one you need to say to him. I may be wrong, but I'm not getting the sense that he understands, unequivocally, that you want to go back to the UK with or without him.

Men are not good at reading between the lines. They need it really spelling out. So I think that you should tell him exactly how you feel and then he can decide. Good luck!