dunroving

Taking pleasure or comfort in the misfortunes of others because you are grateful it isn't you.

(I think)

chris955

I came to Australia when I was 18 months old in 1962, I have lived in Australia for the majority of my life but have also spent a number of years in England. Why confusion ? I have MANY years experience of living there and have been a citizen for best part of 30 years.

chris955

So the fact that I grew up in Australia is somehow funny

Sally Redux

Yes it's from the German, Schaden = harm, Freude = joy.

Pit Bull.

I thought you were going to ignore me.

I used to be a teacher, write out 100 times, I will ignore Pit Bull, I will ignore Pit Bull.


And I will ignore you too.

chris955

So why was it funny that I grew up in Australia ? I thought you loved Australia ?

Pit Bull.

No I don't see why anyone would, or could hate a country, especially the likes of the UK, Australia, Canada, America, New Zealand etc. I can imagine some people not being happy,for one reason or another, but it doesn't mean it's all the countries fault. You have to look at the positives of wherever you are and if things aren't right, then move somewhere else, if its possible.

chris955

So why was it funny that I grew up in Australia ? I thought you liked Australia ? Its a simple question.

Pit Bull.

dunroving

My confusion stems, I suppose, from the fact that I haven't read all 6,000 posts of yours and therefore hadn't seen the earlier posts in which you presumably have said you grew up in Australia.

I'm guessing maybe most of your early posts were in the Aus section(?), because I've only become aware of you from the last few weeks posts. From this exposure to your prolific posting on this board, it's seemed to me that you focus on how wonderful the UK is and retaliate against negative posts about the UK and against positive posts about Australia. I've only recently realised that a lot of this seems to be some ongoing spat that you and Pit Bull seem to be having.

I always assumed that you had moved to Australia from the UK as an adult (the typical expat pattern, like most on here) and then moved back. Simple as that. Pretty normal assumption, I think.

Now I see things with a lot more clarity.

Pollyana

Thing is though that if you are somewhere that you don't particularly want to be, and everything is going wrong, the instant human reaction is to blame your surroundings. If you take a step back and analyse it more then logic comes into play more and you start to realise that its not actually as simple as the country being to blame - its far more complex than that, but when you are in the middle of a spiral of depression and unhappiness logical thought isn't that easy.

I remember the first time I started blaming Australia for the mess my life was in. I was in a marriage that wasn't making me very happy, but I didn't want to admit that it was failing after only 6 months so there was no way I was going to blame THAT. I had just had a horrendous bout of what I now know was shingles, and that had just aggravated my eczema - which was horrendously bad due to the heat and humidity of Queensland - blaming the country was only natural in that case. My eyesight, previously 20/20 had turned to shite because of the shingles. I had left a job I loved in the UK and was in one here where I was being mercilessly bullied - I was trying to find another but kept being told I had no Aussie experience - again, natural to blame the country. I'd left a lovely little flat to move to a stuffy, dirty unit where the landlord refused to do any maintenance - again its natural to compare the two places. Basically my life here was krap, making my old life seemed perfect.

Now I can sit back 9 years later and analyse it like that, I didn't hate the country, I hated the circumstances I had found myself in - some of which could've happened WHATEVER country I was in, but at the time I was spiralling down into depression too fast to take a logical view.
I hated my life and where I was living it. As far as I could see I was trapped here and every time I tried to improve things the country had a rule or a system or an issue which prevented it. Couldn't fix my health - it cost too much to see a doctor cos I had no sick pay cos I hadn't been there long enough. Couldn't change my job cos I had no Aussie experience. Couldn't go home to my old job cos I needed perfect eyesight and Australia had just stuffed that up for me! No-one wants to hear a litany of complaints like that, so when someone would say to me "Äre you enjoying being here" I would just say "No, I hate the place, I hate Australia"- it was the easy answer - and I did. I hated it, I hated everything about the place - the people, the shops, the way of life, the climate.........And of course the obvious answer which so many people on here say so blithely wass "Then go home" - not that simple when you are married to an Aussie who would struggle to get a job there, no house to go to, no job to go back to, no money to move back with, and my health and eyesight was stuffed by then anyway!

Now I'm in more control and can reason out that some bits are good, and some are bad and some would happen wherever I was, I rarely say I hate the place, but I honestly believe that unless a person has been through that dark place where everything seems against you and that "ëverything" seems to be related to where you are living, its very hard to understand hating a country.

Hope that makes a bit of sense?

dunroving

Makes a heck of a lot of sense to me.

I think your post underlines what I was saying earlier, that people don't necessarily hate a country. Anyone who has been in a really crap situation like you describe doesn't need an explanation why you'd say you "hate" (whatever country) ... it's just an issue of semantics or interpretation in the head of the person making the statement (as you say, you hated your life situation, but blamed it on the country). It's a natural turn of phrase that only in hindsight becomes clearer.

Maybe this is what leads to some of the friction that has been alluded to - someone says they "hate" the UK (for example), or that the UK is "crap" when they really mean their life in the UK is cr*p. But the statement is taken very literally by someone who maybe doesn't know the backstory, which then causes people to take offence that you dare criticise the UK (or Australia, or wherever).

I hope your post gives people pause for thought before they jump in and blast people who may simply just be having a sh*t time of thngs. If you can't come on here and have a good moan about your life now and then without being slated, that would be sad. Walk a mile, etc. .....

Pit Bull.

Both above posts are excellent posts.

Beaverstate

Pollyana

Thanks
That last bit is a drum I've been banging on here for years! We all need a place to moan where there are people who understand those of us who want to air our gripes - not expecting everyone to understand or empathise of course! I can't remember the number of times over the years that I've tried to explain to people that they should walk in the shoes of the unhappy person, and understand their individual circumstances before suggesting "just go home" ...........