Originally Posted by YankeemovingAbroad

Its not so easy making your self accept situations which are emotionally depressing no matter how many times you try to think positive .We all have certain goals for our life and if the twist and turns of life places us where we fall short of those goals only a quiter would just give in with out trying to turn things around.Life is a journey and like a road map there are many streets to travel on and who says you have to take the same route each and every trip.

Originally Posted by Gezza

My two pennies would be: that almost all of this misery of "wanting to be somewhere else" with, or without a husband at hand and "murdering onself regretting old decissions", "unable to finance a way out" is in the MIND!

Self-inflicted unhappiness.
Think. All who see you believe you have many reasons to be happy.

But reinforced from a small thouhts that occured somewhere way back and grew by day, your problem has grown into an painful obsession. Most of the circumstances you describe are far from catastrophic compared to what many poor and unfortunate people suffer in some wreched places.

I believe that very few people are actually "shackled by circumstances" and most become "shackled by their own thoughts".

I had myslef spent several years in BC dying to come to U.K. and an then, a few years later agonizing in U.K. to be in BC. My marriage is not rosy and both me and my wife are really quite awaful people at times.

The idea is really to try and train your mind away from negative thoughts. How is that done? You can start by making in your mind a list of things that are GOOD about your situation.In the morning and at bedtime.This is how children are happy no matter what. They do just that!

Think e.g "that your child is not disabled", or "suffering long term sickness", that "your husband has managed to do a few good things in the last few days", "you are not likley to go hungry today", "people in the next village (for those in Van you can think of Mission) are not plotting to murder your family", etc etc. With a bit of discipline you will find it easier every day and then your worries will HAVE to subside.

It is MECHANICAL!

Do try it.

Originally Posted by nohinsara

I agree!



I appreciate your two pennies, but in all honesty, I was waiting for someone to post something along these lines. I have heard variations of this view point many times. It suggests that I should just ignore what I have dreamed of for so many years, ignore the painful reminders everywhere I look, ignore everything my instincts are telling me - that I am in the wrong place at the wrong time, and what I should do is just plaster a happy face on and happily make do because "oh well at least I'm not starving or under threat of violence".

Although I believe this may be an appropriate course of action for some people, it just doesn't work for me. I believe in fate. I believe that the heart wants what it wants, and that you cannot chose whom you love etc. I believe I should be in the UK right now, not because of something that I have built up to some rose-tinted fantasy that I obsess over, but because my heart and my gut tell me so (and have for years). My instincts have never been wrong, so why would I chose to ignore them and stay here where I am obviously not happy? Why would I do that when I have the choice? To me that would be making a choice to be unhappy, to subject my husband and son to my inevitable bitter regret, which would be unavoidable. Doesn't make sense. 6 years ago my instincts told me to stay in London. I ignored them and here I am.

I think maybe you are identifying your feelings and experiences with mine. I'm sorry that you miss BC. perhaps we should trade places? I'll give you a deal on our condo in Richmond

Originally Posted by nohinsara

We've just found out that we will be making a move after all. My DH's employer has given him a promotion.... in Germany!

We're thrilled with the news and now running around like headless chickens trying to get everything sorted!

It's not England, but it's a damn sight closer than British Columbia, Canada!