Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > Moving back or to the UK
Reload this Page >

*Vent* shackled by circumstance

*Vent* shackled by circumstance

Old Apr 15th 2007, 8:09 pm
  #76  
After 10 years of trying
Thread Starter
 
nohinsara's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: North West England
Posts: 102
nohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nice
Default Re: *Vent* shackled by circumstance

Originally Posted by YankeemovingAbroad
Its not so easy making your self accept situations which are emotionally depressing no matter how many times you try to think positive .We all have certain goals for our life and if the twist and turns of life places us where we fall short of those goals only a quiter would just give in with out trying to turn things around.Life is a journey and like a road map there are many streets to travel on and who says you have to take the same route each and every trip.
I agree!

Originally Posted by Gezza
My two pennies would be: that almost all of this misery of "wanting to be somewhere else" with, or without a husband at hand and "murdering onself regretting old decissions", "unable to finance a way out" is in the MIND!

Self-inflicted unhappiness.
Think. All who see you believe you have many reasons to be happy.

But reinforced from a small thouhts that occured somewhere way back and grew by day, your problem has grown into an painful obsession. Most of the circumstances you describe are far from catastrophic compared to what many poor and unfortunate people suffer in some wreched places.

I believe that very few people are actually "shackled by circumstances" and most become "shackled by their own thoughts".

I had myslef spent several years in BC dying to come to U.K. and an then, a few years later agonizing in U.K. to be in BC. My marriage is not rosy and both me and my wife are really quite awaful people at times.

The idea is really to try and train your mind away from negative thoughts. How is that done? You can start by making in your mind a list of things that are GOOD about your situation.In the morning and at bedtime.This is how children are happy no matter what. They do just that!

Think e.g "that your child is not disabled", or "suffering long term sickness", that "your husband has managed to do a few good things in the last few days", "you are not likley to go hungry today", "people in the next village (for those in Van you can think of Mission) are not plotting to murder your family", etc etc. With a bit of discipline you will find it easier every day and then your worries will HAVE to subside.

It is MECHANICAL!

Do try it.

I appreciate your two pennies, but in all honesty, I was waiting for someone to post something along these lines. I have heard variations of this view point many times. It suggests that I should just ignore what I have dreamed of for so many years, ignore the painful reminders everywhere I look, ignore everything my instincts are telling me - that I am in the wrong place at the wrong time, and what I should do is just plaster a happy face on and happily make do because "oh well at least I'm not starving or under threat of violence".

Although I believe this may be an appropriate course of action for some people, it just doesn't work for me. I believe in fate. I believe that the heart wants what it wants, and that you cannot chose whom you love etc. I believe I should be in the UK right now, not because of something that I have built up to some rose-tinted fantasy that I obsess over, but because my heart and my gut tell me so (and have for years). My instincts have never been wrong, so why would I chose to ignore them and stay here where I am obviously not happy? Why would I do that when I have the choice? To me that would be making a choice to be unhappy, to subject my husband and son to my inevitable bitter regret, which would be unavoidable. Doesn't make sense. 6 years ago my instincts told me to stay in London. I ignored them and here I am.

I think maybe you are identifying your feelings and experiences with mine. I'm sorry that you miss BC. perhaps we should trade places? I'll give you a deal on our condo in Richmond
nohinsara is offline  
Old Apr 15th 2007, 10:35 pm
  #77  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Poland
Posts: 577
Gezza is a glorious beacon of lightGezza is a glorious beacon of lightGezza is a glorious beacon of lightGezza is a glorious beacon of lightGezza is a glorious beacon of lightGezza is a glorious beacon of lightGezza is a glorious beacon of lightGezza is a glorious beacon of lightGezza is a glorious beacon of lightGezza is a glorious beacon of lightGezza is a glorious beacon of light
Default Re: *Vent* shackled by circumstance

Originally Posted by nohinsara
I agree!



I appreciate your two pennies, but in all honesty, I was waiting for someone to post something along these lines. I have heard variations of this view point many times. It suggests that I should just ignore what I have dreamed of for so many years, ignore the painful reminders everywhere I look, ignore everything my instincts are telling me - that I am in the wrong place at the wrong time, and what I should do is just plaster a happy face on and happily make do because "oh well at least I'm not starving or under threat of violence".

Although I believe this may be an appropriate course of action for some people, it just doesn't work for me. I believe in fate. I believe that the heart wants what it wants, and that you cannot chose whom you love etc. I believe I should be in the UK right now, not because of something that I have built up to some rose-tinted fantasy that I obsess over, but because my heart and my gut tell me so (and have for years). My instincts have never been wrong, so why would I chose to ignore them and stay here where I am obviously not happy? Why would I do that when I have the choice? To me that would be making a choice to be unhappy, to subject my husband and son to my inevitable bitter regret, which would be unavoidable. Doesn't make sense. 6 years ago my instincts told me to stay in London. I ignored them and here I am.

I think maybe you are identifying your feelings and experiences with mine. I'm sorry that you miss BC. perhaps we should trade places? I'll give you a deal on our condo in Richmond
thanks for the swap offer. But I have actually done my homework this time and know I wouldn't be any happier in Richmond long term..
As someone once said: The only happiness there is is from doing your daily duty!.. Sad... I know.
Gezza is offline  
Old Jul 30th 2007, 7:16 pm
  #78  
After 10 years of trying
Thread Starter
 
nohinsara's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: North West England
Posts: 102
nohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nice
Default Re: *Vent* shackled by circumstance UPDATE

We've just found out that we will be making a move after all. My DH's employer has given him a promotion.... in Germany!

We're thrilled with the news and now running around like headless chickens trying to get everything sorted!

It's not England, but it's a damn sight closer than British Columbia, Canada!
nohinsara is offline  
Old Jul 30th 2007, 11:33 pm
  #79  
Back in the UK
 
alicecat's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Australia-UK-Australia-UK
Posts: 366
alicecat has a reputation beyond reputealicecat has a reputation beyond reputealicecat has a reputation beyond reputealicecat has a reputation beyond reputealicecat has a reputation beyond reputealicecat has a reputation beyond reputealicecat has a reputation beyond reputealicecat has a reputation beyond reputealicecat has a reputation beyond reputealicecat has a reputation beyond reputealicecat has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: *Vent* shackled by circumstance UPDATE

Originally Posted by nohinsara
We've just found out that we will be making a move after all. My DH's employer has given him a promotion.... in Germany!

We're thrilled with the news and now running around like headless chickens trying to get everything sorted!

It's not England, but it's a damn sight closer than British Columbia, Canada!
Have just read through this thread and was pleased to see a solution came to you! Congratulations!

BTW was Babsi pregnant?
alicecat is offline  
Old Jul 31st 2007, 6:17 am
  #80  
After 10 years of trying
Thread Starter
 
nohinsara's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: North West England
Posts: 102
nohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nicenohinsara is just really nice
Default Re: *Vent* shackled by circumstance

Thank you Here's hoping life goes smoothly for us in Germany!

As far as I know Babsi was not pregnant... but I haven't talked to her in awhile, so that could be incorrect information!
nohinsara is offline  

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.