Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > Canada > The Maple Leaf
Reload this Page >

Offering your seat to a lady?

Offering your seat to a lady?

Old Jun 11th 2008, 8:01 pm
  #1  
Lowering the tone
Thread Starter
 
Jingsamichty's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 6,424
Jingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond repute
Default Offering your seat to a lady?

Query on bus manners here...

I have been taking the bus to work, and by the time it gets downtown it's pretty full.

In general, I'd say that Canadians (well, certainly Calgarians) are kind and generous people, but I have never seen anyone offer their seat on the bus to a lady, whether old, fat, pregnant, whatever.

So I've been sitting in my seat on the bus, feeling very uncomfortable that nearby a woman may be standing, and unsure of whether I ought to behave the way I was brought up to, or if the woman would (a) be shocked that I even offered, and (b) take offence that apparently I thought she was old or fat or otherwise in greater need of a seat than me.

So, can I continue to enjoy my seat without feeling guilty?? (It's only a 20 minute journey)
Jingsamichty is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 8:27 pm
  #2  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 806
Caitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

i've done and continue to do that to anyone pregnant, elderly, injured or unstable, and htat includes the gents.

its manners.
Caitilin is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 8:39 pm
  #3  
Now on Vancouver Island
 
Judy in Calgary's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 6,935
Judy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

Originally Posted by Caitilin View Post
i've done and continue to do that to anyone pregnant, elderly, injured or unstable, and htat includes the gents.
Ditto. As a healthy woman, I don't expect a man to offer his seat to me. I offer my seat to elderly and injured people of either gender and to pregnant women.
x
Judy in Calgary is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 8:41 pm
  #4  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: "Teh Westurn Zone D'oh Quebec"
Posts: 334
dthomas has a reputation beyond reputedthomas has a reputation beyond reputedthomas has a reputation beyond reputedthomas has a reputation beyond reputedthomas has a reputation beyond reputedthomas has a reputation beyond reputedthomas has a reputation beyond reputedthomas has a reputation beyond reputedthomas has a reputation beyond reputedthomas has a reputation beyond reputedthomas has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

Originally Posted by Jingsamichty View Post
Query on bus manners here...

I have been taking the bus to work, and by the time it gets downtown it's pretty full.

In general, I'd say that Canadians (well, certainly Calgarians) are kind and generous people, but I have never seen anyone offer their seat on the bus to a lady, whether old, fat, pregnant, whatever.

So I've been sitting in my seat on the bus, feeling very uncomfortable that nearby a woman may be standing, and unsure of whether I ought to behave the way I was brought up to, or if the woman would (a) be shocked that I even offered, and (b) take offence that apparently I thought she was old or fat or otherwise in greater need of a seat than me.

So, can I continue to enjoy my seat without feeling guilty?? (It's only a 20 minute journey)
What century are you living in?

Last edited by dthomas; Jun 11th 2008 at 8:42 pm. Reason: typo
dthomas is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 8:48 pm
  #5  
Lowering the tone
Thread Starter
 
Jingsamichty's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 6,424
Jingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

Sorry, perhaps I phrased it clumsily. Of course I would offer my seat to a elderly or infirm man or woman, or to an obviously pregnant woman.

But, given that you otherwise fit and sturdy women would not expect to be offered a seat just because of your gender, would you be offended if a man did offer you a seat? Would you assume it was because he thought you needed it more than him?

...and would you take it?
Jingsamichty is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 8:54 pm
  #6  
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,139
ireland2canada is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

Originally Posted by Jingsamichty View Post
Query on bus manners here...

I have been taking the bus to work, and by the time it gets downtown it's pretty full.

In general, I'd say that Canadians (well, certainly Calgarians) are kind and generous people, but I have never seen anyone offer their seat on the bus to a lady, whether old, fat, pregnant, whatever.

So I've been sitting in my seat on the bus, feeling very uncomfortable that nearby a woman may be standing, and unsure of whether I ought to behave the way I was brought up to, or if the woman would (a) be shocked that I even offered, and (b) take offence that apparently I thought she was old or fat or otherwise in greater need of a seat than me.

So, can I continue to enjoy my seat without feeling guilty?? (It's only a 20 minute journey)

Aww I think it's rather sweet that you've even thought about it.
I would readily offer my seat to an old person etc, as Caitilin says, it's manners.
As a 'lady' however, if someone was to offer me their seat due to my gender I would probably just gawk at them. I wouldn't accept their offer out of embarrassment!

Male or female - we are all just people.
ireland2canada is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 9:05 pm
  #7  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 806
Caitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

Originally Posted by Jingsamichty View Post
Sorry, perhaps I phrased it clumsily. Of course I would offer my seat to a elderly or infirm man or woman, or to an obviously pregnant woman.

But, given that you otherwise fit and sturdy women would not expect to be offered a seat just because of your gender, would you be offended if a man did offer you a seat? Would you assume it was because he thought you needed it more than him?

...and would you take it?
offended? no, expect it? equally as no. Accept it? usually, yeah, if they're kind enough to offer.
Caitilin is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 9:23 pm
  #8  
Lowering the tone
Thread Starter
 
Jingsamichty's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 6,424
Jingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

Originally Posted by dthomas View Post
What century are you living in?
Good manners are timeless, and "manners maketh the man."

I was brought up (on pain of a clip round the ear) to offer my seat to a lady, any lady - in fact even any adult. Even though that was when I was a child, I still feel uncomfortable sitting if a woman is standing, as something within me will always consider it the right thing to do. It's nothing more than manners.
Jingsamichty is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 9:42 pm
  #9  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 806
Caitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond reputeCaitilin has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

Thats also the reason i tend to accept - even though i'd never ask or expect anyone ot offer and tend to offer myself!

its manners. If they offer it would be churlish and ungrateful not to accept and thank them politely.

I always thought of manners as a game, a way for people to steer each other politely into what tehy want or expect.
Caitilin is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 9:52 pm
  #10  
Sawdust making harpy
 
mandymoochops's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Alberta
Posts: 11,291
mandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

lol if a woman were to look at you strangely due to you offering her a seat just say this

"I'm not offering it to you because you are a lady, I'm offering it because i'm a gentleman"!
mandymoochops is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 9:59 pm
  #11  
Cynically amused.
 
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: BC
Posts: 3,648
dingbat has a reputation beyond reputedingbat has a reputation beyond reputedingbat has a reputation beyond reputedingbat has a reputation beyond reputedingbat has a reputation beyond reputedingbat has a reputation beyond reputedingbat has a reputation beyond reputedingbat has a reputation beyond reputedingbat has a reputation beyond reputedingbat has a reputation beyond reputedingbat has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

Originally Posted by Jingsamichty View Post
Good manners are timeless, and "manners maketh the man."

I was brought up (on pain of a clip round the ear) to offer my seat to a lady, any lady - in fact even any adult. Even though that was when I was a child, I still feel uncomfortable sitting if a woman is standing, as something within me will always consider it the right thing to do. It's nothing more than manners.
Using the word "lady" is considered to be discriminatory in my office.
dingbat is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 10:09 pm
  #12  
Now on Vancouver Island
 
Judy in Calgary's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 6,935
Judy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond reputeJudy in Calgary has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

Originally Posted by Jingsamichty View Post
But, given that you otherwise fit and sturdy women would not expect to be offered a seat just because of your gender, would you be offended if a man did offer you a seat? Would you assume it was because he thought you needed it more than him?

...and would you take it?
I'm 56 years old and grey haired, as you probably can tell from my avatar. Occasionally young men and women and even middle aged men offer me their seat. When they do, I smile, thank them, and accept it.

But, as I said earlier, I'm healthy, and I don't feel that I'm automatically entitled to someone else's seat.
x
Judy in Calgary is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 10:15 pm
  #13  
Lowering the tone
Thread Starter
 
Jingsamichty's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 6,424
Jingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond reputeJingsamichty has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

Judy,

Looks more like 36 years old and blonde hair to me....

<This must be the politest thread on here today!!!>
Jingsamichty is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 10:19 pm
  #14  
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,139
ireland2canada is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

I would not decline the offer out of 'ungratefullness'. I believe you can be just as polite & well mannered simply by saying no thank you!

When I'm old though, I'll possibly milk it for all it's worth
ireland2canada is offline  
Old Jun 11th 2008, 10:21 pm
  #15  
Scottish Canuck
 
Cookie's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Auld Scotia > Nova Scotia > Calgary
Posts: 3,700
Cookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Offering your seat to a lady?

If offered, I would probably not take the seat but would spend the rest of the journey wondering if I look pregnant
Cookie is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information -

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.