Jingsamichty

That's tough, PP. Sending best wishes to you and your husband, and indeed everyone else on this thread who's shared a burden. It's shit getting old, but I suppose it's better than the alternative. Chin up.

bats

My close friend of 54 years has been diagnosed with cancer, that's on top of being quadraplegic. I'll quit bellyaching now and appreciate what i have

Piff Poff

thanks.

yep you definitely don't have to go far to find someone that is having some sort of disaster. Earlier this summer my daughter's boyfriend died, so that was a hideous time too, she went back to work this week, so she's starting to come through the other side.

bats

Oh dear lord you have had a lot on your plate. I hope you have someone to vent to. Look after yourself

Rete

I believe that is a large part of coping with life changing events and health issues ... having someone to vent to. Lots of ears here for you, PP

Piff Poff

I don't want to bore people. We've all got a lot on. One thing I'm trying to get past is the annoyance I feel with my hubs as I think he could have had a different outcome had he done what the docs said years ayeaand following up rather than just blatantly ignoring things.

BEVS

It doesn't bore people I agree . You have every right to feel annoyed. I nearly wrote that to you the other day . I would feel the same.
No magic answer for you. Just hope something works out somehow

Piff Poff

Thank you xxx

Jingsamichty

As a man I'm afraid I completely recognise the attitude of "ignore it until I can't any more." It's a common failing which is very difficult to address. Your husband will know he should have done something earlier, and he'll be angry at himself for putting you through this. Speak to him about it, it might do you both good. Again, best wishes to you both and to everyone else who could use some.

Piff Poff

I tried speaking to him about it and got 'I don't want to talk about it and start getting depressed'

I think our only way forward financially is to to sell up and move to be mortgage free or almost mortgage free. He won't talk about or research his condition.

I don't want to keep banging on about it but we do need to make plans and we can't if he doesn't face the reality.

spouse of scouse

Piff Poff, I'm really sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. Also sorry to hear about his very good impersonation of an ostrich, he mightn't be able to help it but it makes things so much more difficult for you.

I feel a bit silly posting this, as you/your husband are probably already linked in with them, but just in case - I note that the Red Deer chronic kidney disease clinic has social workers on staff. I wonder if a talk with them would help? They might be able to assist with financial info, or point you in the right direction. They may (or know of a service who will) do a counselling/support home visit with your husband. Somehow this ostrich needs to start accepting reality, not only for his own sake but for yours too.
https://www.albertahealthservices.ca...lityID=1070401

Another thought (sorry for rabbiting on), is there a family member or close friend who you think he might listen to? Sometimes someone a little more removed from the impact of these things finds it a bit easier to speak the hard truths that need to be said, and along the same lines, your husband might feel more able to speak about his fears with someone who isn't also greatly impacted by his diagnosis.

I'm so sorry you're both having to deal with this xx

bats

That's such an annoying thing and then you're torn between upset and ' i told you so' anger. And no we would never get bored, we are here for you so let rip. I wasn't aiming my comment at you but rather at myself for whinging on.

Piff Poff

Thank you so much. We are under the care of the kidney clinic. A week Monday ago was the 1st appointment I attended as it was a these are the methods of dialysis appt.

I asked 'how imminent is all this?' Hubs had been telling ne in a couple of years, the nurse said, it depends on the numbers but we are looking at 3 - 6 months.

That Mada me gulp.

Then the Dr came in and said the only way we can try to bring the BP down now is to start dialysis in the next couple of weeks and then they can up meds. He is on the max for BP meds and it's still quite often 190 over 130.

Hence my o shit.

And then we were told once he starts dialysis he can't lift more than 25lbs. That's not a great weight for a car mad mechanic.

Hubs has no friends, he goes out of his way to have no friends. He says he only needs me.

Piff Poff

And it's also why would I give you my kidney when you've done absolutely nothing to protect the function in the ones you have got. But I can't say that. 😕

bats

I hear ya. You must want to shake some sense into him.