Voyager970

He or shes a few sandwiches short of a picnic
The lights there but its not switched on
Wouldn,t piss on him if he was on fire
Wouldn,t give him the steam off my sh*t
He,s tighter than two coats of paint
He,s tighter than a nuns fa**ie
Couldn,t punch his way out of a wet paper bag
As thick as two 4x4,s
Not the brightest bulb in the room

MMM Theres more, will post more once the memory gets into gear

Eddie

Alberta_Rose

A mother's place is in the wrong.

Tired as a newt.

Tainted money ('taint mine, 'taint yours!)

A medical one ..... "Her problems are mostly supra-tentorial (ie between the ears!)

Another medical one: Patients were often referred to physio with vague knee pain and a diagnosis "IDK". We were told it meant Internal Derangement of the Knee, but we all knew it really meant "I Don't Know"!

I too have said "laughed like a drain" and had to explain it to a Canadian.

ellsie

Told my daughter to 'pull her socks up' and her canadian friend looked at me blankly,'she's not earing any!'
Tighter than a duck's *rse, watertight.
My favourite at the moment is 'sometimes you're the pigeon, sometimes you're the statue'

Mountain Girl

Ok now here's one you might not have heard.......

not my favourite saying but a good one liner .....




" it goes like sh-t OFF of a shovel"


might be a rural thing not sure........I dont mind if you tell me I am weird.

kate white

hay, lavey heed

nearly sh... a brick

eyes like a dogs balls

Linda P

As mad as a badger

Mouth like Gandhi's flip flop (one of my all time favourites)

Completely cliffed it (when someone has gone mad)

May the fleas of a thousand camels rot under your hairy armpits

Suck it up princess and put your big girls panties on (my new Canadian one )


Great thread!!!!


Linda

VCox

We used to say about a (useless) manager we had:

"He couldn't run a bath, never mind an office"

hot wasabi peas

As sharp as a mashed potato.

(when someone mentions their height)
I knew they piled it that high but I didn't know they dressed it.

(said about a woman with too much makeup on)
A little heavy on the icing, eh cupcake.

He's so ugly, he makes onions cry.

Sometimes when I open my mouth, it's only to exchange feet.

Yellow as mustard but without the bite.

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Adbru

"Crabbit as a bag of weasels"

"Face like a bag of spanners "

burton bunch

Mines is :

"you're gripping my sh-t"

ann m

When hubby and I built our house a few years ago - complete novices - every job was tackled with the expression "It can't be that difficult" - and of course, it always was. This is now a common phrase in our house (ok, not funny, but it fits so many scenarios and is still said all the time).

Mad as a box of frogs

Mad as a ship's cat

Face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

He's so tight, his arse squeaks

Atlantic Xpat

Newfoundland ones (yes in common use):

'Whadder yer 'at?' - Hows it going? Whats happening? A general conversation opener.
'Whaaaaaaaa?' or 'Er Whaaaa?' What?
'Where's the jesus <insert object here>?" i.e. 'Where's the jesus hammer?'

A favourite phrase from work (UK not Canadian):

'NGB' - Nice guy, but.... A coworker who is perfectly pleasant socially but utterly incompetent professionally.

Other favourites:
'Cold as a well digger's arse'
'A complete nutbar'
'orlright treacle' (used to piss Mrs AX off!)

AX

kate white

after a night out.( got a mouth like a Arabs sandle)

Steve_P

A good old scouse one from many years ago.

Gorra face like a ruptured custard.

Linda P

Beaten with an ugly stick

The more I see of some people....the more I love my dog.

The last time I saw legs like that...they were hanging from a nest!

Linda