do you indulge in spanking
Oct 3rd 2008, 1:39 pm
#76
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 7,284
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Intervention is tricky. I have a child who, from her behaviour, is obviously strange. She gets into finger twirling in front of her face and hopping from one foot to the other. This alone is sufficient to prompt well meaning bystanders to tell me how to fix it, at the beach; "she wouldn't be doing that if she was wearing a sun hat". Once the children of the bystanders start immitating her, as they so often do, the anxiety of the bystanders mounts rapidly (like two minutes of hopping is going to give their kids autism) and they have to tell me how to prevent the twirling. I rarely respond kindly.
I don't hit her but I do sometimes force her to the ground or grab her and throw her over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes. I've seen people watch this and consider commenting on my apparently rough behaviour. I'd rather they didn't as I'm not about to explain and may be harsh.
My point here is that a quick judgment of a stranger's actions may very well not be the right one, as onlookers we don't know the whole story. Nothing is always a clever thing to say and usually the clever thing to do.
I don't hit her but I do sometimes force her to the ground or grab her and throw her over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes. I've seen people watch this and consider commenting on my apparently rough behaviour. I'd rather they didn't as I'm not about to explain and may be harsh.
My point here is that a quick judgment of a stranger's actions may very well not be the right one, as onlookers we don't know the whole story. Nothing is always a clever thing to say and usually the clever thing to do.
I have seen a child slapped on the backside with such force it knocked him over, there was a policeman outside the shop, so I told him. When I have been at work I have seen parents' odd behaviour with children. When this happened I spoke to the Child Protection Nurse, or the nurses dealing with the case for advice. They decided if any follow up was needed.
I have xrayed a few non accidental injuries and perhaps seeing what can happen colours my judgement. The violence I have been talking about is above and beyond what the situation would call for. So not really a quick judgement but one that causes a great deal of thought.
Oct 3rd 2008, 1:59 pm
#77
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 176
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Intervention is tricky. I have a child who, from her behaviour, is obviously strange. She gets into finger twirling in front of her face and hopping from one foot to the other. This alone is sufficient to prompt well meaning bystanders to tell me how to fix it, at the beach; "she wouldn't be doing that if she was wearing a sun hat". Once the children of the bystanders start immitating her, as they so often do, the anxiety of the bystanders mounts rapidly (like two minutes of hopping is going to give their kids autism) and they have to tell me how to prevent the twirling. I rarely respond kindly.
I don't hit her but I do sometimes force her to the ground or grab her and throw her over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes. I've seen people watch this and consider commenting on my apparently rough behaviour. I'd rather they didn't as I'm not about to explain and may be harsh.
My point here is that a quick judgment of a stranger's actions may very well not be the right one, as onlookers we don't know the whole story. Nothing is always a clever thing to say and usually the clever thing to do.
I don't hit her but I do sometimes force her to the ground or grab her and throw her over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes. I've seen people watch this and consider commenting on my apparently rough behaviour. I'd rather they didn't as I'm not about to explain and may be harsh.
My point here is that a quick judgment of a stranger's actions may very well not be the right one, as onlookers we don't know the whole story. Nothing is always a clever thing to say and usually the clever thing to do.
. I can quite understand how difficult it can be, as I have a couple of family members that have Autism too and it's not easy.When I mentioned that I'd intervene, that would have only been if I saw a parent, literally battering, (hitting their child violently) or 'belting' as it was put by the OP. But thanks to Deeny's post, he's certainly made me think. I believe this to be so right, now... I'd hope that if this was to happen, I'd walk on by, without my emotions getting the better.
Oct 3rd 2008, 2:04 pm
#78
Lowering the tone
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 7,359
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Perhaps the pendulum is starting to swing back towards the common sense side...?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...n-schools.html
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...n-schools.html
Oct 3rd 2008, 4:11 pm
#80
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Joined: Jul 2008
Location: GTA
Posts: 301
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Yep I agree with you there, and what a cheek those people have to butt their noses in your business with your child who has Autism . I can quite understand how difficult it can be, as I have a couple of family members that have Autism too and it's not easy.
When I mentioned that I'd intervene, that would have only been if I saw a parent, literally battering, (hitting their child violently) or 'belting' as it was put by the OP. But thanks to Deeny's post, he's certainly made me think. I believe this to be so right, now... I'd hope that if this was to happen, I'd walk on by, without my emotions getting the better.
. I can quite understand how difficult it can be, as I have a couple of family members that have Autism too and it's not easy.When I mentioned that I'd intervene, that would have only been if I saw a parent, literally battering, (hitting their child violently) or 'belting' as it was put by the OP. But thanks to Deeny's post, he's certainly made me think. I believe this to be so right, now... I'd hope that if this was to happen, I'd walk on by, without my emotions getting the better.
Not that it really matters, but I'm a girl! ( well a 40+ girl!)
Oct 3rd 2008, 4:40 pm
#83
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Joined: Jul 2008
Location: GTA
Posts: 301
Re: do you indulge in spanking
When we were on holiday in the US we saw a few kids wearing t-shirts with a logo....Please be patient with me, I have Autism.
I guess some people wouldn't like it but I thought it probably saved the parents having to explain their child's behaviour to others, especially those that tut and sigh.
I guess some people wouldn't like it but I thought it probably saved the parents having to explain their child's behaviour to others, especially those that tut and sigh.
Oct 3rd 2008, 4:52 pm
#84
Lowering the tone
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 7,359
Re: do you indulge in spanking
When we were on holiday in the US we saw a few kids wearing t-shirts with a logo....Please be patient with me, I have Autism.
I guess some people wouldn't like it but I thought it probably saved the parents having to explain their child's behaviour to others, especially those that tut and sigh.
I guess some people wouldn't like it but I thought it probably saved the parents having to explain their child's behaviour to others, especially those that tut and sigh.
Why should a kid be forced to "expalin itself" in such a demeaning way? It's nobody else's business.
Oct 3rd 2008, 5:04 pm
#85
Sempai
Joined: Sep 2008
Location: Mississauga,ON
Posts: 223
Re: do you indulge in spanking
I personally believe that many parent abuse physical force as a short cut, because it is very exhausting and quite tiring to enforce rules and behaviours through other means and in a way I can be quite understanding of that.
Personally I believe it is about consequences and to me a spank, even if it is just a love tap, is just not the right thing to do.
Oct 3rd 2008, 5:17 pm
#86
Pea Brain
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: TBD
Posts: 6,005
Re: do you indulge in spanking
When we were on holiday in the US we saw a few kids wearing t-shirts with a logo....Please be patient with me, I have Autism.
I guess some people wouldn't like it but I thought it probably saved the parents having to explain their child's behaviour to others, especially those that tut and sigh.
I guess some people wouldn't like it but I thought it probably saved the parents having to explain their child's behaviour to others, especially those that tut and sigh.
Let me know if it's of help.
Oct 4th 2008, 2:55 am
#88
Happy in NB
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Island View, New Brunswick
Posts: 2,020
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Yep certainly was and i see lots of children still smacked in temper by there parents because they don't know how to deal with them,
If you remove a toddler from say biting another child, into a restricted area ( play pen or push-chair ) if your at toddler group, the child is given a time out then when he/ she goes back into play they bite again i would take them home they will soon learn that they have done something wrong ?
I have seen mothers bite there children to show them it hurts
children learn what they live, unexpectable behavior has to be stopped i agree but don't see how smacking would help ?
There are so many ways to punish a child without resorting to smacking .
If you remove a toddler from say biting another child, into a restricted area ( play pen or push-chair ) if your at toddler group, the child is given a time out then when he/ she goes back into play they bite again i would take them home they will soon learn that they have done something wrong ?
I have seen mothers bite there children to show them it hurts
children learn what they live, unexpectable behavior has to be stopped i agree but don't see how smacking would help ? There are so many ways to punish a child without resorting to smacking .
But we stuck to the good old fashioned one short sharp tap on the wrist up to a slapped bum. I have two daughters (21 and 18) and both received some form of physical punishment in their early lives. The eldest received more and the youngest we reduced the amount and type of physical punishementm resorting to more 'trendy' forms of child punishment.
My simple observation of my two daughters as they are now:
Both sensible, drug and binge drinking free, non smokers, not pregenant, always able to take them to other peoples houses for dinner etc.
Personal behaviour/traits
Eldest:
More polite, respectful to people (if not me) and of their property, displays gratitude when people do things for her. Caring (she saves worms from puddles if they are drowning LOL)
Youngest:
More prone to tantrum like behaviour, more selfish, ungrateful, still uses sneaky type behaviour to get what she wants (you know, she smiles sweetly and tells me she loves me)
I love them both equally and believe their willingness to go out with us old folks on day trips, even to want to come to a Tina Turner concert with us
shows me that they do not resent the odd smack they collected during their early childhood.I wouldnt change anything in the way we brought up our two
Oct 4th 2008, 3:04 am
#89
Happy in NB
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Island View, New Brunswick
Posts: 2,020
Re: do you indulge in spanking
I attended a Child Protection course and we were advised by the leader of the course that in most circumstances it was probably best to walk by.
The reason for this, she explained, was that the child would likely bear the brunt of the adult anger when home/ later as a result of the confrontation.
The child would more than likely be worse off for the attention.
I have to bite my tongue when I hear parents asking their children " Do you want a smack?"
I have yet to hear one answer "YES"
The reason for this, she explained, was that the child would likely bear the brunt of the adult anger when home/ later as a result of the confrontation.
The child would more than likely be worse off for the attention.
I have to bite my tongue when I hear parents asking their children " Do you want a smack?"
I have yet to hear one answer "YES"
I decided that she was past the age where it was necessary :lol
Oct 4th 2008, 3:09 am
#90
Assimilated Pauper
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 40,020
Re: do you indulge in spanking
If she had been quiet, or had just whimpered, would you have hit her?