DaveLovesDee

Me too!

But I knew with a thread title like that I'd find Butch and Mandy here. Where are Sans and Kate?

Steve_P

Mrs_P called this "the mom look" and it had/has the same result.

She also used to use it at work, she was the head secretary in an elementary school where it was a very necessary tool.

Deeny

What balance-the balance of power,ie the adult has all the power?
Does a 3yr old need a short sharp shock or calm support and guidance?

LotteW

I have perfected "The Look"..... Guaranteed to make my children start to behave instantly.

Hubby uses a counting method - he very rarely has to get beyond 3

steph_h

Both - I offer nothing but support and guidance. But sometimes this is not enough. It never did me any harm. My husband recalls the belt that his dad used to use. Never an option in this household and never will be.

Deeny

Sorry but I don't subscribe to the" it never did me any harm so it must be ok" argument.
I think there are many more effective ways to deal with unwanted behaviour but I don't want this to turn into a personal thing.
Each of us has to do what feels right for our family and circumstances and whatever our viewpoint on the matter we have no right to make judgements or impose our values on others.
Regards

dwight-van-man

Just out of interest - for all of those opposed to hitting, what would you do if you saw someone hitting their child (whether is a 'smack' in the traditional sense or an all out belting)? Intervene, call the police, wade in to give them a taste of their own medicine etc etc Or be British and walk on by

Katie76

Be british and walk on by? - Well, if that's the general opinion regarding a 'smack' in the traditional sense, then yep I would.

A belting - I'd like to belt the guy/gal ,...

No - Seriously,.. I'd intervene without a doubt, and try and reason (not belt) lol !

Deeny

I attended a Child Protection course and we were advised by the leader of the course that in most circumstances it was probably best to walk by.
The reason for this, she explained, was that the child would likely bear the brunt of the adult anger when home/ later as a result of the confrontation.
The child would more than likely be worse off for the attention.
I have to bite my tongue when I hear parents asking their children " Do you want a smack?"
I have yet to hear one answer "YES"

Katie76

Wow !

Yep, I can imagine this happening thereafter . That's a very sad thought.

And you know what, I can believe this to be true too .

Thanks for that

My feelings sometimes get the better of me and I understand, it's not always the best thing to do.

babsi

I posted about this a while ago, we were in a restaurant in May and there was this couple with a little boy, he was probably around 3. He was fine at first, then he started to stand up and the mother was calm at first but as time went on you could see her getting more upset. She said do you want a spanking, eventually they disappeared and you could hear her do it and he came running back laughing. Obviously it did no good at all and no it wasn't my place to say anything. I am sick of people butting into my business so unless I see something bad happening I stay out of it. A few weeks ago a complete stranger shouted at my little boy because he pulled her granddaughter, I was really upset, how dare she shout at him, she should have directed her anger at me and she probably would got a better reaction from me.

Butch Cassidy

OH Crafty, I didnt know you cared

Deeny

It is easy to get emotive about the welfare of children, they are by nature vulnerable and as adults most of us feel compelled to protect them,especially our own.
Woe betide anyone who wrongs mine!

fledermaus

It is your place to say something. You were right to be horrified.

dbd33

Intervention is tricky. I have a child who, from her behaviour, is obviously strange. She gets into finger twirling in front of her face and hopping from one foot to the other. This alone is sufficient to prompt well meaning bystanders to tell me how to fix it, at the beach; "she wouldn't be doing that if she was wearing a sun hat". Once the children of the bystanders start immitating her, as they so often do, the anxiety of the bystanders mounts rapidly (like two minutes of hopping is going to give their kids autism) and they have to tell me how to prevent the twirling. I rarely respond kindly.

I don't hit her but I do sometimes force her to the ground or grab her and throw her over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes. I've seen people watch this and consider commenting on my apparently rough behaviour. I'd rather they didn't as I'm not about to explain and may be harsh.

My point here is that a quick judgment of a stranger's actions may very well not be the right one, as onlookers we don't know the whole story. Nothing is always a clever thing to say and usually the clever thing to do.