do you indulge in spanking
 

I mean just one smack on the bum, nothing vicious. Some are horrifed at the thought of laying a finger on a young child but i am all in favour of it. It does wonders. OR should we let them get away with it? It is hard to reason with a three year old, no?

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I've slapped mine on the bum when they have been bad..i wouldn't do it now though, they are bigger than me:eek:

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

< walks in. Realises the conversation is about spanking children. Walks out disappointed. >

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

No i don't agree with it, full stop violence towards a child should never be tolerated, ( now stands back for the fireworks )

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

But is it violence? My guess is that we have all been spanked at one point or another and are probably too old to remember it. My guess is that it doesn't screw us up psychollogically in later life. So what is the choice? Do nothing and bite your tongue?

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I don't have kids, so maybe the reply isn't realistic.

I don't believe in violence, however I do not disagree with a short sharp 'reminder' about who is the boss. If this is done correctly, it should not be seen as violence, and it shouldn't be used by parents resorting to the last available solution to a problem.

I truly believe that humans (being animals) should take some lessons from them, in the rearing of their kids. You don't usually find a pup / foal / calf that disobeys it's mother. That is because they give short bites / kicks / ears back behaviour.

I've seen one parent (my ex boss) never lay her hand on her daughter, and her daughter was 'the boss' in the relationship which isn't going to help either in the long run.

Of course you cannot generalise on either side, but I for one don't disagree with a slap, but I do very much disagree with violence, and each should be viewed as different...

Ok - I'm writing this, and the smell of a skunk is coming through my front window - frankly putting a kid a room with that smell would be enough for anyone to know right from wrong.....

Bx

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I guess the word 'indulge' caught your fancy?

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I have never smacked my 7 year old, We reason with him have done since he could talk, just discipline in other ways, would you hit a grown person for not doing what they are asked ?

i was hit as a child and yes it has scarred :(

I did smack my older boys on occasion and feel terrible about it, it was sort of expected then, Since then i have had training in child care and how to deal with children it really isn't necessary :D

The thing that most parents don't do is listen to there children they have a lot more understanding than we give them credit for :wub:

Be firm and stick by what you say and teach a child NO means NO right from the start :thumbsup:


Wonder if that works on OHs as well :rofl:

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Problem is that it is hard to reason with them at a young age. Someone who, an an adult, can recall being slapped must have been really badly whacked, it seems to me.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Yep certainly was and i see lots of children still smacked in temper by there parents because they don't know how to deal with them,


If you remove a toddler from say biting another child, into a restricted area ( play pen or push-chair ) if your at toddler group, the child is given a time out then when he/ she goes back into play they bite again i would take them home they will soon learn that they have done something wrong ?

I have seen mothers bite there children to show them it hurts :confused: children learn what they live, unexpectable behavior has to be stopped i agree but don't see how smacking would help ?

There are so many ways to punish a child without resorting to smacking .

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Smacking makes the adult feel better at the time, but not in the long term. It just goes to show that they cannot control the situation and don't have the skill or inclination to find out why the child is acting out in the first place.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I don't believe in spanking kids.

Like Coffeepot, I did hit my kids a few times, and I also feel terrible about it (and did immediately afterwards as well).

I hit my kids when I was angry, frustrated and at the end of my tether. I am not proud of it and would love to be able to turn back the clock to do things differently.

Still, some psychologists say that, if one is going to hit a child, it's better to do so when one is angry. I have read that a child can actually understand, up to a point, that a parent is angry and that that is the motivation for the spanking. They say that the child feels more injured, emotionally, if he/she is under the impression that his/her parent has hit him/her in cold blood, so to speak.

A sobering thought is that a large percentage of old people who experience elder abuse at the hands of their children are people who spanked their children when they were little. That is, statistics show that the chances of your experiencing elder abuse rise if you were in the habit of spanking your children.
x

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

We have smacked our kids, although it was once in a blue moon. Usually sent to the rooms first although oldest daughter is 11 and hasn't been smacked since she was 5.

Youngest daughter is 6 and hasn't been smacked for a while either but yes they both have had the odd smack to the backside, the other thing is it was always one smack, you see some parents in the supermarkets and stuff and it can be 3 or 4 rapid I don't agree with that. The other thing is mine always got one smack to the backside my old man used to smack me round the head.

So I say if it's the odd time depending what they have done then I agree but everytime they do something wrong or doing it excessively like some I don't agree with that.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I was spanked as a child. Slippered, actually.

Almost ritualised - into my mum's bedroom, pants down, over the bed.

I can't say it did me any harm, other than it was embarrassing, but I don't agree with doing it.

Lucky for me I was never tested - never having had young kids. The stepkids were already 12 and 14 when I came on the scene.:)

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I'm with you. I was gobsmacked when we went to Australia to see people openly hitting their children in public, it was like stepping back fifteen years.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I bit one of mine. She bitten me more times than I can count, often drawing blood. It was especially a bother while driving. I thought returning the favour might discourage further biting on her part. I can't say whether or not it worked but it certainly got her attention for a moment.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Isn't that true of everything in Australia?
As for the spanking thing I've never seen the need. How can you tell a kid in one breath that it's wrong to hit/kick/bite etc. and then turn around and smack them:confused:

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Social attitudes, yes. I loved it! Every time my OH bought something I got the change. If a man thought she had nice tits he would congratulate me, as if I'd bought or created them. It was a hoot, for a couple of weeks.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Hitting a child - your own or someone elses, is child abuse. The minute you hit, you've lost control and given that most smacks are dealt by an angry parent, are a hell of a lot harder than a light slap. If a child of any age is going to learn what is acceptable behaviour, it has to be explained to them rationally and calmly - might take a lot of repetition but its the only way they're going to take in what you're telling them. Time outs, naughty step, confiscating toys etc etc are all way more effective because the parent remains in control and the child can clearly see the impact their own behaviour is having. Smacking generally is a nice easy option for parents who can't be bothered.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I dont think it should be encouraged. Too much room for abuse and really its a symptom of frustration and lazy parenting. I think parents more often than not resort to it out of anger and a lack of thinking of other things to try, therefore are not in control. And if you wait to calm down, then the moment has passed and the connection between the punishment and the crime in the kids mind is not going to be there, so its largely pointless.

We try and stick to time outs, taking toys / cherished possessions and other measures, but have to confess that sometimes when an immediate "dont do that again, you might kill yourself" action is required, then a single smack gets the message over. If you use it all the time, it looses any effect anyway as a parenting tool.

With kids its very much "monkey see, monkey do". I dont want my kids thinking that violence is an acceptable way to resolve a dispute.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Me and Iaink had a protracted debate about this issue not so long ago, so I won't get too involved in this again, save to repeat something I said before:

If you genuinely can't tell the difference between violence (i.e. hate and intent to injure, and do harm) and mild form of parental discipline, then it's probably just as well that you don't smack your kids.


Edit: By the way, I hardly ever do smack them, they're great kids who know the rules. But they also know that if they push far enough and long enough that they run the risk of getting their backside felt.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I work with Pre-School children, which can be challenging at times!
In my opinion, there is no situation that justifies smacking.
Smacking is bullying ,pure and simple. As others have said it signifies lack of adult control and serves no purpose as a method of promoting acceptable behaviour in a child.
Children learn from their peers and more knowledgable others around them, if they are subject to physical abuse how are they to know that it is wrong to inflict it on others?
There are many ways for a child to learn acceptable behaviour,positive praise for instance, works wonders. If all around are being congratulated for sharing, waiting patiently or whatever, the child who is not soon catches on...how much nicer is it to praise rather than punish?
I'm not saying there is no place for punishment, but the punishment should be carried out appropriately. Count to 10 or 100 if need be and then act.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

A smack is still a form of violence and lasy parenting im sorry its never justified

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Me too. :(

In fact nothing to laugh at, at all.:sneaky::p;)

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I have smacked my daughter, I'm sorry to say. But it has been on very few occasions and she can't remember me having smacked her when she was little. Once she got smacked as she went to run out on the road and there was a car comming - I was scared for her, she never ran out again.

I also smacked her last year when she was being particularly obstroperous, she had just vandalised a chest of drawers and couldn't see what was wrong with it and was just smirking at me and I lost my temper, I didn't smack hard - but it was enough to make her realise she needed to pay attention to me. Two smacks in 13 years that I can remember, she's a great kid really and I love her to bits, it's a shock factor way of teaching right from wrong on some and very rare occasions. If it happens every day it's no longer a shock.

I remember getting smacked a lot when I was a kid, usually because my sister had been winding me up all day, so I would retaliate eventually and get smacked for it, she has said she used to wind me up on purpose so I got in trouble. She has also said that if I were her and she was me, she would have killed me for what went on when we were kids and she has apologised for terrorising me:blink:

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I guess ultimately it comes down to how you want your kids to see you in later life. I would never describe my childhood as violent, but I was smacked very frequently. Didn't stop me being 'bad', just meant I stayed away from home more and did what I wanted to do outside the sight of my parents. Now, much as I get on with my folks, we rarely speak or visit, despite living 20 miles from them, I don't feel at all close to them and the same goes for my sisters. In fact, my youngest sister hasn't seen my parents for three years. I don't particularly want that for my kids. I don't get how anyone can demonstrate the difference between 'right and wrong' to a toddler by assulting them.

Mild parental deiscipline makes me laugh - in my case it would be a 6'2 14 stone guy who spend half his life in the gym hitting a 2 yr old girl who's less than 90cm tall and probably a stone and a half in weight. How the hell do you detemine 'mild' if you're angry enough to lose control? I could never bring myself to do it...

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Never and I really hate the work spanking, I always say smacking.

For me it is giving a kid mixed messages, you tell them not to hit and then you do it when they have done something wrong. When you have an aggressive 2 year old you have to be so careful with everything, I even make sure what he sees on tv has no violence, even a harmless cartoon with an element of violence and give him ideas. I am even careful with what I watch when he is around and not have anything with shouting as he starts to shout.

What he do is give him one warning, for example if he throws a toy around, he gets it taken away when he does it twice. If we are at the park and he does something, he sits with us in a kind of time-out for 1 minute, 2nd time we go. This method seems to be working somewhat.

But for me what has improved things is having a calm living environment. Both me and my husband are easily upset lol...not necessarily with each other but now we are never like this in front of Kai, everything is just calm, calm, calm

A parent that smacks has no control over their children.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I have never smacked my child.

I would never condone smacking a child for being naughty. I would condone smacking in cases where it is being used to reinforce that what the kid has just done is dangerous. If a kid gets a slap on the arse for trying to stick a fork into a power outlet, it is rather less likely to repeat the experiment.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I found that when as a child I ran my Triang truck into a power outlet and smashing it, a "slap on the arse" was not required the resulting shock was enough to put me off for quite some time. :eek:

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Consequences......how you would hate yourself if that little smack triggered him to fall and end up in hospital

Consequences ......of his actions - privileges/or loss of

Mike I know it's a hard one but play safe;)

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

A 'little smack' is likely to knock a kid over, and cause a subsequent injury that might need treating in hospital?! :confused:

At least present a rational explanation for refraining from smacking.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Yep ,bit my son back once, he never did it again but I am not going to promote it on here as it is a little different nowadays to 26 years ago!

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Sorry I'm not with you and your comment! I did point out the consequence of smacking and also the alternative.:blink:

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Eh? It's your comment I quoted - you think that a 'little smack' could knock a kid over, and cause a subsequent injury that might need treating in hospital. I think that's far fetched and doesn't really present a rational reason for not resorting to smacking.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

OK guess I need a little coffee get the old ticker going again. Anyhow, been there done that, little one nearly fell down the stairs after that "little smack"! How would he have looked at the bottom of the stairs?:ohmy:

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

The problem is that what seems a "little smack" to a 6 foot 220lb man, might not come off that way to the 40lb recipient.

If you have lost it to the point that you are going to smack a kid, the chances are that control is not going to be a feature of your subsequent behaviour.

The basic problem with montreal mikes original proposition was that he said "smack em or let them get away with it". In reality that's not the only choices available. There are many practical, effective alternatives to stop them "getting away with it" outside of inflicting physical pain that should be explored first. It takes a lot of patience to deal with a stroppy three year old. Ruling by fear and calling it respect is not the answer. Ultimately not all that hard to modify by other means, it just requires patience. Lots of it.

There are just far too many studies that show (corporal punishment / smacking/ call it what you want) as being ineffective and an enabler to worse abuse and an ongoing cycle to consider it a practical first line of parenting control. I've never yet seen one of the "supernannies" on TV resort to it or condone it..they always have some other effective technique to use, and they always win. I don't want to get dragged into it again, but it was all laid out a couple of months ago when this was discussed before.

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

I have never had a biter (probably been lucky in that respect), but even if I did, I don't think I would have bitten a child back - what does it teach them? That it is OK to bite. (Actually I was bitten once by one of my children - she was pretending to be a polar bear and bit me on the bum! :rofl: )

I also don't think smacking children achieves anything much either - I was smacked as a child, and was still a little terror. It didn't stop me being naughty, it just meant that I made sure I was never caught!

Yes I have been known to tap my childrens hands with a finger when they were toddlers and going to touch something they shouldn't - a gentle tap and a firm "NO!" stopped them. But that doesn't in any way equate to smacking them.

And even though my kids have never been smacked they are pretty good kids on the whole - we get compliments on their behaviour, so we must be doing something right!

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Thank you for having the patience to reply as I did not, little braindead tonight. I had hoped a had got my opinion clearly outlined but apparently not!;)

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Not to be judgmental, but in this example, it wasn't such a 'little smack', proportional to size/body weight of the kid.

I'm not sure it achieves anything productive, I was smacked pretty hard but just accepted it as a punishment, it wasn't really much of a deterrent from getting into more trouble. I knew my parents cared about me and my actions, and were not really in the business of trying to hurt me, just deter me from continuing to jump off the bridge into the local river, or get up to whatever mischief I could find in rural Yorkshire (no sheep comments, thanks :p).

In retrospect it probably made me somewhat resentful, and there were better ways to have dealt with me, but parents don't get lessons in child rearing, do they?

Re: do you indulge in spanking
 

Hear, hear!