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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Deeny
(Post 6841927)
Hi Katie76,
Not that it really matters, but I'm a girl! ( well a 40+ girl!):thumbsup: :thumbsup: |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Katie76
(Post 6841954)
Oops, sorry Deeny :o
:thumbsup: |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
When we were on holiday in the US we saw a few kids wearing t-shirts with a logo....Please be patient with me, I have Autism.
I guess some people wouldn't like it but I thought it probably saved the parents having to explain their child's behaviour to others, especially those that tut and sigh. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Deeny
(Post 6842017)
When we were on holiday in the US we saw a few kids wearing t-shirts with a logo....Please be patient with me, I have Autism.
I guess some people wouldn't like it but I thought it probably saved the parents having to explain their child's behaviour to others, especially those that tut and sigh. Why should a kid be forced to "expalin itself" in such a demeaning way? It's nobody else's business. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6834700)
I mean just one smack on the bum, nothing vicious. Some are horrifed at the thought of laying a finger on a young child but i am all in favour of it. It does wonders. OR should we let them get away with it? It is hard to reason with a three year old, no?
I personally believe that many parent abuse physical force as a short cut, because it is very exhausting and quite tiring to enforce rules and behaviours through other means and in a way I can be quite understanding of that. Personally I believe it is about consequences and to me a spank, even if it is just a love tap, is just not the right thing to do. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Deeny
(Post 6842017)
When we were on holiday in the US we saw a few kids wearing t-shirts with a logo....Please be patient with me, I have Autism.
I guess some people wouldn't like it but I thought it probably saved the parents having to explain their child's behaviour to others, especially those that tut and sigh. Let me know if it's of help. :) |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by R I C H
(Post 6842140)
I amended my user title after another forum member kindly pointed out my shortcomings.
Let me know if it's of help. :) |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Coffeepot
(Post 6834905)
Yep certainly was and i see lots of children still smacked in temper by there parents because they don't know how to deal with them,
If you remove a toddler from say biting another child, into a restricted area ( play pen or push-chair ) if your at toddler group, the child is given a time out then when he/ she goes back into play they bite again i would take them home they will soon learn that they have done something wrong ? I have seen mothers bite there children to show them it hurts :confused: children learn what they live, unexpectable behavior has to be stopped i agree but don't see how smacking would help ? There are so many ways to punish a child without resorting to smacking . But we stuck to the good old fashioned one short sharp tap on the wrist up to a slapped bum. I have two daughters (21 and 18) and both received some form of physical punishment in their early lives. The eldest received more and the youngest we reduced the amount and type of physical punishementm resorting to more 'trendy' forms of child punishment. My simple observation of my two daughters as they are now: Both sensible, drug and binge drinking free, non smokers, not pregenant, always able to take them to other peoples houses for dinner etc. Personal behaviour/traits Eldest: More polite, respectful to people (if not me) and of their property, displays gratitude when people do things for her. Caring (she saves worms from puddles if they are drowning LOL) Youngest: More prone to tantrum like behaviour, more selfish, ungrateful, still uses sneaky type behaviour to get what she wants (you know, she smiles sweetly and tells me she loves me) I love them both equally and believe their willingness to go out with us old folks on day trips, even to want to come to a Tina Turner concert with us :D shows me that they do not resent the odd smack they collected during their early childhood. I wouldnt change anything in the way we brought up our two |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Deeny
(Post 6839854)
I attended a Child Protection course and we were advised by the leader of the course that in most circumstances it was probably best to walk by.
The reason for this, she explained, was that the child would likely bear the brunt of the adult anger when home/ later as a result of the confrontation. The child would more than likely be worse off for the attention. I have to bite my tongue when I hear parents asking their children " Do you want a smack?" I have yet to hear one answer "YES" I decided that she was past the age where it was necessary :lol |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Dave+Jules
(Post 6843119)
I once asked my 6 or 7 year old daughter if she wanted a smack. She looked at me and answered 'Do I look stupid enough to want a smack?'
I decided that she was past the age where it was necessary :lol |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
I don't understand why all those who are appalled by the idea of smacking their children think that those who have used that type of punishment must all be Child Abusers....:confused:
I could probably count on two hands the amount of times I smacked my kids, but you know it was always the deterrent that could stop them both in their tracks when they were smacking the heck out of each other. My warning that they would both get a clip if they didnt stop tended to cool things down. I am sure the VAST majority of parents who use smacking as a punishment are like me and not the wild bum spanking, angry people you see in the supermarket queue. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 6843128)
If she had been quiet, or had just whimpered, would you have hit her?
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Dave+Jules
(Post 6843129)
I don't understand why all those who are appalled by the idea of smacking their children think that those who have used that type of punishment must all be Child Abusers....:confused:
I could probably count on two hands the amount of times I smacked my kids, but you know it was always the deterrent that could stop them both in their tracks when they were smacking the heck out of each other. My warning that they would both get a clip if they didnt stop tended to cool things down. I am sure the VAST majority of parents who use smacking as a punishment are like me and not the wild bum spanking, angry people you see in the supermarket queue. I don't see how you can differentiate cruelty to children who are yours from cruelty in general. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Dave+Jules
(Post 6843134)
Oh Yes probably with a 2inch wide leather belt with studs in.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
At the onset I had posed the question on the matter of spanking when I wrote: But is it violence? My guess is that we have all been spanked at one point or another and are probably too old to remember it. My guess is that it doesn't screw us up psychologically in later life. So what is the choice? Do nothing and bite your tongue?
Having gone through this thread, and I must say it has been an interesting exercise, I can find nothing to convince me that spanking is that wrong or harmful. I also conclude that those who claim to have been scarred in later life must have been subject to more than a simple well intentioned parental spanking. Spanking young kids will go on. It has in the past and will in the future. That will not change. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6843153)
Spanking young kids will go on. It has in the past and will in the future. That will not change.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dwight-van-man
(Post 6839786)
Just out of interest - for all of those opposed to hitting, what would you do if you saw someone hitting their child (whether is a 'smack' in the traditional sense or an all out belting)? Intervene, call the police, wade in to give them a taste of their own medicine etc etc Or be British and walk on by :thumbdown:
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6843153)
At the onset I had posed the question on the matter of spanking when I wrote: But is it violence? My guess is that we have all been spanked at one point or another and are probably too old to remember it. My guess is that it doesn't screw us up psychologically in later life. So what is the choice? Do nothing and bite your tongue?
Having gone through this thread, and I must say it has been an interesting exercise, I can find nothing to convince me that spanking is that wrong or harmful. I also conclude that those who claim to have been scarred in later life must have been subject to more than a simple well intentioned parental spanking. Spanking young kids will go on. It has in the past and will in the future. That will not change. I think thats very sad to think it doesn't scar of course it does, that child trusts you to protect them and there you go and hit them because you can't won't are to busy to deal with the situation properly. children don't need to be smacked full stop.
Originally Posted by /
(Post 6843160)
I don't think there's any merit in this view. In 1950 spanking children was acceptable, normal, in the UK. Now it's acceptable, normal, in Australia and Island View NB, I think it reasonable to suppose that in fifty years it won't be acceptable anywhere except Australia.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
For me the 'naughty step' was scary enough for my kids.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Coffeepot
(Post 6843448)
I think thats very sad to think it doesn't scar of course it does, that child trusts you to protect them and there you go and hit them because you can't won't are to busy to deal with the situation properly. children don't need to be smacked full stop. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 6843140)
Well, I'm sure we all enjoy a good joke about beating our kids. I trust in this context we can also joke about ****ing them.
Of course I was being facietous about the belt, and I will ignore the ****ing question because it doesnt deserve an answer. Kicking dogs no, but the odd tap across the muzzle yes, spurs on horse I have no opinion on as I don't ride. It seems to me that you look at this with a black or white filter, you have no shades of gray. 8 or 9 spanks in early childhood is the same as beating them weekly for no other reason than to let them know who is in charge. I was spanked as a kid, and with much more frequency than my children received. This experience was similar to the one you think all children who get a spank are getting. That experience made me decide there were strict rules in the use of spanking in raising my kids and they had to be agreed by both of us (parents). For our family it worked. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 6843137)
Do you kick your dog? Where are you on wearing spurs when riding?
I don't see how you can differentiate cruelty to children who are yours from cruelty in general. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
OK, so there are two types of hitting. (spanking and slapping being gentler words that hide the violence behind the action)
1) Hitting the child in anger. 2) Hitting the child as a controlled, premeditated act. Posters have said that in anger isnt acceptable, but if you have the time to think about what you are doing surely you have the time to consider alternative forms of correction? I remember my mum hitting me, used to be across the back of the legs, and it hurt. I also remember crying and being so so upset that I had made my mum so angry that she wanted to hurt me, and because I didnt understand what I had done wrong. As for doing me no harm no that I am an adult, well I remember it with bitterness. I think thats harm enough. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by fledermaus
(Post 6844369)
I remember my mum hitting me, used to be across the back of the legs, and it hurt. I also remember crying and being so so upset that I had made my mum so angry that she wanted to hurt me, and because I didnt understand what I had done wrong. As for doing me no harm no that I am an adult, well I remember it with bitterness. I think thats harm enough. Not the legs or any other part of the anatomy. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6844372)
To me there is only spot: the bum. God made it for spanking.;)
Not the legs or any other part of the anatomy. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6844372)
To me there is only spot: the bum. God made it for spanking.;)
Not the legs or any other part of the anatomy. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by fledermaus
(Post 6844395)
OMG, are you saying its a sexual thing?
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6844491)
Good Lord no, that's the furthest thing from my mind
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by fledermaus
(Post 6844497)
So it was a daft thing to say in this thread then.
I was trying a combination of humour and sarcasm, both of which fell flat. But I am dead serious about my views on spanking as I am sure you are serious too in your views. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6844510)
Daft? Perhaps.
I was trying a combination of humour and sarcasm, both of which fell flat. But I am dead serious about my views on spanking as I am sure you are serious too in your views. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6844372)
To me there is only spot: the bum. God made it for spanking.;)
Not the legs or any other part of the anatomy. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Dave+Jules
(Post 6843129)
I don't understand why all those who are appalled by the idea of smacking their children think that those who have used that type of punishment must all be Child Abusers....:confused:
I could probably count on two hands the amount of times I smacked my kids, but you know it was always the deterrent that could stop them both in their tracks when they were smacking the heck out of each other. My warning that they would both get a clip if they didnt stop tended to cool things down. I am sure the VAST majority of parents who use smacking as a punishment are like me and not the wild bum spanking, angry people you see in the supermarket queue. Like you say, if it worked for yourself when you were a kid, and you feel it works the same for your own children, you're only doing what you feel that's best. No problem with that. Everyone is very different, and although I say this,... I still believe that alternatives are the very best way. But,.. that's just my view, nothing personal intended. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by fledermaus
(Post 6844369)
OK, so there are two types of hitting. (spanking and slapping being gentler words that hide the violence behind the action)
1) Hitting the child in anger. 2) Hitting the child as a controlled, premeditated act. Posters have said that in anger isnt acceptable, but if you have the time to think about what you are doing surely you have the time to consider alternative forms of correction? This is so true which ever way you look at it you are telling the child with pain wether a smack or a thump how can that be right :blink: There is never a situation where there is not an alternative NEVER. I remember my mum hitting me, used to be across the back of the legs, and it hurt. I also remember crying and being so so upset that I had made my mum so angry that she wanted to hurt me, and because I didnt understand what I had done wrong. As for doing me no harm no that I am an adult, well I remember it with bitterness. I think thats harm enough.
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6844372)
To me there is only spot: the bum. God made it for spanking.;) ?
Not the legs or any other part of the anatomy.
Originally Posted by Katie76
(Post 6844582)
I wouldn't say that I'm appalled. Only, I guess for me when I was a youngster things sometimes got abit out of hand to say the least :(. I guess that's the reason why I would never lay a hand on my own children and have such a strong opinionated view about the whole thing and I'm not going to lie, but it does upset me when I see a parent smacking their child, but of course I have to turn a blind eye - Not my business.
Like you say, if it worked for yourself when you were a kid, and you feel it works the same for your own children, you're only doing what you feel that's best. No problem with that. Everyone is very different, and although I say this,... I still believe that alternatives are the very best way. But,.. that's just my view, nothing personal intended. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
I bit my 18-month old daughter once. It was to get her to cry and so release her teeth that were attached to my four year old's bare shoulder. It worked. She also never bit him again. He still has the scar!
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
As a child I used to try not to cry or show I was upset. and sometimes when upset or angry I would hold my breath or have a rigid fit. (yes I know its a bit Violet Elizabeth Bott) My mum would splash cold water on me, or polnk me down on cold tiles to make me gasp and so breathe. I have been told this by my family, I dont remember it at all, but I do remember being slapped.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by fledermaus
(Post 6844687)
My mum would splash cold water on me, or polnk me down on cold tiles to make me gasp and so breathe. I have been told this by my family, I dont remember it at all, but I do remember being slapped.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6844706)
Apart from painful childhood memories can you honestly say you are scarred? By this I mean lasting and irreparable emotional damage, that is screwed up psychologically. From your input to other threads it obvious you are a perfectly well balanced normal person.
I know you are talking of the kind of slapping my mum doled out, and not the heavy handed type that masks a deeper abuse. Even so I dont think there is a place for slapping as a punishment. I dont even try it with my cats. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by fledermaus
(Post 6844732)
I dont even try it with my cats.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Novocastrian
(Post 6844773)
Given that I know where one of your cats originated, I think that's a good idea.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Ok. I didn't want to get seriously involved in this thread at least until it drifted into safety. But I'm in Germany, six hours ahead, slightly drunk and on the internet and so why not?
I recall several occasions when either I or one of my two sisters fell foul of house rules (eldest of us perhaps 9) and were told that we'd get a spanking when Daddy gets home. By our mother. Sure enough, that did happen, but the spanking was nothing compared to the (sometimes) hours of threatened introspection. The upshot was (perhaps wrongly so) that all three of us became totally alienated from our father as we moved into independent adulthood. He died in 1989 and none of us actually cared. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Dave+Jules
(Post 6844145)
It seems to me that you look at this with a black or white filter, you have no shades of gray. 8 or 9 spanks in early childhood is the same as beating them weekly for no other reason than to let them know who is in charge.
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