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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Most, if not all of the serious physical harm cases I deal with, are from (religious) fundamentalist families. This is not to start a rant against any particular faith, this is just my reality as a CP worker. Obviously I cannot be too specific, but one of the few cases which has brought me to tears was a six year old, so regularly spanked with spoons, belts and hands, he had scar tissue and weeping welts all over his bottom and legs. But, the excuse I hear all the time is that these parents spank "in the name of God, and only with love". (Yes really :curse:). I nearly got fired a few months ago for telling a room full of church elders precisely what I thought of that excuse for child abuse. :(
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dingbat
(Post 6844815)
Most, if not all of the serious physical harm cases I deal with, are from (religious) fundamentalist families. This is not to start a rant against any particular faith, this is just my reality as a CP worker. Obviously I cannot be too specific, but one of the few cases which has brought me to tears was a six year old, so regularly spanked with spoons, belts and hands, he had scar tissue and weeping welts all over his bottom and legs. But, the excuse I hear all the time is that these parents spank "in the name of God, and only with love". (Yes really :curse:). I nearly got fired a few months ago for telling a room full of church elders precisely what I thought of that excuse for child abuse. :(
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Novocastrian
(Post 6844808)
Ok. I didn't want to get seriously involved in this thread at least until it drifted into safety. But I'm in Germany, six hours ahead, slightly drunk and on the internet and so why not?
I recall several occasions when either I or one of my two sisters fell foul of house rules (eldest of us perhaps 9) and were told that we'd get a spanking when Daddy gets home. By our mother. Sure enough, that did happen, but the spanking was nothing compared to the (sometimes) hours of threatened introspection. The upshot was (perhaps wrongly so) that all three of us became totally alienated from our father as we moved into independent adulthood. He died in 1989 and none of us actually cared. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6844706)
Apart from painful childhood memories can you honestly say you are scarred? By this I mean lasting and irreparable emotional damage, that is screwed up psychologically. From your input to other threads it obvious you are a perfectly well balanced normal person.
:rofl: Are you saying i'm not. Cheers for that !:ohmy: |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dingbat
(Post 6844815)
Most, if not all of the serious physical harm cases I deal with, are from (religious) fundamentalist families. This is not to start a rant against any particular faith, this is just my reality as a CP worker. Obviously I cannot be too specific, but one of the few cases which has brought me to tears was a six year old, so regularly spanked with spoons, belts and hands, he had scar tissue and weeping welts all over his bottom and legs. But, the excuse I hear all the time is that these parents spank "in the name of God, and only with love". (Yes really :curse:). I nearly got fired a few months ago for telling a room full of church elders precisely what I thought of that excuse for child abuse. :(
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dingbat
(Post 6844815)
Most, if not all of the serious physical harm cases I deal with, are from (religious) fundamentalist families. This is not to start a rant against any particular faith, this is just my reality as a CP worker. Obviously I cannot be too specific, but one of the few cases which has brought me to tears was a six year old, so regularly spanked with spoons, belts and hands, he had scar tissue and weeping welts all over his bottom and legs. But, the excuse I hear all the time is that these parents spank "in the name of God, and only with love". (Yes really :curse:). I nearly got fired a few months ago for telling a room full of church elders precisely what I thought of that excuse for child abuse. :(
Well done for telling the elders off DB |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Yes you can inflict pain mentally as well, and not mean to be cruel, or realise the ramifications.
In my family we had to do things properly, we had to have standards, be decent honest people. This is all good and desirable. The problem came when it wasnt brought about without huge dollops of criticism and negativity. An example of that is when I was a hippy teenager in the 1960s and dressing as one, instead of grasping the fashion and the concept, my parents laughed at me. Methusalah's mother was one comparison, the Wreck of the Hesperus was another. If I got a commended work at school then I was asked why I couldnt do that all the time. Many things were done "for our own good". My poor mum wonders why her only granddaughter doesnt visit her, its because she criticises all the time. Its a minefield being parent. Glad I missed that boat |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dingbat
(Post 6844815)
Most, if not all of the serious physical harm cases I deal with, are from (religious) fundamentalist families. This is not to start a rant against any particular faith, this is just my reality as a CP worker. Obviously I cannot be too specific, but one of the few cases which has brought me to tears was a six year old, so regularly spanked with spoons, belts and hands, he had scar tissue and weeping welts all over his bottom and legs. But, the excuse I hear all the time is that these parents spank "in the name of God, and only with love". (Yes really :curse:). I nearly got fired a few months ago for telling a room full of church elders precisely what I thought of that excuse for child abuse. :(
I really didn't want to get down to personal stuff,.. but what the hell. Unfortunately my dad is an alcoholic (different story I know), but you may like to hear he has recovered and I have no grudge, although my bro still does. He's actually a very loving and caring person, (I always realised that, deep down when I was a kid, though many times I found it confusing), it has scarred :(. But, now that he's sober he's proving what I believed him to be and knew, and that is an extremely caring person; helping all, the homeless, charities, addicts etc.. with psychological prob's. My mum well,.. I blame her background and hormones lol. Am over it now though !!:D:thumbsup: |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dingbat
(Post 6844815)
Most, if not all of the serious physical harm cases I deal with, are from (religious) fundamentalist families. This is not to start a rant against any particular faith, this is just my reality as a CP worker. Obviously I cannot be too specific, but one of the few cases which has brought me to tears was a six year old, so regularly spanked with spoons, belts and hands, he had scar tissue and weeping welts all over his bottom and legs. But, the excuse I hear all the time is that these parents spank "in the name of God, and only with love". (Yes really :curse:). I nearly got fired a few months ago for telling a room full of church elders precisely what I thought of that excuse for child abuse. :(
I was caned at school and it certainly kept me in line. My mum used to administer physical punishment with a variety of objects (depends what she had in her hand at the time). I never thought about it much, mainly because you think that your family is normal and that is what is done to everyone. I learnt later on that she felt trapped in a marriage with three young children and was completely frustrated by my father 'playing away'. Did it effect me? Not that much, it didnt turn me into a psyhcologically disturbed person. I think the lack of hugs and display of affection has had far more effect on me than being whipped around the legs with a dog lead. My life experiences in the real world after leaving home (I joined the army) had more impact on me mentally than anything my mum dished out. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 6844812)
Yes, that's right. Dominance through the infliction of pain is not much of an achievement.
"It seems to me that you look at this with a black or white filter, you have no shades of gray. 8 or 9 spanks in early childhood ISN'T the same as beating them weekly for no other reason than to let them know who is in charge." |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Dave+Jules
(Post 6844973)
Sorry to make you feel smug but it was a typo I meant to type
"It seems to me that you look at this with a black or white filter, you have no shades of gray. 8 or 9 spanks in early childhood ISN'T the same as beating them weekly for no other reason than to let them know who is in charge." |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Dave+Jules
(Post 6844964)
This is the other end of the spectrum from parental spanking.
I was caned at school and it certainly kept me in line. My mum used to administer physical punishment with a variety of objects (depends what she had in her hand at the time). I never thought about it much, mainly because you think that your family is normal and that is what is done to everyone. I learnt later on that she felt trapped in a marriage with three young children and was completely frustrated by my father 'playing away'. Did it effect me? Not that much, it didnt turn me into a psyhcologically disturbed person. I think the lack of hugs and display of affection has had far more effect on me than being whipped around the legs with a dog lead. My life experiences in the real world after leaving home (I joined the army) had more impact on me mentally than anything my mum dished out. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Dave+Jules
(Post 6844973)
Sorry to make you feel smug but it was a typo I meant to type
"It seems to me that you look at this with a black or white filter, you have no shades of gray. 8 or 9 spanks in early childhood ISN'T the same as beating them weekly for no other reason than to let them know who is in charge." I'm with Coffeepot's statement after (^this) post. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Coffeepot
(Post 6845025)
So if your in charge then why do you need to smack them ?
This seems to be an emotive subject for you, please be careful and look after yourself :wub: |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Lorna_D
(Post 6845164)
Dave's statement didn't say 8 or 9 smacks to make him feel in charge, he wrote that 8 or 9 smacks isn't the same as beating someone just to make the abuser feel they are in charge. Hope that made sense, it did to me.
This seems to be an emotive subject for you, please be careful and look after yourself :wub: Nothing wrong with emotive opinions,.. well I never thought anyhow :confused:. Just different opinions. Everyone's different, this is a worldwide forum, not just for the Canadians or whoever,.. or have I jumped the fence ? :blink: Shhhh' t,.. man, how high do you want them !!!? :blink: As said before,.. I seriously didn't realise we needed a ticket ?:ohmy: |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
I've smacked both my kids on the backside and bit my daughter on the back of the hand once (not proud of it) after she drew blood on another child. We've tried the naughty step, time out, 1-2-3 and removing toys and possessions but to name a few. They usually worked for about a week then would have no effect at all. I got a clip round the lug when I was a kid and they still stick out, but seriously though it didn't do me any harm. Back in the seventies we didn't have the internet and the support groups we have today. Now the most effective way of getting our kids to behave is to take their horse riding away if they get to 3 strikes. But surely this is potentially damaging in a phsycological way, that they are scared of being naughty on a daily basis just so they can go horse riding once a week. Who's wrong, who's right? All I know is I'm old school and would rather take a clip round the lug and get the rollicking over with. We do however, sit our children down and explain to the best of our abillities the rights and wrongs in life and hopefully we'll get it right and they still get to go horse riding on a regular basis, which is the case so far. Great thread!
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Katie76
(Post 6845291)
hmmm, I realise this post wasn't for myself, although I did agree with Coffeepot.
Nothing wrong with emotive opinions,.. well I never thought anyhow :confused:. Just different opinions. Everyone's different, this is a worldwide forum, not just for the Canadians or whoever,.. or have I jumped the fence ? :blink: Shhhh' t,.. man, how high do you want them !!!? :blink: As said before,.. I seriously didn't realise we needed a ticket ?:ohmy: With regard to CP my concerns are genuine:wub:, if you search through our posts you will find that she often refers to me as mum and I am concerned with the emotion in her posts from a purely friendly perspective. A lesson I have learned PM people in future.;) |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Lorna_D
(Post 6845467)
Sorry Katie I really don't know where you are coming from. I'll address your last statement, you don't need a ticket to post on BE this is a forum for people who are in the same boat, they are emigrating or immigrants and this one is for Canada however it is great to hear from people from any group. I put no fences up, I'm Welsh and have only been in Canada for a year myself. Feel free to make any comments you want to whoever you want, all posts are legitimate, they may not be interesting to everyone but that's ok :thumbup:
With regard to CP my concerns are genuine:wub:, if you search through our posts you will find that she often refers to me as mum and I am concerned with the emotion in her posts from a purely friendly perspective. A lesson I have learned PM people in future.;) I didn't realise the concern with CP. Sorry about that. I wasn't to know. Hope all is well though, with you both :wub: |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Lorna_D
(Post 6845467)
Sorry Katie I really don't know where you are coming from. I'll address your last statement, you don't need a ticket to post on BE this is a forum for people who are in the same boat, they are emigrating or immigrants and this one is for Canada however it is great to hear from people from any group. I put no fences up, I'm Welsh and have only been in Canada for a year myself. Feel free to make any comments you want to whoever you want, all posts are legitimate, they may not be interesting to everyone but that's ok :thumbup:
With regard to CP my concerns are genuine:wub:, if you search through our posts you will find that she often refers to me as mum and I am concerned with the emotion in her posts from a purely friendly perspective. A lesson I have learned PM people in future.;)
Originally Posted by Katie76
(Post 6845732)
Ok, no worries (am not going to search through posts though. Not my business).
I didn't realise the concern with CP. Sorry about that. I wasn't to know. Hope all is well though, with you both :wub: It is something i feel very strongly about, so probably best i bow out, Just hope the parents that do smack really think about it before they do it and yes it does scar :wub: |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Thank you Lorna for helping to clarify my post to CP.
I don't think I have anything further to add to this thread, you all now my opinion (hopefully) and I just wanted to reinstate that displaying a lack of affection if worse than being slapped. My Mum should to hit me whenever I did something wrong (I wasnt an easy kid ..... I know that may be difficult for you all to believe :D). No real show of affection (hugs, etc). My father was working long hours and then choosing to spend his time somewhere else so he didnt display any real affection. However I respect my parents and would never do anything to deliberately hurt them (apart from emigrate to Canada:blink:). I think the lack of affection thing has been a role model I have replicated with my kids. I have found it so hard to spontaneously show affection and it is still a struggle even now. Luckily Jules doesn't, and she has helped me move away from the cold distant father role model. This should break the cycle here, especially as I have no sons who will take a lead from my behaviour.:o Remember your actions, and inactions, cast a long shadow into the future |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
I am not in agreement with spanking, particularly if you are using it as a punishment for undesirable behavior. So your child hits another child and you tell him that is wrong by hitting him? :blink:
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Maria10
(Post 6848047)
I am not in agreement with spanking, particularly if you are using it as a punishment for undesirable behavior. So your child hits another child and you tell him that is wrong by hitting him? :blink:
http://www.canlii.org/ca/sta/c-46/sec43.html |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Almost Canadian
(Post 6849422)
Looks like those that think that spanking is wrong in Canada need to change the law. Teachers etc, are allowed to over here, straight from the Criminal Code:
http://www.canlii.org/ca/sta/c-46/sec43.html |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Wait a minute...are you all saying teachers are allowed to use corporal punishment in schools in Canada? If so, how common is this???
One of the reasons I wanted to move there is for one of my sons (special needs) to enjoy school without witnessing or being a victim of corporal punishment since schools here (Caribbean) use it. Now I am completely shocked... |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Maria10
(Post 6849444)
Wait a minute...are you all saying teachers are allowed to use corporal punishment in schools in Canada? If so, how common is this???
One of the reasons I wanted to move there is for one of my sons (special needs) to enjoy school without witnessing or being a victim of corporal punishment since schools here (Caribbean) use it. Now I am completely shocked... No need for panic, beatings in schools are not common. I imagine they're legal only to appease fringe religionists. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Still shocked that a modern country like Canada makes such primitive method of discipline legal.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 6849434)
Surely this is a moral issue, the law has nothing to do with it.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Maria10
(Post 6849472)
Still shocked that a modern country like Canada makes such primitive method of discipline legal.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Maria10
(Post 6849472)
Still shocked that a modern country like Canada makes such primitive method of discipline legal.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Almost Canadian
(Post 6849485)
No, the law says it's legal, whether you choose to depends on your moral stance - seems straightforward to me :eek:
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Maria10
(Post 6849472)
Still shocked that a modern country like Canada makes such primitive method of discipline legal.
It is asinine to suggest it is. Here is part of the dicipline policy for the Calgary Board of Education. When disciplining a student, a teacher or principal must not use (my emphasis) (a) physical threats or attacks upon the student, (b) corporal punishment, (c) mass detention and mass punishment aimed at unspecified individuals or groups, (d) verbal attacks such as sarcasm, racial or personal references, (e) deliberate humiliation, (f) removal of the student’s lunch break, or (g) removal of access to the program of studies. If you want to view the entire document it is here: http://www.cbe.ab.ca/policies/policies/AR6001.pdf |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Steve_P
(Post 6849633)
Just because the law is on the books doesn't mean it is a practice in mainstream school systems across the country.
It is asinine to suggest it is. Here is part of the dicipline policy for the Calgary Board of Education. When disciplining a student, a teacher or principal must not use (my emphasis) (a) physical threats or attacks upon the student, (b) corporal punishment, (c) mass detention and mass punishment aimed at unspecified individuals or groups, (d) verbal attacks such as sarcasm, racial or personal references, (e) deliberate humiliation, (f) removal of the student’s lunch break, or (g) removal of access to the program of studies. If you want to view the entire document it is here: http://www.cbe.ab.ca/policies/policies/AR6001.pdf |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Steve, thanks for that info. So it depends on the province or is just one of those laws nobody takes on?
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Maria10
(Post 6850313)
Steve, thanks for that info. So it depends on the province or is just one of those laws nobody takes on?
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Thanks, I got scared for a moment. :(
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
The UK government obviously dont see a problem.
http://news.aol.co.uk/smacking-ban-f...16590097194075 |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
from the link above
Current rules make it illegal for a parent to smack a child if it leaves a bruise but permit a lighter smack or "reasonable chastisement". Prime Minister Gordon Brown's spokesman said the Government was clear on the need to safeguard the interests of children but did not support an all-out ban on smacking. makes perfect sense to me |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6858095)
from the link above
Current rules make it illegal for a parent to smack a child if it leaves a bruise but permit a lighter smack or "reasonable chastisement". Prime Minister Gordon Brown's spokesman said the Government was clear on the need to safeguard the interests of children but did not support an all-out ban on smacking. makes perfect sense to me Unfortunately when you have a vague legislation such as the above - then who defines reasonable chastisement. My point is that everybody is brought up knowing right / wrong, good / bad based on views held by their parents. For instance my parents defined reasonable chastisement as walloping me with a belt - whereas some would recoil in horror at that (much as I did when on the receiving end.!) And another thing to bear in mind is that some people bruise very easily - where others don't. Its such a grey area unfortunately that I don't have an answer to - I only go by my own guidelines and hope that they are good ones, which I think is all any responsible parent can do. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Actually I kinda like the bit about the bruise, assuming the spank is on the bum of course. If dad or mum bruises a child, chances are they gave the kid a nasty whack, which is not right,
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by montreal mike
(Post 6858160)
Actually I kinda like the bit about the bruise, assuming the spank is on the bum of course. If dad or mum bruises a child, chances are they gave the kid a nasty whack, which is not right,
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