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Re: do you indulge in spanking
going back to the biting.
There was a mother who was jailed for 5 months recently for biting her son That if nothing else sends the message out that it isn't acceptable to bite a child. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by LotteW
(Post 6836673)
going back to the biting.
There was a mother who was jailed for 5 months recently for biting her son That if nothing else sends the message out that it isn't acceptable to bite a child. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...by-sister.html ? |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 6836690)
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by LotteW
(Post 6836673)
going back to the biting.
There was a mother who was jailed for 5 months recently for biting her son That if nothing else sends the message out that it isn't acceptable to bite a child.
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 6836690)
How awful, :( |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Indulge in spanking - no, we get no pleasure from having to spank either of our kids - although this rarely happens. However my brother, sister and I were spanked on the rare occasion as kids, and we turned out ok.
We have found especially with my 4 year old daughter katie that withholding privileges such as swimming, hockey, etc., things that she really loves is a far more effective way to discipline our wildly enthusiastic daughter. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by willmore
(Post 6836967)
Indulge in spanking - no, we get no pleasure from having to spank either of our kids - although this rarely happens. However my brother, sister and I were spanked on the rare occasion as kids, and we turned out ok.
We have found especially with my 4 year old daughter katie that withholding privileges such as swimming, hockey, etc., things that she really loves is a far more effective way to discipline our wildly enthusiastic daughter. My twopennyworth. Spanking, slapping, is just plain wrong, its wrong when its an adult being assaulted and even more wrong when its a child. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by fledermaus
(Post 6837082)
lol, who decides that??
:rofl::rofl::rofl: |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Nope not on the kids anyone else is fair game! ;)
Joking aside if you spend quality time with your kids and they are disciplined correctly from day one there's not the need. I tell a lie actually I smacked my oldest daughter ages ago and felt so bad about it that I cried, it was me that lost my temper and that isn't good. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by mandymoochops
(Post 6837235)
Nope not on the kids anyone else is fair game! ;)
Joking aside if you spend quality time with your kids and they are disciplined correctly from day one there's not the need. I tell a lie actually I smacked my oldest daughter ages ago and felt so bad about it that I cried, it was me that lost my temper and that isn't good. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Butch Cassidy
(Post 6837302)
I'm still waiting:p
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
I use the "Paddington Hard Stare" method. My lot scatter like ants when they see that. ;)
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by mandymoochops
(Post 6837235)
Nope not on the kids anyone else is fair game! ;)
Joking aside if you spend quality time with your kids and they are disciplined correctly from day one there's not the need. I tell a lie actually I smacked my oldest daughter ages ago and felt so bad about it that I cried, it was me that lost my temper and that isn't good. I find it strange when people say they grew up with a smack and it didn't harm them, Lots of children grow up perfectly ok with awful things happening in there child hood, i for one can speak from personal experience of this, i have no doubt there are lots of people on this site of a similar age that have been through some horrible experiences and turned out OK Does that mean its okay for them to go through the same ? because we turned out OK wonder how many didn't ? We have the means and the knowhow to deal without violence even a tap ( how do you define that ? why do it at all if its not meant to hurt ?? )on a child is wrong. If everyone spent more time with there children listening and playing instead of rushing from A to B all the time got to get them to do this activity or that and include them im sure there would be a lot less reason to discipline there children and more respect from them in later years, Children need to feel loved and valued im not saying they aren't loved if you smack them surely you wouldn't hit your wife or husband if they did something you didn't like ? The other thing is be consistent no good allowing them to do something one day and then not the next. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dingbat
(Post 6838005)
I use the "Paddington Hard Stare" method. My lot scatter like ants when they see that. ;)
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Coffeepot
(Post 6834865)
I have never smacked my 7 year old, We reason with him have done since he could talk, just discipline in other ways, would you hit a grown person for not doing what they are asked ?
i was hit as a child and yes it has scarred :( The thing that most parents don't do is listen to there children they have a lot more understanding than we give them credit for :wub: Be firm and stick by what you say and teach a child NO means NO right from the start :thumbsup: Wonder if that works on OHs as well :rofl: I was smacked as a child, and it's really not nice :lol:. Ha ! Crazy parents I had :ohmy:. With my kiddies, I pretty much bring them up in the complete opposite approach to how my parents brought me up :p Seems odd to me that an adult smacks their children, especially when they turn round and disapprove their kids of smacking other kids :confused: {scratches head}, makes no sense to me. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dwight-van-man
(Post 6835661)
Hitting a child - your own or someone elses, is child abuse. The minute you hit, you've lost control and given that most smacks are dealt by an angry parent, are a hell of a lot harder than a light slap. If a child of any age is going to learn what is acceptable behaviour, it has to be explained to them rationally and calmly - might take a lot of repetition but its the only way they're going to take in what you're telling them. Time outs, naughty step, confiscating toys etc etc are all way more effective because the parent remains in control and the child can clearly see the impact their own behaviour is having. Smacking generally is a nice easy option for parents who can't be bothered.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
I suppose it doesn't much matter what we think of spanking, it's not legal in Canada (granted everything is illegal in Canada, but this is one of those things that's enforced). Canadians are, I think, conformists and busybodies, so a slap delivered in anything but complete secrecy is likely to result in the Children's Aid turning up on the doorstep.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Coffeepot
(Post 6838093)
:wub: same hear MMC i smacked mine because i didn't know how to deal with them and i am the first to admit it was very wrong , i have talked to the boys about it since they are okay with it but insist they will never smack there kids :wub:
I find it strange when people say they grew up with a smack and it didn't harm them, Lots of children grow up perfectly ok with awful things happening in there child hood, i for one can speak from personal experience of this, i have no doubt there are lots of people on this site of a similar age that have been through some horrible experiences and turned out OK Does that mean its okay for them to go through the same ? because we turned out OK wonder how many didn't ? We have the means and the knowhow to deal without violence even a tap ( how do you define that ? why do it at all if its not meant to hurt ?? )on a child is wrong. If everyone spent more time with there children listening and playing instead of rushing from A to B all the time got to get them to do this activity or that and include them im sure there would be a lot less reason to discipline there children and more respect from them in later years, Children need to feel loved and valued im not saying they aren't loved if you smack them surely you wouldn't hit your wife or husband if they did something you didn't like ? The other thing is be consistent no good allowing them to do something one day and then not the next. I'll explain - if they are playing nicely by themselves - or even if you're in the middle of tidying up - stop go to them and say "come on lets play a game, draw a picture, act stupid or something. Then spend an hour with them and i've always found that this way you don't get pestered when you need to do stuff because they have had their you time - without tugging at your skirt bottom for it. Because its at these times - when they need your attention and start acting up to get it you can lose it. Don't get me wrong i'm far from the perfect parent and my little (well not so little) are back in England with their dad but wonderful kids that you can take anywhere. Another tactic has always been to see things through - for instance the fighting in the back of the car. We went bowling once and my two boys were nearly killing each other - so i said stop or we'll go home. They didn't stop - so we went home - friends and all, took them all back to their respective parents. My boys were so mad but they know I mean what I say! |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 6838619)
I suppose it doesn't much matter what we think of spanking, it's not legal in Canada
"Spanking allowed, implements forbidden to be used on children under 24 months or over 12 years old" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanking#Legal_status |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by iaink
(Post 6838880)
Spanking is legal in canada.
"Spanking allowed, implements forbidden to be used on children under 24 months or over 12 years old" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanking#Legal_status http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/spanking/ |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
my 3yr old can be a stubborn little madam(cant think where she gets it from)
but a short sharp shock is what is sometimes needed.nothing to drastic just a tap on the bum.it restores the balance of things |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Ben W Bell
(Post 6834755)
< walks in. Realises the conversation is about spanking children. Walks out disappointed. >
But I knew with a thread title like that I'd find Butch and Mandy here. Where are Sans and Kate? |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dingbat
(Post 6838005)
I use the "Paddington Hard Stare" method. My lot scatter like ants when they see that. ;)
She also used to use it at work, she was the head secretary in an elementary school where it was a very necessary tool. :) |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by steph_h
(Post 6838904)
my 3yr old can be a stubborn little madam(cant think where she gets it from)
but a short sharp shock is what is sometimes needed.nothing to drastic just a tap on the bum.it restores the balance of things Does a 3yr old need a short sharp shock or calm support and guidance? |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dingbat
(Post 6838005)
I use the "Paddington Hard Stare" method. My lot scatter like ants when they see that. ;)
Hubby uses a counting method - he very rarely has to get beyond 3 |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Deeny
(Post 6839016)
What balance-the balance of power,ie the adult has all the power?
Does a 3yr old need a short sharp shock or calm support and guidance? |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by steph_h
(Post 6839196)
Both - I offer nothing but support and guidance. But sometimes this is not enough. It never did me any harm. My husband recalls the belt that his dad used to use. Never an option in this household and never will be.
I think there are many more effective ways to deal with unwanted behaviour but I don't want this to turn into a personal thing. Each of us has to do what feels right for our family and circumstances and whatever our viewpoint on the matter we have no right to make judgements or impose our values on others. Regards |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Just out of interest - for all of those opposed to hitting, what would you do if you saw someone hitting their child (whether is a 'smack' in the traditional sense or an all out belting)? Intervene, call the police, wade in to give them a taste of their own medicine etc etc Or be British and walk on by :thumbdown:
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dwight-van-man
(Post 6839786)
Just out of interest - for all of those opposed to hitting, what would you do if you saw someone hitting their child (whether is a 'smack' in the traditional sense or an all out belting)? Intervene, call the police, wade in to give them a taste of their own medicine etc etc Or be British and walk on by :thumbdown:
A belting - I'd like to belt the guy/gal :eek:,...:rofl: :DNo - Seriously,.. I'd intervene without a doubt, and try and reason (not belt) lol ! |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dwight-van-man
(Post 6839786)
Just out of interest - for all of those opposed to hitting, what would you do if you saw someone hitting their child (whether is a 'smack' in the traditional sense or an all out belting)? Intervene, call the police, wade in to give them a taste of their own medicine etc etc Or be British and walk on by :thumbdown:
The reason for this, she explained, was that the child would likely bear the brunt of the adult anger when home/ later as a result of the confrontation. The child would more than likely be worse off for the attention. I have to bite my tongue when I hear parents asking their children " Do you want a smack?" I have yet to hear one answer "YES" |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Deeny
(Post 6839854)
I attended a Child Protection course and we were advised by the leader of the course that in most circumstances it was probably best to walk by.
The reason for this, she explained, was that the child would likely bear the brunt of the adult anger when home/ later as a result of the confrontation. The child would more than likely be worse off for the attention. I have to bite my tongue when I hear parents asking their children " Do you want a smack?" I have yet to hear one answer "YES" Yep, I can imagine this happening thereafter :(. That's a very sad thought. And you know what, I can believe this to be true too :ohmy:. Thanks for that :) My feelings sometimes get the better of me and I understand, it's not always the best thing to do. :wub: |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
I posted about this a while ago, we were in a restaurant in May and there was this couple with a little boy, he was probably around 3. He was fine at first, then he started to stand up and the mother was calm at first but as time went on you could see her getting more upset. She said do you want a spanking, eventually they disappeared and you could hear her do it and he came running back laughing. Obviously it did no good at all and no it wasn't my place to say anything. I am sick of people butting into my business so unless I see something bad happening I stay out of it. A few weeks ago a complete stranger shouted at my little boy because he pulled her granddaughter, I was really upset, how dare she shout at him, she should have directed her anger at me and she probably would got a better reaction from me.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Craftybanshee
(Post 6837953)
*cyber spanks butch* ;):D
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by babsi
(Post 6839930)
I posted about this a while ago, we were in a restaurant in May and there was this couple with a little boy, he was probably around 3. He was fine at first, then he started to stand up and the mother was calm at first but as time went on you could see her getting more upset. She said do you want a spanking, eventually they disappeared and you could hear her do it and he came running back laughing. Obviously it did no good at all and no it wasn't my place to say anything. I am sick of people butting into my business so unless I see something bad happening I stay out of it. A few weeks ago a complete stranger shouted at my little boy because he pulled her granddaughter, I was really upset, how dare she shout at him, she should have directed her anger at me and she probably would got a better reaction from me.
Woe betide anyone who wrongs mine! |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by babsi
(Post 6839930)
I posted about this a while ago, we were in a restaurant in May and there was this couple with a little boy, he was probably around 3. He was fine at first, then he started to stand up and the mother was calm at first but as time went on you could see her getting more upset. She said do you want a spanking, eventually they disappeared and you could hear her do it and he came running back laughing. Obviously it did no good at all and no it wasn't my place to say anything. I am sick of people butting into my business so unless I see something bad happening I stay out of it. A few weeks ago a complete stranger shouted at my little boy because he pulled her granddaughter, I was really upset, how dare she shout at him, she should have directed her anger at me and she probably would got a better reaction from me.
It is your place to say something. You were right to be horrified. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by fledermaus
(Post 6840391)
It is your place to say something. You were right to be horrified.
I don't hit her but I do sometimes force her to the ground or grab her and throw her over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes. I've seen people watch this and consider commenting on my apparently rough behaviour. I'd rather they didn't as I'm not about to explain and may be harsh. My point here is that a quick judgment of a stranger's actions may very well not be the right one, as onlookers we don't know the whole story. Nothing is always a clever thing to say and usually the clever thing to do. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 6841587)
Intervention is tricky. I have a child who, from her behaviour, is obviously strange. She gets into finger twirling in front of her face and hopping from one foot to the other. This alone is sufficient to prompt well meaning bystanders to tell me how to fix it, at the beach; "she wouldn't be doing that if she was wearing a sun hat". Once the children of the bystanders start immitating her, as they so often do, the anxiety of the bystanders mounts rapidly (like two minutes of hopping is going to give their kids autism) and they have to tell me how to prevent the twirling. I rarely respond kindly.
I don't hit her but I do sometimes force her to the ground or grab her and throw her over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes. I've seen people watch this and consider commenting on my apparently rough behaviour. I'd rather they didn't as I'm not about to explain and may be harsh. My point here is that a quick judgment of a stranger's actions may very well not be the right one, as onlookers we don't know the whole story. Nothing is always a clever thing to say and usually the clever thing to do. I have seen a child slapped on the backside with such force it knocked him over, there was a policeman outside the shop, so I told him. When I have been at work I have seen parents' odd behaviour with children. When this happened I spoke to the Child Protection Nurse, or the nurses dealing with the case for advice. They decided if any follow up was needed. I have xrayed a few non accidental injuries and perhaps seeing what can happen colours my judgement. The violence I have been talking about is above and beyond what the situation would call for. So not really a quick judgement but one that causes a great deal of thought. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 6841587)
Intervention is tricky. I have a child who, from her behaviour, is obviously strange. She gets into finger twirling in front of her face and hopping from one foot to the other. This alone is sufficient to prompt well meaning bystanders to tell me how to fix it, at the beach; "she wouldn't be doing that if she was wearing a sun hat". Once the children of the bystanders start immitating her, as they so often do, the anxiety of the bystanders mounts rapidly (like two minutes of hopping is going to give their kids autism) and they have to tell me how to prevent the twirling. I rarely respond kindly.
I don't hit her but I do sometimes force her to the ground or grab her and throw her over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes. I've seen people watch this and consider commenting on my apparently rough behaviour. I'd rather they didn't as I'm not about to explain and may be harsh. My point here is that a quick judgment of a stranger's actions may very well not be the right one, as onlookers we don't know the whole story. Nothing is always a clever thing to say and usually the clever thing to do. When I mentioned that I'd intervene, that would have only been if I saw a parent, literally battering, (hitting their child violently) or 'belting' as it was put by the OP. But thanks to Deeny's post, he's certainly made me think. I believe this to be so right, now... I'd hope that if this was to happen, I'd walk on by, without my emotions getting the better. |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Perhaps the pendulum is starting to swing back towards the common sense side...?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...n-schools.html |
Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by fledermaus
(Post 6841625)
In particular I admired YAW's way with your daughter.
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Re: do you indulge in spanking
Originally Posted by Katie76
(Post 6841664)
Yep I agree with you there, and what a cheek those people have to butt their noses in your business with your child who has Autism :frown:. I can quite understand how difficult it can be, as I have a couple of family members that have Autism too and it's not easy.
When I mentioned that I'd intervene, that would have only been if I saw a parent, literally battering, (hitting their child violently) or 'belting' as it was put by the OP. But thanks to Deeny's post, he's certainly made me think. I believe this to be so right, now... I'd hope that if this was to happen, I'd walk on by, without my emotions getting the better. Not that it really matters, but I'm a girl! ( well a 40+ girl!):thumbsup: |
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