I think you are bonkers to even think about this. If I were your wife I would think you were running out on me. Dont you think that "the treatment" would continue to be dished out to her and the children while you were away??

Try another part of the UK, try counselling so you can learn to deal with your parents and if you really want to come back to canada then come together else you will loose too much.

sorry if that was too frank, but you sound like you are floundering and desperately need help that wont be found by leaving

well.........i had better take a deep breath before i start..!!

i've been reading asome of the comments so far, but all i can say in defence is that none of you, with all due respect, can really begin to fathom what is happening with us.

for example,this what happens every single day in my house:

how would you feel, for instance, if you had to come home from work and couldnt put your feet up in your own lounge to relax cos somebody's sat there all day hogging the tv on his/her favourite channel, and had to go straight upstairs to your room and sit around there to relax a few minutes, then rush downstairs to prepare dinner for your parents and also serve it to them, then pick up the dishes and clean/wash them, prepare the table for the kids, wait till they finish, clear the dishes, wash/clean and then tidy up the kitchen, by which time its back upstairs, 1/2 an hour rest and to bed?
how would it feel if you were made to feel a stranger in your own house, with everybody clamming up soon as you walked into the room?

these are just some of the things going on at the moment and clearly we cannot go on like this....

and what other choice do i have to try and salvage our immigration apart from going over on my tod?
yes, i know it will be hard, very hard, but its either that or sit back here and let it slip through our hands...
it was a chance-in-a-lifetime which we screwed up and as far as i can see, if we dont do something now very soon, its going forever.

yes, i realise also that the wife and kids will still be prey to the manipulation and control going on now, but again, is there another choice--no.

better to sacrifice a few years and preserve our status than to lose it all.
and ok, we could move to another place in the uk, but that will not achieve our love to settle in canada and start from scratch.

its a very tough situation far as i can see and what i am proposing is the only way out really, unless we hang up our hats and pledge to lose our immigration and stay here for all time...........

Dear Julius.

Re: Your plan.

It isn't going to work. Your wife and kids will lose PR - they have to be in Canada too. You will be snuggling up with a double double and divorce papers. With all due respect, we really all can [begin] to fathom what is happening with your family, as we kinda watch the show, a bit like the Truman movie, if you catch my drift. No one chains you to the house and your family. You can leave. Your parents will not implode.

Get some spherical appendages. If you want to come back, you know where Heathrow is.

Love Dingbat

BE's Resident Naysayer, but self declared realist. When my "How dysfunctional-co-dependant enabling-families-therapy-self-help -because-I-can't-see-what-is-biting-me-on-the-bottie" book is published, I will send you a free copy. :-)

[QUOTE=julius smith;5097608]well.........i had better take a deep breath before i start..!!

i've been reading asome of the comments so far, but all i can say in defence is that none of you, with all due respect, can really begin to fathom what is happening with us.



HI Julius
Deep breath time here as well ,while i really empathise with your situation you have been a little vague on how your wife views this new plan is she 100% behind it or is she maybe a little apprehensive and your not hearing it as your to focussed on the fact that maybe Canada will be the answer to everything this is so huge for all of you
It seem there has been a lot of discussion based on the fact that your going out alone will make it all right ,without your family with you, it wont , youve come this far together how can you contemplate leaving them for so long listian to the post of Gaynor and fish finger they have experianced this and I would heed their advice
all the very best in whatever descision you come to

Hi Julius,

It sounds like you're in a bad situation and of course no one on a forum really understands the individual circumstances of someone else past what is written. But the fact remains that it's not rocket science for anyone to see that in an attempt to improve your lifestyle a proposed five year separation, umpteen thousands of miles apart, eight hours time difference is not going to be the way to enhance your family way of life. As has already been said you won't have a family left after all that time.

But hey, give it a go and maybe you'll pull it off. Just remember how adamant you were in your need to return back to England after just six months of being in Canada. Everyone on the forum advised you to give it longer but you weren't prepared to. Is there a pattern developing? Maybe your kids can see the bigger picture and it explains their reluctance to want to move again.

You don't really need to be told that how you lead your life is up to you. But this is an internet forum and if you put "it" out there then there's a good chance you'll get replies and comments you'd rather not hear. I don't think you'll ever hear someone say that your proposed idea is the answer to your problem.

Julius, just let it go.

Noone is making you and your family stay at the parents house, its a big country, find somewhere else and reclaim your life.

If England is too grim then consider emmigrating to Oz, or NZ, or somewhere in Europe. Splitting up the family for 5 years for the sake of being in Canada is not the answer, its too high a price.

You sound miserable, I dont blame you, but as Dingbat says, get some spherical appendiges and move out, and get on with your life. Let Canada go for the sake of your family. I like canada, as you know, but I like it most because thats where my family life is, as long as I have them, the geographic location is relatively unimportant.

Do your parents live with you?? I didnt realise this. If they dont, then change the locks, and brace yourself for the fireworks. With any luck they will be so angry they will stop talking to you. If they do then you really really cant leave your wife and children to cope while you escape.

You are between a rock and a hard place, but there must be an alternative to you leaving. I cant see it working at all - unless of course thats what you really want underneath it all

hmm.....no, i am not that callous that want to be away from my family! who in their right minds would?

the wife knows how hard it was to get our immigration, and she also knows that if we lose it, thats it...gone forever.
i am pretty sure she is not looking forward with gusto as it were, to me going away obviously, as she will be left to cope on her own here, but she has said it looks like the only way so far.

and the kids keep saying to us both "go on--what're you waiting for...we can survive here on our own", but we just cannot do that. what parent would want to do that, leave their precious kids in the care of someone who is bound to manipulate them to such a degree, that when we did get together, they probably would be filled with poison towards us.

and they dont want to leave now--not while they are in the middle of their A levels.

i hear what you are all saying, and to all and sundry folks out there, it must sound logical too, but if you were in my shoes and going thru what we have here, you too would be in such a dilemma.
sure, its no big deal getting out of this house and buying another, but that wont solve the crisis of our lost immigration.

this is what all my relatives really want--so that stay here and rot, while they all enjoy their lives to the full.

as i said before, the whole problem has been caused by my own initial coming back from canada in the first place--if i had just stuck it out for at least a year, we would have been fine.

going back to the kids--they will be going to uni after 2yrs from now roughly, and at that stage, they wont be home anyway, as they plan to stay on campus. they would only be coming back during the hols and we could arrange for them to come over to be with us in canada.
so all in all, i would only need to be away for around 2 yrs, then the wife can join me.

sheesh--it IS being betwixt a rock and a hard place, but that is life!

i dont know--failing the plans above, we will have to just shove it and forget about the whole thing and just get on with our lives here as best we can, but i know one thing--i will never ever forget what happened and will most likely cry for the rest of my life at the missed chance and what could have been!!!

PS yes, batty..they do live with us and that is the whole problem! we tried to tell them to come with us, and they wont have it. instead, they started to make our lives miserable....

Except that after three years outside canada she wont be able to maintain her PR status anymore, so there will be a delay for family class sponsorship, security checks again etc. Who knows how long? I guess you can sponsor again as a soon as she loses PR, and then she's all set for another 5 years if they grant her PR second time around.

There is also the danger that when and if they change their minds, the kids might be married or too old to qualify for sponsorship, which sends them back to the skilled worker or PNP line.

.

Excuse me .........but how old are you and your wife ???? And why do you let the parents not just diktate youre lives but ruin them aswell. This all beyond my comprehension. Is it your house or there's,are they invalids,need constant care or what ???? I'm completly baffled. You "running away" to BC wont change much for your wife ???? Do it as a family or not at all

Or you could just deal with your disappointment, face up to what is realistic and accept what can and can't be done.

I came to Canada with my family and through different circumstances my oldest daughter now lives back in England and my second oldest across the other side of Canada in Edmonton. My parents back in England are old and unwell and now I look back and I don't know what I was thinking by deciding to move here. But I'm here, it's not perfect but it's okay and we have to live with our decisions. Some things can be changed and some can't.

Canada will not answer your immediate problems because it's just a different country. The answer to your problems lay much closer to home and that's where you have to dig deep to resolve them.

There is an answer, you have to talk to your parents, stand up for yourself, say what you want, for example that its your turn in the comfy chair as you have been out at work etc etc. Its will be hard but there isnt really a viable alternative is there? Get some counselling, learn how to do these things. Read about Transactional Analysis, theres a good book by Eric Berne -"Games People Play" that may help you.

Dont look back, whats done is done, you have to make the most of it and so be brave, talk to them. dont be bullied.

Realising now that Julius doesnt in fact have to be a citizen to sponsor his wife once her PR is lapsed, the two year plan seems a lot more reasonable to me. It will be hard, but if they really really want to live in Canada once the kids have flown the nest, its not a totally bad approach. But it will be hard on everyone in the short term.

Not sure of the impact on tuition fees in the UK if both parents leave when the kids hit college age?

You're right. Two years would be a lot more managable than the five years which was first mentioned. It was the five years that seemed so shocking. I wouldn't do it for a year though. You never know what's around the corner that will change every value in our life.