Dorothy

So, all of you saying that Canadians are unfriendly and that you only get superficial, tell me how many immigrants you were friends with back home? Not just saying hello at the school gate or work colleagues or acquaintances, but real friends. The type you're expecting Canadians to be.

Oink

Lots, including an Italian prisoner of war. In fact every continent expect Antarctica. Had some cracking parties, with loads of different foods and booze. Most I'm still friends with.

Siouxie

When you lived in your home country, you had friendships that had been built over years or even decades - so you can't expect to find friendship in a few short months when you move to a different country.

After 11 years in Canada I have 2-3 really close friends (similar to friendships I had in the UK) - but they took several years to build, just like any good relationship.

It takes time.

The4BellsLondon

Lots ... From all over .. And whenever a new person arrived at work / school I would always make the effort to chat , go for coffee etc ... If it turned into a friendship .. Fantastic, if it didn't , well they had some one to chat with initially and break the ice with.


I think that's what I found hard. I knew I couldn't replace my best buds from the UK .. But I thought some people would actually Follow thru on the "oh we must do coffee" comment at the school gate etc .

I have been here nearly 5 years now and would say I have prob 10 people I could call on for anything and a larger social network .

Again , I think it's a Vancouver syndrome ... When I see posts from people elsewhere they seem to be socializing a lot quicker ... But that Could have been a woe is me, grass is greener aspect .

Back to the OP .. Am up for coffee/ wine

Oink

To the OP, you could go to the Vancouver Zoo, its not a particularly good one but they they do have some cool animals including those two-humped camels and lion. It might be a nice afternoon out.

Tirytory

I'm friends with a German family, and a lovely lady from Ecuador. They've both been to my house house for coffee, parties etc. Whilst I have friends that go way back, I'm naturally sociable, and even when I meet new people now will make an effort to be friendly and have coffee etc. if you don't click, fair enough. I naively (by the sounds of it) assumed I would be able to replicate that when we move. It worries me that I might not be able to.

bats

The Canadians i meet don't think of British people as immigrants. Unless you tell them you are fresh off the boat and need friends they assume you have been here for years and have your friendshios etc already sorted.

Shard

That's a good point. It's a bit like in London, everyone from everywhere that unless you make it known, people assume that you have your group.

not2old

do you need to have friends, I mean really - do you ... what are they good for, surely it can only spell trouble in the long run?

best advice for any new immigrant. To add, maybe the library or some place that you can self whinge or mutter to yourself, have a good cry or talk to yourself where no one will care or that you don't have to interact with folks by not getting too close or too nosy.

Or, you could give your head a shake, maybe start walking more, get out & start familiarizing yourself with your surroundings and if you are not working (even if you are) perhaps do volunteer work at the school or hospital.

However, if you really need to have someone as a friend(s) to get to know to share in their dirty little secrets or dirty little lies, it'll just take a bit longer in Canada than in the friendly UK

dbd33

Would it be fair to surmise that you've dealt with the difficulty in making friends in Canada by deciding that they're a bad thing to have? If so, I think that's a bit strong, it seems to me that the lack of social connections is an unfortunate feature of life here, one becomes a less rounded person in consequence of living abroad.

DandNHill

I struggled majorly when we first got here...I was really keen to get out here but by the time my husband started work and the kids started school, I was left with the housework and the ironing... I didn't even have responsibility for the grocery shopping as my hubby wanted to come with me.

I kind of lost track of my identity...

Fast forward two years...
I changed my mind very early on and looked for a job. I managed to get a job as an admin assistant at the local chamber of commerce...what a find! I made contact with so many people it was unreal...now when I walk down the street I know so many people it takes me forever to get from A to B!! After a while I looked for another job, more suited to my experience and now manage a drop in centre. As a result I mix with the people I hadn't met at the Chamber...
We have acquaintance-friends. I still wouldn't say we are close enough for me to call them in the middle of the night if I'm desperately unhappy but I manage to have a laugh with them which is great...

All this in a small town with about 6500 people... and miles from anywhere... (thinking of Bracebridge...)

The one huge bonus we have however is that our best friends from the UK are making the move next summer. Maybe that has kept me going, I'm not sure but at the end of the day I would suggest that if you don't like it as it is, make changes...get the kids into daycare and join a gym, go to college if you are allowed, push yourself out there as nobody will come knocking on your door asking you to be friends...you have to be the one to make first contact

ninaDGBCA

Do not worry hun. And if you really hit rock bottom, then come for a visit to Ottawa (it's about 4h I'd guess) I'll put the kettle on and get digestives from the Brit store. :-)

I am serious, take me up on it any time. I am sure you'll be fine, don't worry just be aware it won't happen over night. I have been here now for about 3.5 years and would say I have 3 or 4 friends I can count on. Also a few to meet for a brew. I am getting there.

I think Ottawa is as bad as Vancouver by the sounds. It just seems many (not all) Canadians take longer to bond and are more resevered and less outgoing.

It takes time, effort and a positive attitude to make friends for life! Better only 1 good friend to count on whenever you need her than 20 that run as soon as they hear the words "please help me"

ninaDGBCA

I was the immigrant in England just like I am the immigrant in Canada and I can say that the Brits were a lot more welcoming than the Ottawans. Then again Almonte is incredibly friendly, still a bit reserved but a lot more interested in meeting up, going to the pub than the people in the City were. I think it's a big city thing, people are busy, rush to work, sit in their cubicles, rush home, do family stuff. They don't have the same "let's meet after work for a pint" culture. Nor the girly night out etc. so it's a lot harder to find the time to get to know each other. I just takes a lot longer and more effort and is sometimes exhausting. But there are really nice, friendly Canadians out there and once you found them they are genuinely helpful and honest.

Souvy

Perhaps the key here is to not try making lots of friends quickly. Make friends with one person and let things develop from there.

Our circle of friends here, neighbours excluded (and that took years) derives from one person that Souvette went to the gym with.

The circle I had in Oakville derived from choosing a local pub and getting to know the bar staff. They did the rest.

not2old

No difficulty with making friends when I first came to Canada, only that after a while (3 years in) it came to me that it was about 'friends for (my) benefit' attitude of others in the circle of friends. Many playing off or feeding off each, comparing roles, status, ranks & serial numbers - you win some - you lose some.

I'm a people person, but strictly at arms length. I don't share too well, nor want to know or confide in this buddy - buddy friendship/kinship relationship too well.

When I was working it was just the acquaintance relationship of having to be with folks in my office - after work there was zero interaction

I/we won't or don't go to or invite folks to social events, tea, coffee, wine BBQ or house get together's. Maybe I'm one of a kind - but it suits me fine thank you very much