Depressed or just lonely?
Sep 30th 2013, 2:40 am
#31
half a century
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Sarf Lundun to East Van :)
Posts: 10,222
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
If you read my post I say Drugs sometimes are the answer ..I am not suggesting she pop off and down a shed load of xanac!
Van can be a shitty place when you are new, not working and alone and the weather has turned . .we dont know the history of the OP - - some times people may need some medical assistance but are too scare / worried/ proud to go and ask for help.
Sometimes you need to hear that taking meds is not the end of the world and it can pull you out of that rut and that you wont be on it for ever . .
Van can be a shitty place when you are new, not working and alone and the weather has turned . .we dont know the history of the OP - - some times people may need some medical assistance but are too scare / worried/ proud to go and ask for help.
Sometimes you need to hear that taking meds is not the end of the world and it can pull you out of that rut and that you wont be on it for ever . .
Sep 30th 2013, 2:43 am
#32
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Almonte, ON
Posts: 1,061
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
We've been in Ontario since May 2010 and the first 3 years were a constant up and down. I couldn't properly settle in Ottawa. Hubby like others said didn't mind as he's busy with work but was supportive and let mainly me choose where we want to move. So out in the boonies we are and for the first time I feel like I don't need to fly back for a visit in the near future.
Little town people seem loads more approachable and sociable. They do a mum's night out once a month here, where loads of mums meet in the pub for booze and a chin wag.
Playgroups are on every day a week plus Tuesday evenings.
A lot more mums stay at home. But the best thing is I enjoy the tranquility of miles of nothing but woods so much that I am happy with my own company.
It takes time and effort and there will be ups and downs and maybe some moving around involved. But it does get better.
Sep 30th 2013, 2:48 am
#34
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2013
Location: Coquitlam
Posts: 888
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
We have been here now 3.5 months (in Kits), me, hubby & 6yr old son. Summer was great, hubby working, me & son enjoying the weather and every kids sports group we could find to help the settling in process. But now what?! Hubby working, son at school and me, a full time mum for the first time.
I am having a lot of terribly down days where I just don't know what to do with myself, there's a lot of tears and frustration anger involved.
I'm not particularly comfortable driving (driven in UK for 20 years), happy to walk & bus though. I've been scouring websites for jobs but nothing seems to work within school hours. Study for career change seems to be extortionately expensive. Fun things like dance classes only seem to run on evenings and weekends. I've offered to do volunteer work but no bites yet.
I'm finding people are generally face friendly on meeting but don't want to take things further than the school gates or the initial meeting spot. I miss my friends terribly and don't seem able to make new ones here.
What am I doing wrong? I feel like I've thrown away my life. I don't miss the UK for place and love it here for location but i'm really struggling personally. Hubby doesn't really understand as he is able to keep busy, I don't want to be the depressed grumpy one - that's not me (usually). But 3.5 mths so far feels like years.
Any suggestions? Will this pass? I'm dreading all the holidays like thanksgiving and Xmas as these just sound like lonely times right now.
I am having a lot of terribly down days where I just don't know what to do with myself, there's a lot of tears and frustration anger involved.
I'm not particularly comfortable driving (driven in UK for 20 years), happy to walk & bus though. I've been scouring websites for jobs but nothing seems to work within school hours. Study for career change seems to be extortionately expensive. Fun things like dance classes only seem to run on evenings and weekends. I've offered to do volunteer work but no bites yet.
I'm finding people are generally face friendly on meeting but don't want to take things further than the school gates or the initial meeting spot. I miss my friends terribly and don't seem able to make new ones here.
What am I doing wrong? I feel like I've thrown away my life. I don't miss the UK for place and love it here for location but i'm really struggling personally. Hubby doesn't really understand as he is able to keep busy, I don't want to be the depressed grumpy one - that's not me (usually). But 3.5 mths so far feels like years.
Any suggestions? Will this pass? I'm dreading all the holidays like thanksgiving and Xmas as these just sound like lonely times right now.
It is a weird situation knowing no one, especially when i had a high profile in my previous community.
I am more than happy to meet up during school hours for coffee, we can compare notes!
Sep 30th 2013, 10:24 am
#35
BE user by choice
Joined: Oct 2010
Location: A Briton, married to a Canadian, now in Fredericton.
Posts: 4,854
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Thank you OP for this post...made me lots more normal! Actually, I joined a gym (Good Life!...who else?) and it's sort of friendly...in a hell of a lot of acquaintances type fashion....but I do find that getting a regular dose of exercise makes me feel emotionally better too.
Sep 30th 2013, 11:01 am
#36
limey party pooper
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,982
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
If you read my post I say Drugs sometimes are the answer ..I am not suggesting she pop off and down a shed load of xanac!
Van can be a shitty place when you are new, not working and alone and the weather has turned . .we dont know the history of the OP - - some times people may need some medical assistance but are too scare / worried/ proud to go and ask for help.
Sometimes you need to hear that taking meds is not the end of the world and it can pull you out of that rut and that you wont be on it for ever . .
Van can be a shitty place when you are new, not working and alone and the weather has turned . .we dont know the history of the OP - - some times people may need some medical assistance but are too scare / worried/ proud to go and ask for help.
Sometimes you need to hear that taking meds is not the end of the world and it can pull you out of that rut and that you wont be on it for ever . .
Sep 30th 2013, 1:42 pm
#38
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Almonte, ON
Posts: 1,061
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
If you had pneumonia would you take antibiotics?
If you had a broken leg would you fix it and take pain killers?
What's so wrong then with "fixing" menatl health issues?
I once had a conversation with a GP back in England about mental health problems and he said, there are two problems: 1) some pill popping celebs make it sounds like a posh thing, a must have to be in and bipolar.
2) one can't see the pain and the illness. No cough, no rash, no broken bones.
In the end, very simplified, the body refuses to build certain substances that make us happy, give us energy, make us function properly just as a "diabetic body" refuses to build insulin. There are neurotransmitters in our brain, these are are chemical messengers within the brain that facilitate communication between nerve cells. We need serotonin for this communication to work properly. If i.e. the serotonin level is low then neurotransmitter supplies may not be adequate for your brain’s needs. Inadequate supplies lead to the symptoms that we know as depression.
If one has mental health problems/is depressed then taking drugs is no different really to a person with diabetes taking insulin. But nobody would question that, eh
???
If you had a broken leg would you fix it and take pain killers?
What's so wrong then with "fixing" menatl health issues?
I once had a conversation with a GP back in England about mental health problems and he said, there are two problems: 1) some pill popping celebs make it sounds like a posh thing, a must have to be in and bipolar.
2) one can't see the pain and the illness. No cough, no rash, no broken bones.
In the end, very simplified, the body refuses to build certain substances that make us happy, give us energy, make us function properly just as a "diabetic body" refuses to build insulin. There are neurotransmitters in our brain, these are are chemical messengers within the brain that facilitate communication between nerve cells. We need serotonin for this communication to work properly. If i.e. the serotonin level is low then neurotransmitter supplies may not be adequate for your brain’s needs. Inadequate supplies lead to the symptoms that we know as depression.
If one has mental health problems/is depressed then taking drugs is no different really to a person with diabetes taking insulin. But nobody would question that, eh
???
Sep 30th 2013, 2:12 pm
#39
Yo
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 24,474
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Anti-depressants definitely have a place in the world (moderate to severe depression) but there are many who are quite happy to pop pills at the slightest shift in mood. Chemical imbalances in the brain are not only resolved by more chemicals, in the way insulin is used to manage diabetes, there are other solutions too such as exercise, social contact and CBT. I'm simply taking issue with the idea that meds are being flippantly suggested to someone who is more than likely homesick or lonely. I'm am sure the OP is intelligent enough to know that if she is feeling depressed, it is something that she could discuss with her physician.
Sep 30th 2013, 2:26 pm
#40
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 1,497
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Geez, finding this thread pretty depressing 
Was hoping that the sense of isolation I was feeling would end, and with some perseverance could make some decent friends reasonably quickly. From what's being said here its looking like I can expect a miserable next 12+mths
Was hoping that the sense of isolation I was feeling would end, and with some perseverance could make some decent friends reasonably quickly. From what's being said here its looking like I can expect a miserable next 12+mths
Sep 30th 2013, 2:30 pm
#41
Yo
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 24,474
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Geez, finding this thread pretty depressing
Was hoping that the sense of isolation I was feeling would end, and with some perseverance could make some decent friends reasonably quickly. From what's being said here its looking like I can expect a miserable next 12+mths
Was hoping that the sense of isolation I was feeling would end, and with some perseverance could make some decent friends reasonably quickly. From what's being said here its looking like I can expect a miserable next 12+mths
Sep 30th 2013, 2:31 pm
#42
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: South of Calgary
Posts: 13,375
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Geez, finding this thread pretty depressing
Was hoping that the sense of isolation I was feeling would end, and with some perseverance could make some decent friends reasonably quickly. From what's being said here its looking like I can expect a miserable next 12+mths
Was hoping that the sense of isolation I was feeling would end, and with some perseverance could make some decent friends reasonably quickly. From what's being said here its looking like I can expect a miserable next 12+mths
We didn't have the issue acquiring "friends" that other on here did but, then, we are not the sort of people to want to spend every non working minute of every day with friends anyway.
Sep 30th 2013, 2:38 pm
#43
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Almonte, ON
Posts: 1,061
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Anti-depressants definitely have a place in the world (moderate to severe depression) but there are many who are quite happy to pop pills at the slightest shift in mood. Chemical imbalances in the brain are not only resolved by more chemicals, in the way insulin is used to manage diabetes, there are other solutions too such as exercise, social contact and CBT. I'm simply taking issue with the idea that meds are being flippantly suggested to someone who is more than likely homesick or lonely. I'm am sure the OP is intelligent enough to know that if she is feeling depressed, it is something that she could discuss with her physician.
I have no clue if the OP is lonely, homesick or depressed. That is something only the OP and her GP can find out. I don't think it was 4Bell's intention to suggest drugs are the answer to anything, I would assume it was more a "heads up" as in "don't feel bad, ashamed,too proud etc. to admit that you might need drugs to get out of the low feeling".
Sep 30th 2013, 2:48 pm
#44
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Almonte, ON
Posts: 1,061
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Geez, finding this thread pretty depressing
Was hoping that the sense of isolation I was feeling would end, and with some perseverance could make some decent friends reasonably quickly. From what's being said here its looking like I can expect a miserable next 12+mths
Was hoping that the sense of isolation I was feeling would end, and with some perseverance could make some decent friends reasonably quickly. From what's being said here its looking like I can expect a miserable next 12+mths
I have a friend that couldn't settle in Ottawa but is over the moon in NB.
I had a hard time in Ottawa, I think it's the cookie cutter soulless estates and the full time working mums that made it hard for me. The nannies weren't too sociable and I was home with 3 little ones. Now that we live in the little "friendly town" and there are a lot more mums attending playgroup and I got the opportunity to volunteer I feel more settled. And sport clubs are a good way to meet people.
Just go out there with a positive attitude, be prepared that it might take a while, don't expect too much and you'll be fine. Go somewhere where you'll meet the same people over and over again like a team sport. Friendship has to grow and doesn't happen over night.
Sep 30th 2013, 3:46 pm
#45
half a century
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Sarf Lundun to East Van :)
Posts: 10,222
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Completely agree with you on the fact that (especially in North America) every down is classed as depressed and treated with pills and I don't support that at all. But sometimes drugs are in need to find the energy to get out and do other stuff such as sport.
I have no clue if the OP is lonely, homesick or depressed. That is something only the OP and her GP can find out. I don't think it was 4Bell's intention to suggest drugs are the answer to anything, I would assume it was more a "heads up" as in "don't feel bad, ashamed,too proud etc. to admit that you might need drugs to get out of the low feeling".
I have no clue if the OP is lonely, homesick or depressed. That is something only the OP and her GP can find out. I don't think it was 4Bell's intention to suggest drugs are the answer to anything, I would assume it was more a "heads up" as in "don't feel bad, ashamed,too proud etc. to admit that you might need drugs to get out of the low feeling".