ExKiwilass

A lot of it is situational.

I thought it was me, until we spent 3 months in the Yukon, and I made friends really easily there. Vancouver, as Bells said, is a tough nut to crack. It really is. Vancouver is no friendly small town - however within Vancouver there are really close-knit neighbourhoods, but these aren't easy to identify for the outsider.

anglaisfrancais

Good point. And thanks to the OP for starting this thread. Its heartening sometimes to be reminded that you're not the only one who has found some aspects of adjustment to a new life difficult.

Of course, how you settle depends on the type of person you are and the environment you find yourself living in. That said, I can appreciate how hard it is making an adjustment to living in a new country PLUS being a full-time mum for the first time. It would be a tough adjustment if you were still back in the UK I'm sure. Given time, it will get easier and only you can tell what would make your own life happier. In my experience, just getting out of the house and keeping busy doing things you enjoy has been the best approach. And there are lots of things about my life out here that I really appreciate, and would miss if I went back to the UK tomorrow. Enjoy those bits, appreciate the good things about your new life (small or big!) and it will get easier as time passes!

Oink

I think that’s why people focus so heavily on British foods, magazines and tv programmes when they're here. What we used to think of the everyday in the UK becomes exaggerated in importance in the absence of feeling connected and belonging. You’ll always be an outsiders here, some deal with it, some even embrace it, some it drives to despair. But it’s the reality.

foreigngirl

gosh, I could have written that not so long ago. I even packed my bags and had a courier arranged to pick them up and ship back to Europe. That would have meant the end of my very long relationship and probably an even more miserable life.
Fortunately, my partner convinced me to stay and helped me get through this. The most important thing was having a plan for every day and making sure I got out of the house. And he was the one that made sure that I did have something planned. Even if it was a walk to the supermarket. With every day, I found new things to do because I HAD to find something to do. I lost a lot of money because of the cancelled shipping, but it was worth it. We're now expecting our first child, so this has made things different (i.e. even better) and has helped meet people (pregnant ladies). But having a child should make it easier for you to get involved in the school community a bit more, maybe invite your child's friends over and also ask the mothers to come? It does get better. Good luck.

Steve_

I think generally speaking it is harder to make friends as you get older, if you moved even a short distance it would make no difference on that front.

When you're a kid there's loads of people in school and you've got time on your hands, ditto for higher education, after that you're in a job and your time is much more limited. And then kids too. People get into routines and it is very hard to take time out of it for a stranger. So you end up making most of your friends at work or through kid's school functions.

I dunno, offer to give your kid's friends a lift home.

Or go on websites like this one and see if anyone will meet up with you.

foreigngirl

No. Very likely that we'll return one day mainly because it's not worth it for me. I can do my job anywhere in the world, and my partner will be able to get a job anywhere. We're doing this for the experience, but I really miss my family and friends. And I know that I'll never make real friends here. Yes, I've met lots of pregnant ladies, and we meet sometimes, and chat on FB, but I know that they'll never be my 'friends'. They already have close friends from school, college, etc., why would they need me?

And did I think it would be this hard before coming here? No. I was always very outgoing, sociable, the life and soul of the party, so never thought I'd have problems making friends.

Steve_

Well they're going on about having block parties in Vancouver because people are so anti-social. Which actually makes me think, most of the people I know from Vancouver are pretty anti-social... hmm... I thought they were just ignoring me.

foreigngirl

I agree to a point. When I moved to the UK (at the age of 29), I made loads of friends right away. And some of them are very close friends. I now have more friends in the UK than I have in the country I had lived in for 29 years of my life.

AllyS

What gets me down is the office environment.....considering (and I've said this many times on here) I spend 10 hrs a day stuck in an office. Its the bitching etc., thats unpleasant to deal with.

ninaDGBCA

I had no idea. I moved 4 times in 12 years and it was always an adjustment but I found friends or at least people to have a chat and brew with within a few months each time. So I had no idea this would be so hard. When I moved to Manchester and said "hi I am new here and have a little daughter" there were a bunch of great girls offering me to pop in for a brew if I was lonely. Said the same(just with 2kids instead of one) when I moved to Ottawa and the reaction was " the library does story time, there is a park around the corner,....".
I met a lovely lady once the kids started school. Then when we moved out here it was a lot friendlier and more open. First time playgroup and several mums came up and were very chatty. Invited me to the over the summer private playgroups in their back gardens. It is still hard to get closer than the "brew" but I guess that just takes time and has to grow.

For me now our life is so much better that it does make up for the loss of family/friends....for now . Had you asked me last year I would have said "no way".

I think the big cities are worse for the socialising factor than the smaller towns and villages.

Don't worry too much and look forward to your new adventure. You are a free person if you don't like it there, move somewhere else. Just see it as something new, an experience and have fun!!!

ExKiwilass

Further to this post, someone said that taking drugs for loneliness was going too far (i'm badly paraprasing, forgive) but Bell's point was that loneliness can turn into something more serious if the situation isn't going to change (as it isn't in Vancouver)

Oink

Loneliness for girls is easily sorted, just put yourself about a bit more.

ExKiwilass

shutup, you

bats

Yes, just smile and make yourself pretty, that will work

snuggs

I feel bad for anyone is feeling lonely, especially after making a huge step by moving to a different country...
I am surprised to hear that it can take easily 12 months to make friends etc...
I have currently been in Canada 8 months... ( hardly anything I know ) ...
My fiance' is from here so I know people through her but I have yet to make close friends... I guess it takes time?

It doesn't help that my work isn't very social ( overnight at a supermarket ) ... I haven't managed to find anything great yet...