When you book a table for the food

http://www.shamiana.com.au/sexy-restaurant

ur husband's boobs are bigger than urs.

The kebabs look good and resonably priced too.

When you say Watneys Party Seven and no-one remembers them

When you see the theoretical advantage of putting your pants on TWO legs at a time.

When you look at this title and read the posts...

OH SO NOT TRUE!

I only looked at this thread because I am researching getting old for future reference...

Doctors, policemen, solicitors and repair men all look like children and treat you with patronising politeness!

if you know what a nokia phone is.

Commonwealth, you have a really strange idea of what 'old' is.

Speaking from a position of old-codger-dom, I am regularly reminded that I am no longer young when I use the colloquialisms of my youth, and they're not understood. I was brought up in Australia, and not all readers of this thread will have even encountered them all. I have never clung to them out of sentiment, but every once in a while one springs up without intention. Sometimes, it causes puzzled amusement. Here's an example.

I do a bit of financial consulting in my retirement, and a little while ago was obliged to sit with growing impatience while a Sales Manager explained away each and every dip in a hopelessly erratic line-graph of weekly sales. When my turn came to comment, I dismissed the line-graph with a sweep of my hand and said, "You can't tell anything from that; it's utterly useless; it's up and down like father's pants!" Which to my irritation my audience found hilarious, never having heard the expression before.

I actually included the expression in an article I posted on my blog in July this year, titled "A cupful of cold water". The title is the second half of an expression that begins "You're as useless as...", and which is a pretty severe insult in its unbowdlerised version. Or, rather, it used to be. Now, not so much. See, that's what I'm talking about.

May I ask. Are you an Australian resident for tax purposes? I'm thinking of working somewhere like Cayman but may still have to pay Oz tax.

No, no, no! I am a Cayman Islands citizen and resident for tax purposes. I pay Cayman taxes - which I am glad to report has a zero rate for income of all kinds. (In July 2012 I wrote a blog-post on the disaster that would follow if these islands were to introduce an income tax here. Shudder.)

I left Oz in 1963, and last lodged a tax return in Perth in 1971 where I was an unsuccessful share-trader. (Sigh.) I haven't kept up with Australian tax laws at all, but if the ATO still taxes people on their residence, then you would not pay Austn tax on your earnings in some other place of residence. You would however probably suffer a withholding tax on any income from Australian assets.

You realise that most of the entertainers you idolised as a kid, just wanted to shag you

Not you - you stank of smoke