Q: Should I move to Australia?
A: No.

Q: Brisbane or Perth?
A: Perth

Q: Can I bring my car?
A: Yes.

Q: What's the weather like where you are now?
A: Scattered showers with sunny periods.

Q: Is there work for tradesmen?
A: Yes.

Q: Do tradesmen ever turn up for work?
A: No.

Q: Brisbane or Perth?
A: Brisbane.

Q: Can I buy a house by the sea?
A: No.

Q: How much is your electricity bill per quarter?
A: 900kw

Q: How much was your container?
A: 4 tonnes unladen.

Q: Can you recommend a doctor?
A: Yes.

Q: Should I leave the UK?
A: Probably.

But should I move to Adelaide?

Why did you contradict yourself? You chose Perth, then Brisbane.

Will myTV work there? and do they have Crime?

TV yes. Fridge no, 'cos it won't work in 'Australian conditions'

I want to live by the sea, with a pool, good schools and ballet classes, no spiders or flooding, work opportunities for qualified herbal reiki massage regression head therapist. Where should we go?

Is that cos its always hot? And a bloke on Its Paradise Downunder said everyone has to have two fridges cos they have to keep the beer separate from the food

Indeed it is. Beer should never come into contact with food. It makes the food drunk.

Bognor

Prestatyn

Q. I want to drive from one major city to another, will I be stoned by bewildered locals for traveling in the devils steel chariot?
A. Probably.

press what in?

I hear that schools in Australia are 50 years behind than the UK, so what year will my child be in if he was in year 7 in the UK? - Well it depends, if he goes to a Perth school, he will need to regress back to an embryo and be reborn.

Will my fridge work in Australia? - yes but not in Tassie or Perth

Is 1 week enough to decide if I like it or not and if I dont like it, should I move back whilst I still have jetlag? - 1 week is far too long, you should know within seconds.

Do they sell tampons in Australia? - no, you have to roll your own or if you have large genitals, you can use sheep.

What side of the road do people drive on in Australia? - it depends on how drunk they are, it could be the middle.

What language to they speak in Australia? - in QLD it is rather slow, but if you go to Perth, they speak 'Perthanese'

What happens if I die in Australia, will I be buried upside down? - No, your body will be cut into steaks and you will be thrown on the Barbie for new migrants to enjoy.

That only happens if you're a vegetarian due to the risk of Mad Cow Disease.

my cereal just about came out of my nose there!