The Official Barbie Joke Thread! (NOT CHILD FRIENDLY)
May 8th 2007, 8:28 am
#136
Going for a ride
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Monbulk, Victoria.
Posts: 2,838
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
2000 POSTS WITH A JOKE LIKE THAT 
You should be ashamed of yourself
You should be ashamed of yourself
May 8th 2007, 8:29 am
#137
Life's a gamble
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Solihull2Gold Coast-Sept '06
Posts: 2,492
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
Had to get to the 2000th post some how
May 8th 2007, 9:21 am
#138
Big Skies and Wide Eyes!
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Milton Keynes then, Secret Harbour now!
Posts: 737
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
I have 2 dogs and I was buying a large bag of Pedigree in Safeway and was standing in line at the check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pedigree Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pedigree Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
I've got tears rolling down my face... 
Chris
May 9th 2007, 6:39 am
#139
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2006
Location: Bonnie Scotland
Posts: 3,681
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell
is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish
they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or
limitations on them. If they want to lug it into school and talk about it,
they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This
is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."
"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put
seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months
through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,'Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around
the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have
a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in
bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing
away It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell
is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish
they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or
limitations on them. If they want to lug it into school and talk about it,
they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This
is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."
"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put
seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months
through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,'Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around
the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have
a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in
bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing
away It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.
May 9th 2007, 6:40 am
#140
Account Closed
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,158
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell
is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish
they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or
limitations on them. If they want to lug it into school and talk about it,
they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This
is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."
"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put
seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months
through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,'Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around
the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have
a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in
bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing
away It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell
is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish
they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or
limitations on them. If they want to lug it into school and talk about it,
they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This
is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."
"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put
seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months
through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,'Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around
the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have
a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in
bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing
away It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.
May 9th 2007, 11:17 am
#141
Life's a gamble
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Solihull2Gold Coast-Sept '06
Posts: 2,492
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
Halleluiah! Father John
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath. A young nun,
Sister Magdalene, prepared the bath water and towels as instructed by one
of the older nuns. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Fr.
John's nakedness if she could help it and to do whatever he told her to
do.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the
Saturday night bath had gone.
"Oh, Sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."
"Saved? And how did this fine thing come about?" asked the old nun. "Well,
when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash
him, and while I was washing him, he guided my hand between his legs where
he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven." "Did he now?" said the old
nun. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to
Heaven fits my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I
would be assured of Salvation and eternal peace.
And then Fr. John guided his Key to Heaven into my Lock."
"Is that a fact?" said the old nun.
"At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to
salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my
heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."
"That wicked old Devil," said the old nun. "He told me it was
Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!"
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath. A young nun,
Sister Magdalene, prepared the bath water and towels as instructed by one
of the older nuns. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Fr.
John's nakedness if she could help it and to do whatever he told her to
do.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the
Saturday night bath had gone.
"Oh, Sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."
"Saved? And how did this fine thing come about?" asked the old nun. "Well,
when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash
him, and while I was washing him, he guided my hand between his legs where
he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven." "Did he now?" said the old
nun. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to
Heaven fits my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I
would be assured of Salvation and eternal peace.
And then Fr. John guided his Key to Heaven into my Lock."
"Is that a fact?" said the old nun.
"At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to
salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my
heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."
"That wicked old Devil," said the old nun. "He told me it was
Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!"
May 9th 2007, 11:20 am
#142
Life's a gamble
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Solihull2Gold Coast-Sept '06
Posts: 2,492
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
Subject: Only in Australia
A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress,
and two locals, Wally and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look
at her.
" Ken ya swaller?" asked Wally
The woman signalled 'No!' desperately shaking her head.
" Ken ya breathe?" asked Brian. The woman shook her head 'No!!!'
With that, Wally walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,
yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her
bum.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction
flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again. Wally swaggered
back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
Brian said in admiration "Ya know Wally , I'd heard of that bloody Hind
Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it!
A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress,
and two locals, Wally and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look
at her.
" Ken ya swaller?" asked Wally
The woman signalled 'No!' desperately shaking her head.
" Ken ya breathe?" asked Brian. The woman shook her head 'No!!!'
With that, Wally walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,
yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her
bum.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction
flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again. Wally swaggered
back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
Brian said in admiration "Ya know Wally , I'd heard of that bloody Hind
Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it!
May 9th 2007, 11:40 am
#143
Life's a gamble
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Solihull2Gold Coast-Sept '06
Posts: 2,492
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests,
except
one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and
Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say,
'Yellow', this is Mujibar."
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.
No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests,
except
one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and
Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say,
'Yellow', this is Mujibar."
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.
No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.
May 9th 2007, 12:32 pm
#144
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Bury, Lancs
Posts: 93
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman are sitting talking about families.
The englishman says "my son was born on St. George's day so we called him George". The Scotsman says "my son was born on St. Peters days so we called him Peter". The Irishman says, "by Christ, wait til I tell our Pancake".
The englishman says "my son was born on St. George's day so we called him George". The Scotsman says "my son was born on St. Peters days so we called him Peter". The Irishman says, "by Christ, wait til I tell our Pancake".
May 9th 2007, 5:41 pm
#145
Big Skies and Wide Eyes!
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Milton Keynes then, Secret Harbour now!
Posts: 737
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
Subject: Only in Australia
A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress,
and two locals, Wally and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look
at her.
" Ken ya swaller?" asked Wally
The woman signalled 'No!' desperately shaking her head.
" Ken ya breathe?" asked Brian. The woman shook her head 'No!!!'
With that, Wally walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,
yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her
bum.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction
flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again. Wally swaggered
back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
Brian said in admiration "Ya know Wally , I'd heard of that bloody Hind
Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it!
A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress,
and two locals, Wally and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look
at her.
" Ken ya swaller?" asked Wally
The woman signalled 'No!' desperately shaking her head.
" Ken ya breathe?" asked Brian. The woman shook her head 'No!!!'
With that, Wally walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,
yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her
bum.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction
flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again. Wally swaggered
back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
Brian said in admiration "Ya know Wally , I'd heard of that bloody Hind
Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it!
Excellent!
May 10th 2007, 9:22 pm
#146
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 7,834
Friday Funny
A man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night,
I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.
Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale
clitoris licking frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's
'Bonjour madame'.
Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her
'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies
'Big c@cks and vodka'.
I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.
Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale
clitoris licking frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's
'Bonjour madame'.
Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her
'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies
'Big c@cks and vodka'.
May 11th 2007, 12:18 am
#147
Made the move -
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 2,910
Re: Friday Funny
A man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night,
I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.
Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale
clitoris licking frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's
'Bonjour madame'.
Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her
'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies
'Big c@cks and vodka'.
I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.
Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale
clitoris licking frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's
'Bonjour madame'.
Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her
'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies
'Big c@cks and vodka'.
brilliant H (love the pet shop one!!)
May 11th 2007, 12:28 am
#148
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: Point Cook, Melbourne
Posts: 585
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
> >Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her
> 95-year-old
> >grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had
> >died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were
> >making love on Sunday morning."
> >
> >Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly
> >100-years-old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
> >
> >"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
> >advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the
> church
> >bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and
> slow
> >and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on
> the
> >Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,
> >
> >"He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
>
> >Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her
> 95-year-old
> >grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had
> >died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were
> >making love on Sunday morning."
> >
> >Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly
> >100-years-old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
> >
> >"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
> >advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the
> church
> >bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and
> slow
> >and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on
> the
> >Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,
> >
> >"He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
>
May 11th 2007, 1:20 am
#149
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: Noosa Heads
Posts: 3,507
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
> >Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her
> 95-year-old
> >grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had
> >died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were
> >making love on Sunday morning."
> >
> >Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly
> >100-years-old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
> >
> >"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
> >advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the
> church
> >bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and
> slow
> >and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on
> the
> >Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,
> >
> >"He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
>
> >Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her
> 95-year-old
> >grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had
> >died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were
> >making love on Sunday morning."
> >
> >Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly
> >100-years-old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
> >
> >"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
> >advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the
> church
> >bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and
> slow
> >and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on
> the
> >Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,
> >
> >"He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
>
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Dry off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair and Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
May 11th 2007, 1:51 am
#150
Full Throttle
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: here
Posts: 1,728
Re: The Official Barbie Joke Thread!
Why did the condom fly across the room?
It was pissed off!
Whats the difference between a sheep and a Skoda?
Its more respectable getting out the back of a sheep!
How do you make a hormone?
don't pay her!
It was pissed off!
Whats the difference between a sheep and a Skoda?
Its more respectable getting out the back of a sheep!
How do you make a hormone?
don't pay her!