Hi, I'm Carl
Actually, I am really distressed about doing this but I don't know what else to do.
Brief background, I was born in the UK, came to Oz when I was 3, was taken back to the UK when I was 12 and spent all my life pining to return so that my children could have the childhood similar to the one that I think I enjoyed.
I have achieved the goal and have been back in Australia now for 9 months. My kids seem settled, little boy of 6 and young lady of 13, both beautiful children. My sole mate has found her feet really well re; job etc but I am sure that alot of it is brave face.
I should be the happiest man on earth but I think that the move to Oz (due to circumstances mainly beyond my control) has happened to late in MY life and has left me detached, sad, unable to "roll with it" and as lonely as a cloud.
I am sorry for off loading like this but I don't know what else to do. I sat here after typing this considering weather I should post this and decided that I would because it has made me feel a little better having shouted out there into the abyss.
Thanks
Carl

Carl many people feel like this so you are not alone! I am not one of them but I have friends that are.
Is there anyone at work you think could make a good buddy?

Try going to clubs volunteer for things force yourself to go out and get involved so that you don't become lonely and depressed. It's hard but you aren't too old no one is ever to old it just seems harder.
good luck mate

Hang in there mate and get yer arse out and about,live a little

Hey - we know how you feel, we have been here over a year now and are still so lonely, we get out and about every weekend but still no mates - folk we work with but not mates. Most days driving to work I still think 'what am I doing here' - just to say you are not alone in your feelings, I do hope it gets better for you, I really do.

Not an easy place to make friends in - not those ring at 3am kind of mates anyway. I've been here 30 years and can count on the fingers of one hand those I consider to be REAL friends. Have had loads of "friends" over the years but this is an itinerant country and people move on as your and their stage of life dictates.

I have workmates and ex workmates - some of whom I would cross the road to avoid but others that I wouldnt mind having a coffee with. None of them are that deep seated friendship that I have with half a dozen mates back home - we catch up every year or two and it is almost as if the conversation never stopped. Meanwhile, I would certainly describe myself as pretty lonely too - I have my husband and that is about it. I dont think he would say that he has too many friends either - people he knows because of shared interests but none that he would call if he needed a hand to do anything.

One of my kids lives 4 hours away and we see them occasionally but he and his family have their lives - interestingly, I think he too is quite lonely because as a family we had none of our own nearby whereas his partner's family is almost overwhelming for him and he usually cant wait to escape them and get to "his" people (select little group that we are!). My other son has emigrated back to UK and seems to have no end of mates. I wouldnt describe any of us as unfriendly people either, that's just the way it seems to be.

I dont know what to suggest to make it better - you may well have left it too late to establish those friendships which run more than skin deep and like us you may find that your little family is adrift against the world. I think the best friendships crop up when you share a significant experience with someone - my "best" friend here was recently widowed and supporting her through that has brought us closer than the workmate relationship we had prior to that. However, that isnt a scenario I would wish upon anyone.

BTW nothing magical about a childhood in Australia IMHO - childhood isnt about the beaches and the sunshine so much as the people in it, the ones you play with, the ones you fight with and the ones who look after you when the going gets tough. I think many of us would look back on our childhoods as being magical places regardless of where they were spent.

I hope you can sort out what it is that will be best for you and yours - it's not the easiest of roads to travel down, in fact it can be very hard work. All the best!

It is so reassuring to read that I am not the only one finding making friends a slow process. I knew it would be & I am making headway but sometimes you feel that everyone else is out with mates.
Oh & one more thing, you can guarantee that all the updates you read will talk about the great new friends & social life!

Carl, you are definitely not alone but the advice to joining clubs, volunteering etc is a good one. Enrol your son in scouts & volunteer as a leader perhaps?

Good luck & remember, you need never be lonely on BE & you are never too old to start anew

Carl, you've been here for 9 months and lived in UK for the best part of your life. What makes you think you'll feel settled within such a short time mate? It can take at least 2 years to get over the culture shock. We often think there are lots of similarities between UK and Aus yet after living here "for real" we find there are more and more differences.

Meeting friends also takes time. We found joining footy teams with a mixture of different nationalities was great, same as social golf teams and after a while you get to know people better and become friends with "things" in common.

What you're going through is normal. Hang in there, the clouds won't be around forever mate

So true, and so well written. During the the 1st 12 months here for me I felt so desperately sad and lonely, I become pregnant with our first child about a month after arriving, a little bit of a shock I can tell you, there was panic and pressure in our relationship as we came on a student visa and so working hours were restricted to 20....there are not many people that want to employ a non PR, part time pregnant person either. I was consumed with feelings of home sickness (in between the morning sickness!) and lonliness I didn't get the opportunity to make even work mates. My saviour came from what is now a mutual friend of ours from the UK, we live about 1 3/4 hours apart but she went out of her way to help me, treated me like I was someone who she had known for years, when I had my baby she was the only person that came to visit (apart from hubbie!) a time that magnified the fact that we had no-one, I will always be truely thankful to her as I do not know how I would have got through those months. 3 Years on and its a bit of a different story, and having had my son has given me the opportunity to at least meet some other people. I can still count on less than one hand those that I would call the true friends but it has got better, so who knows what the next few years will bring. I am now looking to the future, planning our own house build, and whilst I still miss my family and friends in the UK, I no longer pine for them and no longer wish to return there, It takes time and I wish anyone who feels like this all the luck in the world.

Thanks everyone so much for the kind words, It has made me feel a little better. I got up early and I am going to go out there today and keep battling as they say here...for my kids sake.

BTW, please excuse my original post where I said weather instead of whether - made me look like an idiot.

See? You're blending in already.

Nice one.

Nice , that made me smile. It is the absence of that kind of sharpness, humour and wit that I miss most.

Where are you??

If you are on the Gold Coast, get yourself to the meet, you never know it may open a few door to new friendships, and its friends who make this journey a lot easier.

If not the Gold Coast then I am sure there are meets in other areas, and if not then organise one....it will be a good way to get out there.

Just a thought

LibbyX

were on pacific pines if your ever around this way would be more than happy to meet up let me know mind we are geordies so really frinedly a bit mad but friendly lol
lesley x

Thanks Libby. Unfortunately, I am not on the Gold Coast, wish I was today as it is freezing down here in Fankston, Melbourne. I learnt after we arrived that it is locally know as Frankganistan!
There is a meet locally I believe and I shall make it my business to attend.

If anyone is local and fancies a beer, I am always up for it