sonlymewalter

I agree you're right parents should be looking for all the signs but don't assume that cos someone drinks alone, they've got a problem.

BTW - my understanding from the OP is that the problem is her son is drinking a whole bottle of wine to himself, not by himself.

I do agree though that as parents we need to look out for any signs of abnormal drinking behaviour but drinking a bottle of wine every now and again whether alone or with friends is nothing to be overly concerned about, unless there are signs there's a problem.

sheene

That must be heartbreaking, seeing this young person so troubled. It sounds like he is very lucky, in having someone around like yourself who will not judge and who's only concern is to get him happy and healthy again.

Keep strong.

Hebe

Thank you - it will be a long and bumpy road ahead but at least he now admits that there is a problem and that is the first stage to recovery.

Pollyana

I remember a love of Dry Martini in my late teens, family circumstances meant I would often down a bottle a night by myself while reading, revising, separating fighting siblings, finding off the next door neighbour who felt I was his plaything, generally dealing with a life that brought adult responsibilities far too early......
Lecturing did no good, I knew the reasons I was drinking but the people around me didn't want to know that they were the cause, they had no intention of changing even though they could see me spiralling downwards.

Not saying that the OP is the cause of her son's drinking, but rather than lecturing maybe try gently to find out why? whats his motivation? why does he feel the need/desire? Does it give him pleasure or just blot out reality?

sonlymewalter

Jeez Polly - hope you got that one sorted

you shoulda hit him with yer empty bottle

Pollyana

Its a memory that surfaces every so often for random reasons - i think I came out of it rather better than him as his wife and kids wanted to know why he came home from the Royal Wedding street party with a black eye and walking a little funny
Quite funny in a way, looking back 30 years on although its very sad that my parents didn't want to know - the slightest hint of trouble and the shutters came down - hence the bottle was a good friend.

sonlymewalter

I hear you mate

Like you and Hebe said parents need to look out for the signs and be there for their kids.

As a grown up and some years later when the dust settled, did you ever raise it with your parents and ask why they didn't support you?

Pollyana

I did mention it to my mum actually, a couple of years back, but there were bigger family issues around in 1981 and she just shrugged off everything that happened around that time as being "things we had to deal with as a family" - what she failed to realise was that her kids had things THEY had to deal with and that they needed support with, outside of the bigger "family" picture.
My sister was horrified - she said she'd always thought he was creepy but never realised quite how creepy Fortunately she was very different from me, had lots more support around her from outsiders and never slid down the slippery slopes that I managed to find!

Looking back on my late teens does make me very aware that that there is always a reason for kids going off the rails in whatever way; there may be no solution to it, depending on what the reason is; it may even be something that the kid can only deal with by finding their own "crutch" and not confronting directly until years later, it may even be a case that the kid is the one propping up the whole family (whether any of them realise/acknowledge it or not at the time). It does also make me very tolerant of others who lean on something/someone - we all have to get through our individual lives somehow, and no-one ever really knows what life is like in someone else's shoes, no matter how much you think you know that person.

sonlymewalter

That is very true mate. This post speaks volumes about why we should listen to our kids and look out for the signs.Today I have learned a lot more about you Polly and you are stronger than me that's for sure:sunglasses:

Sherlock Holmes

A late reply to the shouting at pigeons comment.

Here are two ads that appeared in Viz some years ago.

Pollyana

Something I learnt at the age of 15 mate - the strength is there when you need it even if you don't realise it until many years later. Something makes you step up when you have no choice and something keeps you going.
I don't think my parents never realised they were leaning on me as much as they were; it was forced by circumstances. If I could only ever pass one message to all those parents out there its along the lines of "try not to let your children grow up too soon, but if they are forced to shoulder extra burdens just remember they are still children underneath"

Pollyana

Never mind pigeons - I've got two turkeys out here pecking my step to bits!! Wanna come round and shout at them?!!

sonlymewalter

I could do them jobs - where do I apply

sonlymewalter

very true and very wise:sunglasses:

Sherlock Holmes

It's a long way from Victoria.

It's a long way to Victoria.