caretaker

A stoner says "Grandma, have you seen my pills? They're marked LSD." Granny says "F**k your pills - have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?"

ldyinlv

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20's, a womans boobs are like melons: round and firm. In her 30's and 40's, they are like pears: still nice, but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes. You see them, and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree: mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it's like a birch: flexible, but reliable. After his 50's, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes --- dead from the roots up, and the balls are just for decoration." Merry Christmas

steve`o

saw me nan the other night ( shes 82 ) i asked

how are you nan ?


just the same as when i was 14


now this has given me nightmares




i have this image of me nan hanging around on street corners, shoplifting and getting fingered around the back of wollies

caretaker

Kate Middleton asked the queen's advice on how to have a long, happy marriage.
The queen said "Wear your seatbelt and don't piss me off."

Wol

(From another forum):

A surgeon retires from his long career as a specialist in circumcision. Throughout his career he has saved hundreds of foreskins as mementos and now wishes to turn them into a souvenir. He takes his specimens to a leather smith and asks him to make something out of them. A week later the surgeon returns and the leather smith presents him with a wallet. "All those foreskins and you only made me a wallet?" exclaims the surgeon. The leather smith replies, "Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase."

ROMFT_WO2RN

£14 for a christmas dinner that feeds 4 people....that's why mums go to Iceland,

£10 for an 18 year old bouncing on your cck all day..... that's why dads go to Thailand

Wol

Thought it was time to start the 2011 joke thread.

So I did.

midgetjan

Cool - does that mean I can close this one now????????


Happy New Year Everyone

Love Jan x x

Wol

Be my guest!

Officer Dibble

JOKE TIME!!!!!!

Remember when you were a kid and you used to play with bubbles in the bath?

Well, Bubbles is out of prison and he wants to pop round and visit you again.

Officer Dibble

Gold!

stevenglish

My Grandad phoned me up this morning about the football results, he said 'Liverpool are bloody crap son' I said 'tell me something I don't know Grandad, he said 'your granny can take my whole fist'

gotta love olduns

ldyinlv

OMG..I think I just busted my stitches..lol..